All the Crown's Shadows

by Emily Rose

  “And what am I supposed to do about you, little raven? Just sit here and wonder if you’re dead or alive every day?” Jax struggled to keep his voice steady. “You can’t do this alone.”

  I fought against the argument that immediately came to my mind. Yes, I could do this alone. I planned on doing this alone since the day of the attack, which was something Jax would never understand. I needed this, but he didn’t.

  Part of me knew he would never let me go alone. I was his family, and he was mine.

  I pulled Jax into an embrace, immediately feeling his tense muscles relax.

  “We’re going to be fine, you know,” I said. “It’s a solid plan.” I was grateful Jax couldn’t see my face. He always told me I was a terrible liar. Any plan involving killing the King would not be so easy.

  ✽✽✽

  After I had packed my bag with some spare food from the kitchen and tried to sleep for what was only about ten minutes, I said a silent goodbye to my little slice of peace in Sundown and headed for our meeting spot.

  Past the perimeter of our little town, the horizon was broad. Desert filled half of the earth, while the other half slowly melted into a beautiful flow of rolling trees: The Shadow Forest. It was what separated us from the City. Staring at it from far away, it looked so beautiful. So quiet.

  I remembered a story my grandmother used to tell me when I was a child. The Shadow Forest, she said, was where the protectors of the City lived. The old gods and goddesses dwelled in the towering trees and thick rivers, willing to destroy any evil spirit who tried to pass through. When the evil spirits were destroyed, however, their souls would forever dwindle there in the forest, never reaching peace for themselves. It was their own punishment for trying to enter the City.

  A chill ran down my spine at the memory. My grandma loved to tell me stories of magical creatures that used to dwell in Aslan. But they were just that: stories. It was an important part of history, but magic hadn’t existed around here for hundreds of years. The gods and goddesses had abandoned Aslan altogether, and they never returned.

  Nobody truly knew why they left, but some legends say there was a dark force so vile, so malicious that they had no choice but to retreat back to the spirit realm. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was all just a story. Spirits and magical forest all seemed like too much.

  “Hey stranger, you ready?” Jax’s voice jolted me from my thoughts. I suddenly relaxed, relieved to have him in my presence. He carried a large bag over his shoulder. This was it.

  “I’m ready if you are,” I said, holding my hand out to my friend. It took everything in me to keep it from shaking.

  Jax smiled at me, the same smile that he used to flash me when we were thirteen. My heart ached at the sight, but he grabbed my hand and turned toward the forest. We were in this together. As much as I didn’t want Jax to be involved with my plan of revenge, deep down, I was happy to have his company.

  They say every time you seek revenge you lose a part of your soul to the darkness. I silently cursed the thought. Would Jax return to Sundown as the same man I left with? Or would part of him be lost to the darkness?

  ✽✽✽

  I felt like we had been walking for days, but the daunting moon had just reached the middle of the sky. My feet were beginning to blister from my leather boots, and my legs ached from trekking through the sand. The stupid sand.

  “Let's camp here for the rest of the night,” I suggested, throwing the heavy backpack off of my shoulder with a huff. Jax could have kept walking all night if it wasn’t for me. Was he even tired?

  “Good idea, I’ll set up the tent.”

  We were a few yards away from the entrance of the treeline. I was silently grateful that we didn’t have to walk through the forest tonight. That would be a feat for tomorrow.

  Something tightened in my chest as I gazed into the dark abyss. My eyes strained against the light of the moon, trying to see what was ahead of me. The wind softly blew from the empty desert behind me, causing the sturdy trees to creak ahead as the leaves rustled in response. For something that used to be filled with magical gods who protected the land, it sure seemed creepy.

  The long hooo of an owl snapped me out of my small trance. Jax had the tent nearly set up, just a small tarp with two blankets underneath. I turned to see him standing outside of it, already looking at me. He wore that same look of longing that I had seen for the last four years. The look that I hoped I would stop seeing.

