"There he is," I tell Brax and point at Cameron, who’s standing in the parking lot of a convenience store where I can pick him up easily.
"He's cute," my brother says, and before the slight weirdness of that comment registers fully with me, he says something that makes my heart stop. "Holy crap, it's Campy."
Campy
I climb into the backseat of the car and it’s immediately clear that I’ve missed something because Jackson is wearing a confused, stunned expression and his brother looks guilty as hell.
“Um…hey,” I greet awkwardly, unsure if I should lean over the seat to give Jackson a quick kiss like I normally would or if that will freak out his brother. Maybe that’s where the weirdness is coming from right now? Did his brother have a problem with meeting me?
“Hi,” his brother finally breaks the silence, reaching back to offer me his hand, “I’m Brax, Jackson’s brother.”
“Cameron, nice to meet you.”
Jackson clears his throat and forces a smile at me through the rearview mirror. “Are y’all hungry? I could eat a horse.”
“Starved,” I agree, settling for giving Jackson a quick peck on the cheek before sitting back in my seat. For his part, Brax doesn’t look disgusted or freaked out by the mild PDA, so maybe the weirdness is related to something else entirely.
The brothers apparently already decided on a nearby Italian restaurant, and I direct Jackson on how to get there since he’s still getting familiar with the city. When we get to the restaurant, Jackson opens my door for me and takes my hand when I get out of the car.
At the table, we make polite small talk about Brax’s schooling and Jackson’s exciting new career, but the underlying thread of tension lingers under the surface while we wait for our pizza and sip beer.
When Brax gets up to use the bathroom, Jackson’s shoulders sag and he turns to me with a somewhat panicked expression.
“What’s going on? I clearly missed something.”
“Don’t freak out,” Jackson says, a hit of pleading in his voice that makes my heart start beating harder immediately.
“Saying that has the opposite effect, just tell me what’s wrong. Are your parents okay? Is your brother in trouble?”
“Nothin’ like that,” he assures me, reaching for my hand under the table. “Brax recognized you when he spotted you.”
“He what?” I rasp, my gut twisting and my heart in my throat. “You didn’t tell me he was gay.”
“He’s not, at least as far as I always knew.”
“I can’t believe this is happening.” I yank my hand away from his and bring it to my face as a way to hide. “I did what I had to do because I knew I had to take care of my mom, but this is starting to feel like some sort of curse. Has every single person on the planet seen me fuck at this point? I didn’t think this many people even watched porn, or at least they’d be polite enough not to talk about it in public.”
I can feel a full-on panic attack coming on as it gets harder to drag in a breath.
“Cam, shh, it’s okay,” Jackson tries to reassure me, but I bat his hand away when he tries to touch me, making me feel like even more of an asshole than I already was.
“It’s not okay. Even if I quit right now, the videos will be out there for the rest of my life. Every single person I meet on the street might have seen them. What if I can’t get into vet school or can’t get a job because of them? Have I completely ruined my life?”
“You need to take a deep breath, darlin’,” Jackson instructs, pulling me into his arms despite my protest. “Your life isn’t ruined.”
“Is everything okay?” Brax asks, returning to the table looking startled.
“Fine,” Jackson answers. I can’t even bear to look at him. Here Jackson was so excited to introduce me to his brother, and now I’m sure I’ve embarrassed him. Who wants to tell their family they’re dating a porn star?
“Is he having a panic attack? I have Xanax if it’ll help,” Brax offers.
I nod quickly, holding my hand out and swallowing the pills dry when they appear in my palm.
“Thank you,” I mutter, still unable to meet his gaze.
“Is this because of me? Should I not have said anything?”
Rather than answering his question, Jackson suggests we get our pizza to go and Brax offers to track down our server and request as much.
It doesn’t take long for the pills to make me feel calmer and a little sleepy. Once we have our pizza, we head back out to my car and Brax offers to drive so Jackson can sit with me in the backseat.
