Psychology of Submission

by Livia Grant

  "No." Sean paused, glancing at her nervously before continuing. "My daughter and I moved here just over two years ago."

  Traci shouldn't have been surprised that a handsome professional like Sean would have a family, yet her panic must have shown on her face. "So it's just you and your daughter then?" She was fishing.

  Sean chuckled. "I can see it in your face and you can relax. No, I'm not one of those jerks who'd step out on his wife, if that's what you were thinking. I've been... single... for two years. Since right before we moved to town."

  "Divorce sucks."

  He stopped their journey again to look into Traci's eyes. "I should have been clearer. I'm a widower. My wife Jerilyn died two years ago after fighting an illness. We lived in Phoenix at the time and after she died, I took the job here in Chicago. In part because we just needed a change of scenery and in part to have my daughter closer to my old in-laws. They live out in the suburbs."

  "Oh, Sean, I'm so sorry. It must have been so hard to lose your wife at such a young age. How is your daughter doing?"

  "I was pretty worried about her there for a while, but she seems to bouncing back. It's the weirdest thing. I can be having a busy day and everything is going along just fine and then I have a flashback of those last horrible weeks before she died and it can still knock me on my ass." Before Traci could reply, Sean looked at her sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I may not have gone on a first date in eighteen years, but I'm still pretty sure it's poor taste to talk about a woman from my past on a date."

  Traci smiled empathetically, her psychologist persona coming out. "Sean, you aren't talking about an old prom date. You're talking about your wife—the mother of your daughter. How long were you married?"

  "We almost made it to sixteen years."

  "How about the rest of your family? Are they in Chicago, too?"

  "No. My parents are still alive, but neither are doing well. They live in an assisted living home in Scottsdale, Arizona. My sister, Sandy, and her family live near them so I'm lucky she's there to help. I felt guilty leaving town, but I thought it would be good for Ashley to be near Jerilyn's parents. They are younger and able to help me some when I need to go out of town on business."

  Traci's heart was racing. "Ashley?"

  "Sorry. That's my daughter's name."

  She felt a grin adorning her face before she asked a final clarifying question. "How old is your daughter?"

  "God help me, I'm the father of a fifteen year old. She's started bugging me to teach her how to drive, which ought to be fun living in the city."

  She was about to share the coincidence with Sean that the only other person Traci had enjoyed meeting since coming to town was his daughter, but she resisted. Her time talking with Ashley in the woman's restroom may not have been an official counseling session, but Traci decided to withhold the conversation with the teenager as if it qualified for patient confidentiality.

  "Fifteen can be a hard age for any young woman. I don't envy you trying to raise her alone, but you seem like you'd be an awesome father."

  Sean's grin lit up his face in a way that made Traci's knees weak. "She recently called me the world's meanest dad."

  Traci was distracted by Sean's thumb intimately brushing her palm as they held hands. She managed a response. "Sean, that just means you're doing something right. I remember hating my parents a time or two when I was Ashley's age too."

  "You? No way. What could they have done to make you hate them?"

  Traci knew she was blushing. She couldn't really share with Sean that it had actually been her mom's hairbrush and her dad's wide leather belt that she had hated, not the parents themselves. She scrambled to find a safe answer. "All kids will balk at parents who discipline them—parents who try to rein them in from making poor choices. If she thinks you're mean, that just tells me you love her and are doing your job."

  The humor in his grey eyes as he focused his attention on her was intoxicating. "Would you mind coming home with me and sharing that opinion with her? Maybe she'll listen to you. It seems like Ash is inclined to dismiss everything I say as the ramblings of an old man."

  Traci chuckled. "So I see you like to exaggerate. I'm sure Ashley loves you very much." Having met the young woman, Traci was sure she spoke the truth, but Sean had no way of knowing that. "Anyway, you're not an old man."

  "Easy for you to say. You're probably closer to Ashley's age than my own."

  "Why, Mr. Campbell. Are you fishing for my age?"

