Lost Love

by Kelly Elliott

  “Hey,” she said with a low sexy voice. “Cord said you and Trevor were out checking the fence lines.”

  “We finished up. I was about to show Trevor how one ropes.”

  She shot me a confused expression. “Doesn’t he already know how to?”

  “Fuck yes, he does,” Trevor said from behind me. I grinned as he walked by, stopping long enough to hit me in the stomach with rope. “Let’s do this shit. Paxton get in the middle of the pen. We’re roping you.”

  Paxton looked frantically between Trevor and me. “Huh? You’re not treating me like a damn animal!”

  “I’m kidding, Paxton. Jesus, take it easy,” Trevor said with a crooked grin on his face.

  Cord laughed. “Let me get out of here before the two of you end up rolling around kicking each other’s asses.”

  “Wait, what’s going on?” Paxton asked worriedly. I walked to her and dropped the rope at my feet. Placing my hands on her hips, I pulled her body to mine and kissed her.

  It didn’t take her long to wrap her arms around my neck. A small moan slipped from her lips. It traveled straight to my dick.

  Paxton broke our kiss, and I instantly missed her sweet honey taste. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. I need to prove Trevor wrong on something.”

  She shook her head. “Some things never change no matter how old you are.”

  I winked and slapped her ass. “Hey, when did you change your clothes from spa day?”

  Trevor yelled, “Let’s get this show on the road! I need to ride to the south pasture to check on a few pregnant mares.”

  We both ignored Trevor as Paxton answered me. “Figured maybe we could go for a ride later, so I brought a change of clothes.”

  My brow lifted. “You and me? Or we as in Chloe as well?”

  She dug her teeth into her lip. “You and me. Your mom wanted to spend some time with Chloe.”

  Those words went straight to my dick as well. “One second, baby. Let me set Trevor straight.”

  I walked to the dummy calf. Trevor smirked and stood back. He started to spin the rope over his head and tossed it, ringing the dummy bull with ease.

  Stepping up, I followed his lead and roped it just as easily.

  “Beginner’s luck,” Trevor spit out.

  “Beginner? I taught you how to do this!”

  We stepped farther and farther away. Each time we both ringed it.

  Before I knew it, we were roping real calves, and Cord was timing us. Of course it helped I had my own personal cheering team with Paxton, and then Chloe. Mom brought her down in the Mule after Paxton texted her about the contest.

  “Go, Daddy! But don’t hurt the baby cow!”

  Smiling at my daughter, I winked and shouted, “I won’t, pumpkin.”

  Trevor went next and had a small problem getting the calf turned over and on the ground. I knew I had it in the bag.

  “If Steed beats your time that’s five in a row!”

  “Damn!” Trevor shouted as I nodded for Paxton to let the calf out. I took off, roped it, jumped off Lady and had the calf over and on the ground in the fastest time I’d ever run.

  “Dude, that was six seconds!” Cord shouted. “You could be making millions!”

  Paxton and Chloe jumped up and down, calling my name.

  Mom walked over to Trevor. “Oh, honey. Remember he’s been doing it longer.”

  “Mom! He was gone for ten years!”

  Walking up to Trevor, I hit him on the back. “Dude, did you really think I wouldn’t find a place up in Oregon to ride? How in the hell did you think my daughter learned how to ride?”

  Trevor stared at me with a blank expression. “I hate you, Steed. You suck!”

  Cord and I both started laughing as Mom tried to play peacekeeper. “Now, Trevor. I didn’t raise you boys to be sore losers.”

  Chloe pointed to Trevor. “Oh, Uncle Trevor said hate!”

  “Sorry, Chloe,” Trevor said as he kissed her on the top of her head.

  Turning to Cord, I said, “You should put a mechanical bull in the bar.”

  His eyes lit up. “You know, that’s a damn good idea. Can you image the woman who would get on it drunk and—”

  “Small ears, boys! We have small ears!” my mother called out as she pointed down to Chloe.

  Cord winced. “Dang it. I forget sometimes.”

  Paxton sighed. “I swear, you boys will never grow up. You ready for our ride?”

