Global Warming Fun 4: They Taste Like Chicken

by Gary J. Davies

Chapter 3: Jerry Arrives

  The big helicopter landed on a flat expanse of bare granite that was next to the Deck, and the Tribe Leaders walked there to greet their guests. As the whine of its engines died down, a half-dozen men climbed down out of the chopper. Most appeared to be uniformed flight crew. Chief Ed immediately recognized man number five and stepped forward towards him with his hand extended. "Jerry Green!"

  "Ed Rumsfeld!" said Jerry as he stepped forward and they shock hands vigorously. "It's been a very long time but you haven't changed a bit!" The others that had arrived with him made no motion to join their leader, but instead posted guards and began to inspect the aircraft's mechanical condition.

  "Nor have you; at least not physically," said Ed. "You've made some surprising career choices though, since we were neighbors thirty-six years ago and you were a wanted fugitive."

  "So have you, Chief," said Jerry. "You've gone from seventh-grade history teacher to Mohawk Chief!"

  "Whodathunkit?" asked Ed.

  "And this is of course Mary!" said Jerry, as Mary gave him her little greeting-hug along with a big smile.

  "It's what's left of Mary after about thirty-six years of normal aging and wear and tear," she responded. "And this is Chief John Running Bear and his wife Religious Chief Talking Owl," she added.

  "You've captured me at last, NSA agent Running Bear," Jerry quipped, as the Mohican stepped forward and the two men shook hands.

  "Looks more like you captured yourself," Running Bear responded, nodding towards the big Government helicopter and the crew that surrounded it.

  "ED HAS THOUGHT OFTEN OF YOU," pathed Talking Owl.

  "AND I HAVE THOUGHT OFTEN OF HIM," Jerry pathed in response.

  "BUT WE SHOULD SPEAK ALOUD," added Ed.

  "I sense jants nearby but see no Stone-Coats," said Jerry.

  "Looks are deceiving," said Ed. "All around us are structures reshaped from Granite by Stone-Coats, including the flat area where we stand." Under their feet was the flat helicopter landing pad.

  "I see," said Jerry. "If we were to closely examine this granite, I suppose we would find carbon nanotubes and other evidence of Stone-Coat presence? Perhaps even computer-like structures that provide intelligence?"

  "I'll let our Chief Scientist respond to that," said Ed. "This is of course Frank Gray Wolf, and his wife Morning Dove."

  "It is an honor to meet you, Sir," said Frank.

  "It is an honor for me to meet you at last in person after our many message exchanges," said Jerry. "And your lovely wife."

  "Most evidence of Stone-Coat presence has gradually been withdrawn from this helicopter-pad and other structures, including most intelligence," explained Frank. "The carbon and other elements are too valuable to lie fallow; most of those resources have been reallocated elsewhere by the Stone-Coats, using molecular transport via carbon nanotubes and electrical charge. Only a small percentage remains for maintenance purposes."

  "Fascinating!" exclaimed Jerry. "And when will I meet a mobile Stone-Coat?"

  "During or after lunch," said Mary. "Your choice."

  "I planned to give you a quick tour of a greenhouse under construction by Stone-Coats," explained Ed. "There is a mobile Stone-Coat unit in that greenhouse that you can meet. We can do that tour now or we could immediately eat lunch with or without the presence of the Stone-Coat. Your choice, Jerry. We are all at your service."

  Jerry could smell the wonderful aroma of nearby food even from where they 'stood on the helicopter pad and he was indeed hungry after his long flight from Washington. "Let's eat lunch together now but also meet the Stone-Coat as soon as possible," he said.

  He was soon enjoying traditional Mohawk food.

  "The corn, beans, and squash are traditionally known as the Three Sisters," Mary noted. "For centuries they have formed the basis of the Tribe diet. The Tribe eats far less meat nowadays, but virtually all of our food is grown locally here on the Reservation in the greenhouses. With the ice sheet nearby refrigeration is of course no problem."

  "Here comes Ruth Night Owl and her monitoring Stone-Coat Rocky," announced Ed.

  A hundred yards away a small girl followed by a monstrous lumbering Stone-Coat had emerged from a greenhouse and were making their way towards the topside Deck. The Stone-Coat's diamond scales glittered spectacularly in the sunlight.

  "Rocky?" laughed Jerry. "That's an appropriate but informal sounding name."

  "We humans come up with the names we use to distinguish Stone-Coats, explained Frank Gray Wolf. Actual Stone-Coat unit designations are digital sequences that aren't very useful for normal direct verbal interactions with humans. Oops! It looks like Rocky is literally running out of steam! I'll get him some more water."

