by Unknown
5.00 p.m.
Rupert's going to be so angry when he finds out what I've just done. I've broken the very first commandment of Ex-Files. I've called my ex.
Yes, I rang Luc.
He answered right away. And I couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to him. He didn't sound at all apprehensive and wary as he had done last time, either. No, he was positively friendly, asked me how I was, as if he really cared.
Although my insides felt as if they'd just been scooped up, I carried on talking to him in the falsely cheerful tones I'd assumed for Andrea. And I kept everything very light. Then I told him about my afternoon visit to Andrea (although I'm pretty certain he knew about that already) and said how good it was to catch up.
After which I mentioned how Andrea had said the three of us should get together… with Rupert.
‘Who's Rupert?’ he demanded. Did his voice crack just a little bit now? Or was I imagining it? No, he's jealous all right, I thought, with a great surge of joy.
‘Oh, Rupert's just a special friend,’ I said airily, knowing that would inflame his jealousy all the more. I can be scheming when I have to be.
Then I continued, ‘Before the four of us meet up I thought it might be good if you and me get together, just to clear the air… like Andrea and me have done today.’
Only a slight hesitation before he said, ‘Yes, all right.’
‘How about meeting up at Pizza Paradiso tomorrow?’ I suggested.
A longer pause now. That was our special eating place – Luc's and mine. We had our first-ever date there. And our last.
‘Or maybe you've gone off pizza?’ I asked, with a little laugh in my voice.
‘No, no,’ he said, laughing faintly too. ‘OK, Bella, we'll meet there tomorrow… How about seven o'clock?’
It was all arranged. I was beyond happy.
Then my mobile rang again. I was so afraid it might be Luc cancelling.
But it was Rupert.
He sounded anxious. ‘How are you?’
‘I'm great,’ I cried.
‘You left me a message…’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘I'm so sorry but it was a false alarm.’ Then I let out a huge sigh of relief.
Hated, hated, hated lying to Rupert! Felt as if I'd really let him down. But you see, when I saw that photo this afternoon the bottom just fell out of everything. Call it a relapse if you like. But I realized something too – that being with Luc really was the best time of my life. And that's not what Rupert would call ‘a treacherous flashback’. It's quite simply the truth. I never felt so alive as I did during those months with Luc. And none of Rupert's rules can conjure that memory away. Now I've got a chance to see Luc again – and maybe get him back. And I can't let anyone – not even Rupert – stand in the way of that, can I?
PART FOUR
Fully Cured?
BELLA
Chapter 16
FRIDAY 28 AUGUST
9.45 p.m.
I received the shock of my life tonight.
I was waiting for Luc in Pizza Paradiso and seven o'clock had come and gone. He was late. Not a good sign. Was he going to ring up and cancel? Or how about if he turned up with Andrea on his arm?
No, Luc wouldn't do that to me. And I remembered he wasn't especially punctual when we went out together. I was usually waiting for him. I told myself to be more laid-back and stop watching the door. So I looked away for a good nine seconds. Then I spotted Rupert walking in.
I was stunned. What on earth was he doing here? That might seem a rather daft question, but somehow I only ever picture him sitting in the Copper Kettle. It was quite odd seeing him outside his normal environment. Still, why shouldn't he eat pizza? I wondered who he was meeting here: Juliette? Another girl? I even felt a tiny pang. Still, the main thing was he mustn't see me here with Luc. That would be totally disastrous. I held the menu up in front of my face. I kept it there for what seemed like centuries.
Surely Rupert must have sat down by now. I slowly lowered my menu… to see Rupert grinning at me. I was so horrified I forgot to breathe for a moment.
‘Well, fancy seeing you here.’ He sounded very jaunty.
‘Yes, fancy,’ I gasped. ‘Are you, er… meeting someone here?’
‘I certainly am… Looking forward to a great evening.’
‘Oh good,’ I said uncertainly. Then I watched Rupert sit down opposite me.
