by Amy Clipston
Mamm said good night to Leroy, and soon the door opened and then clicked shut as her father’s voice disappeared outside.
Mattie couldn’t stand it any longer. She had to see him. She rushed through the family room and out the front door to where her father and Leroy stood on the front steps.
“Mattie,” Leroy said, his eyes brightening as he looked at her. “I didn’t think you were going to see me.”
Dat shook Leroy’s hand. “Gut seeing you, Leroy. Don’t be a stranger.” He turned to Mattie. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” Then he headed inside, the screen door clicking behind him.
Mattie ran her sweaty palms down her apron and looked up at him. “I was surprised you came to see me.”
He pointed to the glider behind them. “Do you want to sit and talk?”
“Ya.” She sat down, and he sank down beside her, jostling the glider into motion.
They were silent for several moments, and she searched her mind for something to say. She looked out toward the driveway and noticed the van sitting out by the road. He’d hired a driver to bring him out to see her tonight. Her heart warmed.
“Have you gotten my messages?” His question broke through the awkward silence.
She kept her eyes focused on the van. “Ya, I have. I just didn’t know what to say.”
“How have you been?”
“Okay, I guess.” She looked up at him, taking in his dull eyes and the circles underneath them. He must have been suffering from insomnia too. “And you?”
“I miss you. I want you to come home with me.”
“I can’t.” She started to stand, but he reached out and grabbed her hand. The feel of his warm skin against hers sent tingles dancing up her arm.
“Wait.” His eyes widened. “I didn’t mean to chase you off. You can come home whenever you’re ready.”
“Danki,” she said, and he released her hand. “I need to go. Gut nacht.”
She hurried into the house and then looked out the screen door as he loped down the driveway and climbed into the van. The engine rumbled as Leroy’s driver left to take him back home, and her heart sank. She didn’t know what to say to him, but she also didn’t want him to leave. When would she stop being so confused?
Mamm frowned as Mattie walked toward the kitchen. “You didn’t talk to him for very long.”
She ignored the comment and approached the table where a picnic basket sat. “What’s this?”
“Leroy left it for you.”
“He brought me a basket?” Mattie lifted the lid, and the aroma of freshly baked goods wafted over her. She stilled when she found something written inside the lid.
In Leroy’s neat, familiar penmanship, she read, “2 Corinthians 1:7: And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”
The scripture touched something deep in her soul.
“What is it?” Mamm sidled up to her.
“He wrote a scripture on the inside of the lid.” Mattie pointed to it, and Mamm read it.
“That’s lovely. Leroy is so thoughtful. What else is in there?”
Mattie pulled out an envelope with her name written on the front. She also found a loaf of bread and a storage bag filled with chocolate chip cookies. Her favorite.
“What a lovely gift.” Mamm moved to the counter and began searching through her small plastic box filled with coupons. “He put a lot of thought into that.”
Mattie didn’t respond as she sank onto a kitchen chair. She opened the envelope and read the letter inside, which was also written in his handwriting.
Dear Mattie,
I know you’re upset with me. It seems that no matter what I say, it’s the wrong thing. I hope you know I care about you.
Please come home. We’re married now, and we need to build a life together. We can’t work things out if you continue to stay at your parents’ haus.
I’ve left you a message every day since you left me. I miss you. The haus is too quiet, and I feel incomplete without you by my side.
We need to talk. Please call me or come to see me. I’ll be here waiting for you.
Love,
Leroy
Mattie stared at the letter as tears burned her eyes.
“Are you okay?” Mamm asked.
Mattie nodded and stood. “I’m going to work on my quilt.” She grabbed the bag of cookies and then hurried to her mother’s room. She found a notepad and pen on her mother’s dresser and then sat in the chair by the sewing machine.
She read his letter over and over again until a response formed in her mind. Then she wrote him a letter and sealed it in an envelope. Leaning back in her chair, she opened the storage bag and pulled out a large cookie. She took a bite and then moaned. The cookie was sweet and moist. Just perfect.
“Perhaps you should have opened a bake stand instead of the harness shop, Leroy,” Mattie whispered with a grin.
She finished the cookie and then took another. She closed her eyes, and an image of Leroy standing at the counter while mixing up cookie dough filled her mind. She could envision his face, his deep brown eyes, and his wide, muscular shoulders.
Her eyes flew open and she gasped, wondering if the romantic feelings she thought she might be developing for Leroy before Jacob died had returned.
Mattie stood and walked to the kitchen, thankful to find it empty. Her parents must have gone out to the porch to sit as they often did on nights when the weather was warm.
She found the basket empty on the counter and the loaf of bread sitting next to it. She slipped the envelope into the basket and then hustled back to her quilt. She needed to release some of her confusing emotions.
As soon as Mattie sat down at the sewing table, she went to work, trying to ignore the longing that had taken hold of her when she read Leroy’s letter.
“Mattie.”
She looked up from the quilt and found Dat standing in the doorway. “Hi.”
“Did you get the basket?” He jammed a thumb in the direction of the kitchen.
“Ya, I did.”
