The Choice
Page 42
Seth seemed to have similar ideas. As soon as they reached the darkened bedroom, the big hulk lifted the covers and helped her under, then pressed a kiss to her forehead.
Beck leaned in behind him. “Clothes on. Hands to yourself.”
“Yeah. Comfort, not coitus,” Seth shot back as he made his way to her left and settled on top of the covers.
Ha ha. Fuck you. Beck did the same on her right.
Heavenly settled onto her stomach with a sigh and curled up with her pillow. Her breathing turned deep and even within thirty seconds.
Beck stared at the ceiling, every muscle in his body as rock-hard as his dick. If there was ever a time he needed his control…
He tried to close his eyes and empty his mind. But the luscious scent of her warm body filled his nose and teased him to the edge of sanity. All he could think about was losing his clothes, rolling her over, and sinking so deep inside her sweet pussy.
“This must be what hell feels like,” Seth muttered.
Beck bit back a snarl and closed his eyes. “I don’t think Satan could have thought of a torment any worse. Sweet dreams, fucker.”
Still floating between sleep and consciousness, Seth rolled over to find his face buried in the soft velvet of a woman’s neck. Lifting one heavy lid, he blinked as sunlight trickled around the edges of the dark curtains and gave the room a warm glow. Heavenly, still deep in sleep, came into focus. He jerked around and stared. Unfamiliar room. Unfamiliar bed. Beck’s condo.
Everything that had happened last night came rushing back.
He was still as conflicted now as he’d been then.
Thank god Heavenly was safe. And though he should probably thank Beck for stopping him from killing her landlord, Seth still wished he’d dusted the cocksucker. But Heavenly needed him far more than he needed revenge.
What else had Beck been right about?
He’d had most of a long, largely sleepless night to ponder that question.
Will you really be lost without us both, angel?
Lifting onto one elbow, he stared at Heavenly sleeping so serenely beside him. It had been a long time since he’d woken up with a woman. But waking up next to this one felt shockingly natural. It felt right.
Beneath her thin lids, her eyes darted back and forth. She was dreaming, hopefully deep in REM sleep. She needed it. He still saw dark circles under her eyes. No surprise. The poor girl had been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders for too long.
“I’ll take care of you. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered.
After placing a soft kiss on her cheek, Seth eased off the mattress.
Wearing the sweat pants he’d borrowed from Beck, he left the bed, found a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, then padded to the kitchen. The clock told him it was just shy of eleven. A fresh pot of coffee sat in the brewer, beside two empty mugs. Seth filled one and peered out the window to see Beck sitting in a lounge chair on the balcony, sipping coffee and staring out at the Pacific.
Steeling himself for the unavoidable conversation, Seth tugged the sliding door open.
“Morning,” Beck greeted. “Come on out and join me.”
The ocean view shimmering under the bright Los Angeles sun was killer. Below them, the waves rolled and tumbled onto the sand. “It doesn’t suck to wake up to this.”
Beck smirked. “It’s not so bad. Is Heavenly…”
“Still asleep.” He sat down in the other empty chair, still staring out at the shimmering blue water. An awkward silence stretched between them. “Any word on Abel?”
“He’s in stable condition. They’re running tests now. The head of neurology has requested his records from the VA. Once Litchfield has gone over all that, I suspect we’ll be making arrangements to move him to a rehab facility, but we’ll wait and see what he recommends.”
“Knowing her father is getting the right treatment should be a huge weight off Heavenly’s shoulders. I’m sure she’ll appreciate all you’re doing for her and her dad.”
“Maybe, but I worry she’ll resist not living under the same roof with him. I already know she’s going to fight the fact that we intend to take care of her.”
“After everything you said last night…I’m prepared for that.” He stared at the ocean some more.
When he lifted his mug of coffee, Seth accidentally bumped his hand on the edge of the table. Pain shot up his arm. He winced, sucking in a sharp breath. The battered flesh around his knuckles ripped open. Blood seeped from the wound, staining the ridges around his sore, swollen joints.
