by Amy Lillard
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“So what if I am?”
Melanie shot her a look. “Avoiding the question or seeing the Mennonite?”
Sadie grabbed up her scarf and her coat and started past Melanie. Maybe she could get her sister to leave before Ezra came.
The plan had been perfect. She was supposed to take the night off from the restaurant, say she was going out with friends, and come home to get ready. Then Ezra would pick her up, and no one would know.
Sadie made her way down the steps with Melanie close behind. Ezra would be there any minute, and Melanie showed no signs of going anywhere anytime soon.
“Where’s Noah?” Sadie asked.
“He and his brothers are off doing something. They said they were going to a singing, but you know those boys.”
She did. All of Bishop Treger’s sons acted as righteous as they could when eyes were watching, but took every chance they had to kick up their heels and have some fun. “I guess the wives weren’t invited?”
“You know it.”
Sadie pushed her arms into her sleeves and started to button up her coat.
Maybe Melanie would take the hint. She hated to blatantly make her sister leave. But she also didn’t want Melanie to know that she was going out with Ezra tonight. Everyone was making such a big deal out of it, and frankly she didn’t want to hear it.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back home?” She hadn’t meant for her words to sound so hateful, but she really needed Melanie to leave. Soon.
“Fine, sister.” Melanie shook her head. “I’ll let you keep your secrets. But I’ll tell you one thing. If you’re going out to see Ezra, you need to really think about it. If you’re having to sneak off to meet a boy . . .” She frowned. “Just like Lorie.”
Without another word, Melanie let herself out of the house. Sadie stood in the living room, stock-still with shock, hardly believing the words her sister had said to her.
Then she heard the tractor start up outside and Melanie chug away on the big green machine.
Everyone was so worried about Sadie and what she was doing with Ezra, but no one was worried that Melanie was out driving tractors after dark all by herself.
She was deflecting the situation, but Melanie’s words made her heart hurt. Lorie had left last year to go live with Zach Calhoun. Well, to get ready to marry Zach this summer. Sadie was so very happy for her sister, but that didn’t mean she didn’t miss her. Especially when Lorie had to leave because their mother kicked her out of the house, telling her to choose between the Englisch world and the Amish world. When Lorie had refused to choose, Mamm had made her leave anyway. Sadie had been so very sad to see her sister go, not knowing if she would ever talk to her again. Was that what Mamm would do? Make her choose between Ezra and her family?
The choice was clear. How could Sadie do anything but choose her family? But it wasn’t a choice she wanted to make. Why couldn’t she have both? It didn’t make sense.
A few moments later she heard Ezra’s truck pull up outside. At least, she thought it was a few minutes. She really didn’t know how long she’d been standing there in the living room with her scarf in one hand and her gloves in the other, her coat all buttoned up as she waited for him.
His knock on the door startled her out of her trance and she raced to open it, so happy to see him.
“Are you ready to go?” he asked, looking at her gloves, scarf, and coat. “I thought . . .”
“You thought what?” Sadie grabbed her bag and nudged Ezra back onto the porch. She shut the door behind her, quickly wrapping the scarf around her head and pulling her gloves on.
“I thought maybe I would talk to your mother tonight.” A small frown burrowed its way across his brow.
“Maybe another night.” She nudged Ezra down the steps and out into the yard.
“Sadie, did you tell her that we are going out tonight?”
She shook her head as he walked with her over to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door. Without another word, she slid inside and waited for him to come around to the driver side and slide in beside her.
“Why not? I thought you said she would be okay with this.”
Sadie shrugged. “I don’t really know how she would feel and . . . I don’t know. I just don’t know. I didn’t tell her, that’s all.” And now that Melanie had said what she had about Lorie, Sadie was doubly grateful that she hadn’t mentioned going out with Ezra to her mother. She wasn’t sure how Mamm would have handled the revelation.
Ezra started the engine and backed up into the side yard, then pulled the truck out onto the road.
“So volleyball, huh?”
Ezra rolled his head over toward her and then turned back to face front. “Changing the subject?”
“Yes,” Sadie said. “I don’t really know what to do.”
“Is this a good idea? I mean, I don’t want to cause problems between you and your family.”
“And this isn’t causing problems with your family?” Sadie would forever remember the stern look of consternation on Ezra’s mother’s face when she saw her sitting at the table eating cookies and drinking coffee. She didn’t know why his mother didn’t approve, and but it was evident that she didn’t. And that was all that mattered.
Ezra turned down the next side farm road that they came to and parked the truck. He left the engine running and the lights on. Sadie could see the little bugs dancing in the beams, a sure sign that spring was coming early this year.
“I guess we should figure this out now, before it goes any further.”
Sadie nodded. “I guess so.”
Ezra turned to face her, one knee braced on the bench seat between them, and flung his arm across the back. “I’m not sure I care what people think.”
“You’re not?” Sadie looked at him, her eyes wide as she searched in the dim light of the truck to read his expression.
“I don’t know.” He tapped his fingers against the back of the seat as if somehow that would make his thoughts clearer. “It’s all so dumb.”