  I was no idiot. I saw what the other Sundown girls saw in Jax. He was tall and muscular, not to mention the fact that he was the best fighter in Sundown. That had to be something. His face was nothing less than striking, and I knew that. I saw that. Part of me envied the other girls in Sundown. Things weren’t complicated for them. Any one of them would have no problems getting involved with Jax.

  He didn’t care, though. He only had eyes for one girl. One broken, haunted girl. But I would never be good enough for Jax. He didn’t see what I saw. I saw darkness in myself. I saw something deep and terrifying. Someone like me would ruin Jax in an instant. I would never be the simple girl who served dinner and laughed at his jokes. Sometimes putting a simple smile on my face was too much of an effort. I would never be whole.

  Still, part of me wanted to give Jax anything he wanted. He deserved at least that. He deserved happiness. He was loyal, respectful and good. He was somehow one of the most favored fighters around here, but he wouldn’t hurt a fly if he didn’t have to. It was amazing.

  I ignored the pang of warning that shot through my chest. Instead, I let my own feelings of guilt overcome me. Jax’s eyes were blaring into mine, sending the message he could never say out loud. With a few swift steps, I closed the distance between us. I wish I could say that I felt something more, some sort of desire or longing. But I didn’t. I don’t think I’m even capable of emotions like that anymore.

  For Jax, though, I would pretend. I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart speed up.

  “Ruby,” he whispered. I’m not sure if it was the way his voice cracked or the chill from the dark night, but I shivered.

  He grabbed my face with his hands and forced my head up to look at him. I could see the depth of his eyes, the moon reflecting off of the vastness within them.

  “I will never leave you, you know,” he said, rubbing his thumb down my cheek. I closed my eyes in response, controlling my breaths. “I will never hurt you. Never betray you.”

  Of course I knew that. Jax might be the only person in this entire world who cared enough to protect me. I felt a tear slowly slip down my face. I was not crying for myself, or for the emotions that I could not fathom. I was crying for Jax, the only person who truly loved me. If things were different, maybe I could have made him happy.

  Without thinking, I slipped my hands up his chest to his neck and pulled his head down to mine, pressing my lips to his. His mouth was warm against mine, but he froze for a moment, not kissing me back.

  Suddenly, he relaxed under my touch and moved his mouth against mine in a hungry kiss. My heart rate sped up at the way his hands slid down my body, around my waist.

  This was Jax. I wanted this to make sense. I wanted it to somehow spark all of the feelings I know I should be feeling for him, but it didn’t.

  Like someone who had just touched fire, I shoved myself away.

  “I’m sorry, I-” I stammered. What had I done? Embarrassment creeped into my chest.

  “No, it’s fine,” he replied, equally as flushed. I wish I didn’t see the pain now swarming his dark eyes. “I uh, we should get some sleep anyway.”

  I nodded my head as I watched him enter the tent. Alone in the night, I felt exhausted. I touched my mouth where his lips had just been. Jax and I just kissed, and the only thing I felt was guilt. Maybe after we returned, things would be different. Maybe I would be able to feel something for him. Something was definitely wrong with me.

  2 The Shadow Forest

  “Rise and shine, fighter.”
I woke up to see Jax standing over me, clearly more awake than I was. “Time to practice!” He bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet, radiating energy.

  I rolled off of my bedroll and rubbed my eyes. The bright sun beamed off our makeshift tent. “Right now? A little early, don’t you think?”

  “Can’t have you getting rusty, come on!” I grunted at the sound of his cheery voice. Leave it to Jax to be awake and energized at the crack of dawn. I guess it was important to stay prepared, just in case.

  My stomach filled with guilt when I remembered what had happened just hours before. Jax had a way of ignoring the messy stuff and making everything seem normal, something I was thankful for in this moment.

  “Okay fine, but you should know I’ve been waiting to kick your ass for a while now,” I said. Jax tossed his head back and laughed.

  “Oh, I’m ready.” He backed up a few steps, giving me room to stand up.

