Excess Baggage

by Laura Barnard

  I’ve been trying to bring it up for the last few months, but he seems oblivious to it and I feel too awful to dump him. Instead I’ve been doing the really douchey guy thing of treating him badly, hoping he’ll dump me. I’m such a chicken shit.

  ‘That might be true,’ Alice agrees, ‘but let’s be honest. You’ve never been that into him. It’s obvious for anyone to see.’

  I sigh, a wretched guilt settling deep within my stomach. ‘I know, but how on earth can I dump him just when my Mum’s at the end of her chemo? After he’s been there for me. He’s done absolutely nothing wrong. It’s not his fault.’

  ‘I think he’s sweet,’ Molly says, her forehead furrowed.

  ‘But if she doesn’t feel it in her lady parts there’s no point,’ Brooke snaps, matter of factly.

  If it was up to that I would never have gone on a second date with him.

  I can sense Evelyn staring at me, but I’m trying to avoid it. It’s like I can feel her eyes on me like hot laser beams. She’s really pissing me off. Why can’t she just be excited and giggly like Molly? Or straight-laced, asking loads of questions like Alice. Not all judging. My irritation begins to spike and before I know it I’m barely able to conceal my rage towards her.

  ‘Go on then, say it!’ I bark, shocking the other girls into silence. ‘Say what you’re gagging to say.’

  She leans back in her sunlounger, sipping on her colourful cocktail. ‘What exactly do you want me to say?’ she asks, as cool as a cucumber. Gosh almighty, she’s infuriating.

  ‘What do you think she should do about Karl?’ Alice asks, chewing on a straw.

  Evelyn rolls her eyes. ‘The question we should be asking is if we’d even be having this conversation if Jack hadn’t just walked into the hotel.’

  Urgh, I hate when she’s so cocky! You see Evelyn and I go way back. We’ve been besties since primary school and because of that she knows everything about me. She’s been through all the highs and the lows. The lows are the problem with this case. She’s remembering how I was when it all went to shit with Jack. How I would pretend I was okay at school, only to go home and cry myself to sleep while watching Sleepless in Seattle. God, I love that movie.

  But she has no reason to tell me what to do. Whatever I want to do it’s my life and she needs to realise that. Am I excited and ridiculously giddy over seeing him again? Of course! Any normal human being would be. Am I going to jump into bed with him again? No! I have a boyfriend. Yeah, I might be planning on dumping him when I get home, but I’m still currently attached and I abhor cheating.

  I won’t be sleeping with him. Well...Maybe not. Oh, who could guess at this stage. All I know is that the butterflies that have been lying dormant in my stomach have come back to life, flying around screaming ‘He’s here! He’s here!’

  ‘I know you’re going to say that I shouldn’t go near him. He’s just an arrogant bastard that enjoys me as a little plaything. Isn’t that what you used to say to me?’ I fold my arms across my chest defensively, as if this can shield me from her expected bitchy retort.

  Alice and Brooke lean in, intrigued as to how this is going to go down. If they had the option of popcorn they’d be shamelessly munching on it.

  Evelyn sighs, placing her drink on the side table and throwing her sunglasses on. She tilts her head up to the sun, completely unbothered by me, which I find even more maddening.

  ‘Do whatever you want,’ she says nonchalantly. ‘Just don’t come crying to me when it all blows up in your face.’

  Ugh, I fucking hate that about Evelyn! Hello! Friends are supposed to be there for you when you do stupid stuff. Not to just judge you and say I told you so. I have my mother for that.

  ‘Whatever,’ I snort.

  Yeah, good come-back Erica. Oh, good Lord, I really wish I was better in the moment. I bet I’ll have loads of come-backs in an hour or so.

  ‘Anyway,’ I turn back to the girls. ‘Let’s go get ready.’

  Chapter Three

  Erica

  Two hours later we’re all done up to the nines. I look into the full-length mirror in mine and Brooke’s hotel room, which has become the unofficial getting ready room, and nod my approval. My blonde highlights have grown out enough so that it can pass as trendy ombre hair. I’ve tousled it to perfection and I’ve added a small discreet plait in each side—very boho chic.

