A Home for Hannah

by Amy Lillard

  Just another reason to leave. And soon.

  * * *

  Joshua’s team won, and Brandon spent the next hour sitting by himself on a milk crate he found in the back of the buggy. Chalk this one up to “lesson learned.”

  And as if sitting by himself wasn’t enough, he could feel their eyes on him. The guys seemed to glare. Brandon supposed Ray had told them all that he was trying to hit on his sister. It would do no good to explain that she had come up to him first. They would believe what they wanted to believe. He had learned that the hard way when his dad died.

  On the other hand, the girls seemed to take turns staring at him, talking among themselves and giggling behind their hands. There was no way he was the only Englisher they had ever seen. He knew for a fact the Amish went into town and shopped at Walmart like everyone else. But he supposed that he might be the only non-Amish to come to one of these get-togethers. Never again.

  The game ended in a tie, and they wanted to play a tiebreaker. Brandon figured everyone was having such a good time that no one was ready to go home. Everyone but him.

  He was going to wait by the buggy. Surely they couldn’t play much longer, and the stares were beginning to get on his nerves. If he knew the way home, he would walk it. But he hadn’t been paying close enough attention on the drive over.

  He stood and picked up the milk crate, motioning toward the buggies to tell Joshua where he was going.

  His cousin gave a nod and turned his attention back to the game.

  “I’m sorry about my brother.” Suddenly, Katy Ann was there again. How she snuck up on him, Brandon didn’t know. He was sitting all by himself with not one Amish person around. He should have seen her coming, because everyone else did. He could feel all eyes on the two of them.

  “No big.” He gave a quick shrug and moved as if to walk away.

  “It’s not okay.” She stopped him with one hand on his arm.

  He looked down at her fingers.

  She jerked them away. “I’m sorry. I just—” She shook her head.

  “You better do what your brother says. I don’t want any trouble.” He’d already had enough of that.

  “It’s not like he’s going to come fight you.”

  “I don’t want any trouble,” he repeated. Maybe he should head on down the road and let Joshua catch up with him once the game was over.

  “Talking isn’t hurting anyone, and I’m tired of my brother bossing me around.”

  “I’m sure you are, but I’m not getting in the middle of this.”

  “You already are.” Ray spoke from behind him.

  Great. Just great.

  Brandon turned, preparing to be decked in the face regardless of the rumor that Amish were pacifists. Not everything floating around was true, that much he knew for certain. “I was just leaving,” he said.

  To his left, the volleyball game had stopped. He wasn’t sure if it was over, or if they were taking a break to see how this was going to turn out. He figured it was the second one, considering that everyone was standing stock-still and watching them like the latest blockbuster movie.

  “Jah. You’re not wanted here.”

  His tone alone raised the hair on the back of Brandon’s neck, but the last thing he wanted was a fight. He took one step back and toward the buggy.

  “Even if your dat is Amish.”

  “Ray,” Katy Ann protested.

  “Stay out of this, Kate.” He spoke to his sister, but he didn’t take his gaze from Brandon.

  Brandon rolled his eyes. “My dat isn’t Amish.”

  “Shows what you know. I heard some people talking. Seems everyone’s saying that Aaron Zook is your dat.”

  Aaron Zook? Wasn’t that his mom’s friend? “Mitchell Alan McLean was my dad.” He turned to leave. He needed to get out of there before he busted a gasket.

  “You keep telling yourself that,” Ray sneered.

  Do not turn around. Just keep walking. Stiff-legged, Brandon made his way to Joshua’s buggy and started to climb in. After all that, Joshua would want to leave as well. He hadn’t meant to, but he had embarrassed his cousin all the same.

  “Hey,” Joshua called. “Over here.”

  Okay, so he wasn’t at the right buggy. How was he supposed to tell them apart? They all looked just alike.

  He stomped over to where his cousin stood. “Can you believe that guy?” Brandon pulled himself into the buggy and settled in for the ride home. But his skin itched. He wanted to go back and tell that guy off but good. Who did he think he was, talking to Brandon like that? It wasn’t like he had done anything to the guy.

  “Ray’s a little protective of Katy Ann,” Joshua said as he pulled the buggy out onto the main road.

  “You think?”

  “He’s always been like that. A little hotheaded.”

  “I was just talking to her.” He shook his head. “And she came up to me first. Both times.”

  “Jah. She likes to rile him up.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Joshua took his gaze from the road for a moment. “If she can get him to act up at an event, then she’ll get to come to the next one by herself.”

  “Now I’m really confused.”

  “It’s simple, really. She gets him upset, and he makes a fool of himself. His parents ground him, and she gets to come alone.”

  “And that way she can talk to boys without him around.” Now he saw what had happened. He’d been used. Straight up.

  “You got it.”

  “But why would he say those other things?”

  Joshua coughed. “What things?”

  “About my dad. Was he trying to get me to hit him? I don’t understand.”

  “Who knows?” But something in his tone had Brandon studying his profile.

  “Who would tell him such a thing?” And why were they even talking about it? No. It all had to be lies, straight from Ray’s imagination.