I close my eyes and rest my head against Jackson’s shoulder during the drive, Jackson giving directions the whole way.
“I’m going to go lie down for a little while, you guys go ahead and eat,” I say as soon as we’re home. Jackson looks like he wants to fuss over me some more, but I wave him off and head to the bedroom.
I strip out of my jeans and crawl between the sheets of the bed I’ve been sharing with Jackson for the past few weeks. The pillows and blankets all smell like him, so I burrow underneath them all, wanting to hide from the world for a little while. How will I ever be good enough for Jackson with this black mark on my life?
At some point I must’ve fallen asleep, because the next time I open my eyes it’s dark outside and my stomach is growling. I push off the blankets and grab my pants to put them back on. Shuffling down the hallway toward the living room, I can hear Jackson and Brax’s voices at a low rumble as they talk.
“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me you’re gay,” Jackson says, making me stop in my tracks, not wanting to burst in on the conversation.
“I’m not gay, I’m bi.”
“But you’ve only dated women, right?” Jackson clarifies.
“At this point, but that doesn’t change the fact that I like both,” Brax explains and a sense of kinship softens some of the embarrassment I’d been feeling. Not that I love the fact he’s seen my videos.
“Right, of course,” Jackson says. “But, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to. I recently came to terms with it myself. I was going to tell you during this visit anyway, but I’m sorry it came out in such an awkward way. If it helps, I was always more into Tank’s videos than Campy’s.”
Jackson’s laugh is a warm and comforting sound, which only makes my chest ache worse. I want so badly to be the kind of man who’s right for him. But how can I with all this baggage? When my career could drag his through the mud?
Sensing the end of the conversation, I take the last step around the corner into the living room. Jackson gets up and closes the distance between us, pulling me into his arms and I melt into the hug.
“Sorry I caused you to freak out,” Brax apologizes once Jackson releases me.
“It’s not your fault,” I assure him.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think porn is anything to be ashamed about. It’s a job,” he says with a shrug.
“Yeah,” I agree halfheartedly. That’s just the thing though, I’m not ashamed about the porn per se, it’s more what it could do to the people I care about.
29
Jackson
The music swells as the camera flies higher and higher, showing the lush, green hills of Texas in the spring that are so familiar to me. Of course, by the time summer rolls around, that green turns to yellow, then brown, but it’s gorgeous while it lasts.
“Damn, that show is good,” Brax comments.
It’s his last day here, and the fourth episode of Hill Country was on tonight, so we all huddled on the couch to watch it. I’m thankful the tension between Brax and Cam has dissipated, though it’s still a tad weird that my brother has seen my boyfriend naked. Brax promised me he wouldn’t watch his videos anymore, which I do appreciate.
“You killed it,” Cameron says. “Man, that scene where you went to your father’s grave, that was hitting me in the feels.”
“How weird is it to see yourself?” Brax asks.
&n
bsp; “Really freaking weird,” I admit. “It feels like an out-of-body experience at times. Like I’m watching someone else playing me, you know?”
“I can’t even imagine,” Brax says. “Seeing yourself on TV, that’s so messed up in a way. But I gotta admit, the first episode, I had trouble not seeing you, you know? Like, feeling I was watching my brother. But after that, I really did feel like I was watching someone else. The show totally sucked me in.”
“Same here,” Cameron says.
I elbow-bump him companionably. “You got hooked because I’m shirtless half the time.”
He sends me a blinding smile. “I’ll admit that doesn’t hurt. They did a nice job highlighting your…physique.”
I snort. “Do you have any idea how weird that is? When complete strangers rub baby oil on you to make you look better? When they drag down your jeans an inch because they insist you need to show your V, whatever the heck that is? And yes, I was told to do a few push-ups right before those scenes because it made my muscles pop and gave me a fine layer of perspiration. As the director put it, which apparently is something sexy…”
Brax is dying with laughter now, but Cam just looks at me and shrugs. “Dude, I do porn. I am naked all. The. Fucking. Time. What you do is for fucking amateurs.”