  Half way to the Deck the Stone-Coat was surrounded by a cloud of steam and moving slower and slower using shorter and shorter steps, until it finally came to a complete stop.

  "You big dummy!" they heard the girl exclaim loudly, before she dashed towards the eating group.

  Gray Wolf met her half way holding a pitcher of water, which the girl quickly snatched and ran back to the Stone-Coat.

  "Is something wrong?" Jerry asked.

  "Merely an inconvenience," explained Ed. "For some reason yet unexplained Rocky was moving using steam rather than ice in his hydraulic system. I suspect that he literally blew a gasket and lost too much water. Now he's stuck until he gets more water."

  As they watched, Gray Wolf boosted Ruth onto a big Stone-Coat shoulder and she poured water into the Stone-Coat's open mouth before Gray Wolfe helped her climb back down. Moments later, the Stone-Coat resumed its ponderous steps towards the Deck, but much slower this time. The impatient girl ran ahead to the waiting humans.

  "Well, that was embarrassing," said the smiling ten-year old, as she stepped up to Jerry and extended her hand. "Hi, I'm Ruth," she said. "And you're the famous Jerry Green from the Government."

  "Sit down here and eat some lunch, young lady," said Mary, as she helped the girl out of her back-pack, sat her down next to Jerry, and passed her a plate of vegetables. "This is what we white people call a working lunch. Feel free to eat and talk at the same time."

  "A Mohican tradition shared with the Mohawk!" claimed Running Bear. "And you, young lady, can explain why Rocky is without his sun reflecting poncho and is moving using steam."

  "That's my fault, Chief John," she replied. "I wanted to show off Rocky's diamond scales to Mr. Green, so I took off his poncho in the greenhouse this morning. When we came outside he got too hot and switched to steam but that made him very weak and slow."

  "But on the plus side his diamond scales are indeed spectacular," said Jerry.

  "My Stone-Coat is the best!" said Ruth brightly.

  Jerry and the other adults stood to properly greet the slowly approaching rock-creature. Jerry couldn't decide if in its general form it looked more like a monstrously husky mutant bear or an absurdly gigantic deformed mole, but it was definitely over six feet tall and yard wide, and the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The outside of it was covered in many faceted diamonds between the size of peas and baseballs, with the larger ones covering its torso and the smaller ones covering hands and face. The Mohawk name 'Stone-Coat' was well deserved.

  Sunlight reflected and refracted by the diamonds was dazzling, and Jerry was glad that he wore sunglasses. Through the diamond layer elongated crystals of various colors could be seen dimly, along with cloudy nets of dark fibers: the graphene/carbon neural and circulatory system of the stone creatures. The big round eyes were black disks with a dull tinge of red that contrasted greatly with the surrounding diamond scaled skin. Oversized fingers and toes that ended in pointy diamond claws completed the unmistakable impression that this monstrous creature was incredibly powerful and potentially dangerous.

  Its approach was pitifully slow and noisy; with each step its big feet and clawed toes scraped noisily across the granite surface of the Deck, no doubt gouging scrape marks into its surface tha
t would be slowly repaired by Stone-Coat abilities still contained within the floor. "Verbal greetings, Jerry Green and Tribe Chiefs," said its mechanical voice as it approached closer.

  "Greetings Rocky," replied Jerry. "I am very interested to at last personally meet with Stone-Coats."

  "I suggest that you resume your consumption of energy containing organic materials," said Rocky. "I will similarly cool this unit to optimize its mobility. Communication will be available throughout my cooling process."

  Jerry knew that the Stone-Coats had been studying human radio, television, and internet communications for decades before finally conversing with the Tribe, but he was nevertheless impressed by Rocky's ability to think and talk so human-like. Even small units like this one were incredibly sophisticated compared with the most advanced human robots. But being a biologist, Jerry understood that like humans, Stone-Coats had been painstakingly 'designed' through hundreds of millions of years of evolution. In principle their achievement of sentient consciousness was no more remarkable than that of humans and other intelligent animals such as dolphins and chimpanzees.

  The Tribe humans sat back down and resumed eating, and Jerry followed suit. Meanwhile the Stone-Coat steadily moved past the table where the humans ate and settled into the phone-booth-like crystalline Stone-Coat cooling station next to it. What looked like smoke leaked over the top of the cooling-cubical walls and poured down its sides.

  "He consumes dry ice to cool himself quickly," explained Gray Wolf. "I don't know exactly why their crystals don't shatter due to temperature differentials, but their nanotube impregnated crystals don't seem to shatter easily."