  He replied sheepishly, "Maybe. It does my ego good to know I could ask a much younger woman out and she even said yes."

  "I somehow doubt I'm much younger. I celebrated the big 3-0 back in December."

  Sean's eyes widened. "No way! I wondered how you were attending this conference. You seem too young to be a psychologist. I thought maybe you were a student-aid or something."

  "Now you're being silly. So, quid-pro-quo. Spill it."

  "I'm only two years away from my big 4-0. To a teenager, that's ancient."

  Sean had them strolling forward again as Traci responded. "Still, that's pretty young to be the general manager of a big city hotel like The Royal Oak. You must be doing something right."

  "That's true. My career is going very well. I'm the youngest GM working for the investment group that owns the hotel."

  They rushed to cross the final street before arriving at the entrance to Navy Pier and continued their easy conversation. It felt so liberating to be out in the summer weather, along the lakefront, holding hands with a handsome man. Time passed quickly as they enjoyed watching the young children jumping and playing in the wading fountains meant to keep patrons cool. They stopped to listen to several street musicians entertaining the press of summer tourists.

  Sean never released her hand, choosing to keep them linked. As the crowd pressed tighter, he abandoned her hand to casually wrap his arm around her waist, keeping them linked despite the crowds. They eventually arrived at a large seafood restaurant near the end of the pier.

  Sean pulled his business card out to hand to the maître d. Within three minutes, they were ushered past the many waiting patrons to an outdoor table nestled under an umbrella to keep them sheltered from the setting sun. The view was breathtaking as they looked back on the Windy City in all of its glory. Sailboats spotted the lakefront while speedboats zoomed by at a distance.

  Traci was impressed. "Wow, I feel like royalty. How the hell did you get us seated so fast when there are so many others waiting ahead of us?"

  Sean's grin lit up his face. "I called ahead. Let's just say we send a lot of business their way from the hotel. The manager is always accommodating when I decide to come out for dinner. Usually it's me and Ashley."

  "Well, thank you for bringing me here. Even if the food stinks, which I'm sure it won't, the view is amazing."

  They were interrupted by a waiter arriving. "Hello, Mr. Campbell. It's great to see you again. Can I start you off with drinks this evening?"

  Traci contemplated ordering a stiff drink to calm her first-date jitters, but she knew she needed to keep her wits about her. If she wasn't careful, she was going to forget this was a one-time-only date with a man who lived half way across the country.

  Sean interjected. "Do you drink wine?"

  "Of course."

  "Trust me to pick us out a winner?"

  "Please. I usually just order a glass of house wine."

  Sean seemed pleased. "John, we'll take a bottle of your Trefethen Family, dry Riesling."

  Traci was impressed. "You didn't even look at the wine list. You must come here often."

  "Not at all. I just know they stock all of the best wines. I did my internship out in Napa Valley. I got to know my way around a wine cellar."

  "What was your degree in?"

  "Hospitality and business. We traveled a lot when I was a kid, and I knew pretty early on I wanted to work in the hotel industry." He hesitated before continuing. "I worked my way up through the ranks pretty quickly, and
now I'm starting to wonder what will come next. How about you? Do you work in a hospital or private practice?"

  "I have a private practice, although I've been working on several research projects the last few years as well. My dad was a doctor, and for a while I thought I'd do the whole MD thing, but found out early that I didn't have the stomach for it and I switched over to psychology instead. A few less years of school and a lot less blood in class." Traci shuddered as she remembered trying to get through some of the pre-med classes.

  The next two hours flew by so fast that Traci could hardly believe it when she realized the sun had almost set against the backdrop of the skyline. They had talked effortlessly about everything from books to travel to favorite movies and even their shared fear of snakes. Never had she clicked with another person so quickly. Traci's first inkling of regret started to seep in as they sat quietly sharing a flour-less chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert.

  Figures I'd find the perfect man and he lives ten states away.