I stare at him for a second or two, my mouth dropping open at how casually he just owned that, and then I burst out laughing. He joins in seconds later, and we hang against each other, shaking with laughter.
“Very mature,” Brax comments, wiping the tears from his eyes.
“You need to go, man,” I tell him when we’re done laughing, checking my watch.
He has a late flight out and because of that, I arranged an Uber for him rather than drive him to the airport myself, as I would get in too late. With an early shoot tomorrow to catch the morning light for an outside scene, I need my sleep.
“I know. I’m all packed,” Brax says.
We walk him outside and wait till his Uber arrives, exactly on time, which in this city of a miracle in itself. With a last hug, Brax takes off.
“He’s nice, your brother,” Cameron says as we walk back up.
“He is,” I confirm.
“I’m sorry that he saw my videos.”
I close the door of the apartment behind us and turn toward Cameron, who’s looking at me like a lost puppy. “It’s okay.”
He shakes his head. “It’s really not, though, is it?”
I pull him close and wrap my arms around him. It always does something to me when he hides in my embrace, like he does now. It reminds me that I’m taller than him and while he’s no twink, I’m also a bit more muscular. Call me old-fashioned, but I kinda dig that feeling of being his strong man, his protector.
“It’s okay, darlin’,” I say again. “I’ll admit it’s a bit awkward, but we’ll get over it.”
“What if your parents ever find out?” Cam asks, and an instant flash of shame fills me.
Oh dang, I hadn’t even considered that. “Then we’ll deal with that, too. I’m not ashamed of you, Cam.”
He leans back to meet my eyes. “No?”
“Never.”
He looks at me for a few seconds more, then rises up for a kiss. “You know what I really like about you?” he murmurs against my lips. “Your mouth. It’s so damn kissable.”
My lips curl up in a smile. “Wanna test that? Just to make sure?”
He presses his lips against mine, and the softest sigh escapes from my mouth. I lift him up and he wraps both his legs around me as I walk forward until he’s up against the wall. His hands are wrapped around my neck, and that mouth of his, that devious, talented mouth, is kissing me for all he’s worth.
“I know what we could do before bed,” I say, my heart already racing.
I can’t get enough of this man. He’s under my skin, in my blood. He’s a buzzing in my head, a warm feeling in my heart.
“Do you, now?” Cam teases, nibbling on my jawline. “And what would that be?”
I’m just about to answer him when my phone rings. We look at each other in surprise, and then I put him down to answer. It’s Ethan, and worry fills my heart. Is something wrong with him?
“Hey,” I answer.
“It’s me, kid. Sorry for disturbing you,” Ethan says.
“No problem. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m calling with great news, actually. My agent just called me. She has an in with the network, and they gave her early access to today’s ratings.”
My heart skips a beat. “Oh?” I manage.
“We killed it, Jackson. Hill Country is the best viewed new show this week. Stellar ratings across the board on storyline, acting, everything.”
My face breaks open in a smile so wide, my jaw hurts. “That’s amazing! Oh my gosh, that’s the best news ever.”
I can hear Ethan laugh through the phone. “I figured you’d want to know. If this keeps up, they’ll renew soon for a second season.”
I hold on to Cameron, probably leaving some bruises considering how tight my grip on his arm is. “I can’t even…” I say, struggling to find words.
“I know. Also, my publicist arranged for an interview with the two of us in People magazine, a double feature. You up for that?”
Am I up for… I shake my head, overwhelmed by all the good news. “Ethan,” I say. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“You deserve it, kid. Now, go celebrate with your man.”
As I hang up, I look at Cam, who’s smiling at me broadly. I’ve never had celebratory sex, I think, and then I lift him up and carry him into the bedroom, eliciting a very unmanly squeal from him.
Campy
“I take it that was good news?” I ask as Jackson drags his tongue along my throat as he presses me up against the door of our bedroom.
