by Amy Clipston
“It’s fine.” He flicked an imaginary piece of lint off his dark trousers to avoid her abashed expression. “We’re freinden, right?”
“Always,” she said with confidence.
“Then it’s okay.” He smiled at her, and her shoulders relaxed slightly.
She fiddled with the hem of his jacket as her gaze moved back to the barn. “Is the haus still full of people?”
“Ya.” He rested his arm on the back of the bench, stretching it out behind her. “It’s stuffy in there. I understand why you needed to come outside.”
They were silent again, and she took a drink from her mug of coffee. Leroy did the same, just to keep himself busy.
“I can’t believe he’s gone. I feel like I’m stuck in this horrible nightmare.” She blew out a shuddering breath as her fingers continued to move over the hem of the jacket. “I supposed I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself, but mei kind won’t have a dat either.”
Leroy sat up straighter. He couldn’t stay silent any longer. He had to try to console her. But what would help her the most?
Just be honest. Tell her how you feel.
“I know platitudes won’t help you right now, but I am sorry, Mattie.” His voice sounded thin and foreign to him. “I liked Isaiah. He was a gut man, and he was gut to you. If there’s anything I can do to help you, just ask me.”
“Danki,” she whispered.
“Gern gschehne.” He longed to hug her again. He wanted to wipe away her tears. But instead, he sat cemented in place. “Do you want me to take you to your parents’ haus to get some rest?”
“No, danki. I’d rather just sit out here for a while longer.” She hugged Leroy’s jacket closer to her body.
“Do you want me to stay with you?”
“Ya. Please don’t leave, Leroy.”
“I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” Leroy rested his ankle on his opposite knee and silently prayed, asking God to heal Mattie’s shattered heart.
The scraping of Mattie’s spoon on her plate brought Leroy back to the present. He pondered why she didn’t talk to him anymore and what had gone wrong in their formerly close friendship. Didn’t she know by now that he was giving her the time she needed? How could he close the chasm expanding between them?
“The lettering is done on the front window of the shop,” he said, hoping to open the door to an easy conversation. She hadn’t talked much at lunch either, and he would discuss anything to get her to talk to him.
“Oh?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Ya.” He lifted his glass of water. “You need to come and see it.”
“I will.” She forked a piece of steak.
“The sign is at the road too. You can see it out the front windows.”
“I saw it earlier. It’s nice.”
“I covered it up for now since we’re not open yet. I’ll uncover it next Saturday for the grand opening. I also called to confirm the ads we’re running in the local papers.”
“Gut.” Mattie chewed and swallowed another piece of steak, then scooped potato onto her spoon. “I thought I could make some pies.”
“Great.” Mattie wanted to participate in the grand opening. This was progress! “Did you finish your unpacking?”
“Ya.” She ran her fingers over her glass of water. “Tillie helped me. I finished the bedroom and the books. I didn’t get upstairs to the baby’s room, but I can do that another day.”
“Do you need my help with anything? I can move furniture in the bedroom if you’d like.”
“The bedroom is fine.”
“Is there enough room in the closet?”
Mattie paused, watching him for a moment.
Talk to me! Please talk to me!
“The closet is fine,” she finally said, not even mentioning his clothes were still there.
He released the breath he’d been holding. “I’ll move my clothes upstairs tonight.”
“There’s no rush. I can make do.” She ate another scoop of potatoes. “Who made the quilt on your bed?” She cleared her throat. “I mean, our bed.”
“Mei mamm.”
“I thought so.” She looked down at her dinner plate. “I want to get back to sewing soon. I miss it. That quilt is gorgeous.”
The sound of Mattie’s sewing machine humming on the second floor would be music to his ears. “Do you need a new sewing machine?”
She shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with mine. Don’t waste your money.”
“Our money. We’re in this together, remember?”
Mattie met his gaze and held it for a long moment. “You don’t need to spend any money on a new sewing machine. The boppli will be here in less than two months, and I’m going to need some supplies. I wouldn’t feel right about you spending money on a new sewing machine when I need to ask you for more baby things.”
Leroy frowned. “I don’t mind buying anything for you or for the boppli.”
“Danki.” She smiled. “Tell me more about the grand opening. May I invite my family to come to it?”
“Ya, you should invite them,” Leroy told her. “That would be great. We’re hoping to open at eight on Saturday.” He went into a detailed discussion of how he and Hank envisioned the event would go.
Soon their plates were clean, and Mattie brought the cherry pie Tillie made and coffee to the table. They each ate a piece of pie while Leroy continued to talk about his vision for the harness shop.
When their dessert was gone, he helped her take the dishes to the counter. “You can wash, and I’ll dry,” he offered.
“I can do the dishes. You go do whatever it is you do after supper.”
Leroy lingered beside her as the sudsy water filled the sink. He fought the urge to touch her arm and tell her to relax. But after her shriek and the resulting shattered mug this morning, he decided it was best not to risk a broken dish.
“All right. I’m going to go take care of the animals. Call me if you need anything.”
He walked toward the mudroom and then stopped and spun, facing her once again. “Mattie,” he said, and she looked over her shoulder at him. “Danki for an appeditlich dinner.”
