by J. S. Scott
“I know you will. It’s just hard not to feel like I’m in the way. Although… I guess maybe those are my hang-ups. My dad…” When her voice cracked, I had all too good an indication as to why she always seemed to be putting herself down, why she always seemed to be apologizing, or why she always seemed to think that she wasn’t good enough.
And frankly, her father and I were going to have words, as soon as this mess was over. “I want you to forget about anything hurtful your father ever said to you, because it’s clear he doesn’t have a fucking clue as to just how sweet, smart, and kind you are. You’re amazing, Charlie—and I hate that you’d think otherwise. A father’s supposed to build you up—not tear you down.”
“It’s sweet of you to say that, but… things are complicated when it comes to my family. It’s easy to blame my father for things, but there’s a reason he is the way he is.”
CHAPTER 12
Charlie
The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my family problems. I already had enough to contend with, and this was going to push me over the edge, even though I knew Gavin deserved to know the truth. “Please… just let it go, Gavin.”
He looked so worried about me, which was damn sweet of him, even if just minutes earlier, it felt like he’d been putting some distance between us. “I’ll let it go, love, even if I’m going to keep reminding you just how special you are.”
His words and kindness had me going up onto my toes to kiss his cheek. “I don’t think you’ll ever know how much your words mean to me.”
His eyes locked on mine, and he looked at me with such an intensity, it made my breath catch. It felt as though time stood still, the air between us crackling with a sexual energy that was impossible to ignore. I could hear my heart hammering away, and when he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me as if I was the very air he breathed, I felt his touch down to my very soul.
His fingers sinking into my hair as his tongue swept over mine, our kiss deepening as I let go of all my hang-ups, and tried to just live in the moment. Before long, Gavin was pulling away, even though he still held me close, our breathing heavy.
When he spoke, his voice was thick with need. “I know I probably shouldn’t have done that, but at the moment, I can’t say that I’m sorry. And if I’m being honest, I make no guarantees that I won’t do it again.”
Unable to resist him, and riding a high I had never felt before, I leaned in and stole just one more kiss, my lips pressed sweetly to his. “And I can guarantee that if you kiss me again, I won’t stop you.”
I’d never been so bold, but there was something about Gavin that made me feel different about myself—and I liked it. His words… his actions… they made me feel special. He made me feel special. And after nearly two decades of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, of feeling like everything was my fault, it was damn nice not to have to carry that burden.
Because when Gavin looked at me, he saw the person I wanted to be, instead of the person I’d been told I was.
It didn’t take me long at all to grab the few things I had, and with our bags packed and the dogs ready to go, I found myself tucked against Gavin’s side as we rode off to some undisclosed location in an FBI vehicle, while the dogs settled down in the back of the massive bullet-proof SUV. It took us about three hours to get to where we were going, which turned out to be a good sized cabin buried up high in the mountains and surrounded by heavily wooded forests.
“The cabin has been fully stocked for you, and all the lines in and out of this place are secure. There’s a vehicle in the garage, and you’ll find new cell phones and laptops inside. If there’s anything at all that you need, if there are any concerns you have, or any questions, don’t hesitate to call us. We won’t be far.” Agent Latimer led the way to the cabin and got us settled while the others kept watch, but before long it was once more just me and Gavin and the dogs.
Gavin crossed to my side, his brow furrowed with worry. “How are you holding up, love? I know this is a lot to take in.”
That was an understatement, since this felt a lot like some sort of witness protection program, albeit a temporary one. Add to that the little fact my boss had just been murdered and there was likely still a hit out on my life. “Honestly, I don’t know. My life couldn’t have been any more boring or normal. And now, I’m under FBI protection, someone wants me dead because of a weaponized virus I had nothing to do with, and I’m temporarily living with a man I’ve only just met, when I haven’t even been on a date in close to a decade.”
His lips quirked into a smile that lit up his blue eyes. “A decade, huh? Somehow I don’t believe that.”
“Okay. Maybe that’s a slight exaggeration—but honestly, not by a whole lot. I work too many hours to ever get the chance to meet anyone, and other than the guys I work with, which are a definite no, or my pizza delivery guy, there’s not a whole lot of opportunity. I mean, it took a hit on my life to get me to meet someone new. And last I checked, it’s not exactly the best way to meet guys.” I couldn’t help but smile when he laughed, my mood improving drastically by simply having Gavin around.
“I don’t know… I kind of like the whole damsel in distress dating method. And I’m all for strong powerful women who can kick ass, but I won’t deny it’s kind of nice to be able to save the day and be the hero, every now and then.” With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he shrugged his shoulders and gave me another easy smile, so he looked not just sexy, but adorable—if a six foot three, muscular man, with smoldering sexy looks could be adorable.
“Well, there’s no one else I’d rather have saving me when I’m in need of a hero.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess that I was actually flirting.
Me.
Flirting.