‘Now, I hear you're something of a pizza connoisseur, so what would you recommend? Looking for something a bit adventurous…’
I could only gape at him. Finally, I asked in a small voice, ‘What's going on, Rupert?’
‘You mean, why isn't Luc here?’ he said easily.
I lowered my head in deep embarrassment. I felt like a child who's just been discovered cheating.
‘Well, he couldn't make it,’ said Rupert, ‘so I've come along as his understudy… Anyway, you were going to tell me which pizza to have.’
‘Rupert,’ I said, ‘I still don't understand what you're doing here.’
His voice became very gentle. ‘You've started having bad flashbacks, haven't you? The kind that just take you over. And meanwhile, hope is eating away at you like a worm in an apple. I sensed something was wrong the last time we spoke, so I set my investigators on to it, said it was urgent. They didn't let me down. Worked flat-out on this one and somehow they got wind of this get-together. By the way, I've called Luc and said you couldn't make it.’
I let out an angry gasp, more like a hiss. ‘You had absolutely no right to do that.’
‘I had every right,’ he said calmly. ‘I mean, what would you think of a doctor who let his patient roam the streets with a raging fever? You'd think he was a pretty poor doctor, wouldn't you?’ He leaned forward. ‘You're not yourself right now, Bella. You need protecting.’
‘No, I don't,’ I cried. ‘I'd just arranged to meet Luc very informally to clear the air, that's all.’
Rupert didn't answer but he looked straight at me, taking in how dressed up I was and how much effort I'd made for tonight. Then he said, ‘Enough of that, we've got an important decision… Which pizza are we having?'
‘I can't eat anything now,’ I cried.
‘Why ever not? Am I such rotten company?’ At this moment a waitress came over. Rupert beamed at her and ordered for both of us – for me he selected my favourite topping. How on earth did he know that?
‘What did Luc say when you told him I couldn't make it?’ I asked.
‘Not much.’
‘He must think it's so odd.’
‘Not bothered about him right now,’ said Rupert. ‘You're the one in my care and I'm saying to you, no contact with him for at least a week.’
‘And then?’
‘Then the worst should be over… Relapses have usually burned themselves out after that.’
‘You've got it all worked out, haven't you?’ I said irritably.
‘I know exactly what's happening to you,’ he said. ‘I recognize all the symptoms… That's why I had to take charge tonight.’
Part of me really liked the idea of him riding to my rescue when he thought I was in danger, but another part felt humiliated and insulted. He had no right to do what he did tonight.
‘Before you called Luc,’ I said, ‘you should have got my permission. Just because I'm in the Ex-Files doesn't mean I'm one of your puppets.’
He sat back in his chair, and said quietly, ‘I had to act fast to stop you making a catastrophic mistake.’
‘It might not have been a catastrophic mistake,’ I replied, equally quietly.
He didn't answer. Suddenly, he seemed subdued, even defeated. Well, good, he'd gone too far tonight. I sat there, unsmiling, hardly eating anything. Neither did he, even muttering at one point, ‘Now I know why I haven't had a pizza for ages.’ The atmosphere was the most strained it had ever been between us. He tried to make conversation. But he had to hack every word out of me.
He drove me home in silence, too. As we rea
ched my house he said, ‘You'll have some more flashbacks… don't trust them. And whatever you do, don't ring Luc –’
‘For at least a week,’ I interrupted. I was getting so weary of being told what to do all the time.
‘And don't let your guard down for a second.’ He said this the way a doctor might tell you to take some tablets twice daily. I felt a little glow of pleasure that I was being looked after.
But the glow faded very quickly. All I could think of was my missed chance with Luc. And I let out this loud, ugly sigh, just the way girls at school do when they think a teacher's being unfair.
I burst out, ‘I can't tell you how upset I am by what you did tonight… I'll tell you something else. I think you're wrong about hope; it's not always bad. And without it, life's just so totally futile… which is exactly how mine feels now.’
Rupert turned and looked at me with such a pained, miserable expression on his face – and you really can't see a person look like that without your heart going out to him – that I was about to say something a bit softer when he broke out in a defeated whisper, ‘Look, if you want to turn your life into a disaster movie, I can't stop you.’
