Call Me Stewardess

by Elizabeth Landry

  I must admit that never in my short flying experience had I ever felt an aircraft tail sway so much. In fact, I was pretty sure the swaying was unusual since the supposedly experienced colleague sitting next to me seemed very stressed out. I would have thought that after some fifteen years of flying she’d be calmer than I, but turns out she was the anxious one between the two of us.

  Well, we can never really know how we’ll react in an emergency situation until we actually go through one. But I imagine that with experience, we at least understand the consequences that a sway like today’s can cause. To me, this rocking in the sky was nothing more than strong winds pushing sideways on my cabin. It didn’t freak me out. I even enjoyed it . . . for the time being, anyway.

  Nevertheless, my attitude drastically changed when we made our final approach and got closer to the ground. I was getting increasingly scared as I realized the sway was turning out to be rather extreme. Having seen various Internet videos of very difficult landings in similar crosswinds, I could easily picture the position of the plane. The nose of the aircraft would not be facing the landing strip at all, but only partially, facing the wind instead. From my tiny window, the tail also appeared to be off the runway. I knew that at the last minute, the pilot would straighten everything up and would land this big bird properly. Still, the constant rocking was starting to make me feel nauseous. I didn’t dare imagine the passengers’ state: definitely nausea and probably a bit of vomiting too.

  I focused on remaining calm and latched on to my jump seat, the folding seat reserved for flight attendants. My colleague, on her end, was quite comical with the “Ohs” and “Ahs” she let out between each gust of wind. It is worth noting that we were sitting at the back, in the tail, and therefore it was normal to feel the impact of the winds more strongly. When the wheels finally touched the ground abruptly, or violently, to say the least, we were speechless. Silence reigned over the cabin. There was none of the usual handclapping. From my window, I could see the edges of the runway getting farther then closer then farther again; I even caught a glimpse of the neighboring grass. I did not like what was going on. Would we slip off the runway? The tail moved way too much to my liking. A second passed. Then two. Then three. Maybe more, who knows, it felt like an eternity. At last, the swaying stopped. The plane was straight again. My colleague caught her breath, and so did I. Was it Rupert’s curse that had shaken us up? Most likely. And I hoped it would end there.

  ◆◆◆

  Once all the passengers had disembarked, I could finally take off my uniform, get changed, and sit peacefully like any other passenger on the plane. I was going to relax and watch a movie. Now that my work day was, to some extent, over, I was going to make the most of this deadhead and have a nice glass of wine. I proceeded to the first class lavatories to get changed. I hurriedly made my way to the front as I never use the toilets at the back of the plane, especially not after a flight over five hours long. I’d rather do my business in cleaner lavatories and unfortunately for the economy class, the first class ones most often meet my criteria. To be honest, they are in better shape solely because they’ve been used by only fifteen people or so, not because the people who have access to them are any cleaner.

  Once at the front, I caught a glimpse of the first officer by the steps. He was getting some fresh air. He must have been, with his thick-soled shoes, a mere five feet four inches tall, and he stood up straight, chest lifted. I estimated him to be about twenty-five years old, at most. As he seemed quite young and not very experienced, I assumed he must have been the one landing, seeing as the plane swayed much more than usual. I got closer to inquire.

  “Wow! We were really shaken up earlier. Who landed?” I asked, as sympathetic as possible.

  If it was him, I was hoping he would tell me and admit it had been a rough landing.

  “What kind of question is this! You can’t ask that!” he barked arrogantly. “Didn’t you see the winds outside?”

  “Exactly. I did feel the winds, which is why I’m asking you. I would have liked to know what happened.”

  I had no need to talk to him any further. It was obvious he was the one who had landed the plane. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have overreacted. Once again, I had proof of the pilots’ big egos. Insulted by my comment, he turned his back to show our conversation was over. I turned around as well. I couldn’t care less about his attitude and so I went and got changed in the lavatories.