“Gern gschehne. I’m froh you liked it.”
Leroy sighed as he descended the porch steps toward the barn. He silently prayed for guidance to bring back the funny, talkative Mattie who had walked with him to school and played volleyball with him at youth gatherings.
CHAPTER 6
THE HOT JULY SUN BEAT DOWN ON HER PRAYER COVERING and warmed her neck as Mattie glanced toward the harness shop, anticipation rushing through her. It was only Wednesday morning, but three parking spaces and the hitching post already waited patiently for customers to visit the store for the grand opening on Saturday.
She hung the last pair of Leroy’s trousers on the clothesline that stretched from the back porch to the barn as she imagined a crowd of tourists outside the store, waiting for the doors to open for business for the first time.
Leroy and Hank had worked late Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday as they built the displays to hold all the leather creations they planned to sell. Weeks ago they’d met with vendors to arrange to sell saddles and other supplies for horses and horseback riding. Leroy was giddy each evening as he shared the store’s progress, and Mattie hoped the store would be successful and meet all his and Hank’s expectations.
Mattie balanced the wicker laundry basket on her hip as she ambled into the house. A dull ache flared at her mid-back before moving down her legs.
After setting the basket on the counter in the large laundry room, she massaged her lower back with her fingertips and looked around. She’d rearranged a few of the shelves this morning to make the space more functional. Although she’d loved the tiny house she’d shared with Isaiah, she appreciated living in a house large enough that she could organize to her liking.
She and Leroy had settled into an amiable routine over the last week. They had attended church for the first time as a married couple on Sunday,
and it felt strange not to wear a black dress in mourning for Isaiah. Every night she cooked Isaiah’s favorite meals for Leroy, and he enjoyed them, telling her the food was delicious before offering to help with the dishes.
Mattie continued to sleep alone in the downstairs bedroom while Leroy retreated to his upstairs bedroom, the one where he had no doubt put his clothes. Last night she had almost invited him to stay with her in the bedroom so she wouldn’t be alone with her agonizing thoughts, but she didn’t want him to assume she was ready for the intimacy he would expect. She didn’t know when she’d be ready for that, and she dreaded what would happen after the baby was born. How long could she continue to refuse him?
Heaving a deep sigh, Mattie walked through the kitchen and family room and climbed the spiral staircase to the second floor. She yearned to organize the sewing room so she could lose herself in a productive task. Perhaps sewing would help her sort through her confusing thoughts and worries.
She padded down the hallway, stopping to peek into the first room. The crib, rocking chair, dresser, changing table, and boxes of baby clothes that had been stored in her sister’s attic when she moved out of the rented house were all there. Although the room wasn’t organized, it resembled a baby’s room.
Mattie stepped inside and ran her hand over the furniture as thoughts of Isaiah crashed over her. Isaiah had wanted to spend hours discussing what they hoped to include in the house they planned to build someday. Although she hadn’t wanted him to worry about a place they couldn’t yet afford to build, she enjoyed focusing on how many bedrooms they would have. Mattie had dreamt of filling the house with love and children, but all those dreams had been dashed that Monday morning in February.
Bereavement seemed to come bubbling up from her toes. She dropped into the rocking chair, hugged her arms to her middle, and sobbed.
Leroy hung his hat on the peg on the wall in the mudroom and walked into the kitchen. He rubbed at the stubble on his chin when he found the kitchen empty and the table clear. The clock above the stove read twelve thirty, and he expected to find Mattie waiting to eat lunch with him. When he looked into the laundry room and found it empty, too, a prickle of worry started at the base of his neck.
“Mattie?” He walked through the family room to the bedroom. Alarm rushed through him when he found them both empty as well. “Mattie?”
Where was she? Had she gone out to the shanty to make a phone call or was she upstairs working on the baby’s or her sewing room? He started up the stairs. When his boots hit the top step, he heard a noise coming from down the hallway.
“Mattie?” He headed toward the first bedroom. He glanced into it, and his stomach dropped. Mattie was sobbing as she moved back and forth in the rocking chair.
“Ach, Mattie.” This time he whispered her name, dropping to his knees in front of the chair. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” He touched her arm as she pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes and nose.
She blinked and sat up straight, smoothing her hands over her dress. “Is it lunchtime already?”
His heart cracked at the pain and grief in her eyes. “It is, but I’m not worried about food. Lunch can wait. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m so sorry. I came in here to start organizing and unpacking the boxes, and I lost track of time.” She tried to stand, and he nudged her back into the seat.
“Sit.”
“I don’t need to sit. I’m fine. I need to make your lunch.” She started to get up again, but he shook his head.
“Forget lunch. You’re more important to me.”
Her eyes widened.
“Talk to me. I can’t stand this silence and awkwardness between us.”
When she cast her eyes to her lap, her response was clear. She wasn’t going to talk to him. His shoulders sagged.
“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” When she remained silent, disappointment and hurt sliced through him. “Fine, then.” He pulled a footstool over to her chair and sat on it. “If you won’t talk to me, then I’ll talk to you.”
Mattie looked down at him through her long blonde eyelashes.