  "Astounding!" said Jerry.

  "Is Rocky what you expected?" Ed asked.

  "And more," admitted Jerry. "For one thing its sheer bulk exceeds my expectations."

  "That is to stabilize its temperature and to protect humans and jants from the radiation internal to itself that provides most of its power," explained Gray Wolf.

  "Of course," said Jerry.

  "I am also solar powered," voiced Rocky from in the cooling station booth. "These are among several design innovations introduced which better enable our function near humans in this hostile warm environment."

  "You prefer cold?" asked Jerry.

  "For efficient mobility, yes," said Rocky. "Climate warmth however has compensating advantages. Warmth stimulates plant growth. Plant life carbon fixing has long been exploited by us. Carbon is used for what you call our neural circuitry and material replenishment systems, and for our autonomous mobile units in particular, large quantities of carbon are required. We can acquire carbon from the atmosphere directly but not nearly as efficiently as plants can. Tribe humans for a considerable time hindered us but most recently have aided us by providing us much carbon and other useful elements."

  "Yet after a few years you Stone-Coats stopped asking the Tribe to bring you metals and other materials from scrapyards," said Jerry. "Why is that?"

  "We jump-started them by doing that but now they can better retrieve their own materials," explained Gray Wolf. "They grow great underground root-like systems of carbon nano-tubes that transport to them most of the elements they need from deep within the rock below. What to us are only trace amounts of rare elements not worth mining are bountiful treasures for them that can be found throughout their mineral habitats and retrieved by them. To acquire the balance of elements that they need they do consume some of the plants we grow and all of our human waste, but we are no longer asked to truck tons of scrap materials to them."

  "Which is fortunate because we can no longer drive land vehicles to and from Giants' Rest except for small snowmobiles," noted Ed.

  "And that is done only with great difficulty and danger," said Running Bear. "The ice is dangerous. Helicopter has become the preferred means of transport between us and the outside world. It is fortunate that the Stone-Coats are masters at obtaining the atomic elements that they need from the minerals around them."

  "Unlike your life forms we also directly exploit the crystalline structures of minerals to provide structure for ourselves," added Rocky. "Igneous and metamorphic rock formations provide environments in which we thrive best, but sedimentary formations are also satisfactory, even though extra time and energy is required to re-establish suitable crystalline structures within them."

  "The result is smart rocks," said Ed.

  "For every hundred ton mobile Stone-Coat unit we see moving about there are millions of tons of immobile smart rock that we don't see," added Gray Wolf. "They are perhaps more analogous to mushrooms than they are to animals or sun-seeking plants, with most of their bulk hidden underground. There are unsung mushrooms with greater bulk than sequoia trees, but all we see of them are the little parts of them that bloom and produce spores that spread them around."

  "An apt analogy," Rocky acknowledged. "Although the period of global warmth you humans have caused is not what we prefer, climate change has produced a very useful temporary period of cold in this local region that we are using to spread ourselves rapidly and to collect carbon using our mobile units."

  "Yes, our satellite surveillance of this region has recorded extensive Stone-Coat movements," said Jerry. "I'm afraid that the secret of your existence will soon be out to humanity."

  "Fifty foot tall giants walking about can at times be hard to miss," noted Ed.

  "Agreed," said Rocky. "Internet rumors of our existence are increasing, despite your attempts to suppress them."

  "Stone-Coats are of enormous interest to my team of scientists," said Jerry, "and you have developed a good and peaceful working relationship here with the Tribe. I see no reason to prematurely make Stone-Coats known to our public, but humans are curious information-hungry creatures, and will very soon know about you. I'll have to somehow try to manage that using my influence in the Government."

  "It is a common problem that we share," said Walking Stone. "We also have suppressed knowledge about ourselves on the internet."

  "We have noted your internet proficiency and it does not surprise me," said Jerry. "Our computer system protocols tend to be uniform and common and must be very simplistic compared to what you employ internally."

  "Correct," Rocky acknowledged. "Human systems tend to be clever but uniform and ultimately relatively simple. Yet our study of your systems has given us insights into ourselves that has stimulated self-improvement."

  "Rocky helps me with my computer," added Ruth. "He is super smart."

  "Out of curiosity, how much immobile Stone-Coat computing power is allocated to supporting the function of the mobile Stone-Coat unit Rocky?" asked Jerry.

  "The amount is highly variable, but usually far less than one-tenth of one percent," said Rocky, "and that is chiefly to provide data replication and communication. Each mobile unit has enough intelligence to operate autonomously, though my unit is close to the minimum size required to approximate human intelligence. More cognitive resources will be allocated when we discuss more complex matters."