  “Maybe you should talk to your mother about it.” Joshua’s gaze stayed glued to the front.

  “Talk to my mother?” He shook his head. Why would he want to do that? Ask her about a bunch of lies?

  Unless they weren’t lies.

  His stomach pitched like he’d gone over the top of a steep roller coaster. “Are you telling me that what he said was true?”

  “No.”

  But the one word didn’t make Brandon feel any better. “What are you saying?”

  “You might should talk to your mother.”

  “I don’t want to talk to my mother.” It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. If Aaron was his father, then that meant she was already pregnant when she got married to his dad—er, Mitch. He didn’t have to grow up in Amish Land to know that sex before marriage was a no-no. He didn’t want to accuse his mother of such things. Plus he would be calling her a liar. “Pull over.”

  “Brandon.”

  “Pull over!”

  Joshua sighed, but did as Brandon demanded. Once the carriage had stopped, Brandon turned to his cousin. “Have people been saying this about me and my mom?”

  His cousin’s gaze flicked away, then settled on his own lap. “Jah.”

  Just because they were talking didn’t mean it was true. And just because it was a rumor didn’t make it a lie.

  “Who did you hear it from?”

  “My mamm and dat.”

  The words dropped like a bag of manure between them. “Your mom and dad? Anna and Jim?”

  Joshua nodded.

  And if they were talking . . . It wasn’t like strangers or people who barely knew them. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t know.

  “Take me home.”

  * * *

  The front door slammed. “Mom!” Brandon hollered from the front room, his voice getting louder as he moved toward the kitchen.

  “In here,” she called in return. She had promised her mother that she would wash the jars for tomorrow’s canning session. They had more tomatoes than they knew what to do with. More tha
n even the Englisch visitors would want.

  He stormed into the room, eyes blazing and cheeks ruddy. “Is Mitch McLean my dad?”

  The jar slipped from her grasp and fell harmlessly back into the pan of dishwater. She retrieved it and gave a small laugh. “Why would you ask such a thing?”

  She was not ready to have this conversation. Once Aaron told her that he didn’t want to tell Brandon, she had stopped practicing the dialogue in her mind.

  “Is he my father or not?”

  Hannah left the last jar in the pan and turned to face him. She dried her hands on a dish towel as she contemplated the best way to answer.

  “Why are you asking?” Where had he heard the truth? Did he even know all of it?

  “This guy at the game, Ray Somebody, he told me that Aaron Zook is my father. Now I’m asking you for the truth.”

  Never before had she so wished that the floor would open up and swallow her whole. “Brandon—”

  He stared at her, eyes wide. “When were you going to tell me?”

  “Come sit down.”

  “No.” He shook his head and started to back up toward the door. “You’ve lied to me all this time?”

  “Brandon—”

  “For fifteen years. My entire life!”

  “If you’ll sit down, I’ll explain.”

  “No,” he said again. “The time for explanations is over.” And with that he spun on one heel and stalked out. Seconds later the front door slammed behind him.

  Hannah sank into the nearest chair, her legs trembling too badly to hold her up any longer. She folded her arms on the table, laid her head down, and let the tears go.

  * * *

  “Hannah? Aaron’s here.”

  Hannah removed the wet rag from her face and pushed up from the bed. After Brandon had stormed away, she’d had herself a good long cry, then sent Gracie after Aaron, sent Joshua to look for Brandon, and laid down to ease the pounding in her head.

  She might have thought that the revelation would take a burden off her. And it might—just not today.

  “Thanks.”

  Gracie shot her a sympathetic smile and stood to one side so Hannah could make her way out of the room.

  “What’s wrong?” Aaron asked the moment he saw her puffy eyes and red cheeks.

  “Someone told Brandon.” She didn’t have to say more. He knew.

  “Where is he?”

  She waved him out onto the porch, needing to sit while they covered all the details. “He stormed out, and I sent Joshua to find him,” she said after they had settled down in the porch swing. So many moments of her life had happened right here. Some good, some bad.

  “He’s probably down at the pond.” Aaron stood as if to go after him, but Hannah stopped him.

  “Let him have some time.”

  Reluctantly, Aaron eased back down. “We need to talk to him.”

  “I agree, but he’s embarrassed and angry. Give him some time to work through that. He won’t be able to listen to any sort of reason until he gets his head clear.”

  “That could take months.”

  “I don’t have anything else to do. What about you?”

  “Hannah, we can’t let this drag on any longer.”

  She nodded. “We won’t, but give Joshua some time to find him and bring him back. Maybe then he’ll be up for hearing our explanation.”

  “And what are we going to tell him?”

  She didn’t miss the emphasis on the word we. “The truth.”

  “All of it?”

  “All of it. I’ve lied to him too much.” It was time to come clean.

  * * *

  Unbelievable.

  Brandon wanted to run. And run. And run. And run.

  Instead he stumbled up the incline behind his uncle’s house, the roaring in his ears blocking out the sounds he knew were around him. The crashing of his feet against the ground, the birds in the trees, the bleat of the sheep, and the occasional plop of a fish in the pond.

  His entire life had been a lie.