Beck tsked. “Let me see that.”
“I cleaned it out last night.” Seth waved him away. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not.” Beck snagged his wrist and inspected the gash. “You need a couple stitches. Sit tight. I’ll get my bag.”
“I don’t need any damn stitches.” Seth was as fond of needles as he was of California sliding into the damn ocean, but kept that to himself.
“You a doctor now?” Beck challenged.
“Shut up.”
“Why don’t you, before you accidentally wake Heavenly?”
Cursing, he watched the doctor shoot out of his seat and into the condo. When he returned with a backpack, Seth fidgeted, sending up a silent prayer not to puke.
Beck dragged his chair closer before unzipping his pack. Then he prepared antiseptic, a needle and thread, and a sterile bandage. Though the morning was cool, sweat began dripping down Seth’s back. His stomach pitched like a damn Tilt-A-Whirl.
“It’ll only sting a little for a minute.”
“Aren’t you going to numb it or something first?” Seth insisted between choppy breaths.
“If you’re going to ask me that, you might as well hand me your man card. Jesus, it’s only a couple of stitches.”
“Yeah, in my skin.”
“Okay, I’ll give you a numbing spray.” He withdrew a little bottle, and a fine mist of something sterile-smelling settled over the back of his hand. “Will that do or should I call you a wah-mulance.”
“Your bedside manner sucks.”
Beck laughed. “Sit back and close your eyes.”
Seth dropped his lids and focused on breathing slowly, filling his mind with the most distracting visions of Heavenly he could fathom. He felt a tiny pinprick, then a tug at his knuckles, then nothing.
“How many teeth do you figure Sanchez has left now?” Beck filled the silence.
“Maybe enough to strain his oatmeal for the next few weeks.” Seth smiled. “But hopefully not. I notice you beat him with your feet instead of your hands. Smart.”
“Can’t damage the fingers. They’ve earned me this amazing view.” He fell quiet again as Seth felt another gentle pull on his flesh. “I still can’t believe the power behind your punches. You should have been a fucking boxer.”
“Nah, I don’t like my brains being scrambled.”
“I have to admit, I enjoyed mangling that bastard. What he expected from Heavenly was fucked up. I think that’s what made mashing his dick under my heel so much fun.”
Seth grunted in response. “What did you do with our bloody clothes?”
“Trashed them. I got rid of the evidence in the community dumpster this morning.”
“The police won’t look too hard for us. They’ll probably think it was a drug deal gone bad or gang retaliation. That kind of shit goes down all the time, and Sanchez is hardly the innocent-victim type. So the cops will save their resources for someone who actually needs them.”
“That’s good news.” Seth heard Beck snip at something, then the doctor slathered his knuckles with a thick ointment, covered it with a bandage, then sat back. “You’re done.”
Seth opened his eyes. “Really?”
“Really.”
Already, it felt less angry.
“Thanks. You could have been a real dick about it and stabbed me.” Instead, Beck had used a surprisingly gentle hand.
“I thought about it.”
&
nbsp; Seth reached for his coffee again. When Beck went inside to wash his hands, he tried to get his head together.
They needed to talk. Last night, they’d only danced around the elephant in the room. Now it was time to look the bitch in the face and tango.
Beck stepped out onto the balcony again. “She’s still sleeping.”
Just as well. “She needs it. And we need this time to figure things out.”
“You give everything I said last night more thought?” Beck slid into his chair.
“Yeah. Kind of hard not to.” Seth dragged in a shuddering breath and paused. Once he went down this path, he couldn’t go back, not unless Heavenly sent him in another direction. And the more he thought about Beck’s theories, the more he suspected that would never happen.
For the foreseeable future at least, she needed them both.
“And?”
Seth peered over at him, squinting against the sun. “Could you really share her, even temporarily?”