Sadie sighed in relief. “I know. I feel the same way. Don’t date him, he’s a Mennonite.” She lowered her voice as if mimicking the bishop. So Bishop Ebersol had never really said those words to her, but she could sure hear them come out of his mouth. He was a good man, fair and honest, but it was his duty as the bishop to make sure that the church’s rules were followed. Amish married Amish, and that’s the way it had been for a long time, hundreds of years. If a person was Amish and didn’t marry Amish, then they had to leave. If they had joined the church, they were shunned. If they hadn’t joined, then technically they weren’t shunned, but it was hard to come back. Look at Lorie. She had only come back a handful of times in the four months since she had left. Sadie knew that she was busy working and planning her wedding, but she had a feeling that it was more than that.
You can never go home again. She’d seen that quote somewhere, maybe at the library on one of the posters they had hanging up in the foyer. She passed those every time she had to fetch Cora Ann from the small brick building. Now she understood what it meant.
Ezra shook his head. “Maybe we should forget the whole thing.” He reached for the gearshift, and Sadie scooted across toward him and grabbed his hand.
“Don’t do that. I mean, I don’t want to forget it all.” Her heart thumped in her chest. This was about more than getting married and having a family. This was about her and Ezra and the potential that she felt between them. There was something there, something extraordinary God had given to them, and she felt as if she would be doing a disservice to the both of them if she didn’t try to find out what it was.
Ezra looked at her hand to her face and then back again. “You mean that?” The air around them turned thick, tense and heavy, but not in a bad way. It was full of expectancy and hope. Sadie nodded. Swallowing hard, she looked up and met Ezra’s gaze. The moment held, suspended between them. Or maybe it was an hour. She really co
uldn’t tell. It was the two of them, all alone, in a moment so special it almost brought tears to her eyes.
He turned toward her. Reaching out a hand, he ran the back of his fingers across one cheek.
Sadie’s eyes drifted shut, then opened again. Something exceptional was happening, and she didn’t want to miss a second of it.
As if in slow motion, he moved toward her. Sadie felt herself leaning toward him as well as if they were pulled together by some invisible force she couldn’t name. Closer and closer still, until their lips were almost touching. She could feel his breath across her cheeks and the expectancy that hummed around him, anticipation and a bit of longing.
Then he raised both hands to cup her cheeks and pressed his lips to hers.
It was the sweetest thing she’d ever known, being kissed by Ezra. She felt cherished, precious, as if in that moment in time no one in the world existed except for the two of them. It was sweet and soft and forbidden all at the same time, and she never wanted it to end. She’d waited her whole lifetime for a kiss like this, and she nearly cried out when he moved away from her.
Ezra turned back to face front, and Sadie wondered if perhaps she had done something wrong. She touched her fingers to her lips as she watched him, just staring out the windshield, his hands fisted on either side of the steering wheel. She knew in that moment why her father had said to never date a man she wouldn’t want to marry. Because if guys went around kissing girls like that all the time . . .
Ezra’s kiss had awakened something in her that she had never known existed. And it had less to do with all the dreams she had thought she had about raising a family and getting married and more to do with the man sitting beside her.
“Ezra?” She didn’t want to speak his name and risk breaking the moment that was lingering between them. “I’m sorry.” She’d never kissed anybody before. And she hadn’t been expecting this. Not really. He hadn’t warned her like he had the night in the park. But he hadn’t kissed her then. Just tonight. She’d probably done it all wrong.
The Mennonites were as conservative as the Amish when it came to relationships. But she didn’t know if Ezra had a girlfriend before. He might have kissed a dozen girls. The thought made her stomach hurt.
“You’re sorry?” Ezra turned to look at her, though his hands were still white-knuckled, wrapped around the steering wheel.
“I mean, I’m not a good kisser. I’ve never done that before.”
She hadn’t realized how tense he was until his shoulders slumped and a small laugh escaped him. “You think you’re a bad kisser?”
Sadie nodded. “But it’s something I can learn, right?”
Ezra pulled her close once again, but this time he planted a smacking kiss in the middle of her forehead. He pulled away, laughing. “Sadie Kauffman,” he said, still chuckling, “you are most assuredly not a bad kisser.”
“You mean that?” Sadie couldn’t believe she was having this conversation now, in the middle of a field in Ezra’s truck with darkness all around. But the thought made her a teeny-weeny bit happy. It was good to know she wasn’t a bad kisser and that she hadn’t disappointed him.
“I mean that.” He chuckled again, then refastened his seat belt. He waited until she had fastened hers as well, then he pulled the truck back to the highway.
* * *
She thought she was a bad kisser. Ezra tried not to chuckle all the way to Taylor Creek. Of course, laughing about it was surely better than melting into a puddle at her feet. He had only kissed a couple girls in his lifetime. It was no big secret why. Rumspringa for the Mennonites started at age seventeen, the exact year his father left. Ezra hadn’t had too much running-around time before he had to buckle down and start deciding a direction for the ranch. Seventeen years old and he didn’t have time for girls. Or maybe God was saving him for Sadie.
She wasn’t a bad kisser. In fact, he’d had to make himself stop. He had to pull away from her and wrap his hands around the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white to keep from reaching for her again.