  There was something in her eyes that told me she had something other than riding on her mind.

  I nodded and walked over to Chloe. “Hey, pumpkin. Daddy and Paxton are going to go for a ride. You going to be a good girl for Grammy?”

  Chloe grinned. “Yes. We’re going to make pumpkin bread! Your favorite, Daddy!” Her little arms wrapped around my neck, and she squeezed as hard as she could. When she leaned back, she did her best to whisper, “Are you going to ask Paxton to marry you?”

  The sharp intake of air from Paxton had me cringing. I placed my hand on the side of Chloe’s cheek. “No, baby. We’re only dating. Remember? We talked about it.”

  Her little eyes turned sad. Mom and I had talked about how attached Chloe was becoming to Paxton, and she was concerned how it would affect her in school with Paxton being her kindergarten teacher. Chloe, however, didn’t act any different at school according to Paxton, which was a relief…but she was becoming more and more obsessed with me asking Paxton to marry me. I knew Chloe longed for a mother. A real mother who showed her affection, and Paxton was stepping into that role nicely. Hell, I’d marry her tomorrow if I thought she would say yes, but I knew she was still dealing with her own issues, and I wasn’t about to push her into anything.

  Paxton leaned down so she was eye to eye with Chloe.

  “Chloe Cat, I love your Daddy so very much.”

  Chloe smiled big and bright. My eyes lifted to see Mom staring at us. Her eyes threatening to spill over with tears.

  “But, it’s been a long time since we’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend. We have to…get to know each other again.”

  With her brows furrowed, Chloe asked, “But don’t you already know each other?”

  Paxton and I chuckled. “We do, sweetheart, but Daddy did something that hurt Paxton’s feelings. I didn’t do it on purpose, but I made her really sad.”

  Chloe’s eyes filled with tears. “Would you ever do that to me, Daddy?”

  My heart ached in my chest. “God no, Chloe. I didn’t mean to do it to Paxton, but Daddy was not in a good place a long time ago. I promise you I’ll never hurt you or Paxton. Ever.”

  Chloe leaned and asked, “Did you say you were sorry?”

  I kissed the tip of her nose. “I did, pumpkin. And Paxton has accepted my apology. But we need to get back to how things were before I left. I know it’s hard for you to understand.”

  Her next words nearly were nearly my undoing. My daughter would forever own my heart.

  She nodded. “I trust you, Daddy.”

  I panicked the moment Chloe asked if Steed was going to ask me to marry him. It took me a few seconds to find my breath. She’d asked me to pretend I was her mommy during the mother daughter spa retreat we went to that morning, and my heart broke when I had to explain to her that would be lying.

  Steed was talking to Chloe in that oh-so-sweet voice he used with her. My mind swirled as I tried to process what he said and the sad look on her face.

  When he admitted that he’d hurt me, I had to reach out and hold onto the fence. He was so honest with her and with me. I knew it had been hard for him to take it slow. The kissing led to touching, which led to him waiting for me to give him permission to take things further. For some reason, I was hesitant. Oh, believe me I wanted to have Steed do all the dirty things he had been whispering in my ear over the last few weeks, but a part of me was still scared. If I opened that part of our relationship up again, I was opening my heart to the risk of being destroyed.

  Steed’s v
oice pulled me from my thoughts. “I promise you I’ll never hurt you or Paxton. Ever.”

  Chloe leaned in close to her father. “Did you say you were sorry?”

  My hand covered my mouth in an attempt not to laugh. I glanced at Melanie. She gazed lovingly at her son and granddaughter. The ache in my chest was hard to ignore. Knowing Steed had a child from another woman seemed to be my biggest hurdle. I loved Chloe, but I couldn’t shake the idea that I wasn’t the one to give Steed his first child. That some monster of a woman had made this precious, sweet, innocent little girl…the spitting image of her father.

  Steed kissed Chloe on the nose, and her next words nearly knocked me off my feet.

  “I trust you, Daddy.”

  Steed beamed, and I knew those words also affected him deeply. “That means so much to me, pumpkin. I love you.”