The world must be coming to an end.
I think I even managed to not look like a total idiot while doing so. Except, of course, that the mere thought of me flirting had my cheeks flaming with embarrassment. What the hell was I doing? Not that I could think straight with Gavin around.
“Sweetheart…” He brushed the back of his fingers against my hot cheek, his eyes locked on mine. “You’re blushing.”
“Am I?” A second wave of heat hit my cheeks as I pretended to be oblivious to the effect he had on me.
I wasn’t sure what to say or do next. I was just so clueless, and clearly in way over my head. But before I could figure it out, Gavin grabbed my bag and snagged my hand. “Come on, love… let’s check out our digs.”
I forced myself to swallow down my disappointment, though I liked that he was, at the very least, maintaining some sort of physical contact between us.
Quaint and cozy was the best way to describe the cabin. With wooden beams vaulting the ceilings, shiplap on the walls, and a massive stone fireplace, I could just imagine sitting in front of the fire, curled up on the sofa, a snow storm raging outside as I snuggled up in Gavin’s arms.
As if that was going to happen.
But still… a girl could dream. And if a girl was going to dream, she’d certainly be dreaming of someone just like Gavin, since he was nothing short of amazing.
Gavin dropped my bags in the master bedroom, taking the room across the hall from mine for himself, no doubt so he would be close by should I need him. As small as the home was, it didn’t take us long to conclude our tour, finishing up on the back deck which overlooked the mountain ridge.
I turned to Gavin, grabbing his arm in my excitement. “It’s just so gorgeous here. Though I lived in the country when I was younger, we never had views like this.”
“The views really are stunning.” But when I turned to face Gavin his eyes were on me, not on the view. Which of course had me blushing once again. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips before pulling me back inside and towards the kitchen. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Here’s hoping they really did leave us a well
-stocked fridge and pantry. They have no idea how much I can eat.”
Luckily, they had. “Let me cook for you. What are you in the mood for?”
He groaned, his gaze drifting to my lips as he spoke, his voice gruff and sexy. “Sweetheart, what I’m hungry for isn’t on the menu.”
I wanted to tell him that he could have whatever he wanted—happily. And yet, who was I kidding? I didn’t know the first thing about men. I was totally inexperienced, and Gavin was way out of my league, even if we seemed to have a fair few things in common. But there was a reason I happily stayed holed up in my lab, and that was because I was clueless when it came to being social. Everyone always thought of me as quiet and mousy, even though I knew there was more to me than what others saw.
And if my own parents had never even seen me for who I was, what hope did I have of getting others to.
I shook myself free of my thoughts—and pushed away my father’s voice from my head as his words started to weasel their way into my head. I was getting damn tired of not living up to expectations that were impossible to meet. I was never going to be able to take my brother’s place. So why bother?
Knowing that Gavin would likely eat anything I put in front of him, I started pulling out ingredients. “Why don’t you get a fire going in the fireplace, and I’ll get started on dinner?”
“I guess that’ll have to do—for now.”
CHAPTER 13
Gavin
Charlie was making it damn hard for me to keep my distance, despite knowing that no good could come of pursuing this, given my past. Yet here I was, pulling her close and kissing the tip of her nose, before forcing myself to let her go.
There was just something about her that muddled my thoughts, so I found myself running on pure need, overwhelming attraction, and simply liking her way too much, my good intentions falling to the side the moment she was near.
I had to do better. Because there was no way she deserved to be with someone who had such a messed up past, and had not only been to prison but had been forced to rape his best friend. And though that may not have been my fault, given the drugs they’d given us, and the knife they’d held to our throats, I’d still gone through with it, and for that, I could never forgive myself, even if Kane didn’t blame me.
If I was going to pursue Charlie in any way shape or form, then she would need to know the truth, and frankly, that wasn’t a secret I was in any mood to tell. That meant pursuing Charlie just wasn’t an option.
Needing to keep myself busy and away from Charlie, I got to work building a fire in the massive stone fireplace, even if my mind continued to drift back to her. Trying not to think about her was impossible, especially when we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. And this quaint and cozy cabin felt far too romantic, making it even harder to keep my distance.
I added another log to my pile and stuffed kindling between the openings as I stole a glance in her direction. She’d never been in this particular kitchen before, yet she looked completely at ease as she moved around, looking in the cabinets and opening the drawers to find what she needed. I didn’t know what she had planned for dinner, but if I had to guess, it’d be nothing short of amazing, just like her. And it was damn hard not to picture her looking completely at home at my own place—a place we could make ours.
Once I got the fire going, I crossed to her side, unable to stay away even as I chastised myself for being an idiot, knowing I was setting myself up for one hell of a hard fall. Not that it mattered at the moment. All I could think of was closing the distance between us, and putting a smile on her face—and if it involved her screaming out my name as I made her come, then all the better.