  It's almost as if Sean had been thinking the same thing because he reached up to grasp her hand resting on the table and looked into her eyes. "I'm so glad you said yes. I haven't had this much fun in... well, a very long time."

  Traci hated to feel tears springing to her eyes. "I'm glad you asked, because I know I haven't had this much fun in a long time either. It just sucks..." She let her voice trail off, self-conscious of where her thoughts were taking her.

  Sean finished her sentence. "It just sucks we live several hours by plane away from each other. I'd really like to see you again, Traci."

  He looked sincere, but that was all the more reason she should say no. "I'd love to see you again too, Sean, but I'm only going to be in town two more nights. Maybe it's best if we don't—"

  Sean cut her off. "Oh no, you don't. This date isn't over yet, anyway. I'm still willing to risk life and limb to show you a good time."

  She must have looked confused so he continued. "The Ferris wheel. I'm not crazy about heights, but without a doubt, the views from the top are some of the best in the city. I can't let you go home without experiencing it."

  Traci giggled. "Such a gentleman, although I somehow doubt we'll be risking life and limb."

  Sean took care of the check. They exited the restaurant and walked hand-in-hand back up the pier towards the large Ferris wheel. Sean stopped long enough to buy a bag of pink, fluffy cotton candy which they enjoyed as they awaited their turn for the ride.

  Only once they were safely settled into their gondola and leaving the ground did Traci notice Sean hadn't been exaggerating about his fear of heights. Sean got quiet as they stopped and started to take on new riders, moving higher and higher.

  "Why didn't you tell me you really didn't want to come on this ride? I can tell you hate it."

  "I don't hate it. I just hate the way it makes my stomach churn. I hope I'm not going to embarrass myself here."

  "That's not possible. Anyway, we all have things we're afraid of. Yours just happens to be heights."

  Sean turned in the seat, focusing his attention on Traci instead of the gorgeous skyline of the city below. "You seem fearless. What is Traci Jackson afraid of?"

  Such a baring question. Maybe to the outside world she looked fearless, but inside, Traci felt anything but. Her vulnerability hung precariously in the air. She longed to confide in Sean. He was a good listener and they had clicked so well, yet she didn't want to ruin their night by exposing things to a man she was never going to see again, let alone a man who could do nothing to fix her problems anyway.

  "You know. The normal stuff," Traci finally answered noncommittally.

  "I'm afraid you'll have to expound on that. I've lost all perspective of what normal is." He smiled kindly, before continuing. "I don't want to pry, Traci, but yesterday you sure seemed like something had you spooked. What's happening with you that you don't want to attend any of the conference dinners?"

  His eyes bored into her, reminding her that she was the center of his attention right now. Despite how nervous that made her feel, it warmed her to know he saw her... really saw her. Her insecurity mingled with the cool evening air had brought a visible shiver.

  "Hey, you're getting chilled." Sean moved to take off his jacket like a gentleman, but before he could get it off, Traci leaned forward, closing the distance between them. She fought back the tears threatening as she realized she was now less than twelve hours away from delivering her keynote speech tomorrow morning.

  Sean caught her, pulled her into his arms, and wrapped his sports jacket around her to cocoon them together for warmth. It was his comforting "shhhh" that made her tears spill over and down her cheeks to drip onto his dress shirt. He smelled so good, and his muscular arms holding her felt like a slice of heaven. Alarm bells were going off, telling her she was crossing a line she shouldn't.

  It might be crazy, but she'd never felt safer than being held by Sean one-hundred feet off the ground. He stroked her back lightly and helped her take a few calming breaths. They cuddled silently for several minutes, each enjoying the quiet intimacy of their private embrace. Each unsure how to proceed.

  Sean took the lead, pulling apart just enough to pin her with a look that held more questions than answers. He was as tempted as she was to throw caution to the wind. His fingers brushed her cheek gently and swiped at her tears, never taking his gaze from hers. Traci's heart raced at the possibility of a kiss, but Sean maintained his gentleman status.