  When I came out, the captain, who I had not met due to my late arrival that morning, asked the whole crew to come to the front so that he could provide some explanation for the rocky landing. I sat on one of the passenger seats and listened.

  “First of all, I’d like to apologize to those in the back who got shaken up. The winds were extremely strong and unfortunately we couldn’t land any differently,” he kindly explained.

  I admit that I was surprised by his humility. Pilots who had the courage to apologize this way were very scarce. Perhaps I had been too quick to judge. This captain made me have second thoughts about what I had previously said of pretentious pilots. Obviously, today, there was an exception.

  After he explained the technicalities of crosswinds, he wished us a nice flight and returned to his cockpit. I had never see him before. To my own astonishment, he intrigued me and I had no idea why. Of course, he had been kind enough to provide us with some explanations, but there was something else that kept me guessing. He seemed a bit shy and discreet. Actually, he appeared inaccessible, and that was intriguing.

  ◆◆◆

  During the return flight, Rupert chatted away for an hour drinking a glass of red wine. To avoid getting drunk too quickly, he was casually sipping the delicious liquid. It was always the same. If he drank just two glasses of wine he got wobbly. So, I was happy to let him slowly sip away.

  As I was exhausted and knew that after just one glass of wine I’d quickly fall asleep, I immediately took the opportunity to ask Rupert if he knew the captain we were flying with.

  “No, curiously, I’ve never heard of him.”

  His answer surprised me because my loyal friend knew everything about everyone, even if that “everyone” was nobody.

  “What’s his name?” I asked.

  “John Ross. Anyway, that’s what’s written on the summary of our flight itinerary. Why? What do you see in him? He’s got nothing very impressive apart from a nice smile.”

  “I don’t see anything special in him,” I answered, trying to hide my agenda. “I was just wondering.”

  I refused to admit my attraction for the man. He was handsome, of course, but something else intrigued me. Was it his inaccessible man attitude, or maybe his shy smile? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Either way, I was not going to admit it to Rupert, especially after our earlier discussion about pilots. Our gossiping ended there. I didn’t mind. I wanted to keep to myself the fact that, to my astonishment, I was interested in today’s flight’s captain. Me! Oh dear! I had to get some rest.

  ◆◆◆

  Upon arrival at the airport, Rupert and I quickly went through customs and made our way to the bus that would take us to the employee parking lot. I was glad that we had made it home relatively smoothly. Flying with Rupert isn’t that bad after all! I thought.

  While we were waiting outside, I took the opportunity to listen to my voicemails.

  The first message was from Becky, telling me that Rachel had invited us and our friend Paige over for dinner. Becky, aware that I’d be exhausted after a flight, suggested they come over to our place instead. However, what she made sure not to tell Rachel is that I would have refused to drive all the way to her house knowing I’d hear her baby cry all night. After a flight, I am bound to need a minimum of silence.

  Let’s face it, babies on a plane cry. They’re unable to move around, they feel their parents’ nervousness, and their ears hurt. Their cries resonate throughout the cabin like little roaring lions and anyone wishing to run away must face the fact that there is n
owhere to go. The golden rule is to patiently, impatiently, put up with it. At the end of the day, babies are babies. We can’t get upset if they roar a bit during the descent because of the pressure on their eardrums. Still, after a flight, I much prefer silence. Becky, being a flight attendant as well, completely understands the after-flight-state and therefore had the great idea to invite the girls over to our apartment instead.

  It was pointless to confirm that I agreed with the plan since it was already six p.m. Rachel and Paige would already be at the apartment. I warned Rupert that there would be women at his place tonight. He simply nodded, not bothered with me since he had other plans for the night, with his ex. I listened to the second voicemail.

  Per usual, my mother had had a very quick encounter with my answering machine. As she didn’t like “talking to a machine,” she refused to leave proper messages. She either didn’t leave any at all and called again and again until I answered or, if she was having a good day, she left a short, bone-chilling message. The sort that sounded like: “Someone is dead, call me!”

