PS, I Love You: A Novel

by Cecelia Ahern

  · · ·

  “You ever hear from Gerry’s parents, Holly?” Sharon asked as she and Holly lounged on their inflatable rafts in the sea.

  “Yeah, they send me postcards every few weeks telling me where they are and how they’re getting on.”

  “So they’re still on that cruise?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you miss them?”

  “To be honest, I don’t really think they feel like they’re part of me anymore. Their son’s gone and they have no grandchildren, so I don’t think they feel we have any connection anymore.”

  “That’s bullshit, Holly. You were married to their son and that makes you their daughter-in-law. That’s a very strong connection.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” she sighed. “I just don’t think that’s enough for them.”

  “They’re a bit backward, aren’t they?”

  “Yeah, very. They hated me and Gerry ‘living in sin’ as they said. Couldn’t wait for us to get married. And then they were even worse when we did! They couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t change my name.”

  “Yeah, I remember that,” Sharon said. “His mum gave me an earful at the wedding. She said it was the woman’s duty to change her name as a sign of respect to her husband. Imagine that? The cheek of her!”

  Holly laughed.

  “Ah well, you’re better off without them being around anyway,” Sharon assured her.

  “Hello girls.” Denise floated out to meet them.

  “Hey, where have you been?” Holly asked.

  “Oh, I was just chatting to some bloke from Miami. Really nice guy.”

  “Miami? That’s where Daniel went on holiday,” she said, lightly running her fingers through the clear blue water.

  “Hmmm,” Sharon replied, “nice guy, Daniel, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah, he’s a really nice guy,” Holly agreed. “Very easy to talk to.”

  “Tom was telling me he’s really been through the wars recently,” Denise said, turning to lie on her back.

  Sharon’s ears pricked up at the sound of gossip, “Why’s that?”

  “Oh, he was engaged to be married to some chick and it turns out she was sleeping with someone else. That’s why he moved to Dublin and bought the pub, to get away from her.”

  “I know, it’s awful, isn’t it?” Holly said sadly.

  “Why, where did he live before?” Sharon asked.

  “Galway. He used to run a pub there,” Holly explained.

  “Oh,” Sharon said, surprised, “he doesn’t have a Galway accent.”

  “Well, he grew up in Dublin and joined the army, then he left and moved to Galway where his family owns a pub, then he met Laura, they were together for seven years, were engaged to be married, but she cheated on him so they broke up and he moved back to Dublin and bought Hogan’s.” Holly caught her breath.

  “Don’t know much about him, do you?” Denise teased.

  “Well, if you and Tom had paid the slightest bit more attention to us the other night in the pub then maybe I wouldn’t know so much about him,” Holly replied playfully.

  Denise sighed loudly. “God, I really miss Tom,” she said sadly.

  “Did you tell the guy from Miami that?” Sharon laughed.

  “No, I was just chatting to him,” Denise said defensively. “To be honest, nobody else interests me. It’s really weird, it’s like I can’t even see any other men, and I mean that I don’t even notice them. And as we are currently surrounded by hundreds of half-naked men, I think that’s saying a lot.”

  “I think they call it love, Denise.” Sharon smiled at her friend.

  “Well, whatever it is, I’ve never felt like this before.”

  “It’s a nice feeling,” Holly said more to herself.

  They lay in silence for a while, all lost in their own thoughts, allowing the gentle motion of the waves to soothe them.

  “Holy shit!” Denise suddenly yelled, causing the other two to jump. “Look how far out we are!”

  Holly sat up immediately and looked around. They were out so far from the shore everybody on the beach looked like little ants.

  “Oh shit!” panicked Sharon, and as soon as Sharon panicked Holly knew they were in trouble.

  “Start swimming, quick!” Denise yelled, and they all lay on their stomachs and started splashing around with all their might. After a few minutes of tirelessly going at it they gave up, out of breath. To their horror they were even farther out than they had been when they started.