  My arms shook, allowing my tired limbs from the night to fill with blood. I pulled my fists to my chest and watched him do the same. The familiar buzz of adrenaline began to fuel my muscles, snapping my body to life. I shifted my weight from side to side. Jax always waited for me to make the first move. He said it would teach me to be on the offense instead of defense.

  Hesitating means fear, he would say. Fear will get you killed.

  I jolted my left fist out quickly, which Jax easily deflected. I did the same thing again, letting my body get the feel of the fight. After we had both warmed up from the easy jabs, I swung my right leg toward Jax’s feet.

  He was fast. He easily hopped over my foot, immediately returning a jab to my stomach.

  I stumbled back at the impact. “Protect yourself, little raven,” he said. He was clearly amused at his small win.

  My body was full of the familiar feeling. The need for the fight. I ducked my body and jabbed my fist into Jax’s ribs. He reeled back with a hiss, then quickly returned a punch toward my face.

  I was ready this time. I ducked under his attempt and used the free second to force another bash to his torso. My muscles moved quickly without my permission, they knew what to do.

  Focused in, I immediately threw my body into Jax’s waist, tackling him. We rolled through the dirt until I stuck my heel into the ground and pinned his chest down with my body.

  Jax needed a lot more than my bodyweight to stay pinned though. With a tiny twist of his shoulders, he flipped me to the ground. I gasped under the weight of him, struggling. I grasped at his shirt, trying to shove him off of my upper body. Jax easily grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the dirt behind my head, grinning with victory.

  “Too easy,” he bragged, bringing his face inches from mine. I squirmed beneath his weight, but the attempt was useless.

  “Maybe if you weren’t a giant,” I joked. My body relaxed underneath him. Jax released his grip from me and stood up. I wouldn’t say I was a sore loser, but Jax knew he would always win in a fight. I would do anything to see his arrogance wiped from his face.

  “Not too bad, little raven.” Little raven. I couldn’t help but smile at the nickname.

  Once, when Jax and I were 15, a black raven flew from the Shadow Forest and landed at Sundown. It was unusual to have birds that far from the forest, but it was even weirder that it stayed for almost four days. It sat on the same wooden perch above the kitchen house, just sitting there. Jax claims the raven was there watching me. He swore he caught its head moving, following me everywhere I went for those four days. I didn’t notice. When the bird left on the fifth day, Jax thought it had been some sort of message for me. Some sort of gift or omen from the Shadow Forest. He’s called me little raven ever since. I just thought he was superstitious.

  I took Jax’s hand and stood up, brushing the dirt from my clothes. “You’re getting pretty good. That whole tackling thing will take any opponent off guard. Just make sure you’re bigger than them next time.”

  “Getting good, huh?” I said, mocking him.

  “I guess you put up a pretty good fight considering I am the Champion of Sundown,” Jax replied, flipping his imaginary hair over his shoulder, and flexing his bicep arrogantly.

  “Oh whatever,” I gave him a soft shove, walking toward the tree line. Technically, Jax was the Champion of Sundown. Without the King, it was obviously a self-proclaimed title, but everyone in the village knew that Jax would win any fight. Even against me.

  I looked around, catching my breath. The forest was different this morning, more peaceful. The darkness that radiated from it last night was now a fresh, inviting glow. The green trees looked bright against the brown sand, clearly identifying the entrance to the forest. Birds sang in the distance, no longer silenced by the moon. I took a deep breath, appreciating the fresh scent of pine and the crisp sound of a nearby stream.

  “I’m going to wash up,” I yelled over my shoulder. “Be useful and cook one of the rabbits, will you?”

  Jax laughed and turned toward our tent. “Yes, ma’am!” His muscles tightened under his filthy white t-shirt as he walked away from me. Once again, my mind wandered to the warm memory of his lips against mine.

  You’re only going to hurt him, Ruby, I thought to myself. There was no use trying to force something that wasn’t there.