  Her little arms wrapped around his neck where she held on for dear life. He stood, taking her up with him. I watched as they stood there lost in one another. Steed held onto her until she was the one who was ready to break the contact. Chloe had trusted her father to never break her heart, and I honestly believed he never would. Not purposely. Just like he didn’t purposely break mine.

  A million things started running through my mind. We had handled everything wrong, yet we had been so young. Weren’t we supposed to get stuff wrong? And I knew deep in my heart, just like Chloe did, that Steed would never hurt either one of us now.

  Turning to me, Chloe grinned. “Paxton, do you like pumpkin bread too?”

  The question threw me. I’d been so lost in thought that I had to force myself to push it all away and act normal.

  “Yes! It’s one of my favorites.”

  Steed set Chloe back on the ground, and she skipped over to Melanie. “Grammy, let’s go make bread!”

  With a lighthearted chuckle, Melanie took Chloe’s hand, but not before glancing back at us. “You two kids have fun. Don’t rush back.”

  She winked, and I felt my face flush. Cord lost it laughing. “And that’s my cue to get the hell out of dodge. I’ve got to get to the bar. Y’all enjoy your ride.”

  Steed made his way over to me, took my hand, and led me to his horse. “Come on. Let’s go saddle up a couple horses.”

  “What’s wrong with riding Lady?” I asked.

  “She’s due for a break. I’ve been on her damn near all morning with Trevor.”

  I nodded and followed. Peeking over my shoulder, I watched Melanie and Chloe drive off on the mule, headed back up to the house. My chest squeezed as I thought about the amazing morning I’d spent with Chloe. I was falling head over heels in love with her. It wasn’t hard; she was precious. Her heart so full of love and a need to be loved right back.

  Steed set off to work, taking Lady’s saddle off, brushing her, getting her some fresh water and a small snack of oats. Trevor walked into the barn, leading two horses behind him.

  “Thought y’all might like to exercise a few of the horses for me. I don’t get near enough time to give them all their fair share.”

  I walked over to the beautiful bay mare who was standing so patiently behind Trevor. My hand ran over her gorgeous reddish brown color. Her mane and tail were black and matched the lower half of her legs. She bobbed her head a few times as if to tell me to just get on her already. She was ready to go. I smiled as I pressed my face into her side and breathed in her heavenly scent.

  Steed gave Trevor a light tap on the shoulder. “Thanks, Trevor! You didn’t have to this.”

  He laughed. “Considering you kicked my ass at roping, I figured I’d do something nice for you.”

  Steed did the same thing I’d done with my horse. His hands moved over the Blue Roan. “Fucking hell, she’s beautiful,” he said.

  Trevor nodded. “I just bought her not too long ago from a breeder in Mason. His wife trained her, and I’ve got to say, she did one hell of a good job. I’ve never had a mare behave like such a lady as this one.”

  “What’s her name?” I asked while still running my hands along my horse.

  Trevor pointed to my horse first. “This here is Allure.”

  My brows lifted. “Very fitting name for her.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, and this one is Marley.”

  I crinkled my nose. “That’s an adorable name for her.”

  Steed took the reins from Trevor. “Anything you need us to do when we get back?”

  “Hose them down, and make sure they have fresh water. They’ll get oats tomorrow morning, so a bit of hay cubes is fine if you want to treat them.”

  “Got it.”

  Trevor started to walk off. “Oh, and just an FYI. They like to run.”

  I laughed. “Oh gosh, I feel a race coming on.”

  We rode in silence for a bit until we were off the main trail, cutting through one of the pastures. Steed seemed lost in thought, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about what Chloe had said.

  “Today at the spa, Chloe told me her Christmas wish list.”

  He laughed. “She’s been asking to write a letter to Santa Claus, but told me it wasn’t ready for me to read it. Of course, I can hardly read what she writes anyway.”

  I chuckled.

  “What was on it?” he asked.

  I cleared my throat. “Well, some things you’ll love, one you will hate.”

  His brows pinched together. “Really?”

  Nodding, I giggled. “Yep. She said she wanted her own horse. A bed for Patches so she could sleep in her room with her.”

  Steed let out a roar of laughter.

