The Way to Her Heart

by Amy Reece

  “Nope. High school is going to be awesome!” Gabby had been proclaiming various versions of this attitude all summer, but Bernie knew she had to be at least a little bit nervous. She’d changed her mind about what outfit to wear three times and her nail polish color twice.

  “How do you know it’s going to be awesome? What if no one likes us? I’ve heard they dump freshmen in trash cans.”

  “Nobody’s dumping me in a trash can! High school is going to be awesome because I’ve decided it will be.”

  Bernie admired Gabby’s confidence but suspected a fair amount of bravado. “Yeah, but how can you be sure?”

  “We’ve got to walk in tomorrow like we own the place, Bernie! You have to believe in yourself. God, I can hardly wait to see all the guys! I’m going to find a boyfriend who’s at least a sophomore.” Gabby, much to Bernie’s dismay, had become completely boy-crazy over the last few months. They actually hadn’t had much opportunity to hang out lately because Gabby had been too busy systematically working her way through the male population of their eighth grade class. Her reputation had taken a nose dive as a result, and Bernie had heard whispers that she was easy. “I bet I can find you a boyfriend too, especially if you let me pick out something for you to wear tomorrow. Please, please, please?”

  “I don’t think it will make much of a difference. I’ll still look like a stick.” Bernie was usually philosophical about her complete lack of anything resembling a curve, but tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Gabby had developed a cute, compact figure over the past year with perfect sized breasts the boys couldn’t seem to stop staring at. Bernie still wore a training bra, which wasn’t strictly necessary.

  “Yeah, but I’ll probably be a fat little dumpling when I’m old, so I need to enjoy it while I can.” Gabby snagged another piece of pizza and studied Bernie. “How many guys have you kissed?”

  “Me? Oh, well…a few. You know.” She bit her lip and hoped Gabby believed her.

  “Hmm. Any French kissing?”

  Bernie wondered if Gabby could see her blushing in spite of her dark complexion. Why in the world would she let a boy stick his tongue in her mouth? Gross! She shook her head.

  Gabby laughed. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. As long as the guy has decent breath, that is.”

  Bernie joined her in a knowing chuckle, but she was still dubious.

  Bernie

  I kissed Josh. Oh my God, I actually kissed him. What was I thinking? But she had been feeling, not thinking. She’d found herself on top of him in their silly fight for the remote, staring into those deep blue eyes and was lost. She didn’t remember making a conscious decision to kiss him. She simply had to do it. Her limited experience hadn’t prepared her for how amazing it felt; in fact, she’d been horribly disappointed in the whole thing before now and wondered why people made such a fuss about it. She didn’t wonder any longer. Kissing Josh Harris was the best thing she’d ever done. And he had kissed her back, which was lovely. Until he pushed her away, which had been devastating. She flopped on her bed and buried her face in her pillow, only surfacing when Josh knocked on her door and told her he was going for a run. She didn’t blame him; she wished she could run away too. Instead, she hid in her room, not even coming out when Claire got home.

  She finally ventured out to wash up and brush her teeth but literally ran into Josh instead. Great, now I’ve groped him. She wouldn’t forget the sight or feel of his bare chest anytime soon, however. He certainly hadn’t let himself go since quitting football. She waited until both Josh and his mom were asleep before she crept downstairs to spend several hours studying Gabby’s various social media accounts. Josh didn’t exactly approve, but he always left his iPad out and available for her use.

