Selected plays

by Anton Chekhov

  MASHA. Here he is . . . has he paid his rent?

  IRINA [laughs]. No. Not a kopek for eight months. Evidently he's forgotten.

  MASHA [laughs]. How gravely he sits. [They all laugh; a pause.]

  IRINA. Why are you so quiet, Alexandr Ignatyevitch?

  VERSHININ. I don't know. I'm longing for tea. I'd give half my life for a glass of tea. I've had nothing to eat since the morning.

  CHEBUTYKIN. Irina Sergeyevna!

  IRINA. What is it?

  CHEBUTYKIN. Come here. Venez ici. [IRINA goes and sits down at the table.] I can't do without you. [IRINA lays out the cards for patience.]

  VERSHININ. Well, if they won't bring tea, let's discuss something.

  TUZENBAKH. By all means. What?

  VERSHININ. What? Let us dream . . . for instance of the life that will come after us, in two or three hundred years.

  TUZENBAKH. Well? When we are dead, men will fly in balloons, change the fashion of their coats, will discover a sixth sense, perhaps, and develop it, but life will remain just the same, difficult, full of mysteries and happiness. In a thousand years man will sigh just the same, "Ah, how hard life is," and yet just as now he will be afraid of death and not want it.

  VERSHININ [after a moment's thought]. Well, I don't know. . . . It seems to me that everything on earth is bound to change by degrees and is already changing before our eyes. In two or three hundred, perhaps in a thousand years -- the time does not matter -- a new, happy life will come. We shall have no share in that life, of course, but we're living for it, we're working, well, yes, and suffering for it, we're creating it -- and that alone is the purpose of our existence, and is our happiness, if you like.

  [MASHA laughs softly.]

  TUZENBAKH. What is it?

  MASHA. I don't know. I've been laughing all day.

  VERSHININ. I was at the same school as you were, I didn't go to the Military Academy; I read a great deal, but I don't know how to choose my books, and very likely I read quite the wrong things, and yet the longer I live the more I want to know. My hair is turning grey, I'm almost an old man, but I know so little, oh so little! But all the same I think that I do know and thoroughly grasp what is essential and matters most. And how I should like to make you see that there is no happiness for us, that there ought not to be and will not be. . . . We must work and work, and happiness is the portion of our remote descendants [a pause]. If it's not for me, but at least it's for the descendants of my descendants. . . .

  [FEDOTIK and RODE appear in the dining-room; they sit down and sing softly, playing the guitar.]

  TUZENBAKH. You think it's no use even dreaming of happiness! But what if I'm happy?

  VERSHININ. No, you're not.

  TUSENBAGH [flinging up his hands and laughing]. It's clear we don't understand each other. Well, how am I to convince you?

  [MASHA laughs softly.]

  TUSENEACH [holds up a finger to her]. Laugh! [To VERSHININ] Not only in two or three hundred years but in a million years life will be just the same; it doesn't change, it remains stationary, following its own laws which we have nothing to do with or which, anyway, we'll never find out. Migratory birds, cranes for instance, fly backwards and forwards, and whatever ideas, great or small, stray through their minds, they'll still go on flying just the same without knowing where or why. They fly and will continue to fly, however philosophic they may become; and it doesn't matter how philosophical they are so long as they go on flying. . . .

  MASHA. But still, isn't there a meaning?

  TUZENBAKH. Meaning. . . . Here it's snowing. What meaning is there in that? [A pause.]

  MASHA. I think man ought to have faith or ought to seek a faith, or else his life is empty, empty. . . . To live and not to understand why cranes fly; why children are born; why there are stars in the sky. . . . You've got to know what you're living for or else it's all nonsense and waste [a pause].

  VERSHININ. And yet you're sorry when your youth is over, . . .

  MASHA. Gogol says: it's dull living in this world, friends!

  TUZENBAKH. And I say: it is difficult to argue with you, friends, Oh, well, I give up. . . .

  CHEBUTYKIN [reading the newspaper]. Balzac was married at Berditchev.

  [IRINA hums softly.]

  CHEBUTYKIN. I really must put that down in my book [writes]. Balzac was married at Berditchev [reads the paper].

  IRINA [lays out the cards for patience, dreamily]. Balzac was married at Berditchev.

  TUZENBAKH. The die is cast. You know, Marya Sergeyevna, I've resigned my commission.

  MASHA. So I hear. And I see nothing good in that. I don't like civilians.

