I looked at Beth. Her eyes were full of tears.
It really didn’t matter what I said to Beth.
So I nodded. “Yeah. We’re okay.”
Beth touched her eyes. “I consider you a friend. Just know that.”
“I know,” I said. “Clean yourself up, Beth. And forget about the past.”
I wasn’t sure where that came from. But it gave me a chance to get out of the bathroom and away from her.
Part of me wanted to be away from everyone and everything that had to do with BFH.
But that was a lie.
I had said that dozens of times and did nothing about it.
Of course not.
As much as I wanted to leave, I couldn’t.
There were too many unanswered questions.
And I was just the dirty poor girl… who wanted all the fucking answers.
* * *
I was on the other side of the ditch.
The side where the Rulz hung out. Where the money was taken and counted.
And the scene was pretty intense.
Standing with Pres, Barr, and Kip surrounding me like they were my guardians was kind of cool. It gave me a sense of power. When I spoke, they listened. And everyone around me didn’t dare to bother me.
“This is a bullshit night,” Kip said to me.
His breath was laced with alcohol.
He had been working on a bottle pretty hard. I’d never seen him drink like that before.
“Because you’re not fighting?” I asked.
“Please, girl, I’ll fight anyone here,” Kip said. He opened his arms. He yelled, “You hear that? I’ll fucking fight anyone right here.”
“Easy, man,” Barr said. “We all know you’d fight anyone."
“I'll fight you,” Kip said to Barr.
“I know,” Barr said. “And then I’d have to kick your ass in front of Tinsley.”
Kip laughed. “Fuck you, bro.”
I looked back at Pres. “Is he okay?”
Pres didn’t look happy at all. “He’s fine. We’re leaving soon anyway.”
“Get this guy’s drunk ass home,” Barr said to me as he nodded to Kip.
Kip threw a bottle back to his lips and stuck his other hand into the air and counted.
One. Two. Three.
Then he stopped.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
He put his pointer finger to my nose. “Forgetting.”
“Forgetting what?”
Kip laughed.
“Come here, love,” Barr said, sliding his hands to my waist and pulling me to the side. “Better view.”
Barr stood behind me and lit a cigarette.
In the ditch it was Sutton and some other guy. Sutton was kicking his ass. I had become numb to the violence. That surprised me. Watching the punches landing over and over did nothing to me anymore. It was just normal by that point. If anything, I was actually a little relieved that it wasn’t Pres or Barr or Kip in the ditch.
Sutton landed one more punch and the other guy went down for good. He put his left hand up and started to wave.
“Done,” Barr said. “Told you this was an easy one.”
“Boo!” Kip yelled. “Fuck you, Sutton!”
Kip then tossed the bottle toward the ditch.
“We have to get out of here,” Pres said. “Right now.”
Kip took a step and I cut him off. I put my hands to his chest. “What are you doing?”
“Going to start a fight,” Kip said.
“Not a chance,” I said. “You’re wasted.”
“So fucking what?”
“We’re all leaving.”
“Then go.”
“I’m not going home without you,” I said.
Kip’s eyes flashed at me. “Is that right, girl?”
“That’s right,” I said.
I knew what I was implying, and I also knew I needed to get Kip out of there before all hell broke loose again for the Rulz.
It hit me as we walked away from the ditch that I was protecting them. I wanted them close. I needed them. I loved them. But not in that way. Other than just one…
“You can sit in the back with him, love,” Barr said to me when we got to Pres’s giant SUV.
“Or leave his ass here,” Pres said. “I don’t have time for this shit again.”
“Again?” I asked.
Everyone ignored me.
Classic.
Not.
Barr helped Kip into the backseat and I sat with him.
Kip put his head to my shoulder and had his hands all over me.
From the front seat, Barr smoked a cigarette while Pres kept a close eye on Kip.
His eyes kept reflecting from the mirror at me. At Kip. Back to road.
Rinse and repeat the entire ride back to Kip’s place.
Everyone in silence.
Each time Kip’s hand started to climb up the front of my shirt I pushed his wrist back down.
I kept him at bay and had no worries about him.
Pres stopped really fast, sending Kip rolling forward.
“Here,” Pres said. “Get him out.”
“You’re not coming inside?” I asked.
“No,” Pres said. He turned his head. “Get him out of here. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“I’ll help you, love,” Barr said.
Pres grabbed Barr’s shirt. “No you won’t. Let her take care of him.”
“What the hell did I do wrong here?” I asked.
“Nothing, love,” Barr said.
“Go,” Pres said.
I slowly opened the door and got out.
It took me a little bit to get Kip out and to his feet.
“See you fuckers later,” he called out to Pres and Barr.
Before I could even fully shut the door, Pres started to drive away.
“Are they pissed at you?” I asked Kip.
“Nah,” Kip said. “Pres gets all twisted when I get drunk. When any of us do.”
“Why?”