  It was no use, the tide was moving out too quickly, and the waves were just too strong.

  Twenty-eight

  “HELP!” DENISE SCREAMED AT THE top of her lungs and waved her arms around wildly.

  “I don’t think they can hear us,” Holly said with tears welling in her eyes.

  “Oh, could we be any more stupid?” Sharon gave out and continued to rant on about the dangers of rafts in the sea.

  “Oh, forget about that, Sharon,” Denise snapped. “We’re here now so let’s all scream together and maybe they’ll hear us.”

  They all cleared their throats and sat up on their rafts as much as they possibly could without causing them to sink under their weight.

  “OK, one, two, three … HELP!” they all yelled, and waved their arms around frantically.

  Eventually they stopped screaming and stared in silence at the dots on the beach to see if it had made any impact. Everything remained as it was.

  “Please tell me there aren’t any sharks out here,” Denise whimpered.

  “Oh please, Denise,” Sharon snapped viciously, “that is the last thing we need to be reminded of right now.”

  Holly gulped and stared down into the water. The once clear blue water had darkened. Holly hopped off her raft to see how deep it was, and as her legs dangled, her heart began to pound. Their situation was bad. Sharon and Holly tried to swim for it while dragging their rafts behind them, while Denise continued her bloodcurdling screams.

  “Jesus, Denise,” Sharon panted, “the only thing that’s gonna respond to that is a dolphin.”

  “Look, why don’t you two just stop swimming because you’ve been at it now for a few minutes and you’re still right beside me.”

  Holly stopped swimming and looked up. Denise stared back at her.

  “Oh.” Holly tried to hold back her tears. “Sharon, we might as well stop and save our energy.”

  Sharon stopped swimming and the three of them huddled together on their rafts and cried. There was really nothing more they could do, Holly thought, beginning to panic even more. They had tried shouting for help, but the wind was carrying their voices in the other direction; they had tried swimming, which had been completely pointless, as the tide was too strong. It was beginning to get chilly and the sea was looking dark and ugly. What a stupid situation to get themselves into. Through all her fear and worry, Holly managed to surprise herself by feeling completely humiliated.

  She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, but the unusual sound of both began to tumble out of her mouth, causing Sharon and Denise to stop crying and stare at her as though she had ten heads.

  “At least one good thing came out of this,” Holly half laughed and half cried.

  “There’s a good thing?” Sharon said, wiping her eyes.

  “Well, the three of us always talked about going to Africa,” she giggled like a madwoman, “and by the looks of things, I would say we’re probably halfway there.”

  The girls looked out to sea to their future destination. “It’s a cheaper mode of transport too,” Sharon joined in with Holly.

  Denise stared at them as if they were mad, and just one look at her lying in the middle of the ocean naked with only a leopard-skin thong on and blue lips was enough to set the girls off laughing.

  “What?” Denise looked at them wide-eyed.

  “I’d say we’re in deep deep trouble here,” Sharon giggled.

  “Yeah,” Holly agreed, “we’re in way over our heads.”<
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  They lay there laughing and crying for a few minutes more till the sound of a speedboat approaching caused Denise to sit up and start waving frantically again. Holly and Sharon laughed even harder at the sight of Denise’s chest bouncing up and down as she waved at the approaching lifeguards.

  “It’s just like a regular night out with the girls,” Sharon giggled, watching Denise being dragged half naked into the boat by a muscular lifeguard.

  “I think they’re in shock,” one lifeguard said to the other as they dragged the remaining hysterical girls onto the boat.

  “Quick, save the rafts!” Holly just about managed to blurt out through her laughter.

  “Raft overboard!” Sharon screamed.

  The lifeguards looked at each other worriedly as they wrapped warm blankets around the girls and sped off back to the shore.

  As they approached the beach there appeared to be a large crowd gathering. The girls looked at one another and laughed even harder. As they were lifted off the boat there was a huge applause; Denise turned and curtsied to them all.