This was why the elders told them not to be alone with each other. The temptation was so great. Especially when he felt like he had just kissed the one God had made especially for him.
Oh, would Logan have a time with that one. But it was the truth. There was something special about Sadie Kauffman. Ezra couldn’t say what, and maybe he didn’t even want to know. Finding out could take away the beauty of the mystery and make it common instead. No, for now he’d just go with it, and know that he’d better not kiss her again anytime soon. Especially not when they were alone.
He pulled his truck up to the front of the rec center and found an empty parking spot.
“Are you ready to go in?”
“It’s going to be okay?” Sadie asked. She was cute when she worried. But there was nothing to be concerned about. So the Amish had a few hang-ups about the Mennonites. His mother’s issues with Sadie had nothing to do with the fact that she was Amish, but that she existed at all. With time he was certain that his mother would get over that. She needed some time to adjust to the fact that there was a new woman in her son’s life, another person other than herself. And Logan? Ezra didn’t know what to do about his cousin, and frankly, he didn’t care. Logan had found his happiness. No one should begrudge Ezra his own.
“It’s going to be perfect,” Ezra said, flashing her a quick smile before releasing his seat belt and hopping out of the truck.
Sadie must’ve been a little nervous, for she didn’t wait on him to let her out, but slid to the ground and slammed the door before he even got around the back of the tailgate.
She took a deep breath as if fortifying herself for some type of battle. “Okay,” she said. “Let’s do this.”
Ezra was nearly bursting with pride as he walked into the rec center with Sadie at his side. He led her into the gym where volleyball nets had been set up, one on either side of center court. They played four to a team but never boys against girls, always couples against couples. It made the matches more even. He liked playing with the girls as well. It tended to make some of the guys a little more humble. And humility was always a good thing.
“Hey, Ezra, you got here.” Logan jogged up, wearing long basketball shorts and a T-shirt with the arms ripped out. If a person didn’t know he was Mennonite, they would think he was like any other Englisch guy at any other basketball court at any other rec center in the world. Mennonite girls were more easily identifiable with their small black head coverings and print dresses. They looked like a slightly less conservative version of most Amish girls.
See how the same we really are?
“Are you going to play in that?” Logan pointed to Ezra’s jeans and boots.
“I’ve got some shorts and tennis shoes right here.” He indicated his gym bag, though he doubted he would put on the shorts. It was strange to think about playing with Sadie while only wearing half a pair of pants. He couldn’t really say why. Maybe because the rest of the couples there were married and they weren’t. “I’m just going to change my shoes,” he said. For now.
Logan nodded, then looked to Sadie. “It’s good to see you again. Sally, right?”
If he’d been a more violent man, Ezra might have punched Logan in the face. But as it was, he simply said, “It’s Sadie,” and let the rest of it go.
“Come on, Sadie. I’ll introduce you to the girls.” Logan hooked one arm over his shoulder in that age-old gesture to follow him.
Sadie looked from Logan to Ezra then back again.
Ezra wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to go. But maybe it was better this way, to have her jump in and meet the girls on her own terms. He knew they were interested in her. And she them. He had known most of these couples his entire life.
Instead, he sat down on the bottom bleacher and started putting on his athletic shoes. He kept a close watch on Sadie as she followed Logan around. She laughed and smiled and appeared to have a really good time.
&
nbsp; He had known it would be like this, he thought as he tied his shoes. Her friends might not be as accepting of their relationship, but he knew his would be. In time, he was certain that they could convince all of their friends and family they belonged together.
Chapter Twelve
By the end of the night, Sadie wondered if she would even be able to remember three of the girls’ names. There were just so many of them. Aside from remembering their names, she had to remember the boys’ names and then what girl belonged to what boy. It was enough to make her head swim. It didn’t help that the gym was loud and every time the ball hit the ground it echoed four times through the building. Or maybe she was just nervous. She wanted them to like her so badly. And that kiss.
Ezra had kissed her, and she felt like she was walking on clouds. Now she was here with his friends playing volleyball and having the best time of her life.
Clapping erupted on the other side of the net as the ball went out of bounds.
“Okay,” Ezra said. “We can do this.” He clapped his hands encouragingly, and Sadie wanted nothing more than to go over and wrap her arms around him. He was cute when he was being athletic.
She shook her head at her own fanciful thoughts and moved up to the front of the net as Ezra’s cousin moved back to serve. She and Ezra were playing with Logan and his girlfriend Mindy. Against another couple. If she remembered right it was Peter and Mary and Mose and Amanda. Or maybe it was Peter and Amanda and Mose and Mary. She couldn’t remember.
Logan served the ball high and true. Peter went back to hit it and bumped it up for Mary to hit. The ball went high and Mary spiked it down, hitting Sadie in the face.
It happened so quickly that Sadie hadn’t seen the ball coming. One minute she was standing there, and the next minute her face throbbed with pain and stars filled her vision.
“Oh my gosh!” someone hollered, but she didn’t know who. The only thing she knew was that it wasn’t Ezra. She would’ve known his voice anywhere.