The Tempering (The Mackenzie Duncan Series)

by James, Adrianne

  “It took Teresa and me a while. It really did. Margret made us share a room and you see how well that works, but more than that, I was able to see her remorse over time. Then I was able to realize that I had no control either, that I had no idea what I did while I was turned. It just takes time, and even knowing that she didn’t turn me on purpose, I still wanted to hate her for a long time. But I got to know her, and couldn’t.

  “As for how I handle mistakes like the other night? I allow myself to grieve for them. I allow myself to be angry or hurt or sad. I cry in the shower and wash away the tears. It’s kind of symbolic for me. I have to forgive myself eventually. Until I have complete control, my wolf and I are not one in the same. She did those things and as the tears go down the drain, I allow the emotions that come with killing someone go, too.”

  “So you think he will get it?”

  “I do.”

  “Guess I should be heading out for a run. Want to go?” The sun was shining and the trees looked to be standing pretty still. It was a beautiful day outside and perhaps it could help alleviate her ugly mood.

  ~*~

  Natalie was right about one thing. Liam avoided her at all costs. For weeks, it was as if she didn’t exist to him. Not only would he leave if she was there, but he would completely act as if she didn’t exist if something forced him to stay.

  He worked with Geoff regularly on controlling his strength and while Mackenzie was happy that he was getting the help he needed, she was jealous of the time she no longer had with Geoff. Christmas day came and went, and everyone kept to the no gift-giving rule. She had at least hoped to spend some time with Geoff, but he was busy with Liam. Why they put up decorations but didn’t do anything else was completely beyond her. But that’s just how it was.

  Mackenzie was starting to feel the pull of nature. The full moon was approaching and all she wanted was to be outside. If only she could do so with as little as possible coming between her and the earth beneath her feet, the wind on her skin, and the sunshine on her body as she could. But the December weather wouldn’t allow it. Sure, she ran warmer than most and she would heal from anything, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to feel the sting of the cold.

  Dressing in long yoga pants and a long sleeved t-shirt was the least she dared wear. Sitting on the floor in the entryway, Mackenzie was lacing up her running shoes when the front door opened, letting in a gust of icy air. Looking up, she saw Geoff and Liam all buddy-buddy as they walked in. Apparently, they too had felt the pull. It shouldn’t have surprised her; most of the pack had already been in and out of the house that day. They were all feeling it. Most were getting the excited buzz going and were playing around; others—much like her—were finding ways to handle the pull while still keeping their cool, afraid of the night to come.

  Liam had a huge smile on his face. Mackenzie was able to see a half-crooked grin with beautiful white teeth and a dimple, just on the left side. Reaching up to her own face, she felt for hers. She also only had one but hers was on the right. Her mother always told her that the doctor who delivered her forgot to poke the other side. It became a running joke her whole life. At one point, she had even seen one of those carnival psychics who told her that her true match would complete her in every way by being her exact opposite. When she asked what they had meant, they wouldn’t tell her. She kept trying to figure it out. If she were aggressive, would they be meek? But if that were the case, she would never even give them the time of day. When she returned to the carnival a week later, the Psychic told her to think smaller details. Where she was dark, her match would be light. Where she was more of a scholar, he would be more artistic. Where she was right-handed, he would be left. He will be the other half to make the whole and everything will fall into place after meeting him.

  Mackenzie shook her head from the memory. She hadn’t thought about since she was fifteen. Just because Liam was pretty to look at and had an opposite dimple did not make him right for her. Hell, the man couldn’t even stand to be around her. Geoff. That is who she wanted and he wanted her, too. At least, that is what he led her to believe even if he hadn’t tried to move much further than a kiss on the cheek. All he needed was time and they had eons of it.

  “I’m telling you, the pull of nature is strongest right before the full moon. You will do anything to be outside. This one practically fell out of her window two cycles ago trying to get to the fresh air.” Geoff laughed and gestured to her. Irritation rose as she stood eying him and wondering if she were going to actually be able to get a word in before Liam ran off again.

  “Uh huh.” Liam said, but refused to look in her direction. His stance had changed from the happy man who just finished a run with a pal to what felt almost like an angry ex-boyfriend pretending she wasn’t in the room. His arms were crossed and he studied the pictures on the wall then looked back through the open door.

  “Well, since I apparently am not here anyway, I am going for a run so I don’t have to sleep in a window as you so like to tell everyone.” Storming out of the house, she slammed the door behind her and hit the road running. Geoff had some nerve telling Liam about that night. He had told her he wasn’t going to say anything. It’s not as if it were a bright moment in figuring out what the hell was happening with life. That was a moment the two of them shared, at least that’s what she thought. They may not have been able to stand each other much that day but still, she was really embarrassed about damaging the quaint little B&B.

  She knew she needed to let it go. When the full moon was close, she had more and more trouble containing her feelings, the good, and the bad. She did not want to over react when she returned to the house. She wanted to just ignore both men and take a long bath and rest before the following day when it would be completely hectic around the house preparing for the moon.