  “They clap now, but where were they when we needed them,” Sharon grumbled.

  “Traitors,” Holly giggled.

  “There they are!” They heard a familiar squeal and saw Cindy and the Barbie Brigade pushing their way through the crowd. “Oh my God!” she squeaked. “I saw the whole thing through my binoculars and called the lifeguards. Are you Ok?” She looked to each of them frantically.

  “Oh, we’re fine,” Sharon said rather seriously. “We were the lucky ones. The poor rafts never even had a chance.” With that Sharon and Holly cracked up laughing and were ushered away to be looked at by a doctor.

  That night the girls realized the seriousness of what had happened to them and their moods drastically changed. They sat in silence throughout dinner, all thinking about how lucky they were to be rescued and kicking themselves for being so careless. Denise squirmed uncomfortably in her chair and Holly noticed she had barely touched her food.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Sharon said, sucking in a piece of spaghetti, which caused the sauce to splash all over her face.

  “Nothing,” Denise said, quietly refilling her glass with water.

  They sat in silence for another little while.

  “Excuse me, I’m going to the toilet.” Denise stood up and walked awkwardly into the ladies.

  Sharon and Holly frowned at each other.

  “What do you think is wrong with her?” Holly asked.

  Sharon shrugged, “Well, she’s drunk about ten liters of water through dinner, so no wonder she keeps going to the toilet,” she exaggerated.

  “I wonder if she’s mad at us for going a bit funny out there today.”

  Sharon shrugged again and they continued to eat in silence. Holly had reacted unusually out there in the water, and it bothered her to think about why she had. After the initial panic of thinking she was going to die, Holly became feverishly giddy as she realized that if she did die she knew she would be with Gerry. It bothered her to think that she didn’t care whether she lived or died. Those were selfish thoughts. She needed to change her perspective on life.

  Denise winced as she sat down.

  “Denise, what is wrong with you?” Holly asked.

  “I’m not telling either of you or you’ll laugh,” she said childishly.

  “Oh come on, we’re your friends, we won’t laugh,” Holly said, trying to keep the smile off her face.

  “I said no.” She filled her glass with more water.

  “Ah come on, Denise, you know you can tell us anything. We promise not to laugh.” Sharon said it so seriously that Holly felt bad for smiling.

  Denise studied both their faces, trying to decide whether they could be trusted.

  “Oh, OK,” she sighed loudly and mumbled something very quietly.

  “What?” Holly said, moving in closer.

  “Honey, we didn’t hear you, you were too quiet,” Sharon said, pulling her chair in closer.

  Denise looked around the restaurant to make sure nobody was listening and she moved her head into the center of the table. “I said, from lying out in the sea for so long, my bum is sunburnt.”

  “Oh,” Sharon said, sitting back in her chair abruptly.

  Holly looked away to avoid eye contact with Sharon, and she counted the bread rolls in the basket to take her mind off what Denise had just said.

  There was a long silence.

  “See, I said you would both laugh,” Denise huffed.

  “Hey, we’re not laughing,” Sharon said shakily.

  There was another silence.

  Holly couldn’t help herself. “Just make sure you put plenty of sun cream on it so that it doesn’t peel.” The two of them finally broke down.

  Denise just nodded her head and waited for them to stop laughing. She had to wait a long time. In fact, hours later as she lay on the sofa bed trying to sleep she still waited.

  The last thing she heard before she went to sleep was a smart remark from Holly: “Make sure you lie on your front, Denise.” This was followed by more laughter.

  “Hey, Holly,” Sharon whispered after they had finally calmed down. “Are you excited about tomorrow?”

  “What do you mean?” Holly asked, yawning.

  “The letter!” Sharon replied, surprised that Holly didn’t remember immediately. “Don’t tell me that you forgot.”

  Holly reached her hand under her pillow and felt around for the letter. In one hour she would be able to open Gerry’s sixth letter. Of course she hadn’t forgotten.