  My mom probably doesn’t realize that leaving for work and not being able to be there if something happens to a close family member is one of my biggest fears. But if she knew, would she be more careful? Once again, her tone was ambiguous:

  “Scarlett! (no “Hi, love,” or “Hello, Scarlett; just “Scarlett”). It’s your mother. Call me when you get this!”

  It wasn’t the right time to return her call but, once again, she had me worried. Since the bus wasn’t there yet, I called her back.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mom, it’s me.”

  “Where were you?” she asked, totally freaked out, as if she didn’t know I was a flight attendant and would often leave at the last minute.

  “I was in Costa Rica today mom.”

  “Oh, lucky you!” she squealed.

  “Mom, I didn’t stay there. It was a return flight. I didn’t see anything.”

  “Ah, still, lucky!”

  Obviously, she didn’t care to understand the reality of my job, so I simply agreed.

  “Mom, was there something urgent you needed to tell me? Because I just arrived and I have to hang up soon.”

  “Oh no, I just wanted to chat.”

  “All right, then, I’ll call you back tomorrow, okay?”

  “By the way, your uncle Albert left your aunt Patricia for another woman,” she continued, totally ignoring my attempt to end the conversation. “Your father and I can’t get over it. After everything she’s done for him. Their kids had just left home. She was just getting a breather when he decided to leave her for another one. How cold-hearted!”

  Mom passionately continued her monologue about Uncle Albert and Aunty Patricia. She was furious. She didn’t need to go on as I already knew what she thought of divorce. At that moment, I didn’t have the energy to spend on trying to understand the reason for the sad split-up, nor for listening to my mom’s negative opinion of my uncle. Again, I tried to end the conversation.

  “You’re right, Mom, it’s a horrible story. But as I said, I don’t have time to chat right now. I’ll call you again tomorrow.”

  “Okay, kiddo, talk to you tomorrow, then.”

  Mom, probably disappointed not to be able to talk to me any longer, put on her sheepish voice. But at least she no longer sounded freaked out, and I lost all trace of my previous anxiety. I hung up and took the opportunity to look through emails on my iPhone. All of a sudden, as I was pressing the app icon, I glanced at the rest of the crew walking toward the bus stop. Among them was my captain. Seeing him, I instinctively repeated his name in my head: “John Ross.” He intrigued me and I couldn’t believe I was attracted to him. A pilot! It was impossible! I got ahold of myself and we all boarded the bus.

  My handsome captain sat at the back, alone and lost in his thoughts. Rupert was talking to a colleague so I took advantage of the situation and discreetly observed, from the corner of my eye, what I was so strangely attracted to. I hoped our eyes would meet, even though I wasn’t able to hold that dark and deep gaze of his. He was truly making me uneasy without even realizing it. He was definitely unaware, and I went completely unnoticed. All through the ride, he did not look at me once. Nothing. Nada. Rien. How frustrating!

  I, who just a few hours before had sworn to never date a pilot, was now trying to get a pilot’s attention, and he didn’t even notice. I was offended.

  When we arrived at the parking lot, he got up to get off at the first stop. He turned to face the crew, me included, and wished us a safe trip home. I would have liked him to personally tell me, “Good-bye, Scarlett,” but I had to keep it real: His good-byes were not directed at me. Apparently, my Enchanted lipstick did not work its magic today. Although, it had faded long ago . . .

  Chapter 4

  Boston (BOS) – Arrival from San José (SJO)

  When I get home after a flight, even if I have guests over, I have to jump in the shower right away. A shower is essential well before my friends’ welcome hugs and my precious glass of wine. Rupert doesn’t have a choice, he must wait his turn and get out of my way.