  Gabby had been active on multiple social venues, mostly over-posting pictures of cats, food, and more selfies than Bernie could fathom, many with those ridiculous duck lips girls seemed to favor. Wow, I am not missing anything by not being on social media. What a complete waste of time! She and Josh had already plowed through most of Gabby’s Facebook and Twitter, noting the textual abuse Gabby dished out and received regularly. Now she focused on the pictures Gabby posted on Instagram. There were dozens of her and Diego and they got progressively more inappropriate, his hands resting in places that made Bernie cringe. What struck her more was the change, or rather the deterioration, in Gabby over the course of their photographed relationship. She looked happy and lighthearted in the beginning but tired and worried toward the end. She noticed the same thing in all the pictures of Gabby with her other friends. In the earlier pictures, Gabby was a part of the action, hamming it up for the camera. In the pictures right around the time of her disappearance, she was withdrawn, often in the back or nearly out of the picture. She found the picture of her with Natalia and Sofia she’d originally seen on the flyer for the candlelight vigil. The picture had bothered her at the time, and seeing it now in the midst of all her other pictures, Bernie could see a timeline of Gabby’s emotional deterioration. Something had been bothering her, but what? She scrolled through all the photos again, finally closing the app in frustration. She dropped her head into her hands and rubbed her tired eyes. She had to find some way to discover what had been bothering Gabby in the last months of her life.

  ***

  Bernie had never experienced such a Christmas, even when she was a little girl and her grandmother was alive. She and Josh spent hours baking and decorating cookies to share with neighbors and relatives. There was some awkwardness the morning after the kiss, but he seemed determined to act normal, so she went along with it. What other choice did she have? If she couldn’t make this living arrangement work, she was back on the street, living in her car. She liked sleeping in a warm bed, so she accepted his attempt at normality. It was her fault for throwing herself at him, anyway.

  “So, do you have a favorite Christmas cookie?” Josh was putting the finishing touches on the Swedish teacakes he said were his grandmother’s favorite. “We could make some.”

  “Um, my grandma used to make biscochitos. Have you ever baked those?” She took a bite of one of the teacakes. “These are really good, Josh.”

  “Thanks. You’ve got a little powdered sugar—” He reached toward her but pulled his hand away suddenly and turned back to his cookies. “I’m sure we can find a recipe.”

  She wiped her mouth, cognizant of the return of the awkwardness. “That would be great.”

  They found a recipe and produced several dozen of the delicate anise-flavored cookies. The kitchen smelled like Bernie’s childhood, reminding her of a time when her life wasn’t such a mess. “Do you think I could take a plate of cookies to my mom?”

  “God, Bernie, of course. That’s great idea. We can take them by tomorrow.”

  “You don’t mind going with me?”

  “I don’t like the thought of you going by yourself as long as that asshole boyfriend might be there. Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. We plan to go to my grandparents’ house for dinner and presents, but is there anything else you want to do before that?”

  She thought for a moment before answering. “I used to go to Mass with my grandma every year.”

  “You want to go to church?” He smiled.

  “Yeah, but I can go by myself.” It had been a dumb idea.

  “Bernie.” He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her toward him. “Of course I’ll go to church with you. I’m not Catholic, so you’ll have to tell me what to do. It’ll be good for me. I haven’t darkened the door of a church since—”

  Since your dad and brother’s funerals. She didn’t care about awkwardness in that moment; she stepped forward and hugged him. “Thanks, Josh. It means a lot to me.”

  ***

  She lay in bed the night before school started again for the new semester, unable to sleep. It had been a fast-paced week since Christmas, filled with Josh’s family and tons of delicious food. The visit to her mom on Christmas Eve had gone better than expected. She was alone, sob
er, and seemed to appreciate the cookies. They’d actually talked and her mom said she’d broken up with the boyfriend. Bernie promised to stop by a few days later. Josh had done pretty well during Mass; she’d stopped him from completing the Lord’s Prayer like a Protestant with a light touch on his arm. They’d stayed after so Bernie could light a candle for Gabby. The time spent with his family had been fun, as well. They welcomed her warmly and even had some small gifts for her. Josh had helped her make fudge. They wrapped it up beautifully so she had some small gift to offer to each of the families. She’d been unsure of what to get for Claire and Josh but had settled on a silky scarf for Claire and a soft knitted one for Josh in a blue she thought would look nice with his eyes. She glanced across the room and caught the light glinting off the beautiful frame he’d given her for Christmas. It perfectly fit the photos she’d previously had propped against the mirror; it was an incredibly thoughtful gift. This family was worming their way into her heart, and she realized it was going to be difficult to leave.