  TUZENBAKH. Never mind . . . [gets up]. I'm not good-looking enough for a soldier. But that doesn't matter, though . . . I'm going to work. If only for one day in my life, to work so that I come home at night tired out and fall asleep as soon as I get into bed . . . [going into the dining-room]. Workmen must sleep soundly!

  FEDOTIK [to IRINA]. I bought these coloured pencils for you just now as I passed Pyzhikov's on Moscow Street. . . . And this penknife. . . .

  IRINA. You've got used to treating me as though I were little, but I'm grown up, you know . . . [takes the coloured pencils and the penknife, joyfully]. How lovely!

  FEDOTIK. And I bought a knife for myself . . . look . . . one blade, and another blade, a third, and this is for your ears, and here are scissors, and that's for cleaning your nails . . . .

  RODE [loudly]. Doctor, how old are you?

  CHEBUTYKIN. Me? Thirty-two [laughter].

  FEDOTIK. I'll show you another kind of patience . . . [lays out the cards] .

  [The samovar is brought in; ANFISA is at the samovar; a little later NATASHA comes in and is also busy at the table; SOLYONY comes in, and after greeting the others sits down at the table.]

  VERSHININ. What a wind there is!

  MASHA. Yes. I'm sick of the winter. I've already forgotten what summer is like.

  IRINA. The game is working out right, I see. We shall go to Moscow.

  FEDOTIK. No, it's not working out. You see, the eight is over the two of spades [laughs]. So that means you won't go to Moscow.

  CHEBUTYKIN [reads from the newspaper]. Tsitsikar. Smallpox is raging here.

  ANFISA [going up to MASHA]. Masha, come to tea, my dear. [To VERSHININ] Come, your honour . . . excuse me, sir, I've forgotten your name. . . .

  MASHA. Bring it here, nanny, I'm not going there.

  IRINA. Nanny!

  ANFISA. I'm coming!

  NATASHA [to SOLYONY] Little babies understand very well. "Good morning, Bobik, good morning, darling," I said. He looked at me in quite a special way. You think I say that because I'm a mother, but no, I assure you! He's an extraordinary child.

  SOLYONY. If that child were mine, I'd fry him in a frying pan and eat him. [Takes his glass, comes into the drawing-room and sits down in a corner.]

  NATASHA [covers her face with her hands]. Rude, ill-bred man!

  MASHA. Happy people don't notice whether it is winter or summer. I think if I lived in Moscow I wouldn't mind what the weather was like, . . .

  VERSHININ. The other day I was reading the diary of a French minister written in prison. The minister was condemned for the Panama affair. With what enthusiasm and delight he describes the birds he sees from the prison window, which he never noticed before when he was a minister. Now that he's released, of course he notices birds no more than he did before. In the same way, you won't notice Moscow when you live in it. We have no happiness and never do have, we only long for it.

  TUZENBAKH [takes a box from the table]. What has become of the sweets?

  IRINA. Solyony has eaten them.

  TUZENBAKH. All?

  ANFISA [serving tea]. There's a letter for you, sir.

  VERSHININ. For me? [Takes the letter.] From my daughter [reads]. Yes, of course, . . . Excuse me, Marya Sergeyevna, I'll slip away. I won't have tea [gets up in agitation]. Always these upsets. . . .

  MASHA. Wh
at is it? Not a secret?

  VERSHININ [in a low voice]. My wife has taken poison again. I must go. I'll slip off unnoticed. Horribly unpleasant it all is. [Kisses MASHA'S hand] My fine, dear, splendid woman. . . . I'll go this way without being seen . . . [goes out].

  ANFISA. Where is he off to? I've just given him his tea. . . What a man.

  MASHA [getting angry]. Leave me alone! Don't pester, you give me no peace . . . [goes with her cup to the table]. You bother me, old lady.

  ANFISA. Why are you so huffy? Darling!

  [Andrey's voice: "Anfisa!"]

  ANFISA [mimicking]. Anfisa! He sits there. . . . [goes out].

  MASHA [by the table in the dining-room, angrily]. Let me sit down! [Mixes the cards on the table.] You take up all the table with your cards . Drink your tea!

  IRINA. How mean you are, Masha!

  MASHA. If I'm mean, don't talk to me. Don't interfere with me.

  CHEBUTYKIN [laughing]. Don't interfere, don't interfere!

  MASHA. You're sixty years old, but you talk rot like a schoolboy, just to raise hell.

  NATASHA [sighs]. Dear Masha, why make use of such expressions in conversation? With your attractive appearance I tell you straight out, you would be simply fascinating in a well-bred social circle if it were not for the things you say. Je vous prie, pardonnez-moi, Marie, mais vous avez des manières un peu grossières.