  I went on. “A Barbie dream house. Some books, other things like dresses and make-up.”

  “Make-up?” he gasped. “What the fuck does she need make-up for?”

  My failed attempts to hide my smile only made him frown more. “Fuck,” he said, his hand raking through his beautiful brown waves.

  “Then she said she wanted a boyfriend. Preferably Timothy Knox.”

  Peeking over to watch his reaction, I thought he was going to blow the top of his head off.

  “Boyfriend! Who the fuck is Timothy Knox?”

  My cheeks ached from holding back laughter. “He’s a classmate. Sweet little boy. He always pulls her chair out for her if he is near. And he always sits next to her at lunch.”

  Steed’s eyes widened in horror. “W-what?”

  I looked ahead of me. If I kept staring at Steed, I was sure to start laughing my ass off.

  “You need to move him.”

  Lifting a brow, I asked, “Move him? Move him where?”

  “Away from my daughter! To another class!”

  “Steed, I’m the only kindergarten teacher. I can’t have him moved. Besides, I wouldn’t even if I could.”

  “Why not? The little bastard is going after our Chloe.”

  My breath seized in my throat.

  Our Chloe.

  Not wanting to make a big deal out of what he said, I ignored it. “They’re five. It’s harmless.”

  “It’s not harmless if my daughter wants to be his girlfriend.” He shook his head and brought Marley to a stop. “I’m going to be sick.”

  A small part of me felt sorry for him.

  “Then I probably shouldn’t tell you she asked for a kiss from him also.”

  Steed’s face turned white, and he slid off of his horse. He stumbled for a few steps and dropped back onto his ass.

  It shouldn’t have, but damn, it turned me on seeing him react this way. I knew I was making a mistake sliding off my horse, but I was tired of playing it safe. Besides, it was obvious that Steed needed me.

  Standing over Steed, I watched while he cradled his head in his hands.

  “This is payback. Karma. My sin coming back to haunt me.”

  Sighing, I kicked at his boot. “Stop it. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. I thought we were going to ride.”

  He glanced up at me. “Are you sure you can keep an eye on this little Timothy bastard?”

  I g
rimaced. “Steed, I don’t think you should be calling my students names like bastard and little prick.”

  He scoffed and stood up. I was about to say more but my voice caught in my throat. I was so taken by this man’s beauty that I struggled to think straight, let alone speak. His blue eyes popped against the off-white cowboy hat. My eyes traveled down to the day-old scruff on his face. I wanted desperately to feel it against my skin.

  Moving my gaze farther down, his tight blue T-shirt showed off his perfect broad chest and I swear you could see the faint outline of his six-pack abs. To say he had a nice body would be putting it lightly. His body was amazing. It was clear the man worked out. A lot.

  The tight Wrangler jeans and cowboy boots finished off the package. And what a freaking hot package. My mouth watered, but at the same time felt dry. My tongue zipped out and ran over my lips…anything to make my dry mouth feel wetter.

  Steed took a few steps towards me, and I backed up until I bumped into Allure.

  “You look like you’ve got something on your mind, Pax.”

  Oh, I do. You. Inside me. On top of me. Behind me. Making me scream out your name.

  “I, um… I…um…”

  I’d planned on telling Steed I was ready to take the next step today. I didn’t think I could stand another moment with his burning hot body near me. I ached for his touch. Longed to have him do all the things he had been promising to do.

  He lifted his hand and ran the back of it over my cheek, causing me to tremble. A slight lift to the corner of his mouth proved he was gauging my reactions. “Tell me, Pax. Tell me what you want.”

  I knew in my heart Steed meant every single word he had said about leaving, not coming home, being torn up about our child. His promise to never hurt me again. My stupid head was the one arguing with my heart.

  I closed my eyes. I was tired of listening to my head. It was time to follow my heart.

  Focusing only on him, I whispered, “You. I want you, Steed. More than anything.”

  His eyes lit up. “What are you saying?”

  Pulling my lip in between my teeth, I inhaled a deep breath through my nose before letting it all out. “I want you, Steed.” My voice sounded shaky, but not from fear…from desire. “I need you.”