I may be a nice enough guy, if one was willing to ignore my past, but it didn’t mean I was a goddamned monk. And Charlie? She was just too fucking perfect to pass up, making it impossible for me to keep my distance.
“I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it already smells damn good.” I tried to stay out of her way as I leaned against the counter, needing to be close. “Anything I can do to help?”
“I think I’ve got it under control. Though it’s nothing fancy—I can guarantee you that. I enjoy cooking, but it’s always just a bit of this and that. And I hate to admit it, but sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.” She tossed me a charming smile over her shoulder as she sliced up some mushrooms and tossed them in a large pan where she was already sautéing some leeks and chicken. “Don’t suppose you can see if they left us a bottle of wine? It’s not a problem if there isn’t. It’s just that it’ll be tastier if I can add it.”
“Let me see here…” After poking around in a handful of the kitchen cabinets, I spotted a wine rack over by the dining area. Luckily, they’d left us with a decent selection. “Would you prefer white or red?”
“White, if you have it.”
I did. I grabbed a decent bottle, and a few glasses while I was at it, and headed back to her side, pulling the cork and pouring us a generous amount before handing her the bottle and sliding her glass over. “Here you go, love.”
“Thanks.” She splashed some wine in and gave it all a stir, and then emptied a box of pasta into the pot of boiling water, before tossing me a hesitant smile. “Being up here in the mountains, away from it all—being here with you—it’s easy to forget that someone wants me dead.”
Fuck. She was totally right. Being here, in the safety of an FBI safe house, had us letting down our guard and relaxing, making it far too easy to forget why we were here in the first place. “I know what you mean. But I swear, we’ll find out who’s behind this and put an end to it.”
“I just feel bad that you’ve gotten dragged into my mess. If anything ever happened to you, I swear, I’d never forgive myself.” She glanced away as her eyes filled with tears.
“Hey…” I tipped her chin towards me with a gentle touch, only to find her tears rolling down her cheeks, catching me off guard that she’d be this upset about it. “Nothing’s going to happen to either of us. You have my word. I’m going to keep you safe.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about—it’s you. I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. It’s my fault you’ve gotten mixed up in this to begin with.” She shook her head, her gaze wandering, clearly still upset and leaving me to wonder if there was more to it than just what was happening here between us.
Cupping her face in my hands, I brushed her tears away and kissed her sweetly, needing her to know that she wasn’t alone... that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her, even if it was me she was worried about. “I don’t want you worrying about any of this. And, Charlie… if there’s anything you need to talk about, if there’s anything I can do to help see you through this, I’m here for you.”
All I could do was hope that, in time, she’d trust me enough and feel comfortable enough around me to open up and tell me what had her looking so haunted. Because there was something she wasn’t telling me… something in her past that had truly messed with her head. And if I had to guess, her father was involved.
“I’m sorry about the tears. I think it’s all just catching up with me.” She managed a halfhearted smile and turned back to cooking, no doubt using it as a distraction to keep from having to discuss the matter.
Before long, the dogs were munching away on their dinner, and we were sitting down to a hearty meal of creamy chicken and pasta in one of the tastiest sauces I’d ever had, opting to sit in front of the cozy fire, instead of the dining room table. “Damn, Charlie. You can really cook. This is fantastic.”
Looking proud, she beamed at me, her smile lighting up her eyes and making me one hell of a happy man, now that she was no longer haunted by whatever the hell it was that kept creeping its way to the surface. “I’m so relieved that you like it. Cooking’s become a bit of a hobby now that I’m living on my own in Seattle. I don’t tend to get out too muc
h, aside from dog walks, so it’s been good for killing time, especially on the weekends. And since I’m alone, I usually have leftovers to carry me through the week and I’m busy with work.”
It shouldn’t feel this damn good to hear that she was all alone, but I hated the thought of another man in her life. I wanted her all to myself, even if I knew I shouldn’t go there.
I’d never felt this way about anyone else, which was making it damn hard for me not to pursue her. Yet even if I came clean to her about my past, that didn’t change what I’d done. We may seem perfect for each other, but nothing could chase away my demons, and she deserved a whole lot better than me.
Now all I had to do is keep my distance.
I scoffed at myself. As if I’d even come close to managing that with Charlie around.
CHAPTER 14
Charlie
Though I didn’t normally drink, my nerves were getting the better of me with everything that was going on, and the wine seemed to be helping with that. At the very least, it was letting me relax around Gavin, since being anywhere remotely near him sent my heart skittering out of control.
No one else had ever had that sort of effect on me, which was why I must be Seattle’s oldest virgin. My nose had always been buried in a textbook, even when I was younger, and the guys didn’t usually go for the geeky type when there were cheerleaders around. And then, once I had finished with my studies, I was too busy with work to bother dating – and it’s not like there was anyone around worth dating, anyway. I certainly wasn’t the type to go to a bar to pick up men, and most of the guys I worked with were already taken and often times much older than me.