“Great news,” he confirms. “The show is killin’ it. Ethan thinks we’ll get renewed.”
“In that case, we need to celebrate,” I conclude, wiggling in his arms so he’ll set me down.
“My thoughts exactly,” Jackson agrees, putting me on my feet, but keeping me caged against the door. “Can I go down on you?”
One of the sweetest things about Jackson is even though we’ve been together a little while now and have covered all the bases numerous times, he still asks every time. Such a gentleman.
“Have you ever sixty-nined?” I smirk up at him.
“No, but I’m game.”
We grope and kiss as we undress, taking twice as long to “help” each other get naked as it would’ve taken to do it ourselves, both of us getting sidetracked over and over finding interesting places to kiss and lick to draw the best sounds from each other.
Eventually we stumble over to the bed, falling onto it in a tangle of limbs, still unable to stop tasting all the skin we can reach.
Maneuvering Jackson onto his back, I climb on top of him and straddle him backwards, wrapping my hand around his thick shaft and stroking it. Licking my lips as precum oozes from the slit, I grind my erection against his chest.
Jackson runs his hands up the back of my thighs until they reach my ass, grasping my cheeks and kneading them.
“I didn’t take into account our height difference. I don’t think this is going to work so well.”
“Well, I’m not gonna complain about the view.” He slaps one of my ass cheeks lightly before returning to squeezing them in his hands.
“In that case, sit back and enjoy. And if your fingers happened to make their way into the action, I wouldn’t protest,” I tell him, looking over my shoulder and throwing in a wink for good measure.
As I take his cock into my mouth, my lips stretching wide around his impressive girth, I hear the rattle of the nightstand drawer opening, followed by the squelch of lube being squirted out.
The feeling of cold, wet lube being spread over my hole is so familiar I don’t even flinch as I focus on running my tongue up and down his length, the head of his cock bumping against the back of my thr
oat.
When the tip of his finger breaches my hole, I moan and his cock slips deeper into my throat. I swallow and enjoy the groan of pleasure from Jackson as my throat briefly constricts around him. Bobbing my head, I reach between his legs to play with his balls, tugging gently at his sac and rolling them in my palm while I suck him.
Jackson works his finger deeper, adding a second before long and matching the pace of my sucking as he uses them to fuck me. I thrust back to meet his fingers, my erection dragging against his chest again with delicious friction. I suck and moan around his cock as I ride his fingers shamelessly and drink down the precum pouring from his slit.
He adds a third finger and my legs start to shake, the pit of my stomach tightening, along with my balls. His fingers crook down and if my mouth wasn’t full of cock, I’d cry out from the electric pleasure of his fingers massaging my prostate.
“Cameron, I’m so close,” he warns as I bury my nose against his balls and swallow again so he can feel the muscles of my throat squeezing him tight. I hum encouragingly, doubling my efforts while fucking myself on his fingers with abandon.
He’s so deep in my throat I can’t even taste his cum as his cock starts to pulse. I pull back so I can catch some on my tongue, the salty sweetness of it making my eyes roll back in my head. I suck him dry and then release him from my mouth with a pop.
Pushing myself up, I continue to ride his fingers, chasing my own release. Jackson reaches around and wraps his hand, rough from a lifetime of manual labor, around my cock and jerks me in time with the thrusts of his finger until I come undone, crying out and painting his chest with my release.
“Wow,” Jackson breathes when I manage to get enough feeling back in my legs to turn myself in the right direction and lie down beside him.
“You can say that again,” I agree with a laugh, snuggling into his arms.
“Cam, I…” Jackson starts before cutting himself off and clearing his throat. “Sleep well.” He buries his nose against the top of my head and tightens his arms around me. I almost want to push, but part of me is afraid of what he might’ve been about to say, so instead I kiss his shoulder and close my eyes.
Campy (Ballsy Boys Book 4) Page 20