He rested his forearm against the doorframe and paused for a beat. “I remember when Leroy’s daed left his mutter. Leroy was about five, so you must’ve been four.”
She gripped the quilt and held her breath, hoping her father wouldn’t lecture her.
“Leroy’s mamm was devastated.” Dat didn’t seem to notice Mattie’s anxiety. “She never recovered emotionally, and she struggled to be both mutter and daed to Leroy and Joel.”
“I know. Leroy used to talk about his daed’s abandonment when we were kinner. I was the only one he trusted, and he told me how much it hurt his mamm, his bruder, and him when his daed left them. He told me he used to hear his mamm crying at night, and it broke his heart.”
“I remember that. She used to cry at church sometimes. I never understood how his daed could walk away from his family and never look back. It’s not my place to judge him, but I truly can’t comprehend it.”
“I understand.”
“I know you’re grieving for Jacob and Isaiah.” His hazel eyes glimmered in the low light of the lantern sitting on the table by the door. “Your mamm and I are grieving too. We loved Jacob and Isaiah. Your mamm and I are so sorry you’ve been through so much, and we both want to help you through this. There’s only so much we can do, though. We love you and we support you, but you need more than us.” He paused. “Leroy is a gut man. He’s suffered loss in his life too. He lost his daed and mamm, and he also lost Isaiah and Jacob.”
Mattie remained silent while digesting her father’s words.
“I understand you need to take some time, but don’t forget that you have a husband who cares about you.”
“I won’t,” she promised, her voice wobbling. As he turned toward the hallway, she said, “Dat.”
He faced her. “What?”
“I put a letter for Leroy in the basket. Would you please take it to him tomorrow?”
> “Ya, I need to go to the hardware store. I’ll stop by his shop.”
“Danki.” Mattie heaved a deep breath and then returned to sewing.
When she went to sleep on the sofa later that evening, she dreamt of baking cookies with Leroy.
CHAPTER 17
LEROY’S EYES WIDENED, AND A GASP ESCAPED HIS THROAT when Mose Byler stepped out of a van and walked toward the front of the harness shop the following morning. The basket worked! Tillie is a genius!
“Mattie.” He nearly tripped on his way to meet Mose at the door.
“Where’s the fire?” Hank smirked as he stood by the saddle display.
“Mose Byler is here,” Leroy tossed over his shoulder. “I’m going to see if Mattie is with him. I’ll be back.”
“Take your time,” Hank responded.
“Hi, Mose.” Leroy pushed open the door. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” Mose held up the basket. “Mattie asked me to bring this to you.”
“Oh.” Leroy’s excitement deflated. “She didn’t come with you.”
“No.” Mose frowned. “I’m sorry, son.”
“It’s not your fault.” Leroy took the basket from him. “Danki for bringing this over to me.”
“Gern gschehne.” Mose rested his hands on his suspenders. “There’s a letter in the basket for you.”
“She wrote me a letter?” Leroy hated the thread of desperation he heard in his voice.
“Ya. Ruth told me Mattie read your letter and immediately wrote a reply. I think your letter touched her.”
Their short conversation on the porch last night had left him yearning for more time to talk to her. He needed to hear her voice and he needed to encourage her to open up to him. “What do you mean?”
Mose pointed to the basket. “I mean that sending over the basket with the bread, kichlin, and letter was a gut idea.”
“Why was it such a gut idea if she didn’t even come with you to return it to me?” Frustration washed over him.
Two customers looked over at Leroy as they walked past and pulled open the door.
Mose motioned for Leroy to follow him to the corner of the building, away from the entrance to the shop and curious eyes. Leroy followed him with the basket dangling from his hand.
“It was a gut idea because you got her attention. You had left messages, but she didn’t respond to you. But she spoke to you on the porch last night.” Mose tapped the basket lid. “And there’s a letter inside this basket. She’s finally opening up to you. It’s going to take time, but you’re getting through to her.”
Why hadn’t Leroy come to that conclusion on his own?
“I know you’re anxious for Mattie to come home to you,” Mose continued. “I’m certain you’re hurting just as much as Mattie is, but I think you’re doing everything right.”
Leroy sighed. “How long do you think it will take?”
“Well, she’s just as stubborn as her mamm. Ruth made me wait awhile before she would agree to marry me, but as you already know, she eventually came around and told me yes. You just have to have faith that God will work this out.”
“Danki.” He wasn’t certain he agreed with Mose’s positive words. “I appreciate it.”
“Will we see you at church Sunday?”
“Absolutely. Will Mattie be with you?”
“Ya. I’ll make sure she comes with us.”
“Gut.” His insides thrummed with longing. He hoped Mattie would speak to him again. He couldn’t even fathom what the community members would say or think when he and Mattie arrived at church in separate buggies.
He pushed that idea out of his mind. He couldn’t waste any time worrying about what other people thought of his marriage. All he could do was work hard to fix whatever had gone wrong between Mattie and him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Mose shook his hand. “Take care.”
Leroy waited until after Mose’s driver had steered the van onto the main road before opening the basket.
While leaning against the side of the building, he opened the envelope addressed to him and read the letter written in Mattie’s pretty penmanship.
