Outlaw Virtue (Rough Jesters MC Book 7)

by Brook Wilder

  But it was clear to me today that he was dealing with something that was far more important than my text or calls to him. I knew his club life was who he was.

  I just wished it wasn’t all he was. For this to work, we both had to give and take. I would be giving up my independence, changing my life to make room for this child in it.

  I didn’t feel like Jonathan was going to do the same.

  The curtain pulled back again and the nurse came through, her smile dying as she took one look at Jonathan. “Oh, I didn’t realize you weren’t alone.”

  “It’s okay,” I said with a wan smile. “He’s the father.”

  “Oh!” the nurse said, her smile returning. “Congratulations. It’s so exciting having a baby. I just had my first six months ago and let me tell you, it’s definitely a partnership with my husband.”

  Jonathan looked at me and I struggled to hold back the tears. We weren’t married nor would we probably ever be.

  Heck, we didn’t even have a relationship!

  The nurse chattered on, going over my discharge paperwork before I was free to go. “I’ll take you home,” Jonathan stated firmly as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, frowning as I saw my shoes in the chair across from me.

  Without a word, he picked up the shoes and slid them on my feet, his warm hand sliding over the arch of my foot before doing so. I trembled, remembering the night he had given me a full-body massage with those hands, including my feet.

  It wasn’t fair. We were so complicated now!

  Jonathan held out his hand and I grabbed it, allowing him to help me to my feet that were now tingling from his intimate touch. How long had it been for us?

  I mean, just because I was pregnant didn’t mean I didn’t want to be hot between the sheets. In fact, I think I wanted it more.

  Of course, we were barely talking after last night. There would be no hanky-panky between us right now.

  Flustered, I let go of his hand and together we walked down the hall and out the front door of the hospital, where the sun was blazing in the sky. “Shit,” Jonathan muttered, raking a hand through his hair. “I forgot. I had to borrow a bike.”

  Laughter bubbled out of me. “I don’t think that’s a good mode of transportation right now.”

  He grinned, causing my knees to wobble. “No, I don’t think so. Let me call a cab.”

  Less than ten minutes later, we were in the back of the cab, heading home. Jonathan reached over the moment the cab pulled away from the hospital and I forgot to breathe when his large hand covered my stomach. “Are you sure you are okay?” he asked in a low voice.

  “I promise you, I am fine,” I answered, touching his chin lightly. “Are you sure you are okay, Jonathan? I don’t necessarily believe you are.”

  Instead of shrugging it off, he leaned into my touch. “No, Leigh, I’m not okay, but knowing that you are safe, and our kid is fine, I will be. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there today.”

  I dropped my hand. I was tired of hearing apologies, no matter how laced with regret his words were. “Let’s just move on and forget this day ever happened.”

  He straightened, though his hand remained on my stomach the entire ride home. Jonathan helped me from the cab and escorted me all the way to the door, taking my keys from me to open it. “I have to go get my bike from the club,” he stated, following me inside the house. “Then I will come back over with some food.”

  I turned, giving him a shake of my head. “I just want to go to bed and rest. I will be fine.”

  He arched a brow. “Let me help you, Leigh.”

  “Please,” I said instead. “You can help me by letting me rest. I will text you when I wake, I promise.”

  Jonathan clearly didn’t like the idea, but he finally nodded. “I would appreciate a text or two this evening.”

  Unable to help it, I placed a hand on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart under my touch. “Whatever you are involved in right now, Jonathan, please be careful. I’m going to need your help raising this child.”

  He looked like he was about to wrap me in his arms, but at the last moment, stepped away and opened the door. “I swear to you. I will be here for you, Leigh. Just trust me. Please.”

  “I’m trying,” I answered as he stepped over the threshold, shutting the door behind him. As much as I would have loved to have him crawl in my bed and hold me until morning, something was eating away at him.

  I was worried about Jonathan, now more than ever. I didn’t understand his club life. I didn’t understand why he felt the need to put his life on the line for a club and the loyalty behind it.

  I wanted him to see there was more to life than carrying out orders like that.

  Turning away from the door, I walked into the kitchen, knowing I needed to eat something before I went to bed. How much was it going to take for me to get over the fact that he wasn’t Brad?

  More importantly, how much was it going to take for him to realize he had a lot to live for now? There was a child that was depending on him, a child that would want their daddy in their life.

  I wanted their daddy in my life.

  Opening the cabinet, I pulled down a can of soup I knew was there, opened the lid, and dumped it into a bowl to warm in the microwave. I couldn’t shake Jonathan, no matter how hard I tried. He was part of my life and though I’d said the words, I knew in my heart I didn’t want to let him go.