  "Then I suggest that our meetings be held in our Tribe caves," said Ed. "In the caves we are literally surrounded by millions of tons of smart rock. But first I wanted to give you a quick tour of our latest greenhouse. Rocky, are you cold enough to resume normal movement and to come with us?"

  "Yes," said Rocky, "but I will need my parka. It is made of materials similar to what was once used by humans to construct early Earth-orbiting satellites."

  "Very similar materials are used including the thin aluminum-based reflective layer," noted Gray Wolf, "except that the super strong Stone-Coat produced graphene form of carbon is used instead of other plastics. The result is improved Mylar."

  Ruth removed Rocky's silvery colored parka from her backpack, and Running Bear and Gray Wolf helped the girl cover Rocky with it after he emerged from the cooling station. The entire group then set off for their tour.

  "We grow crops all year in our greenhouses," Ed explained, after leading the party into the gre
enhouse furthest from the Deck. The greenhouse was an elongated building two hundred hundred yards long and ten yards wide. On either side of the center aisle, leafy green crops grew in elevated rows of soil that had been rescued from the Tribal fields before they were buried in ice year-long. "The soil was the critical living resource to preserve in our transition period. Under normal circumstances it can take a hundred years to develop a centimeter if good, living soil."

  "We didn't have centuries," noted Frank. "Soil is our biggest continuing research and bioengineering project, carried out mostly by the jants, local and world-wide. There are tens of thousands of tiny soil organisms that are part of that research. That research is in turn related to research on the many tiny organisms that live within the bodies of jants, humans, and other macroscopic plants and animals. Some interesting parallels and relationships between soil critters and inner-body critters have been discovered. You are of course aware that there are more such organisms within a human body than a body has cells?"

  "Certainly," said Jerry. "This is fascinating work that you describe! How is temperature controlled in the greenhouses?"

  "A lot of plants like the ice-cooled temperatures we enjoy year-long," said Ed. "It's about seventy degrees in here now; not bad for July. In the winter Stone-Coat heated water is circulated under the floors, such that freezing temperatures are avoided and the more hearty greens still thrive. I especially like the sugar-snap peas."

  "Even in the winter the greenhouses are still inconveniently warm for Stone-Coats that use ice expansion for hydraulics to provide for mobility," noted Rocky. "The cooling stations in the greenhouses are actually active Stone-Coat units that are needed year-long."

  As they worked their way through the greenhouse Gray Wolf and Rocky identified minerals used to form the greenhouse and which building components were particularly active, while Mary and Talking Owl identified vegetables and other crops that were being grown. Dozens of Tribe members tended the vigorously growing crops, often in family groups, and exchanged friendly greetings with the touring group.

  When they reached the far-end of the greenhouse, Rocky entered another Stone-Coat cooling station. Beyond it what looked like a heavy-duty transparent plastic shower curtain stretched across the greenhouse. A few feet beyond that, the greenhouse abruptly ended and opened into empty space ten feet above the ice sheet below. The edge of the greenhouse was covered in wispy mats of impossibly thin black-tinged fibers, so fine and dense that they looked like gray smoke.

  "Here you see greenhouse construction in progress," said Ed. "Millions of microscopically tiny carbon nanotubes per share-inch are being employed to build this greenhouse one molecule at a time along its edge. You can see why the growth process is slow."

  "Growth is close to an inch a day," added Running Bear. "This final greenhouse being constructed will someday be twice as long."

  "Astounding!" said Jerry. "Can they similarly mend existing human concrete and steel structures?"

  "Yes, they can," said Ed. "We don't have many of those anymore but Stone-Coats now completely maintain them. When they repair concrete they make it much stronger by replacing amorphous structure with long crystal fibers and adding a nanotube network and limited intelligence to repair any future deterioration. They can even do machine repairs, if you're willing to wait weeks to get them done. It took them a while to learn to not reflexively consume the carbon-rich engine oil in our combustion engine machines, but now they do most of our vehicle and appliance maintenance. They are repairing our old helicopter now. They even synthesize its fuel."

  "What about human-made computer parts?" Jerry asked.

  "We can repair most problems that arise in human computers," Rocky said, "though in many respects human computers are very crude. Sometimes we add design improvements instead of simply repairing human computing devices."

  "Most impressive," said Jerry. "I notice that the greenhouse growth edges do not appear to require cooling. Growth is occurring in direct summer sunlight at temperatures well above freezing."