‘Thanks so much for your permission,’ I cried. Then I slammed the car door shut and Rupert drove away so fast, one my neighbours came to the front door.
I know Rupert was highly disappointed in me tonight. And I hated him being disappointed. I want to please him so much. But he was in the wrong, not me. There's a big difference between looking out for someone and bossing them around as if they're three years old. And as for him calling Luc, I still can't believe Rupert did that. No wonder I feel cheated and very angry.
Chapter 17
FRIDAY 28 AUGUST
9.30 a.m.
I dreamed I was back with Luc. We were just walking through the town together. I don't know where we were going. Didn't really matter. And it was so easy and natural between us, as if the last five and a half weeks hadn't happened.
When I woke up, for a few crazy moments I even thought I really was with Luc again. It had felt that real.
Then came that awful thud of disappointment as I realized the truth.
There's no doubt about it, I'm having the big relapse. But does that mean my judgement is now shot to pieces? I honestly don't think it does. Also, I believe Luc really wanted to meet me last night.
Should I call him again to reschedule? No, it'd be much, much better if he rang me. So I'll wait until this evening. Don't want to appear too eager. And I've got a strong feeling Luc will be in touch soon.
7.00 p.m.
The evening took its first dramatic turn at around half past five.
That's when, out of nowhere, a massive thunderstorm came rushing up. Dad and I stood watching it, fascinated. We've always done that. I remember when I was about four or five gazing outside at the lightning streaking across the night sky with Dad's arm around me – and wanting the storm to go on and on. And, funnily enough, Mum, who was so bold and confident, absolutely hated storms. Dad loved to tease her. I nearly said something about that but Dad always goes very quiet when I speak about Mum now. So I didn't.
After the storm had finished, Dad carried on looking outside. He was waiting for Gloria. She was turning up in a taxi today. The second the taxi rolled up, Dad shot out with an umbrella. They splodged back into the house. Dad was driving them into London to see a play. (He had invited me as well, but I'd declined.)
Then the phone went for Dad and he was out of the room, leaving Gloria and me alone.
Gloria was sprawled out on the sofa, as fantastically self-confident as ever. I was sitting on the edge of a chair, with Tilly squirming about in my arms. You would think Gloria was the person who lived here and I was her guest.
‘Well, how are you?’ she asked. She was trying to act interested, pretending to be my mother. A shudder ran through me. I never, ever want her to be that. ‘You're making more of an effort with yourself now, aren't you? Your hair certainly looks better these days.’
‘Thank you,’ I murmured. Silence fell. I was aware that Gloria's eyes were fixed on me as if she wanted to say something else. I shifted about uncomfortably. What was she going to say?
Then, to my surprise, she got up and stood over Tilly and me. She placed one of her beautifully manicured hands on top of mine. ‘It's not easy, but you'll make it, you know,’ she whispered. Dad had stopped talking about Luc weeks ago. He thought it was all over. But somehow, Gloria, of all people, had sensed I was still struggling.
Then Dad was back and there was more fussing about with umbrellas as he escorted her outside, and she settled herself in the car like some old-time movie star. But for one brief moment there she'd seemed almost human. I was very shocked.
A few minutes after Dad and Gloria had left the doorbell rang. I thought, Dad's probably forgotten something. I even wondered if it might be Rupert but I never expected…
They were both on my doorstep – Andrea and Luc. I reeled back in surprise. Andrea smiled at me. I think she was quite enjoying the impact of her visit.
‘Have we called at a bad moment?’ Drops of rain dripped off her nose but she still looked extremely attractive, I regret to say. Beside her, holding a soaking wet umbrella was Luc, looking at me with that open, soulful gaze which had so captivated me when I first met him.
‘No, you haven't called at a bad moment at all. In fact, Dad's just gone out with Gloria (Andrea knew all about her and we even exchanged a little look). Do you want to come in?’