  Therefore, when I got home, I quickly said hi to my friends and mentioned that proper greetings would have to wait. They probably didn’t mind as airplane smell soaks into the skin and is nothing short of disgusting. Throughout the years, it has become one of the smells I despise the most in the whole wide world. And I’m barely exaggerating. More than just one word is necessary to explain the stench. In fact, my hair, my clothes, and my skin reek of old dust that has been soaking up the smells of burnt meals, vomit, and sweaty feet, mixed with a few of the many farts that the passengers let out throughout the flight. Far from appetizing! So, quick, in the shower!

  A few minutes later, fresh and squeaky clean, I put on some comfy clothes and met up with my friends. Becky walked up to me with a glass of wine. She looked, as always, very pretty and stylish, with her short hair nicely fashioned. She was wearing the long earrings made by the Maasais she had met during an African safari that she went on with one of her wealthy conquests.

  “Here ,Scarlett. Take a big sip. It’ll help you unwind. How was your day?”

  “It went well. I’ll tell you all about it, but first I’ll greet the girls,” I said, then looked at Paige and Rachel. “It’s so nice of you to have come all the way here tonight.”

  It was important to show my appreciation because ever since Paige had a little girl, who was nearly two years old now, and Rachel had a newborn who was now almost ten months old, it was always up to us to make the journey. As a matter of fact, I was quite surprised they had even accepted the invitation.

  “Who’s looking after the kids tonight?” I asked.

  “Well, the guys. They went out together last week and owed us one,” Paige explained with a smile.

  “That’s good, then! Let’s make the most of it while we can!”

  Paige and Rachel had become very close since they both had families of their own. Becky and I were also closer since we had started working in aviation. Our realities were different so it only made sense that we got along according to our respective interests. However, I never suspected our paths would go in such different ways after the birth of their children. I was under the impression that Paige looked down on me ever since she had become a mom. And as for Rachel, she hadn’t changed too much but still, she often made little judgmental comments about my lifestyle and my single life. Becky, even though she was single and a flight attendant just like me, seemed completely removed from their equation. I knew that in some way I was different, but I didn’t feel like changing and Rachel would often try and reason with me. That evening, once again, the conversation was heading that way.

  “Scarlett, where did you go again today?” she asked.

  “Rupert and I went to Costa Rica,” I answered, feigning a bit of disgust to imply that it had not been pleasant to fly, even though I had no reason to do so.

  “Ah! Costa Rica is so cool! Wa
s the temperature warm?” Paige asked enthusiastically.

  “It looked very humid but I didn’t stay long. Just long enough to peek my head out the door for two minutes and then close it again, back to breathing dry pressured air,” I added, somewhat sheepishly.

  I had gotten used to talking this way to the girls because I always felt some sort of envy from them when it came to my work. By belittling my career, I got the impression that they didn’t envy me as much and that they thought that looking after diapers and baby bottles was better than traveling all around the world. In fact, I had a strange feeling that’s exactly what they were trying to prove to me.

  “So, Scarlett, have you met anyone lately?” asked Paige.

  “Girls, you know that if I meet someone, you’ll be the first to know.”

  “Yeah, for sure, but don’t you think that if you keep being so demanding when it comes to men you won’t find anyone?” said Rachel, putting her problem-solver hat on.

  “First of all, I am not looking, I let things happen on their own. And second of all, how am I being demanding, Rachel? Does not sleeping with everyone make me too demanding? Becky is also single and as far as I can see you don’t blame her for it,” I exclaimed, getting a bit agitated.

  With my after-flight fatigue and my friends’ long-accumulated criticism, I had the intention to finally set the record straight, tonight, right here. Right now!

  “Becky is not like you, Scarlett. She meets plenty of people and always has a new date. At least she tries. You, you don’t even do anything,” added Rachel.

  Becky, now involved in the whole story, no longer had a choice but to intervene.

  “Woah, girls, I do not try, I’m just having fun. It’s my choice to lower my standards for my own pleasure. If I was looking for the love of my life I’d probably follow some criteria as well, but it’s just not the case right now. I don’t understand how Scarlett looking for a minimum of chivalry or something is an issue.