  I stepped into the tree line of the Shadow Forest. The beaming sun that I had felt seconds before was replaced by the refreshing shade of the towering trees above me. My black boots crunched over the crowded forest floor. I shoved aside leaves and branches, making my way to the sound of the stream. The buzz of life in this place was a shocking change to the dull energy of the desert. It was beautiful, like a scene from my dreams.

  I reached the stream and cupped the running water in my hands. The water was so clear, I could see my flushed face looking back at me. It trickled across the black rocks lying a few feet below. There was something so calming about the streams here in Aslan. I threw a handful on my face, letting the chill run down my neck.

  The cool water washed away the dirt from Jax and I’s fight. It also washed away the guilt that I was feeling since the kiss, the mess that had been muffling my thoughts. This was not the time to be distracted by a boy, even if that boy was Jax. If I wanted this plan to go accordingly, I needed to focus. There were so many things that could go wrong. Perfection was vital.

  My body was coming down from the high of the fight. The adrenaline I had been feeling was slowly melting out of my body with every drop of water. I let the forest calm me with each handful of water as the cool air tickled my skin.

  I was ready for this journey. Failure was not an option.

  I was too relaxed, too distracted by my thoughts to notice that the birds had stopped singing. The buzz of life was now enfolded by something else, something eerie. Even the water seemed to flow silently now, as if it was begging me to listen. The hair on the back of my neck tickled.

  I didn’t even hear the men behind me until a cold metal blade was pressed against my throat.

  “Now look what we’ve got here, Thorne,” my attacker said, calling over his partner. The blade didn’t move from my neck as he pulled my hair with one swift motion and stood me up. My body instantly went ice cold. How stupid was I?

  “What’s a girl like this doing all alone out here in the woods?” the partner said, coming all too close to me. I raised my chin and took a deep breath. He smelled like rotten eggs and dirt. His face was dirty. Dried blood clung to his wrinkly cheek.

  Think, Ruby. Focus.

  I studied the man in front of me. He was tall, carrying a long sword at his hip and holding a dagger in his right hand. Drops of blood stained his already filthy hands.

  “All alone, huh?” the man behind me repeated as he tightened his grip. I noticed the small, golden snowflake on the chest plate of the long, velvet coat my attacker wore. The King’s symbol. These were the King’s guards.

  A fury filled my body, replacing the icy dread I was feeling moments before. I threw an elbow back at the man behind me. He
reeled back in pain, and I immediately sent an unexpected punch at the guard in front of me. A warm trickle of blood fell from my neck. A close call.

  I got two steps away before the first guard tackled me, pinning my face to the forest floor. The taste of copper filled my mouth as his weight held me down.

  “A feisty one, eh?” the man on top of me said, tying my hands behind my back with rope. Great.

  “You know how much coin we get for bringing in a new fighter as wild as this one? We could pay our debt to the old man, eh?” he asked his partner. They laughed behind me, and I struggled under the man’s weight.

  “Tell me, hun,” the second guard said, bending down so I could see his face. “Where did you come from? Anyone with you?” He turned his head and looked into the silent forest around me.

  I was suddenly aware of how close the clearing was. Ten paces in the wrong direction and these guards would have a straight view of Jax’s camp.

  My stomach lurched. How many times did I promise Jax there would be no danger? No risk in our plan? His words from the night before echoed in my mind.

  I will never leave you. Never hurt you.

  I couldn’t love Jax the way he wanted me to, but I could protect him from this. There was no way in hell I was getting him involved.

  “No, I came alone,” I grunted, spitting a mouth full of metallic blood onto the ground.

  “Well, well,” he said. “You’re about to make two men very rich. Make any funny moves and we’ll slit that pretty little throat of yours.”

  The realization hit me quickly. Bringing in a new fighter? Making them rich? I swallowed. They were going to sell me to fight in the Ring of Angels.

  The men pulled me off the ground roughly. I tried not to think about how Jax would feel when he realized I was gone, or how angry he would be that I didn’t cry for help. He would understand eventually. He never belonged on this journey. This was my fate. My mission. I sent out a silent prayer to the abandoned gods: Jax Silven had to be kept safe.