  "Freezing temperatures support efficient liquid to solid state changes of water, and the resulting volume expansion enables effective hydraulic-based Stone-Coat mobility," said Gray Wolf. "Only the mobile units require this temperature range. More generally Stone-Coats compute thoughts and construct mineral structures over a much wider range of temperatures. Non-motion is actually the usual Stone-Coat status. They have apparently been mentally active continuously for hundreds of millions of years, but are effectively mobile mostly when ice-age glaciation periods or long winters occur."

  A loud buzzing noise grew in volume and then abruptly stopped.

  "It's one of those big flies!" said Ruth, pointing to the plastic curtain. In the outside surface of the transparent curtain, a gigantic blackish insect was walking about. The body was as large as that of a rabbit, though longer and thinner, and the length of the entire creature including wings was nearly two feet.

  "It's looking for a way in," said Mary.

  Just then the creature came to where two sides of the curtain met. A Velcro-like tearing sound could be heard when the fly forced the two sides to part far enough for it to squeeze through. It immediately took to the air and flew at Mary, where it was met by a karate chop from Running Bear before it could reach her. The fly, deterred but unharmed, bounced away and next landed atop Ruth's head before quickly being knocked away by Gray Wolf. Though startled, the girl seemed to also be unharmed.

  "KILL THE TSIKS!" Talking Owl commanded, as her companion Yellow Claw launched itself screaming from her shoulder. The agile fly/tsiks dodged the reaching talons of the owl but after a loud popping sound it staggered in flight and dropped to the floor, where it laid twitching and dying.

  "What just happened?" asked Jerry.

  Running Bear knelt beside the still convulsing body of the fly and poked it with the big hunting knife that he now held. From the body of the dying fly several inches of ice as thick as a man's finger protruded. "Stone-Coat icicle, I suspect; spat by Rocky using radiation heated steam. Nice shooting, Rocky!"

  "You shot the fly down with an icicle?" Ed asked Rocky, as the Stone-Coat emerged from the cold-station to inspect Ruth more closely. Some residual steam seeped out from his mouth

  "It attacked my companion Ruth," the Stone-Coat explained. "Since this morning my protocol has been slightly altered towards closer companionship with Ruth. Protective measures were immediately employed without hesitation."

  "I'm OK," Ruth reassured everyone. "I told you that my Stone-Coat is the best! And now he's even friendlier!" She stepped up to Rocky and gave him/it a big hug.

  "Thank you for shooting the fly," said Ed. "You have the gratitude of the Tribe."

  "Look! Many more flies are coming!" exclaimed Mary.

  An increased buzzing sound could be heard, followed a loud thump, as a big fly body struck the overhead glass of the greenhouse. At least a dozen more followed.

  "The dummies think they can fly through the glass!" said Ruth.

  "Can they?" Jerry asked. "They're pretty damn big!"

  "Unlikely," said Gray Wolf. "That glass is strong enough to withstand the weight of ten feet of snow, plus there are nearly invisible strands of carbon nanotubes laced through it. It is essentially super-strong safely glass. Even if they were to shatter a window I doubt that they could break through it."

  "People outside on the Deck are being attacked," said Ed. He could sense their fear and the telepathic cries for help from some of them.

  "As are area animals," added Talking Owl. "The flies swarm the sunny mountainsides where the remaining forest life is concentrated. The owls and other raptors battle them but they are greatly outnumbered. There is much death."

  A dozen flies were walking about atop the greenhouse, searching for an opening big enough for them to exploit. There were indeed vent openings, but those were protected by strong gratings constructed of Stone-Coat shaped minerals. Another fly found its way into the greenhouse via t
he curtain and this time was quickly dispatched by Yellow Claw.

  "WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY GIANT FLIES," Ed pathed loudly to the Reservation at large. "STAY CALM AND STAY INSIDE THE GREENHOUSES AND CAVES. KILL ANY FLIES THAT YOU CAN. SECURITY FORCES WEARING GRAPHENE SUITS RESCUE THOSE TRIBE MEMBERS THAT ARE OUTSIDE AND SECURE THE CAVE AND GREENHOUSE ENTRANCES. SPEARS, SWORDS AND SHOTGUNS USED WITH CARE ARE RECOMMENDED."

  "OK, this Chief has seen enough," Ed said aloud. "The flies are hereby official Tribe enemies and to be exterminated."

  "How?" asked Mary.

  "Damned if I know," admitted Ed.

  "I hope my questing grandson knows," added Running Bear.

  Even through the thick glass of the greenhouse, the buzzing of flies and sound of many shotgun blasts could be heard.

  ****