  ***

  “Hey, Sofia.” Bernie had waited by her locker until she walked by. She was determined to get closer to Gabby’s friends, and Sofia seemed easier to approach than Natalia. She also seemed not quite as bright, which Bernie was counting on. She needed to know what had been bothering Gabby before she disappeared, and she might have more luck weaseling the information out of Sofia.

  “Oh, hey, Bernie.” She sounded less than thrilled to see her as her eyes darted around, probably looking for Natalia.

  “How was your Christmas?” She hoped she didn’t sound as fake as she felt.

  “Kinda boring. How ’bout yours?” Sofia continued to her locker and worked her combination.

  “It was good. So, I was wondering if you want to, um, go to the mall with me sometime this week? You know, we can hang out and stuff.” God, this social crap was brutal! Living out of her car for four months had been a picnic compared to this.

  Sofia turned and stared at her, as if trying to figure out if she was for real. She must have decided in Bernie’s favor, because she shrugged and nodded. “Sure. I want to return some really hideous clothes my grandmother got me for Christmas. You want to go today?”

  That’s how Bernie ended up at the mall—a place she despised—on a Tuesday afternoon with Sofia, a girl with whom she had nothing in common.

  “God, can you believe she thought I’d ever wear this?” Sofia held up a pretty sweater Bernie would have loved. “My grandma has the worst taste ever! I wish she’d just give me money for Christmas! Old people should not try to pick out clothes.”

  Bernie would have traded everything she owned for five more minutes with her grandma, but she was trying to get on Sofia’s good side, so she simply gritted her teeth and nodded. She traipsed behind Sofia as she returned the sweater, a pair of jeans, a pair of boots, and a dress to various stores in the mall. How much money did Sofia’s family spend on Christmas? Bernie had never received more than two or three presents at a time in her entire life. “Do you think we could stop for a drink?”

  “Yes! I’m parched! Let’s go to Starbucks.”

  Bernie hated coffee but plastered a smile on her face and agreed. “Great.” Once at the coffee shop, she ordered a chai tea latte while Sofia ordered some sort of macchiato-type thing. “So, um, I was wondering something about Gabby.” She lobbed the conversational bomb and sipped her tea.

  Sofia choked slightly, coughed, and set her coffee in front of her. “Sure. What do you want to know? Not that I know much.”

  “Yeah, of course.” Bernie attempted to set the other girl at ease. “I was just wondering what was bothering Gabby those last few months before she disappeared.”

  “What makes you think anything was bothering her? It’s not like you spent any time with her.” Sofia gave her a patently disbelieving stare.

  It was time to pull out the big guns if she was ever going to pry any useful information out of Sofia. “I know. I feel so bad about not spending much time with Gabby. When my dad went to prison—” She paused to wipe her eyes on her napkin; she’d always been able to make herself cry on command, “—I had a hard time talking about it with anyone. I guess I withdrew from all my friends. It was just so hard!” She raised her cup to her lips, making her hand shake slightly. Sofia didn’t need to know her father had gone to prison when she was much younger and still close friends with Gabby.

  “Wow, I had no idea. That’s really awful.”

  “Yeah, I don’t like to talk about it. Anyway, Diego said something was bothering Gabby and they were fighting a lot.” She tried to make the next part sound as nonchalant as possible. “He thought she was fighting with you and Natalia too.”

  “Ugh, Diego! What a loser! She could have done so much better. We told her not to go out with him, but she wouldn’t listen.”

  “Any idea what they were fighting about?”

  “I don’t know for sure, but he was a manwhore. I know for a fact he was cheating on her with at least one other girl.” She stopped to take a sip of her coffee. “Did you know he was hooking up with Jackie Montoya?”

  Bernie was appalled at the casual way Sofia spoke of how Diego had cheated on Gabby. She felt relationships should be taken seriously, no matter what age you were.