  I’m wearing my long, navy blue, maxi dress with an embellished sweetheart neckline. It’s almost completely backless so I have to go bra-less, but I get a thrill knowing these days I can. Years ago, when he knew me I just had bee stings. I had to wear a bra just to get some kind of shape. Now I have some rocking C-cups and I’m eager to show them off.

  I’ve finished my outfit off with a few bangle bracelets, dangly earrings, and my wedge sandals. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I know I look good.

  Not that the others don’t. They all look amazing. Evelyn’s in a classy, satin, black dress that hugs her hourglass figure beautifully and hangs down to just below her knee. Alice is wearing a royal blue, halter-neck dress with white spots—very rockabilly—while Molly is in a hot pink, lace mini skirt with a satin, flowery blouse. She’s so adorable; she could pass for a Barbie doll.

  Brooke walks in from the bathroom wearing a bright red, skin-tight dress, showing off almost all of her breasts and barely covering her vagina. She’s never one to shy away from showing her body. And why the hell should she? For someone that lives off McDonalds she looks amazing.

  We exit the elevator and walk towards the all-inclusive bar in our luxury hotel. Thank heavens for the last minute deal we got otherwise there’s no way we’d have been able to afford it. I wonder what Jack does to be able to afford a place like this.

  I’ve never felt so nervous in all my life. My mouth is as dry as the Sahara and my hands are shaking uncontrollably. I try to tell myself to calm down, but it’s no use.

  This is the first guy I ever loved.

  The one that got away.

  The one I constantly think about, even though I’d never admit it to any of my friends.

  I spot him before he sees me, my heart jumping up and down in happiness. Calm down, you stupid thing. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

  Slowly, he turns and sees me. His eyes light up and he smiles lazily. Oh crap, not the lazy smile. My stomach starts bubbling with excitement. That smile used to get me every fucking time and my mind and body remembers.

  I grin back, but must misstep. Before I know what’s happened, I’ve stood on the front of my dress. I put my other foot out to steady myself but it only drags the dress down further. Oh crap. I’m going down.

  I land face down, my hands only managing to break the fall slightly against the hard marbled floor. My nose still throbs in agony. Fuck, that hurts. I pull my head up, wishing I could just press an ejector button like on one of those aeroplanes. Why do I always fall?

  Brooke’s wetting herself laughing while everyone else offers a helping hand. Jack pushes them aside to offer me his. He must have rushed straight over. My hero. I tremble, taking his hand in mine. It’s so warm and inviting. I want to press it against my cheek.

  ‘You always knew how to make an entrance.’ He grins affectionately.

  ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I did that!’ I grimace, covering my face with my hands so I can try and block out everyone staring at me. From the aching, I’d say my nose is starting to swell at a rapid speed.

  He grabs my wrists and attempts to pull them down from my face. ‘Eric.’ I open my eyes to find his face close to mine. ‘Ignore them. It’s over. Come have a drink with us.’

  ‘O..okay,’ I croak, letting him lead me towards the bar. Blimey, why am I having trouble breathing? Did it suddenly get hard to breathe in here?

  The feelings I’m having towards him are already bordering on obsessive. I shouldn’t be going anywhere near him. Nothing good can come from this. I force myself to sit down regardless. He smiles to the girls before turni
ng to the barman.

  ‘Can we have some ice please?’ he asks him, looking at my face in alarm. Jeez, I really hope it’s not swelled too big. My nose is already large enough. ‘Just like the first time we met,’ he says, placing the given ice into a tea towel and pressing it against my nose.

  I think back to our first official meeting at the caravan park. His brother had just knocked me down with his Frisbee so he took me to get some ice on it. I realise now why it’s called an ice breaker.

  ‘Shit, are you okay?’

  I couldn’t believe it was the gorgeous boy from breakfast looking down at me.

  ‘Err....what happened?’ I mumbled. Even my voice sounded weird as I clutched my head.

  ‘My idiot brother hit you with the Frisbee. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?’

  I forced myself to sit up. He helped, clutching my arm for support.

  ‘Define okay?’ I joked, immediately wincing at the pain of attempting to laugh.

  He pulled my fringe back from my forehead, his eyebrows creased in concern.