“I remember the day you met Isaiah,” he began, and she sat up straight, her intelligent eyes focused on him. “We were at a youth gathering over in Ronks, and Isaiah’s friend’s youth group was there. We were all playing volleyball, and you were on the same team as Hank and me. I remember thinking Isaiah was pretentious wearing those fancy mirrored sunglasses. In fact, I was going to say something to you about him, but you were already staring at him with wonder in your eyes.”
To his surprise, Mattie laughed, and her cheeks blushed hot pink. She looked adorable. “I was that obvious, huh?”
Aha! He’d finally gotten her to talk. He grinned. This is working.
“Ya, your feelings were obvious. But Isaiah had noticed you too. After the game, he immediately walked over to you.” Leroy rested his elbows on his thighs. “I really couldn’t blame him for talking to you. After all, you were the prettiest maedel in our youth group.” He held up his finger in warning. “Now, don’t tell your schweschder I said that. Lizzie might be upset to hear she’s not the prettiest.”
Mattie chuckled, wiping her eyes. “You always did exaggerate about things.”
“I’m not exaggerating. You were the prettiest, and you still are.”
“You’re sweet.”
“I’m just stating the obvious. I knew it was love at first sight when you and Isaiah talked. Don’t repeat that to Hank because he’ll make fun of me and say I’m not manly enough.”
Mattie gave him a small smile, but he sensed the grief still there. When a tear trickled down her cheek, he reached over and brushed it away. She flinched, and he regretted the forwardness. He hoped she wouldn’t always flinch from his touch and that someday she would learn to trust him. “I’m sorry you lost him. I know you were both very froh together.”
She looked down at her belly and moved her hands over it.
“Did you and Isaiah talk about names for the boppli?” He tried his best to tread lightly, but he hoped she would respond.
Mattie met his gaze. “Ya, he said he wanted Jacob after his daadi if it was a bu.”
“And for a maedel?”
Mattie’s fingers traced circles on her belly. “I was thinking of Veronica or Elizabeth for a girl.”
“Those are great names.”
“Danki.” She sighed.
He stood and held out his hand. “May I make you lunch?”
Mattie hesitated. When she accepted his hand, he lifted her to her feet. “No, that’s my job. I’ll make lunch for you.”
“No, I will cook for you. You haven’t let me cook once since last Wednesday, and I’m afraid I might get rusty.”
Mattie gave him a genuine smile and warmth flowed through his veins. They walked to the hallway and then she stopped.
“Could I see the room you want to make into a sewing room?”
“Of course.” Leroy steered her toward the room across the hallway. “I was thinking this might make a gut sewing room for you. The natural light is gut in here.”
She walked over to her sewing machine, which Leroy had set by the window. “This was your mamm’s sewing room, wasn’t it?”
“That’s right.” He leaned a shoulder against the doorframe.
“Mei mamm and I loved coming here for quilting bees.” Mattie hugged her arms to her middle. “Your mamm was so sweet. I adored her.”
“She thought a lot of you too. She once said you were like the dochder she never had. She’d be thrilled to know we’re married now.” When her smile faded, he said quickly, “I didn’t mean she would be froh with the circumstances around our marriage. She’d be sorry to hear Isaiah died, but she’d be froh you and I are together.”
“I understand.” She touched her sewing machine and then glanced around at her boxes marked “Sewing Material and Supplies.” “I’d like to get back to sewing. I want to make quilts. I can also make potholde
rs and other little things, like tissue packet covers and kaffi cup covers.”
Leroy’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “That would be great.”
“I’ll sell them.” She looked over at him. “I can host dinners to help you with bills, too, but I’ll have to wait until after the boppli is a little older. I can prepare the meals and clean while the boppli naps.”
“That’s wunderbaar, but please don’t feel any pressure to work right away after the boppli is born. I have money in the bank. We’re fine right now.” The muscles in his back loosened. It was refreshing to hear her making plans. She was finally imagining herself as his partner and his wife.
Mattie scanned the room, then looked over at him again. “Are you hungry?”
“I am, but I can wait. Take your time.”
“Let’s go eat. I can organize the room later.”
“I’ll help you.” He stood up straight, allowing her to pass through the doorway first.
As Leroy followed Mattie down the stairs, he hoped she would continue to visualize their life together and envision herself as happily growing older by his side.
“My sandwich was appeditlich.” Mattie carried their plates to the counter. “Danki for making it.”
“Gern gschehne.” Leroy grinned as he placed their empty drinking glasses on the counter. “Grilled ham and cheese is my specialty.”
“Really.” A smile played at the corner of her mouth as she leaned her hip against the counter and looked up at him. “Maybe you should’ve opened a restaurant instead of a harness shop. Or a bakery.” She snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it! You could have a small counter in the harness shop for your baked goods and call it Leroy’s Famous Creations.”
Leroy threw back his head and laughed, and soon she was laughing with him. The release was so good it almost erased the grief holding her soul in a vise grip.
His eyes locked on her as he reached over and touched one of the ribbons hanging down from her prayer covering. “It’s so gut to hear your laugh again.” He moved the ribbon between his fingers as he spoke. “If opening a small bake stand in the harness shop will keep you laughing, then I’ll do it.”