  Taking a deep breath, she let herself connect with the world around her. The wind was soft, but still rustled the leaves of the evergreens gently. The sunlight fell down upon her, warming her body from the outside while her working muscles warmed her from the inside. The scent of the damp soil beneath the snow and the moist wood in the trees anchored her to the earth. It was as if everything around her stopped and she was one with her surroundings.

  As she headed back toward the house, reality began to sink back in. In a little over twenty-four hours, she would return to her other life. Her wolf. She just hoped and prayed with everything she had in her that she didn’t harm anyone else.

  ~*~

  Walking into the house, her nose was welcomed by the smell of burning wood in the fireplace. If she had to pick her favorite scent, that would be it. So many memories of a burning wood stove at her grandmother’s house had just made that scent make her think of love and warmth.

  Wanting to sit in front of the fire, Mackenzie pulled her snow-covered shoes and socks off and headed for the den. As she walked in, she saw Teresa and Liam sitting on the couch in front of the fire with Geoff on the floor and a few others spread around the room. Not sure if she should stay or go, she leaned against the doorframe and listened as they spoke.

  “This is your first cycle. It’s going to be painful. And after the pain, you won’t remember a thing.”

  “Can’t I fight it? Can’t I just tell my body NOT to change?”

  “No. You can try to fight to keep your mind active, to be able to remember what you did, but you won’t have control. And even remembering what happened takes a long time. Natalie just started being able to remember what her wolf does last year. And now, she is just starting to gain a little control. And even when she has it, it’s only for a few minutes at a time.” Teresa placed her hand on Liam’s shoulder as she spoke. Mackenzie knew all of that. But no one had told her to fight against the blackout. Maybe they were just trying to help Liam with his fear and it would never work, or maybe they just didn’t tell her. Teresa would never intentionally keep that from her. Maybe she just never asked the right questions. One thing was for certain, this cycle, she was goin
g to do everything she could to try and keep a hold of her own brain when the wolf transformed the rest of her body.

  Chapter 20

  The day passed quickly. Too quickly for Mackenzie’s liking. She felt as though she had just woken up, but there she was, sitting around the campfire with the rest of the pack in the middle of the night waiting for the moon to claim them.

  Liam sat with Geoff on the other side of the clearing, shooting daggers at her with his eyes. He was nervous. He may not have said so, but his body spoke volumes. His legs were bouncing and he couldn’t seem to focus his eyes on anything but her and even that was only every so often.

  She needed to talk to Geoff. She wanted to speak with him earlier, but every time she tried, he was with Liam. Mackenzie had given Liam a full month of tip toeing around and making sure he had the space he needed, but she had needs, too. In that moment, she let her own needs win out over his.

  Standing, she centered her eyes on their circle. If Liam wanted to get up and walk away before she got to them, that was his choice, but she was going over there. With long purposeful strides, she crossed the clearing and stood directly behind Geoff. Liam looked to her in shock and disgust, as if she were some freak who walked up to the cool kids table. They may be young, but they were not children any longer and it was time he started acting like an adult.

  “Geoff, can I steal you away for a few minutes?”

  “Mack, the moon will peak soon. Can it wait? I need to be here when Liam turns so I can stick with him. We don’t know how fast he will be.” She rolled her eyes. She wasn’t an idiot. She could see where the moon sat in the sky. She didn’t want Liam to hurt anyone and knew he needed a follower, but honestly, Geoff wasn’t the fastest one to be able to help. He hadn’t been able to stop her.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be able to help him? You were supposed to be with me last moon and we all know how well that turned out.”

  The entire circle stopped talking and turned their attention on Mackenzie and Geoff. She was fuming and every nerve in her body was on edge. She was set to turn in a few minutes time and he chose then to piss her off?

  “Hey now! You will not speak to me that way. You are different. You are extremely fast and we had no way of knowing that. That’s why tonight Mason will be following you. He is our fastest besides you. If you have any hope of not hurting anyone again, he is it.”

  “I out ran him as a human!”

  “She did, man. I think we need two with her. I told you last night at the meeting. I really think Christy should help me.” Christy was the only other female in the house that was a born were. Mackenzie had found out that the Alaska house had most of the borns there because there was plenty of room for children. If the day came that Christy wanted to have any herself, she would transfer houses.

  Christy stood from another fire pit circle and walked over. She was smiling at Mackenzie even though they never really had a chance to talk more than typical pleasantries.

  “I can do that. Teresa doesn’t really need me anymore and if she is as fast as Mason says, then he is going to need the help.”

  “Fine, it’s settled.” Geoff had stood and called out, “We have about five minutes!”

  “Then give me three of them. Please,” she whispered. She didn’t like being passed off but for once, she was able to control her anger and plead with him. She needed him and she had thought they meant more to each other than just a leader and an underling. When his face softened, she knew she was right.

  “Okay. But we have to be quick.”

  The two of them stepped away from the group and in a whispered voice, Mackenzie quickly went through the overheard conversation.