  TUZENBAKH [suppressing a laugh]. Give me . . . give me . . . I think there is some brandy there.

  NATASHA. Il paraît que mon Bobik déjà ne dort pas, he's awake. He isn't well today. I must go to him, excuse me. . . . [goes out] .

  IRINA. Where has Alexandr Ignatyevitch gone?

  MASHA. Home. Something going on with his wife again.

  TUZENBAKH [goes up to SOLYONY with a decanter of brandy in his hand]. You always sit alone, thinking, and there's no making out what you think about. Come, let's make peace. Let's have a drink of brandy. [They drink.] I'll have to play the piano all night, I suppose, play all sorts of trash. . . . Here goes!

  SOLYONY. Why do you want to make peace? I haven't quarrelled with you.

  TUZENBAKH. You always make me feel as though something had gone wrong between us. You are a strange character, there's no denying that.

  SOLYONY. [declaims]. I am strange, who is not strange! Be not wrath, Aleko!

  TUZENBAKH. I don't see what Aleko has got to do with it, . . . [a pause]

  SOLYONY. When I'm tête-à-tête with somebody, I'm all right, just like anyone else, but in company I'm depressed, ill at ease and . . . say all sorts of idiotic things, but at the same time I'm more conscientious and straightforward than many. And I can prove it, . . .

  TUZENBAKH. I often feel angry with you, you're always attacking me when we're in company, and yet I somehow like you. What the hell, I'm going to drink a lot today. Let's drink!

  SOLYONY. Let's [drinks]. I've never had anything against you, Baron. But I have the temperament of Lermontov. [In a low voice] In fact I'm rather like Lermontov to look at . . . so I'm told [takes out scent-bottle and sprinkles scent on his hands].

  TUZENBAKH. I have sent in my resignation. I've had enough of it! I have been thinking of it for five years and at last I have come to a decision. I'm going to work.

  SOLYONY [declaims]. Be not wrath, Aleko, . . . Forget, forget thy dreams. . . .

  [While they are talking ANDREY comes in quietly with a book and sits down by a candle.]

  TUZENBAKH. I'm going to work.

  CHEBUTYKIN [coming into the drawing-room with IRINA]. And the food too was real Caucasian stuff: onion soup and for the meat course tchehartma, . . .

  SOLYONY. Tcheremsha is not meat at all, it's a plant rather like our onion.

  CHEBUTYKIN. No, my dear soul. It's not onion, but mutton roasted in a special way.

  SOLYONY. But I tell you that tcheremsha is an onion.

  CHEBUTYKIN. And I tell you that tchehartma is mutton.

  SOLYONY. And I tell you that tcheremsha is an onion.

  CHEBUTYKIN. What's the use of my arguing with you? You have never been to the Caucasus or eaten tchehartma.

  SOLYONY. I haven't eaten it because I can't stand it. Tcheremsha smells like garlic.

  ANDREY [imploringly]. That's enough! Please!

  TUZENBAKH. When are the Carnival party coming?

  IRINA. They promised to come at nine, so they will be here directly.

  TUZENBAKH [embraces ANDREY and sings] . "Oh my porch, oh my new porch . . .

  ANDREY [dances and sings]. "With posts of maple wood. . .

  CHEBUTYKIN [dances]. "And lattice work complete . . [laughter].

  TUZENBAKH [kisses ANDREY]. Hang it all, let's have a drink. Andryusha, let's drink to our everlasting friendship. I'll go to the University in Moscow when you do, Andryusha.

  SOLYONY. Which? There are two universities in Moscow.

  ANDREY. There is only one university in Moscow.

  SOLYONY. I tell you there are two.

  ANDREY. There may be three for anything I care. So much the better.

  SOLYONY. There are two universities in Moscow! [A murmur and hisses.] There are two universities in Moscow: the old one and the new one. And if you don't care to hear, if what I say irritates you, I can keep quiet. I can even go into another room [goes out at one of the doors].

  TUZENBAKH. Bravo, bravo! [laughs] Ladies and gentlemen, let's begin, I'll sit down and play! Funny fellow that Solyony. . . . [Sits down to the piano and plays a waltz.]

  MASHA [dances a waltz alone]. The baron is drunk, the baron is drunk, the baron is drunk.

  [Enter NATASHA.]

  NATASHA [to CHEBUTYKIN]. Ivan Romanitch! [Says something to CHEBUTYKIN, then goes out softly. CHEBUTYKIN touches TUZENBAKH on the shoulder and whispers something to him.]

  IRINA. What is it?