  The one person he had always trusted had betrayed him.

  He lost his footing and slid halfway down to the pond. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Not until he could sort this out.

  He pushed back to his feet and stopped at the water’s edge, his breathing ragged. His thoughts were turbulent, spinning out of control. He couldn’t grab ahold of one and focus, so he just stood there, hands on his hips, as he tried to calm his breathing.

  He sucked in a breath. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. And life went on.

  “Brandon?”

  He didn’t turn as Joshua came over the incline and started down the slope toward the pond. He wasn’t sure he was ready to see anyone just yet, especially not his cousin. “Go away.”

  “Your mamm sent me.”

  “I don’t care. Go away.”

  “Brandon—”

  He whirled around then, his temper flaring. “You knew.” He glared at his cousin. “You knew all along, and you didn’t bother to tell me. I thought you were my friend.”

  “I am.”

  “Yeah? Well, friends don’t do that to other friends.”

  “Your mamm is worried about you.”

  “She should be.” He was angry and out of control. He wanted to hit something, break something, curse the sky. This was unfair. So unfair.

  “You don’t mean that.”

  Brandon shook his head. “She lied to me. How could she lie to me? For years?”

  Joshua eased forward until they were nearly standing side by side. “I don’t know. Mamms can do weird things. But I do know that she loves you.”

  “What? So she was trying to protect me?” He slammed his hands on his hips and stared up at the sky. It was a clear, impossible blue, mocking his turmoil. “I have spent my entire life thinking my father didn’t like me.” He scoffed. “I never questioned his love, but the man did not like me. What had I ever done to him to make him despise me so? Well, now I know.”

  “If you come back to the house, she will have a chance to explain.”

  “So she can tell me more lies? No, thank you.”

  Joshua picked up a rock and skimmed it across the water. It jumped twice before sinking beneath the surface. “I won’t pretend that I understand all of this, but it seems to me that your mamm had her reasons. And now you know the truth.”

  “Yeah. The truth.” Brandon picked up his own rock, but his angle was off. It barely touched the water before sinking to the bottom. He started searching the ground at his feet for another, flatter rock.

  “It seems to me that you gained a father today.”

  He stopped, still stooped at the waist. He had gained a father? “How so?”

  “Your one father died, right?”

  Brandon picked up another stone and frowned. “He wasn’t my father, remember?”

  “You thought he was.”

  “Yeah.” He skipped the rock, this time getting three good bounces out of his toss.

  “Now he’s gone, and you have Aaron.”

  Did he?

  “He’s Amish.” It could have been the dumbest thing Brandon had ever said.

  Joshua laughed and selected his own rock. “Amish make good dats.”

  “But . . .” This was just more for him to try to get his mind around. He had a dad, then he didn’t. Now he had a dad that he didn’t even know. How was he supposed to make peace with all that?

  “Listen, I know it sounds like a lot, but I think if you give it some time, it’ll be easier to accept.”

  Get used to the idea. Like he had any choice. “Tell me something.”

  “Jah?”

  “You knew all along, and yet you never told me.”

  Joshua shook his head. “I only found out after your birthday. I think that’s when your mamm told Aaron.”

  Aaron hadn’t known about him either. Whoa, his mom had some stuff to explain.

  “And I wasn’t even supposed to know. I just happened to hear my ma
mm and dat talking about it.”

  “How did that Ray guy find out?”

  Joshua shrugged. “Amish people talk.”

  “You mean gossip.” Had everyone in the community known but him?

  “Call it what you want, but we talk about each other and what we can do to help.”

  It sounded like a lame excuse to gab behind someone’s back, but Brandon wasn’t going to point that out. He had more important things to worry about.

  “Are you going to come back to the house now?”

  He’d have to go back eventually. He didn’t want to go back now, but he couldn’t stay out here all afternoon. “I guess.” He picked up another rock and skimmed it across the water. One, two, three, four. His personal best, and on a day that could easily be considered the worst. Oh, the irony.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  As far as family meetings went, this one left a lot to be desired.

  Aaron looked from Hannah to Brandon and back again. She looked ready to burst into tears at any moment, but she was managing to keep it together.

  Brandon was another story. Aaron could feel the animosity coming off of him like waves of heat rising in the summer. But he couldn’t say he blamed the boy. Aaron honestly couldn’t say how he would feel if he’d found himself in Brandon’s position. He would like to think that he would be happy to learn that he still had a father, alive and breathing, but it had to be a shock. Maybe with time . . .

  “I know you have a lot of questions,” Hannah said by way of a starting point.

  Brandon snorted.

  It was on the tip of Aaron’s tongue to tell the boy to sit up and respect his mother, but he was pretty sure that directive wouldn’t be followed, or even accepted well. He sat back in his seat and waited for Hannah to continue.

  “Like why I didn’t tell you.”

  “Something like that.” Brandon’s tone grew even surlier.

  “Listen,” Hannah started, reaching across the table toward him.

  Brandon crossed his arms and slouched in his seat, effectively getting as far away from her as possible without moving his chair.

  “I know you’re angry, and I’m not even going to pretend that you don’t have the right.”