  ‘I think you need to get some ice on it. Our caravan’s all the way by the lake. Come into the clubhouse and we’ll see if we can get you some ice.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ I mumbled. What a first meeting.

  ‘Of course, It’s the least I could do. If you play your cards right I might even buy you an ice lolly.’

  I grinned. ‘Well how could I refuse that?’

  We walked in comfortable silence towards the clubhouse. I tried my best not to cry or act like a baby, but my head was throbbing.

  ‘Where’s your caravan then?’ he asked as we walked. ‘Do you want me to get your mum or anything?’

  ‘Oh, please, no!’ I shrieked a bit too quickly. He raised his eyebrows in confusion. ‘Sorry, it’s just...I think her and my dad are...er...unpacking.’ They were having sex. I had the only parents in the world who still insisted on doing it.

  He narrowed his eyebrows at me, the hint of a smirk on his lips. His plump, perfect, pink lips.

  ‘But we’re number 39 I think.’

  His eyes lit up. ‘No way! We’re in number 40.’

  I was so pleased. I could stalk him as much as I liked.

  He took me into the bar and asked the barman for some frozen peas.

  ‘So how old are you?’ he asked out of nowhere. A bit random.

  ‘I’m fifteen. What about you?’

  He smiled, and it was like the sun had just come out. ‘Sixteen. I’m glad I’m not the only teenager here. Everyone else seems to be twelve and under.’

  Wait, did he think I was twelve?

  He took the frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel from the barman. ‘This may hurt a little, okay?’

  I nodded. Any excuse to gaze into those beautiful eyes. They were a strange colour. A mix between hazel and green. Almost a grey, but not. Weird, but stunning.

  He placed the bag onto the side of my head. I grimaced from the cold sting.

  He grinned. ‘I told you.’ He held it there for a while, staring back into my eyes. I looked down, embarrassed by the intensity. I tried to act normal, but it was like I was breathing too heavily. I tried to slow it down, but then it felt like I might pass out from lack of oxygen.

  When I looked back up he was still staring at me, a whole lot of potential trouble behind those eyes. ‘So...what ice lolly are you going for?

  I quickly attempt to pull myself back into the present day and realise I haven’t introduced anyone.

  ‘Oh, these are my girls,’ I explain, desperate to escape the intense memories. I smile towards his guys. ‘You met Brooke.’ She winks cheekily making me laugh. ‘And Jack, you’ll remember Evelyn.’ He nods, biting his lip as he smiles at her.

  She smiles tightly at him, warning in her eyes. Holy crap, I wish she wouldn’t remember EVERYTHING! If I’m fine with this she should be too. Why can’t she just support me?

  ‘And this is Molly.’ She flicks her short blonde hair behind her and smiles brightly. When I say brightly I mean Molly is so cute and loveable that it’s like sun beams actually shine from her eyes. No-one ever meets her and doesn’t like her. Although they always seem to be shocked when they find out she’s a lesbian. I think they expect all lesbians to be thick necked girls in Doctor Martins with a tattoo on their neck. Idiots.

  ‘And Alice.’ She purses her red lips into a tight smile, her porcelain skin shimmering in the light. I notice Nicholas eyeing up the tattoos on her arms. That might be a match there.

  ‘Nicholas, Tom, Charlie,’ Jack says nodding round at his lads. ‘Anyway, now that we’ve got the awkward introductions out of the way...shots?’

  ‘Hell, yeah!’ Brooke cheers, calling over the barman.

  Jack pulls me slightly away from the others so our bar stools are next to each other.

  ‘So...this is weird, right?’ he whispers, running his hand through his hair. Christ on a pogo stick, I want to do that.

  I cringe and nod, placing the ice back down on the bar, my face feeling better. ‘A little. I mean, what are the odds of us meeting up again?’

  ‘Slim. Definitely slim,’ he nods with a mischievous smile. ‘I thought I’d never see you again.’

  ‘Me too.’ I don’t want to tell him I tried to look him up on Facebook one time but didn’t know his last name. That’s the thing nowadays. You don’t even ask for a number, you ask if they’re on Facebook.