“Am I thrilled about it? No. But we’re Doms. Though we may not have been acting like it lately, we both know the needs of the sub come first.”
“Sure, but Heavenly doesn’t even know she’s a sub. Hell, I deeply suspect she is, but we have no proof—”
“Actually, I do.”
Seth tensed. What had the doctor done to her? What had Heavenly let him do? “Oh?”
“Before you snarl like a damn dog, no, I didn’t tie her to a spanking bench and beat her ass. I’ve been a good boy.” He grinned. “Mostly. But I did take her to an exhibit of BDSM art.”
He had to give the doctor credit; that idea was fucking brilliant. “Really?”
“She’s interested.”
Seth filed that information in the oh, hell yes drawer. But he couldn’t let his dick take him off on a bunny—or rather, a kitty—trail right now. “Good to know…but even if the needs of the sub come first, you and I both know we can’t force her to accept us or our help.”
“Last night, she reached her breaking point. She’s out of options and she knows it.”
“Still, she’s going to come out fighting.” Seth shook his head. “She may have abandonment issues, but she’s used to doing everything alone. And that girl has lots of pride.”
“She does. I didn’t say it would be easy to convince her to let us do the heavy lifting. I simply said we had to, for her sake.”
“You know, we could—in theory—help her together, make sure she has three meals a day, a safe roof over her head, new clothes, and a secure future on the horizon… Speaking of which, I tucked this away last night.” He handed the piece of paper to Beck. “Apparently, her fall tuition is past due. I’ll call and take care of it in the morning. I assume no one’s there on a Sunday.”
Beck scanned the page. “Son of a bitch. She didn’t intend to tell us about this, either.”
“No. Remember, she tried to keep me out of her papers.” Seth slanted a sideways glance at the doctor. “Anyway, I’m saying we could give her the encouragement and support she needs until she’s feeling steady without ever laying a finger on her. After all, we did that on a smaller scale for Raine when Liam and Hammer asked for our help. That turned out all right.”
Beck scoffed. “Tell me lying next to Heavenly last night wasn’t absolute torture and it didn’t take you right to the edge of your control. Go on,” he prompted. “I’ll wait while you find the balls to tell me that whopper.”
“It did. I said ‘in theory.’”
“Uh-huh. Realistically, there’s no way we both keep our hands off her for weeks or months… And just like the care we give her, if we touch her, we have to do it together.”
A couple of big objections screamed through Seth’s brain. “Logically, I suppose you’re right. But I still don’t know how the hell I’m going to handle watching you put your hands on her.”
“How about my hands on her while you’ve got your mouth over hers, swallowing down her moans?” Beck challenged. “Remember, last night in Raine’s kitchen, you were tugging on Heavenly’s hair and looking into her eyes while I damn near dragged my lips up her neck. You didn’t look like you gave two shits what I was doing, just that she was engaged and aroused.”
Seth froze and replayed the moment in his head. Beck was right. In fact, he’d thought even then that he and the good doctor would most likely be fucking her together soon. And that hadn’t bothered him at all.
“Holy shit,” he muttered.
“Exactly. If we both have her naked and screaming in pleasure, I doubt you’ll be thinking about anything else.” He sighed. “Think about it, man. We’re too smart not to have learned something from Hammer and Liam. We have to put our petty jealousy aside.”
“Of course they got on the same page. They’ve been friends for a decade. They’d shared a woman before. Granted, it didn’t end well…but they knew each other better than anyone on the planet. You and I don’t have that going for us.”
“We don’t, but Liam and Hammer’s friendship started over a woman, right? I’m not saying we’ll find it easy, but we’re doing all right at the moment. The truth is, if we’re serious about helping Heavenly, then we have to keep the focus on her feelings, not ours. If we can’t do that, we’ll lose her for good.”