“Pres is Pres. Fucking crazy son of a bitch, you know? Nobody knows what’s going through his head. Probably sorting through a few big things at once. Doesn’t want to be bothered by this light shit.”
“Light shit?” I asked.
“Drinking. Fighting. When he gets into a mood, that’s it.”
I struggled to keep Kip on his feet as we shuffled our way toward the guesthouse.
“What about Barr?” I asked.
“What about?”
“He listened to Pres.”
“Hey, maybe they wanted us alone, girl. Finally. Right? I mean, I was going to be the one to win the bet anyway. Might as well close the deal…”
“I’m not real estate,” I said.
“Yes you are, girl. Fucking fine ass real estate. Beach front. With a nice back gate.”
“Shut up,” I said.
I stepped away from Kip and watched him try to stand on his own.
His knees bent and he wavered back and forth.
It almost looked like he was surfing.
“I’m good,” he said, regaining his balance. “I’m really good. K.”
“K?” I asked. “Okay then, Kip.”
He laughed.
He pointed at me. “Fuck, you really have everything fucking twisted up. You don’t even get it.”
“Is that so?” I asked.
I realized that a drunk Kip was a talkative Kip.
I hurried to the guesthouse door and opened it.
Kip hobbled his way in and I grabbed his hand and led the way to the bedroom.
It was time for me to get something I wanted.
* * *
“Why me?”
Kip had his head on the pillow. He looked adorable tucked in and drunk.
I could have taken seriously take advantage of him but instead I sat hugging my knees, wanting some answers for once.
“Why not you, girl?”
“Tell the truth.”
“New girl,” Kip said. “Pretty as hell. No idea what she’s doing in town. Pres told us about you. You saw him on the beach.”
“Trying to kill someone,” I said.
Kip laughed. “No killing, girl. Dead don’t talk.”
“Right. Just scare them so they listen to you.”
Kip snapped his fingers. “Bingo. K.”
“Okay, Kip. Who thought of the bet?”
“Which one?”
“You’ve done it before,” I said. I felt disgusted. “You bet over other girls.”
Kip waved his right hand. “A little here and there. Nothing like you though. That was fucking fun.”
“Real fucking fun, huh?” I asked. “Who told you about me?”
Kip’s eyes opened and he looked right at me. “You’re nosy.”
“I’m curious.”
“Get curious over here,” Kip said. “It’s been so long… I’ve waited for you, K.”
“Stop saying okay,” I said.
“What?” Kip asked.
“You keep saying K. You sound like a douchebag.”
Kip shut his eyes and laughed.
He reached for my hand and pulled me toward him.
I fell forward, not really resisting him.
I landed on top of him and he slid his hand to the back of my head.
When we kissed, I lost my breath for a moment.
This kiss… was like nothing of the other ones.
This one was different.
I broke the kiss. “Kip… you’re drunk…”
“It’s okay, Kait. I’m right here. I love you. No matter what anyone says.”
I pulled away.
“Kait?” I asked.
“Come on, K,” Kip whispered. “Nobody is here. It’s just us. Finally. I told you I was going to fucking save you.”
I jumped off the bed.
Kip reached for me.
My hand balled up tight to hit him.
Calling me some other girl’s name?
Kip shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Kait. I miss you. But I’ve found you again. I need you.”
I pushed Kip’s hand away and he fell asleep.
I ripped one of the comforters off the bed to go to the couch.
Then I paused.
I looked back.
He called me another girl’s name.
Was that who he thought about when kissing me? Was that someone who left BFH? Was it someone he was waiting for to come back?
I knew the risk of my heart being too close to the Rulz.
I dropped the comforter and left the guesthouse.
I texted Gi that I was on my way.
But I refused to tell her why.
thirteen
thirteen
I thought about how to handle the situation.
If there even was a situation at all.
Did I really think I was going to let my feelings get the best of me and end up with one of the Rulz?
Whether it was too late for that or not, Kip had messed with me the wrong way this time. The games were over. The drunk surfer boy had spilled the truth his sober eyes had been hiding for so long.
And I wanted the beginning and the end of that truth. Nothing left to hide. Because it didn’t matter anymore. I wasn’t going to let myself get hurt by it anymore.
I walked out of BFH between Gi and Iris.
“I feel like a night at the beach is in order,” Gi said. “But nobody else. Just us. Find a place to hide.”
“I can handle that,” Iris said. “I feel like everything is getting too close.”
“I agree,” I said. “Can I ask you both something?”
“Sure,” Gi said.
“I should have said something earlier,” I said. “But I was kind of mad at myself. And hurt. Then mad at myself for getting hurt.”
“What’s the question?” Iris asked.
“It’s about a name I heard,” I said. “The name Kait.”
I hurried to look at Gi and Iris to gauge the looks on their faces.
“What about?” Gi asked.
“Does that name mean anything to you both?”
“Should it?” Iris asked.
I stopped walking. “Answer me.”
They turned and faced me. “Why are you asking us about Kait?”