  I couldn’t let him go.

  Chapter 17

  Two Tone

  I paid the cab driver and walked into the clubhouse, finding Halftrack at the bar. “Here,” I said, throwing him his keys. “Thanks for the loaner.”

  “You’re welcome,” he answered. “You still look like hell. Everything okay?”

  I nodded, walking past him to Chains, who was propped up against the wall, a beer in his hand. “She’s fine.”

  “Good,” he stated as someone slid a beer in my hand. “So why are you fucking here and not there?”

  “She didn’t want me there,” I answered, hating the words that came out of my mouth. I had hoped, just a little, that she might let me stay with her. I only wanted to erase the worry about today out of my mind, to curl around her body and hold her stomach in my hands.

  It would be the only way I could rest easy.

  Instead, Leigh had all but kicked me out, promising to text me later.

  The woman was going to be the death of me.

  “Damn, man,” Chains was saying, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” I ground out, bringing the bottle up to my lips. “I don’t give up that easy.” Leigh was mine. That kid was mine. However, I had to prove to her that I wanted them both, and I would. She was scared and had every right to be. She had been through hell with Walker and now she was pregnant. I knew she had grown independent since he had tried to break her, and it had to be difficult to know that she would be dependent on me because of the kid.

  I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know that she had no reason to fear that I would ever do anything remotely close to what Walker did to her.

  “Would you leave?”

  I took a swallow of beer before looking the president in the eyes. I wasn’t surprised by his question. He had to see that I was struggling to keep this life and the life I wanted with Leigh both separate and together at the same time. I couldn’t be both people.

  I wasn’t sure If I wanted to be both people. “I will if she asks me to. Once that kid is born, all bets are off.”

  “Yeah, I figured,” Chains answered, pushing away from the wall. He didn’t look pissed, but he didn’t look too happy about my answer either. It had to be hard, not only with the split of the club but also the fact that Machine Gun wasn’t the same guy he had been before and that Chuckler had left in favor of his wife. “I won’t blame you if you do. Some things are far more important than this club.”

  He was right. Some things were far more important than the club and I had found them. I h
ad a woman I couldn’t get enough of. I had a kid on the way.

  None of those things belonged in the harsh world that the club brought to my life.

  I drained the beer, throwing it in the nearby trash. “Let me know if there is any word. I’m going home.” I felt like shit, my hangover now coupled with worry for Leigh and figuring out how I was going to fix things between us.

  That, and I needed a long fucking shower.

  ***

  Leigh texted me an hour after I got back home, now clean from a good shower and new set of clothes. She was fine; going back to bed after eating some soup.

  I stared at the phone, wishing she would let me come over. I wanted to ask; hell, I wanted to beg, but I was trying to understand her wishes.

  Whatever the hell they were.

  Falling into my recliner, I held the phone in my hand, my jaw ticking from worry and unease. I never thought a woman would ever be under my skin like she was. When we had first hooked up, I had enjoyed our time together, but didn’t feel like I needed to see her all the time.

  Somewhere along the line of our time together, that had changed, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was carrying my kid. No, I had been feeling this way for some time now.

  I loved Leigh.

  God knows when I had fallen in love with her, but it had happened. She was everything to me. She was my future, my family, everything.

  There wouldn’t be another.

  Sighing, I leaned back in the chair, thinking about what Chains had said earlier. Would I give up the club for her?

  Hell yeah, I would. While the club had given me a temporary home, Leigh was going to give me a forever one.

  Well, once we pushed past this awkwardness between us. I knew it was because of me. I was still doing the club’s business and not being there for her when she needed me. How many times had I bailed on her in the past?

  Now I was expecting her to let me be there. The distrust was there.

  There was only one way I could rectify that distrust and make it disappear for good.

  I was gonna have to leave the club.

  What would Leigh say? I didn’t think she was going to tell me to stay with the club.

  Which meant I had to find a way to support her and our kid.

  “Shit,” I muttered. The mere thought of having a real job didn’t sit well with me, but it was what I would be willing to do in order to be with the woman I loved.

  A grin stole across my lips, unable to stop. The woman I loved. The words were still foreign to me but it was the damn truth.

  Even if she wasn’t pregnant, I would still be having this war with myself.

  I thought back to the one time we had snuck out together, arranging to meet up so that we wouldn’t be seen together.

  “You came.”

  “I did,” she answered, her hands in her shorts pockets. “I told you I would.”

  I grinned. “You ready to get your tail kicked, then?”

  Leigh laughed. “You wish. Do you know how long I have been doing this?”