Yeah, Seth had been there when Raine threatened to walk forever if Liam and Hammer didn’t stop snarling like a pair of dogs fighting over her as if she were a juicy bone. He still wasn’t entirely sure why Heavenly thought she couldn’t have a future with them, but he did know that Zelda and the dead body pranks had pissed her off enough to put on her clothes and walk out his door.
“You make valid points. But I still may end up punching you at some point.”
“And I could suture your mouth closed in your sleep. It might make me feel better for a minute or two, but that won’t make Heavenly happy.”
Fuck. Beck was right. Again. Even so, that didn’t help Seth’s other major objection to this cozy plan. “All right, look. I don’t know if I can do the ménage thing. Back in New York, not long after Liam separated from his ex, he and I found this sub one night…and tried it. Like I told you, I’m not a fan of swinging junk. It was awkward as hell.”
“Hammer and Liam’s first attempt at sharing was a disaster, and they both say it’s because they had the wrong woman between them.”
“Juliet was a fucking head case, definitely wrong for them both.”
“Maybe…you weren’t meant to sandwich a random sub between you and your Irish pal. Maybe it would be better if you had a different wingman and if we were putting Heavenly between us.”
A smartass reply zipped through his brain, but it wouldn’t help the conversation. The truth was, if he didn’t give this a try, he already knew what would happen. Hell, Heavenly had already slammed the door on their future three weeks ago. Life had been shit since then. If he didn’t want to lose her, he had to step up and complete her. He couldn’t claim to love her if he refused to even try to give her what she needed.
On the other hand… “What if you’re right and the sex is decent and we manage not to kill each other? And what if it takes weeks or months for her to choose between us?” Seth stared out at the endless ocean again, realizing that Heavenly’s indecision could drift into infinity. “What if she never does?”
Finally, Beck fell silent, not saying anything for long minutes. “The logical part of me says we take this one day at a time. My gut tells me she might never be ready to choose, but I can’t wrap my brain around that yet. One thing that occurs to me is that she won’t fall in love with, much less choose, one of us if we’re not being ourselves with her.”
Seth scowled. “What are you saying? You’ve lied about something besides Gloria?”
“No, but I haven’t been totally honest. I hinted that I’m in the lifestyle, but I never admitted it.”
Seth pulled at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I might have failed to mention that, too. I didn’t want to scare her off.”
“Exactly. So
…at some point we’ll have to come clean about that. Because realistically, I don’t know how much vanilla sex I can have without the kink creeping in. What about you?”
“Yeah, probably not a lot.” He raked a hand through his hair. “So…when you took her to the art exhibit, she was into it?”
Beck leaned in. “Not just into it. She was turned the fuck on. I watched her face all evening. I catalogued her every reaction.”
Seth reared back. “No shit? What did she respond to?”
“Well, she’s interested in a lot of different play. More than I expected. Role play, for starters. She also wants to be commanded and made to submit. She definitely acted as if she’s in favor of being orally pleasured—”
“I can vouch for the fact she’s a big fan.” Seth grinned.
Beck glared. “You want to gloat or listen?”
That made him laugh. “Go on.”
“She likes the idea of being helpless and at her Master’s mercy. But bondage, my friend, will be her gateway drug. No doubt.”
Seth felt the smile creep across his face. “Yeehaw.”
“I tied a damn napkin around her wrists at lunch, and she was panting and flushed in under two minutes. It was goddamn sweet.”
“There are about a million ideas running through my head of all the things I’d like to do to her.”
“Hang on, cowboy. We’ve still got two areas of concern: First, she’s not into pain.”
“That’s not a problem for me since I can take or leave it.” Seth shrugged. “But I know that’s a problem for you. We’ll have to deal somehow. What’s the other issue?”
“I haven’t exactly been able to put my finger on this. She wants to be overpowered or forced or…something in that neighborhood.”
“Consensually, I hope.”
“I have to think so or she would have been able to pay her rent in the way Sanchez wanted.”
Seth gave him a slow nod, his thoughts turning. “You’re saying our little innocent has fantasies with an edge?”