  ‘So...’ he claps his hands together. ‘How do we catch up on the last fifteen years?’

  Shit, I could do without telling him about Karl. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t want him to know.

  I roll my eyes. ‘Let’s just skip all that bullshit, shall we? What we do for a living, what we’re up to. Why don’t we just do some shots and reminisce?’

  ‘Sounds good to me.’ He leans over to the barman. ‘More shots please.’

  I don’t know how it happens but after a few hours of us talking exclusively to each other someone suggests we go to a nearby bar. I’m glad for the change of scenery to be honest. We’ve gone over how we met and funny things that happened, but we’ve left out any horny details. That, and the reason why we stopped talking.

  As we walk towards the bar I can feel the heat of his hand near mine. It’s so close I could just move my finger an inch and touch him. And boy do I want to touch him. I might even want to strip him naked and slowly stroke all of him with a feather duster. Instead I ignore it and smile shyly every time he looks at me.

  The resort of Luna Island has remained non-commercialised for years—most people choosing to come to experience the culture and uninterrupted sunshine. I suppose that explains the oldies. Because of that it’s only a short walk until we’re at the one bar on their small rustic high street.

  As soon as we arrive I make a point of getting a cocktail to try to steady my nerves. This place is so random. Painted purple, with red leather stools, and a large wooden dance floor, it could pass more as a run-down strip club than a bar.

  Jack’s phone flashes up with an ‘Amber’ calling. It vibrates along the sticky wooden bar. He quickly dismisses it. A flush of jealously comes over me, my fists clenching.

  Is that his girlfriend? Is that the same Amber “friend” that I was jealous of all those years ago? How the hell can he be flirting with me when he’s got a girlfriend back home? Is he even flirting? Is he just being friendly and because of my obsession I’m reading way too much into it?

  Then I realise what a massive hypocrite I am. Even if Amber is his girlfriend, here I am flirting away without a second thought of Karl. I need to stay away from him. He makes me stupid.

  Hypnotize by The Notorious B.I.G. starts blasting out of the speakers. Damn, I love this song! I hit the dance floor with the girls. I want to show him that I’m not going to be fawning all over him during this holiday. Which, you know, I kind of want to do.

  I’m conscious of him watching me the entire time so I put a bit more of a sashay into my steps as Brooke dances up against me. Bless her, she
dances like a crack-whore stripper desperate for her next hit.

  When a group of local creeps come over and start being letchy with us, instead of ignoring them I chat back. I know it’s pathetic, but I want to make him jealous. I want to make him so bloody jealous it pains him not to be able to touch me. I want to make him want me even half as much as I want him. I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I fantasized about seeing him in this exact situation, when I’m looking this good and showing him what he missed out on by being a dick.

  The creeps only speak Spanish so I can’t make out what they’re saying, but I notice some key words like “sexy” and “apartment”. Yeah, I don’t think so buddy. I grab Brooke and make my way back over to the boys.

  I smile at Jack, but he seems weird. On closer inspection, his eyes are glassy and his grin lopsided. He’s totally bloody shit faced. Crap. That wasn’t my plan at all. Since when did he become such a lightweight?

  ‘Erica,’ he slurs when he sees me. ‘You’re so beautiful.’

  My mouth drops open. Wow. He’s never said anything that nice to me before. Brooke raises her eyebrows at me in amusement.

  ‘Thanks,’ I fake gush. ‘You know, I totally wash my face twice a day. It’s my secret.’ I laugh at my own joke. Maybe I’m a little drunk too.

  He cracks up, his laugh like bubbling chocolate to my ear drums.

  ‘And you’re so fucking funny. You were always so funny.’

  Charlie looks at me with raised eyebrows. He pats Jack on the back. ‘Alright champ. I think it’s time we got you home. Don’t you?’

  ‘I’m fwine here,’ he slurs. He looks up to me with smitten eyes. ‘Wherever Erica is, that’s where I want to be.’ He takes my hand in his. Crap, it’s warm. I imagine what it feels like stroking itself lazily over my body. Then he belches loudly. Wow. Romantic.

  He won’t let go of my hand. Charlie rolls his eyes at me. ‘Do you mind helping me get him home?’