  CHEBUTYKIN. It's time we were going. Good night.

  TUZENBAKH. Good night. It's time to be going.

  IRINA. Excuse me. . . what about the Carnival party?

  ANDREY [with embarrassment]. They won't be coming. You see, dear, Natasha says Bobik is not well, and so . . . In fact I know nothing about it, and don't care either.

  IRINA [shrugs her shoulders]. Bobik isn't well!

  MASHA. Well, it's not the first time we've had to lump it! If we're kicked out, we must go. [To IRINA] It's not Bobik that's ill, but she's a bit. . . [taps her forehead with her finger]. Petty, vulgar creature!

  [ANDREY goes by door on right to his own room, CHEBUTYKIN following him; they are saying good-bye in the dining-room.]

  FEDOTIK. What a pity! I was meaning to spend the evening, but of course if the child is ill . . . I'll bring him a toy tomorrow.

  RODE [loudly]. I had a nap today after dinner on purpose, I thought I'd be dancing all night. . . . Why, it's only nine o'clock.

  MASHA. Let's go outside; there we can talk. We'll decide what to do.

  [Sounds of "Good-bye! Good night!" The good-humoured laugh of TUZENBAKH is heard. All go out. ANFISA and the maidservant clear the table and put out the light. There is the sound of the nanny singing. ANDREY in his hat and coat, and CHEBUTYKIN come in quietly.]

  CHEBUTYKIN. I never had time to get married, because life has flashed by like lightning and because I was passionately in love with your mother, who was married.

  ANDREY. A person shouldn't get married. You shouldn't, because it's boring.

  CHEBUTYKIN. That's all very well, but what about loneliness? Say what you like, it's a dreadful thing to be lonely, my dear boy. . . . But no matter, though!

  ANDREY. Come on, let's go.

  CHEBUTYKIN. What's the hurry? We have plenty of time.

  ANDREY. I am afraid my wife may stop me.

  CHEBUTYKIN. Oh!

  ANDREY. I'm not going to play today, I'll just sit and look on. I don't feel well. . . . What can you do, Ivan Romanitch, for shortness of breath?

  CHEBUTYKIN. It's no use asking me! I don't remember, dear boy. . . . I don't know. . . .

  ANDREY. Let's g
o through the kitchen. [They go out.]

  [A ring, then another ring; there is a sound of voices and laughter.]

  IRINA [enters]. What is it?

  ANFISA [in a whisper]. The mummers, all dressed up [a ring].

  IRINA. Nanny, dear, tell them there's no one at home. They must excuse us.

  [ANFISA goes out. IRINA walks about the room in hesitation; she is excited. Enter SOLYONY.]

  SOLYONY [in perplexity]. No one here. . . . Where are they all?

  IRINA. They've gone home.

  SOLYONY. How strange. Are you alone here?

  IRINA. Yes [a pause]. Good night.

  SOLYONY. I behaved tactlessly, without sufficient restraint just now. But you're not like other people, you're pure and noble, you see the truth. You alone can understand me. I love you, I love you deeply, infinitely.

  IRINA. Good night! You must go.

  SOLYONY. I can't live without you [following her]. Oh, my joy! [Through his tears] Oh, happiness! Those glorious, exquisite, marvellous eyes such as I have never seen in any other woman.

  IRINA [coldly]. Don't, Vassily Vassilyitch!

  SOLYONY. For the first time I am speaking of love to you, and I feel as though I were not on earth but on another planet [rubs his forehead]. Well, it doesn't matter. There is no forcing kindness, of course. . . . But there must be no successful rivals. . . . There must not. . . . I swear by all that is sacred I will kill any rival. . . . O exquisite being!

  [NATASHA crosses the room with a candle.]

  NATASHA [peeps in at one door, then at another and passes by the door that leads to her husband's room]. Andrey is there. Let him read. Excuse me, Vassily Vassilyitch, I didn't know you were here, and I'm in my dressing-gown. . . .

  SOLYONY. I don't care. Good-bye! [Goes out.]

  NATASHA. You are tired, my poor, dear little girl! [kisses IRINA]. You ought to go to bed earlier, . . .

  IRINA. Is Bobik asleep?

  NATASHA. He's asleep, but not sleeping quietly. By the way, dear, I keep meaning to speak to you, but either you are out or else I haven't the time. . . . I think Bobik's nursery is cold and damp. And your room is so nice for a baby. My sweet, my dear, you might move for a time into Olya's room!

  IRINA [not understanding] . . . Where?

  [The sound of a three-horse sleigh with bells driving up to the door.]