“So you know who that is,” I said. “That name means something.”
“What if it does?” Gi asked.
“Friends, huh? Everything we talk about…”
“Wait a second,” Iris said. “You’re asking about someone who isn’t here anymore.”
“Literally,” Gi said.
“Literally?” I asked. “Kip…”
“Shit,” Iris said right away.
“See? There’s something to it. Who is she?”
“Ti, look at me,” Gi said. “You don’t need to worry about her.”
“Why?”
“She died,” Iris said.
I gasped. “What?”
“What did Kip tell you about her?” Gi asked.
“He got drunk and said her name,” I said. “To me.”
Heat flooded my cheeks.
“Whoa,” Iris said. “He called you by the wrong name.”
“Drunk,” Gi said. “Just old memories.”
“Why me?”
“He was drunk. You kind of look like her. He got confused.” Gi shrugged her shoulders.
“That’s true,” Iris said. “You do kind of look like her. Height and look and stuff.”
“Yeah, but who was she?” I asked. “And… she died?”
Before they could answer me, their eyes shifted up.
My heart sank.
“Why don’t you let me answer your questions, girl?”
* * *
“Where’s Pres and Barr?” I asked.
“Doing their own thing, girl,” Kip said.
He was tall, strong, and he looked way different.
He looked beat up but without a mark on his face.
“You called me the wrong name,” I said.
“And you left.”
“Of course I did. I’m not some replacement.”
“Never said you were.”
“I’m sorry she’s… gone,” I said. “If I knew…”
“That’s the point, girl. You don’t know. It’s not your job to know. Not your fucking business either.”
“I didn’t ask,” I said. “You got drunk and said something you weren’t supposed to say.”
Kip swallowed hard. “Right.”
“Was that why Pres was pissed at you? Knowing what you were going to do or say? And I bet that’s why he didn’t want Barr to come with us. To let you dig your own hole.”
“You just know everything, huh?”
“I’m trying to piece it together since nobody talks.”
“Plenty of talking,” Kip said.
“I’m listening.”
“I was just drunk.”
“No you weren’t. Gi and Iris said I look like her. Or she looks like me. Is that why you look at me the way you do? You think I’m her?”
“Shit, girl, you’ve got an imagination,” Kip said.
“Do I? Or are you caught in a corner?”
Kip curled his lip. He looked around.
He reached into his pocket and took out a picture.
He unfolded it and stared at it.
Slowly nodding, lost in thought.
“Anything?” I asked.
“Of anyone in the world, she’s the one I had to leave alone,” Kip said. “And that was impossible for me to do. All I cared about was taking care of her. Loving her. Caring for her. Getting the hell out of this place and making something go right.”
“So you loved her.”
“Of course I did,” Kip said. He looked at me. “But I was told not to.”
“Why?”
“Because she was someone else’s project.”
“Project?”
Kip shook his head. “Money can really buy you anything you
want. Including a daughter.”
“A daughter?” I asked. “Meaning…”
“My mother never wanted a boy,” Kip said. “She never wanted to try to have any more kids because having another boy would break her heart. Her words, not mine. So my old man came up with a plan. Get her a girl. I went to bed one night as an only child and woke up the next day with this girl living in our house.”
“Adopted?” I asked.
“Fostered,” Kip said. “She was broken. Scared. And beautiful. She came from a different kind of life and had no idea what to do with what was happening to her now.”
“Just like me,” I whispered.
Kip turned his head. “Doesn’t matter, girl. Everything I felt was wrong. Completely wrong. There was no winning the situation and it only got worse with each passing month.”
“You really loved her?”
“I just said it doesn’t fucking matter. I couldn't have her, so what’s the point?”
“Kip…”
“That’s enough, girl,” he snapped at me. “You got your answers. I’m sorry I hurt you with what I said. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“But it did happen. And if I hadn’t… and we had… together… you would have thought of her. You would have pretended I was Kait.”
I gave Kip a chance to deny it. To hurry and say I was crazy.
But I wasn’t crazy.
I was right.
I lunged at him, fists swinging at his chest and shoulders.
Anger pushed through my body.
“I thought you loved me, Kip,” I yelled. “The way you looked at me. I thought…”
Kip grabbed my arms and pulled me close.
His eyes burned down at me.
Those blue eyes that left me hopeful and comfortable.
“I never said I loved you, girl,” he said. “I never led you anywhere you didn’t want to go.”
I swallowed a big lump in my throat. “I know.”
“You don’t know…”
“I know,” I whispered. “You fell in love with the wrong girl. How fitting. You do feel pain, don’t you?”
“Everyone does, girl.”
“What happened to her?”
“She lost herself,” Kip said.
“Meaning?”
“Same as your mother. Only the outcome was different.”
Kip let me go and backed up.
He was still holding a picture in his hand.
“Drugs?” I asked.
“We were all twisted up on what was happening,” Kip said.
UNTamed: a bay falls high novel Page 12