It seemed they did. We all trooped into the kitchen while Tilly tore around them excitedly. ‘Someone's glad to see us,’ said Andrea. Actually, it was Luc that Tilly was mainly pleased to see – he was a great favourite of hers as he usually played with her. I made coffee and hot chocolate for Luc (he always liked this best). Andrea marched around the kitchen, while Luc leaned against the door. Once I caught his eye; he smiled conspiratorially.
‘It was so great meeting up with you on Wednesday,’ Andrea said.
‘Yes, it was,’ I replied, lying to my back teeth. I kept sneaking more glances at Luc and getting little tingles of excitement every time. He was here in my house again. All right, he was being chaperoned by Andrea but still he was back where he belonged… with me.
‘We called by,’ went on Andrea, ‘because we were worried about you.’
‘About me?’
‘Yeah, well you were supposed to meet up with Luc last night, weren't you?’ I gave a little start that she knew about that and wondered who else he'd told. ‘Only then Luc got a phone call, didn't you?’
She looked at Luc as if to say this is your cue to carry on the story. And he said very softly. ‘A boy rang me, called Rupert. He said you couldn't make it tonight and I wasn't to bother you either. He sounded dead stern and fierce, like he was your dad or something.’ He smiled suddenly – one of his puppyish grins.
‘Obviously a very possessive boyfriend,’ cut in Andrea, with a knowing smile.
But I hardly saw her. I was too busy noticing Luc; his smile had vanished and now he was looking genuinely concerned. I said, ‘I'm afraid Rupert can be a bit over-possessive – especially when I'm having a meal with an ex-boyfriend.’
‘I told you it was something like that,’ said Andrea.
‘He just seemed very controlling,’ said Luc, ‘and I didn't like that.’
‘I'm sure Bella can handle him, can't you?’ said Andrea.
‘Oh yes,’ I agreed.
‘Are you seeing him tonight?’ she asked.
‘No, not tonight – probably tomorrow.’
Andrea nodded. ‘Well, I'm afraid I've got to go – a boring tea with my uncle and aunt from Canada but they're only here for a few more days and if I'm late I'll never hear the end of it.’ Then she added unexpectedly, ‘But you don't need to rush away, Luc… You stay and chat with Bella – if that's all right with you?’ She flashed me a questioning look.
‘Yes, of course,’ I said slowly. What was Andrea up to now? W
as she being nice, giving Luc and me a chance to chat undisturbed? Or was this a little demonstration of her complete power? She was so confident she could leave Luc with me without a moment's concern.
It was all rather odd, but exciting as well. For here was my chance to be reconciled with Luc, handed to me on a plate by Andrea, of all people.
After she'd gone, Luc and I looked at each other very cautiously. We might have been two strangers meeting for the very first time. But I was all knotted up inside and I sensed Luc was too. Did he know Andrea was going to leave us alone?
He bent down and patted Tilly. And then he looked up and smiled at me again. He's got one of those smiles which warm you instantly, and makes him look so cheeky and attractive. People talk about charm: well, that's something Luc has in spades. He can pull you towards him with a look or a glance. And, unlike so many other boys, he never seems to put on an act. He'll just glide shyly into view – no posturing at all - and somehow you can't tear your eyes off from him.
I swallowed nervously, and then said, ‘It's so strange seeing you again.’
‘I've missed…’ I think he was going to say, ‘you’ but was too embarrassed and instead just waved his hands around the kitchen.
‘You've missed my kitchen,’ I smiled teasingly.
He grinned. ‘Yes, that's it. I haven't missed you at all, just your kitchen.’
‘Well, I'm sure Dad will let you drop in and visit it any time you want.’
It was a silly, self-mocking conversation, just as we'd had so many times before. But right now it seemed the most precious thing in the world.
‘Still, you've settled into a different kitchen now, haven't you?’ I said lightly.
He lowered his voice. ‘Feel bad… very bad about how it ended.’
‘Snap.’
‘You couldn't feel worse than me,’ he said.
‘I bet I could,’ I replied hotly.
‘I nearly rang you so many times.’
‘Did you?’ I asked sceptically.