  "I may be out of practice, Traci, but that didn't feel like normal to me. Why don't you tell me what's really going on with the conference?" Traci tried to hide her disappointment that he wanted to continue to talk, especially about a topic she wanted to forget.

  "There's nothing you can do about it, Sean. It's just something I need to work through on my own."

  "You're used to working through issues on your own, aren't you?"

  Traci didn't want to let his off-hand comment hurt her, but it did. She was used to working through issues on her own, not because she wanted to, but because it's just the way it had to be. "I've had to get good at it, yes."

  Her voice had a sharp edge and she could see Sean noticed, but he didn't back down. "In case you missed it, this time you don't need to work through your problem alone."

  "You don't know anything about it."

  "So fill me in."

  "Why?"

  "Because I want to help."

  "Why?" Traci's voice sounded accusatory.

  "Why do I want to help you?"

  "Yes. I mean you barely know me."

  Sean looked hurt. He moved his fingers from her cheek to her chin, holding her face as he leaned in so close she felt his minty breath. "I've spent the last several hours getting to know you. I feel very close to you right now. You are a good person, Traci, and I don't know what it is, but I know there is something going on with you and those goons that were chasing after you in the hall yesterday. I'm worried about you."

  His eyes shone with a sincerity that took her breath away. Her protective wall was crumbling as he resumed his gentle stroking of her back. He waited so patiently for her that when she finally started talking, her fears came out in a panicked rush.

  "I must have been crazy to agree to give the keynote speech tomorrow. When they asked me last year to present, I assumed it would be in a small breakout session with just a few other professionals there to debate the material. I never dreamed they would schedule me to speak in front of the entire assembly in tomorrow's session. I should have backed out the second I found out, but now it's too late for them to find anyone else so I'm going to have to go through with it."

  Her shivers were back and Sean scooped her back into his arms to hug her tightly. "Hey, everyone gets a bit nervous with public speaking. I'm sure you'll do great."

  It would be so easy for her to let him think she just had a case of stage fright, but now that she had her guard down, the words spilled out. "I was on the debate team in high school. I'm not worri
ed about speaking in front of a crowd."

  He pulled back to peer down into her eyes again. "So then what? Are you not prepared?"

  "I'm prepared."

  "Are you afraid your topic is going to put them to sleep?"

  Traci's snorting laugh was unladylike and Sean chuckled. He was waiting for her answer. "I think I can pretty much guarantee no one will fall asleep."

  That had his interest piqued. "I'll bite. What is your area of expertise?"

  "It's a bit controversial. A few of my peers don't agree with my findings. Others just aren't mature enough to handle the debate the topic spurs."

  "You still haven't told me... wait..." Sean's eyes widened. "Are you a sex therapist?"

  "Not exactly, but close. A lot of my research skirts sexual topics, yes."

  Sean whistled before breaking out into a wolfish grin. "Wow, how's that for luck? The first woman I ask out on a date in eighteen years and she's a sex therapist."

  Traci slapped his chest harder than she'd meant to. "I said not exactly. It's a lot more complicated than that." She was getting defensive. She was so tired of having to defend her field of expertise.

  Sean got serious again quickly. "Listen, I was just kidding around. I think it's great, Trace."

  She was completely caught off-guard by his familiar use of her nickname. She wasn't sure what to say so Sean pressed her. "Are you good at your job, Traci?"

  She took a deep breath before answering. "Yes. I'm a good therapist."

  "Somehow I already knew that. Next question. Did you work hard on your research and putting together your presentation?"

  "Of course. I've worked my ass off."

  Sean grinned. "Would it be ungentlemanly of me to let you know that I'm pretty sure your ass is still part of your body? I should know. I've admired it several times tonight." He slyly let his left hand slide down from her back and cupped her butt, squeezing gently in appreciation. Even in the dim lighting, Traci could see his grey eyes clouding with desire. Her own breathing was becoming short and she waited, hoping again for a kiss.

  It wasn't to come. "What's the worst thing that can happen tomorrow, Traci?"