  “I actually heard he was hooking up with you for a while too, until you dumped him for Josh Harris.” Sofia smirked at Bernie, a rather evil look on her face.

  This time Bernie choked on her chai. “Oh my God! None of that is true!”

  “You didn’t go out with Diego?”

  “Well, I did, but—”

  “And aren’t you going out with Josh Harris now?”

  “No, definitely not.” She didn’t think Sofia needed to know about the kiss they’d shared a few days ago. “We’re friends. That’s it.”

  “Sure. I’ll bet you are.” She slugged back the dregs of her coffee and gathered her shopping bags. “Well, this has been fun. We should do it again. Gotta go.” She was gone, leaving Bernie alone at the coffee shop, the overly sweet chai latte in front of her.

  What a waste of time! I didn’t learn anything new, except Diego is a disgusting human being, which isn’t breaking news. She sent Josh a text letting him know she was done and heading to the restaurant to have dinner with him, as they’d planned earlier.

  ***

  “So, I have some great news.” Josh set a plate of pork medallions with a honey-balsamic glaze in front of her.

  She should be used to such delicious food by now, but the flavor and tenderness of the meat still took her by surprise. “Mmm. This is so good. It must be selling really well, huh?” She forked another juicy bite into her mouth as he nodded with a smile that showcased those adorable dimples. Why does he have to be so good-looking? “What’s your news?”

  “I may have found a place for you to live. Remember I told you Maurice owns a triplex not far from the university? Well, he says one of his tenants gave his notice last week, so he’ll have an opening in a couple months.”

  The pork turned to sawdust in her mouth. He looked so happy about the thought of her moving out. Well, of course he’d be glad to get rid of her. Why wouldn’t he? He and his mom could finally get back to their normal lives. “Oh? Any idea of what he charges for rent? I can’t afford much, especially if I have to pay tuition. I hope I get the lottery scholarship, but it doesn’t cover everything. Maybe I should start at CNM instead of the university.” She didn’t want to attend the community college, but it was cheaper and she could transfer to the university in a couple years.

  “Calm down! Breathe! He said he’d be willing to work with you on the rent because it would be worth it to have someone responsible there. I guess the last tenant threw some pretty wild parties and trashed the place. Maurice is going to have to do a lot of repairs when this guy moves out.” He paused to take a bite of his own dinner and looked thoughtful as he chewed. “What’s your GPA? I figured you were such a brain you’d get more than the lottery scholarship.�
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  She shrugged, embarrassed to talk about her grades. “I have a 4.3.”

  He froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. “What? How is that possible?”

  She took another bite and tried to wave him off. “I took some AP classes. They have weighted grades.”

  “You mean you’ve never gotten a B in your whole high school career? I had no idea I was living with such a genius!” He smiled and winked at her, causing heat to flood her face. “What’d you get on your ACT?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She tried to change the subject. “Is this your recipe?”

  “Your ACT?” He folded his arms and raised his eyebrows, clearly not willing to forget it.

  She sighed and set her fork down. “Fine. I got a 31.”

  He laughed. “I knew it! You’re a freaking genius! I was happy to eke out a 25.”

  She squirmed, uncomfortable with the attention. “It’s not a big deal. Can we talk about something else?”

  “Why does it bother you I know how smart you are? It’s something to be proud of, Bernie. Did you apply for academic scholarships?” He reached for her hand, holding it casually on the tabletop.

  She gulped, enjoying the feel of his warm hand entirely too much. It was hard to ignore her attraction to him when he touched her. “Yeah, but it probably won’t amount to much.”

  “You don’t know that.” He squeezed her hand and returned to his dinner. “All right. I’ll stop harassing you. Tell me about your trip to the mall with Sofia. Did you learn anything?”

  “It was fairly disappointing. Sofia is addicted to gossip, but all I found out is Diego was cheating on Gabby, which doesn’t shock me. Ugh! High school drama sucks! How did you do this whole popularity thing for so long?”

  “I have no idea!” They both laughed. Then Josh sobered. “This last year has made me rethink my priorities.”