  · · ·

  The next morning Holly awoke to the sound of Sharon throwing up in the toilet. She followed her in and gently rubbed her back and held her hair back.

  “You OK?” she asked worriedly after Sharon had eventually stopped.

  “Yeah, it’s just those bloody dreams I had all night. I dreamt I was on a boat and on a raft and all sorts of things. I think it was just seasickness.”

  “I had those dreams too. It was scary yesterday, wasn’t it?”

  Sharon nodded. “I’m never going on a raft again,” she smiled weakly.

  Denise arrived at the bathroom door already dressed in her bikini. She had borrowed one of Sharon’s sarongs to cover up her burned behind and Holly had to bite her tongue to stop herself from teasing her, as she was clearly in a great deal of pain.

  When they arrived down at the swimming pool, Denise and Sharon joined the Barbie Brigade. Well, it was the least they could do, seeing as they were the ones who had called for help. Holly couldn’t believe that she had fallen asleep before midnight the previous night. She had planned to get up quietly without waking the girls, sneak out to the balcony and read the letter. How she fell asleep in all her excitement was beyond her, but she couldn’t listen to the Barbie Brigade any longer. Before Holly was dragged into any conversation she signaled to Sharon that she was leaving, and Sharon gave her an encouraging wink, knowing why she was disappearing. Holly wrapped her sarong around her hips and carried her small beach bag containing the all-important letter.

  She positioned herself away from all the excited shouts of children and adults playing and stereo blaring out the latest chart songs. She found a quiet corner and made herself comfortable on her beach towel to avoid more contact with the burning sand. The waves crashed and fell. The seagulls called out to one another in the clear blue sky, flew down, dipped themselves into the cool, crystal water to catch their breakfasts. It was morning and already the sun was hot.

  Holly carefully pulled the letter out of her bag as though it were the most delicate thing in the world, and she ran her fingers along the neatly written word, “August.” Taking in all the sounds and smells of the world around her she gently tore open the seal and read Gerry’s sixth message.

  Hi Holly,

  I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday. You’re looking beautiful in that bikini, by the way! I hope I picked the right place for you, it’s the place you and I almost we
nt for our honeymoon, remember? Well, I’m glad you got to see it in the end …

  Apparently, if you stand at the very end of the beach near the rocks across from your hotel, and look around the corner to the left, you’ll see a lighthouse. I’m told that’s where the dolphins gather … not many people know that. I know you love dolphins … tell them I said hi …

  PS, I love you, Holly …

  With shaking hands, Holly put the card back into the envelope and secured it safely in a pocket of her bag. She felt Gerry’s eyes on her as she stood up and quickly rolled up the beach towel. She felt he was here with her. She quickly ran to the end of the beach, which suddenly stopped because of a cliff. She put her trainers on and began to climb the rocks so she could see around the corner.

  And there it was.

  Exactly where Gerry had described it, the lighthouse sat high on the cliff, bright white as though it were some sort of torch to heaven. Holly carefully climbed over the rocks and made her way around the little cove. She was on her own now. It was completely private. And then she heard the noises. The squeaks of dolphins playing near the shore away from the view of all the tourists on the beaches beside it. Holly collapsed on the sand to watch them play and listen to them talk to one another.

  Gerry sat beside her.

  He may even have held her hand.

  Holly felt happy enough to head back to Dublin, relaxed, destressed and brown. Just what the doctor ordered. That didn’t stop her from groaning when the plane landed in Dublin Airport to heavy rain. This time the passengers didn’t applaud and cheer and the airport seemed like a very different place from the one she had left last week. Once again, Holly was the last person to receive her luggage, and an hour later they trudged gloomily out to John, who was waiting in the car.

  “Well, it looks like the leprechaun didn’t do any more work in your garden while you were away,” Denise said, looking at the garden as John reached Holly’s home.