Dear Leroy,
Danki for bringing the letter, bread, and kichlin over to me last night. The bread and kichlin smell so appeditlich. I can’t wait to try them. I’m sure they’ll be fantastic since you are an amazing cook.
It was nice seeing you tonight. I’m sorry I haven’t called you back. To tell you the truth, I was too much of a coward to call you back. As I told you on the porch, I just don’t know what to say to you.
You believe we belong together, but I would be lying if I told you I agree with you. I don’t think we can work this out. Your life is better without me there.
You are a kind, generous, and thoughtful person. I’m sorry for hurting you. I was grieving when I left you, and I still am. No matter what Dr. Sheppard said, I’m responsible for Jacob’s death. As his mutter, it was my job to keep him healthy and alive, and I failed. I failed Jacob and I failed you and Isaiah when I let Jacob die inside of me.
I’m sorry for holding you back, and I’m sorry for disappointing you. I hope you understand. It’s just better if we stay apart.
Sincerely,
Mattie
Leroy’s hand shook as he read and then reread the letter once more. Mattie still wasn’t coming home. How could he get through to her if she’d made up her mind?
He shoved the letter back into the envelope and then strode down the path to Hank’s house. He climbed the back porch steps and knocked on the door.
Tillie appeared, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She tilted her head as she opened her door. “Was iss letz?”
“Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.”
“Of course.” She motioned for him to follow her into the house.
“Mose stopped by,” he explained as they walked through the mudroom and into the kitchen. Then he summarized Mattie’s letter. “I don’t know what to do. I want to work things out, but how can I if she refuses to even consider coming home to me?”
She folded her arms over her apron. “That’s easy.”
“It is? I’ve missed something.”
“What did you send over yesterday?” She pointed to the basket.
“Homemade bread and chocolate chip kichlin. Her favorite.”
She paused, tapping her finger to her lip. “I think you should try something different. Don’t bake for her.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You think I shouldn’t bake for her?”
“No.” Tillie snapped her fingers and grinned. “Make her something personal. Something from your heart that shows her how you feel about her.”
He nodded as ideas swirled through his mind. “That’s a wunderbaar idea.”
“Give the basket and the gift to her tomorrow at church in person. That way she has to talk to you. It would be rude to turn you down if you’re standing right in front of her.”
“And you think it will work?” He cringed at the despair radiating in his voice.
Her smile was smug. “I’m positive it will work. Let me know if you need any help. I’m rooting for you and Mattie.”
“I am too.”
Mattie smoothed her hands over her black dress as she walked beside her mother toward Eva Zook’s house. In keeping with tradition, she would visit with the other women in the congregation before the church service began in the barn. She’d wanted to stay home today, but her parents insisted she join them without even asking her why she wanted to stay home. They couldn’t understand why she needed time alone. They wanted her to just pick up and move on, but it wasn’t that easy.
Biting her lower lip, she continued toward the house as she scanned the groups of men standing by the barn in search of Leroy. Last night she’d lain awake on the sofa, envisioning what she would say to him if he approached her today, and she came up short. She had nothing to say to him since she’d included everything she’d wanted to express to him in her letter.
She hoped she could avoid him, but that would be impossible. Their congregation included only fifty families, and they were bound to see each other at some point.
Mattie followed her mother into the kitchen, where the women stood in a circle and greeted each other. She folded her arms over her middle and glanced around the crowd of familiar faces. She’d grown up in this congregation and considered many of the women members of her extended family.
“Mattie!” Lizanne emerged from the sea of faces and enveloped her into a hug. “How are you, mei liewe?”
“I’m fine.” Mattie held on to her sister. While she trusted Lizanne with her private thoughts, she didn’t want to go into the detail of her emotions in public.
“I wanted to come see you before today, but I’ve been caught up in a few quilt orders. I want to talk to you when we get a moment.” Lizanne seemed to search Mattie’s face and then she lowered her voice. “How are things with Leroy? Have you spoken to him?”
“Well, I—” Her words were cut off when one of her mother’s friends approached.
“Mattie!” Lynn Esh rushed over, her face twisted in a frown. “How are you? You’ve been through so much. You poor thing.” She squeezed Mattie’s hand.
“Oh, Mattie, there you are. How are you?” Eva Zook joined them. “I was wondering if you would come to church today. Ach, you look so tired. You have dark shadows under your eyes.”
“Oh, Mattie.” Mary King walked over and stood by Eva. “I’ve been praying for you. I’m so sorry about Jacob. I can’t imagine how you must feel. How are you feeling?”
As two more women approached, asking how she was in unison, Mattie glanced out the kitchen window toward her father’s buggy. Could she run to it and hide?
She didn’t want their attention or their condolences. She just wanted to go home and hole up by herself on the sofa. But it was too late. Now she had to face her congregation. She cringed as more women joined them.
“Danki for your concern, but let’s give Mattie some space,” Mamm said, taking one of her arms. “She needs some air.”
Lizanne took Mattie’s other arm and they led her to Eva’s family room, where they released her. Thank goodness her mother and sister understood she needed to get away from the attention.