  “You can try, but Mack, I never had to fight it. I don’t even know where to begin. I never had anyone to tell me what was going on. I got an anonymous letter in the mail before my thirteenth birthday warning me of what was to happen. When it actually happened, I just gave into it. I let the wolf take over and there was no pain. I don’t know if that will work for you or not. I have always been able to control it since. It’s part of me. The best I can tell you is to think as many human thoughts as you can throughout the change. Don’t focus on the pain, just allow it to happen and keep your mind on anything you think will keep you attached to your human self. It’s about time. We will talk after, I promise.” Then he leaned in and kissed her cheek and the usual warmth spread through her.

  “Thank you.”

  He smiled in response and returned to Liam. Everyone undressed and watched the sky. Mackenzie was going to try to ignore the pain and allow it to just happen. As the moon reached its peak, the cacophony of cracks and pops and screams of the others’ transformations filled the air. When her first bone broke she wanted to scream out too, but instead she thought of her mother. Her over-powering, crazy mother who wanted nothing but for her daughter to succeed even if her standard of success was lower than most. She thought of the holidays and birthdays with her and cooking in the kitchen together. She thought of her grandmother and the wood burning fireplace at her house. She thought of Geoff and all the times they almost moved to that next level. Each thought became fuzzier and fuzzier until they stopped completely.

  The wolf was free.

  ~*~

  Sunlight bathed Mackenzie in the early morning hours. Rubbing her eyes and sitting up with apprehension to see where she had managed to go the previous night, she discovered that she was lying by a river on top of a large boulder. Her feet were dangling into the frigid water, which was slightly pink from the blood that was dripping into it from beneath her. Closing her eyes, she attempted to remember the night before and see if she knew whether the blood that covered her was anything to worry about. She was hit with brief flashes.

  Geoff’s body conforming into a four-legged beast before bursting with fur. Their eyes locking and his head cocking to the side before running after a pure white wolf. Trees racing by her, so fast that they held no form other than blurry lines of brown. A deer running, then on the ground bleeding with its flesh torn away. And water. Lots of water.

  She had done it. She wasn’t sure if she was remembering in order or not, or how much else had happened. But seeing Mason and Christy sleeping soundly along the edge of the trees told her she hadn’t needed their intervention. She didn’t remember them, but that was okay. She remembered something. Yelling out in celebration, her fellow pack members slowly sat up and looked to her with smiles.

  “What’s up?” Mason called out.

  “I REMEMBER SOMETHING!” Mackenzie started dancing around on her rock before promptly realizing the reason Mason began to laugh at her. She was still nude. It was one thing to see one another after a change, quite another to be jiggling it all around. Losing her footing, she fell backwards into the water. The soft chuckle turned into a riotous laugh, from both Mason and Christy. Maybe she didn’t like her as much as she originally thought.

  “Come on, let’s get back to the clearing,” Mason said. Climbing out of the water, she nodded in agreement keeping her eyes anywhere but on her wolf-sitters. She was in no rush to see the laughter still playing at their mouths over her embarrassing fall.

  Chapter 21

  Once everyone had returned, it was obvious that this cycle had been a successful evening. Everyone was smiling and joking as they dressed. All except for Liam. He walked back into the clearing with Geoff but refused to speak to anyone. He was covered in blood and his eyes were red-rimmed. She knew what he was feeling. She had been there just a few months before. She knew he was moments from losing it when he reached down and scooped up a small handful of snow and tried rubbing his skin raw.

  Someone needed to go talk to him, to be there for him. There were plenty of people around and no one could see how upset he was. Geoff had even left his side to get dressed himself and joke around with the others. Could she be the one? Would he allow it? Or would he be even angrier with her now that he truly knew what she had done to him?

  Mackenzie stood,
watching Liam. Watching and waiting for him to acknowledge her, She wanted him to give her some clue as to whether or not her approach would be welcome. He could scream and yell at her, or cry or just stand there, as it didn’t matter. She just wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone in this. She shifted her weight back and forth. She bit her lip—then her nails. And just when she thought he would never look her way, he did. Only he didn’t look at her, he looked past her. Then he ran.

  Sighing, Mackenzie went back to the group and Geoff found her side. When he laced his fingers through hers and smiled at her, she hoped that since the first cycle of Liam’s were-life was over, she might get Geoff’s attention back. Liam may have still been new, but there were plenty of others in the house he could talk to other than Geoff.

  “How’d it go? Mason said the only fatalities were a few deer and some fish.” He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Gotta say, that’s a new one. Never been fishing as a wolf before.” His warm breath tickled and sent shivers down her spine.

  “It worked. I remember a very tiny bit.” She wanted to scream it from the rooftops again, but instead shared with only him. He was the one to help her make it happen. Without his advice, she didn’t think she would remember a thing. When she looked up to him, instead of seeing pride in his eyes, she saw skepticism. “What?”

  “Are you sure? I mean, I know you want to remember, and maybe you are hoping what you think you remember is real, but Mack, it takes a bitten years to gain even flashes.”