  “Not as long as I have been watching videos in preparation for this day,” I answered, arching a brow at her. “Come on. They are waiting for us.”

  Leigh grabbed my hand and together we walked into the indoor facility that held a massive go-kart track. When I had found out she enjoyed racing go-karts, I had decided to do something different than just having her in my bed, wanting to see her in her element. Leigh had laughed when I told her I had rented the place out for a few hours, but she had shown up anyway.

  And I couldn’t wipe the damn grin off my face.

  We were quickly outfitted with helmets and shown to our machines, Leigh making a joke about me having to fold into the small cart while she slid into hers effortlessly. “You ready?” she asked.

  I looked over, finding it hard to breathe for a moment as I took in her smiling face, feeling the slow thump of my heart as a result. God, this woman … she was pretty special. “Yeah, I am.”

  The low rumble of a bike caught my ear and I pushed out of the chair, walking over to the window to peer out of the blinds. Darkness had fallen and there was the barest hint of taillights in the distance, but none in my driveway or Leigh’s.

  In fact, her house was completely dark, telling me that she was holding true to her text message and getting some much-needed rest. Well, I would let her do that tonight, but tomorrow—tomorrow we would be having a talk that I hoped worked out in my favor. I was tired of being separated from her, wanting to be there to watch her throughout the rest of her pregnancy.

  Hell, I would sleep on the couch until I could earn her trust enough to be in her bed if that was what it took.

  It also meant I would have to give up my search for Mac. I couldn’t base the rest of my life on trying to hunt him down. He had already taken me away from Leigh enough. It wasn’t fair to her that I kept disappearing, and after today, I had nearly lost it all because I was searching for his ass.

  No, tomorrow, after I had a conversation with Leigh, I would be having a conversation with Chains, officially turn in my club badge, and hand over the investigation to Halftrack.

  It was time for me to put it all aside for the one thing I couldn’t replace. And by doing that, I hoped I would never have to.

  Chapter 18

  Leigh

  “Ah, Leigh, you know how much I love you.”

  I looked into Jonathan’s eyes, seeing the tenderness there, and sighed in happiness. After everything we had been through, it was hard to believe that I was standing in front of Jonathan, staring at the diamond ring in the velvet-lined box before me. “You really want to marry me?”

  “Of course,” he said, a small wrinkle furrowing his brow. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  I bit my lip. This was far too perfect; it was everything I wanted in my life. “I’m dreaming,” I said softly, disheartened by the fact.

  Jonathan’s smile slid. “Do you think you are dreaming, Leigh?”

  “I do,” I answered. “You never will marry me, Jonathan. We are too different.”

  He frowned, looking at the box in his hand. “But I love you.”

  I gave him a sad smile. “Love sometimes isn’t enough.”

  He rose and I heard the faint sound of something being knocked over in the background, catching both of our attentions.

  ***

  I jerked awake, my eyes snapping open to total blackness. For a moment, I tried to acclimate myself to my surroundings, the warmth of the dream dissipating.

  It had only been a dream. Jonathan would never propose to me, especially not after the way I had tried to push him away.

  It was for the best. I would drag him away from the club he loved most and I still wasn’t so sure if I could trust him one hundred percent.

  We just weren’t meant to be.

  Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, looking at the clock. Just a little after midnight, which meant I still had a great deal of time before I had to get up.

  Great, just great.

  Throwing back the covers, I climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom to pee, something I had to do more frequently the bigger I got. Those preggo women hadn’t lied about the brutal beatdown of one’s bladder. I didn’t think mine would ever be the same after this pregnancy.

  Flushing the toilet, I walked back into the bedroom, attempting to stretch my back as I did so. “I hope you are worth all of this trouble, little one,” I said softly, my body feeling like it was ninety. I was tired all the time, my body aching in places I didn’t even know I had.

  How women did this multiple times in their lifetime, I did not know.

  My hallway floor creaked suddenly, and I froze, listening in the dark. Was it Jonathan? I doubted it. He always called out if he decided to visit at night.

  No, this wasn’t Jonathan.

  My heart leapt in my throat as I backed into the bathroom, knowing I wouldn’t reach my cell phone in time. I knew every creak in this house, one of the many quirks I had since
my relationship with Brad. The creak in the hallway was right outside my bedroom, meaning whoever it was, was not far away.

  Not turning around, I fumbled until I found my straightener on the counter, grabbing it to help defend myself. My gun was in the bedside drawer, so it wouldn’t help me at all, but I had taken numerous self-defense classes and could defend myself relatively well. After all, I had the surprise factor on my side.

  It didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous. Bone-chillingly nervous.