Lucian Divine

by Renee Carlino

  Zack didn’t respond for several seconds. “Yeah, I mean, I guess I knew.”

  “Do you tell Mona stuff?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

  “No, don’t even go there, bro. I would never.”

  “I gotta go,” I said, before drinking the last of the whiskey.

  I popped into Evey’s kitchen, where she was mixing up margaritas for her and Brooklyn. Evey was dressed to go out, revealing more skin than usual in her black silk shorts-jumper. Her smooth legs were still tan from the summer. She was wearing three-inch platform heels that I knew belonged to Brooklyn. I made a frustrated sound. She startled and turned around as if she’d heard me. She looked through me… thankfully.

  “Brooke?” she called.

  My heart was racing. Had she heard me?

  “Yeah?” Brooklyn said, walking into the kitchen. “Wow, girl, you look amazing. You’re totally gonna get some action.”

  “I don’t need action.” Evey handed over the margarita and said thoughtfully, “I’m extremely sated at the moment.”

  “Ew, what were you doing to yourself in there?”

  I felt like I should leave, like I was invading her privacy.

  “Oh, shut up, you do it all the time. You don’t think I hear the buzzing?” Evey asked.

  “Who were you thinking about? Huh? Please don’t say Beckett.”

  I was standing right next to Evey, my mouth near her cheek. I was willing her to say my name but at the same time praying she wouldn’t.

  “No one in particular.” She squinted. “Hot guy fantasy.”

  Say my name. It looked like she was about to form the letter L. I was as close as I could be to her without actually touching her. I tried to smell her, but I couldn’t; I tried to breathe her in, but I couldn’t.

  She shook her head. “I don’t know who I was thinking about.”

  I’m on the other side of life, Evey, existing where death belongs and yearning to be with you. Yearning in brief moments to bring you here, into the darkness. When my thoughts are so painfully selfish, I cannot breathe you in at all. I cannot love you when I hate myself. Don’t say my name. Don’t think about me. Don’t imagine how we can be together.

  She walked through me, toward the living room. I buckled over in pain. It’s always painful when you’re standing in the way of the person you love, but I didn’t care; I wanted to feel her so badly.

  A moment later, I was flying to the liquor store. Disguised as an old, bearded homeless man, I put a bottle on the counter.

  “Expensive Scotch, wouldn’t you say? Where’d you get the money?” the clerk said.

  I pulled my billfold from my back pocket. “None of your fucking business.” I handed him a hundred dollar bill. “Keep the change, dickface.”

  I went back to Evey’s and continued drinking on the steps until Joel and Keith, the two stupid apes, walked up and rang the buzzer.

  Brooklyn answered, “We’ll be down in thirty seconds.”

  Five minutes later, Evey and Brooklyn weren’t down yet. The apes were exchanging stories about “banging chicks”—their words, not mine—and I was drinking. No… I was guzzling. Joel and Keith’s angels were nearby. I could see them in the shadows. I wondered if I should make friends.

  I stumbled over. Keith’s angel was a female wearing a kilt-like skirt. I could tell she belonged to Keith because of her proximity to him. I’ll get to that later—it’s complicated.

  “Nice skirt,” I said.

  “Fuck you,” she said in her thick Scottish accent.

  “All right then,” I said, “Right here, out in the open? You’ve got easy access. I’m game.”

  “Take a hike, buddy. You’re drunk,” said Joel’s angel.

  “What’s everyone’s problem? Geez.” I gave them both a dirty look.

  “You don’t remember me at all, ye bastart?” the Scotty bitch said.

  I looked her up and down, shaking my head. “Why would I remember you?”

  “Maybe cause we had a Tinder date last week and you showed up pissed, you fuckin’ dunderweed. Pissed like ya are now.”

  “All right, all right, it’s coming back to me.”

  All of us redirected our attention to the steps where Evey and Brooklyn came prancing out. The proximity thing is when you’re with a group of angels, we are always naturally positioned nearest our souls. We can transport our own bodies (think teleportation) when we are within a one hundred yard radius of our souls, but once that barrier is broken, we have to fly the distance. Meaning, once your soul is out of range, you have to get back in range in order to move your energy from one space to another within an instant. When you get too far away, you have to go looking for them like any other person. The fact that we can hear their voices from several miles away helps, but if they’re not talking, well then you’re screwed. This is how a lot of people get kidnapped or killed. Their angels were out of range.

  Evey got out of range once when she was fifteen. I had been bored to death, sitting outside her childhood home in Oakland when she snuck out the back door and climbed her neighbor’s fence to meet her boyfriend a couple of blocks away. He was sixteen and had just gotten his driver’s license. T.J., that little shit. I was frantic, searching for her. I found them about three miles away in a Burger King parking lot, making out in his dad’s Buick.

  There was nothing I could do to stop that relationship. It was innocent and pure, and T.J. was actually a good kid until Evey told him she wanted to wait until she was eighteen to have sex. Good girl. He broke up with her.

  Then there was Byron, her real first everything. He was nice—good parents, good grades. They had sex in his parents’ garage when Evey was seventeen. I took off the moment they started kissing, but I got to hear every word of their conversation about protection. I almost stepped in front of a bus that night.

  Mona had sat me down afterward and asked what was wrong with me. I told her I was worried about Evey’s heart getting broken. Mona had said, “It’s not your job to protect her heart, just her body and soul.”

  What’s the difference when you love someone?

  I was walking down the street, mindlessly following Brooklyn, Evey, and the two dumbshits along with the bitchy Scottish angel and the other one.

  Evey said to Brooklyn, “Where are we going? I have to get up early for work.”

  “Tomorrow’s Sunday, you don’t have to work, and we’re going to Oakland. Joel got tickets to the Chainsmokers. Like you’d miss that.”

  Evey beamed. “I was going to work on some sketches, but who cares? You’re right! This will be awesome. Tracey can sketch her own stupid jeans.”

  I got a sinking feeling whenever I heard Evey talk about being irresponsible. I wanted to jump inside of Keith’s body, make him do something really stupid, and end the whole double date right there.

  The Scot was skipping down the middle of the street, humming some stupid old folk tune. I ran up next to her. “Listen, I need to ask you for a favor.” She ignored me and took flight. I tried to catch up to her in the air, but I couldn’t. I was drunk and dizzy. I hit the ground a little too hard and fell over. I could hear her laughing.

  “What’s your name?” I yelled.

  She popped up beside me. “Greer’s the name. What the fuck do ye want?”

  “Will you let me borrow Keith for a minute?”

  “Ye are crazy, aren’t ye?”

  We were following the group onto the BART subway to head to Oakland. It was crammed with people, so we sat on top of the train with a bunch of other angels as we zipped along through the tunnels.

  I had to yell at her over the noise of the train. “Please! I won’t hurt him. I just know Evey is going to make some terrible mistake tonight. I’m just looking out for her and him. She’s reckless right now. Been going through a lot.” I was sobering up, and Greer looked as though she was buying it.

  I popped down into the subway car. Evey was laughing hysterically at something Keith had said. Keith’s blond shaggy hair was
sprouting out everywhere below his low red beanie, which matched his red T-shirt. His jeans were hanging off of his ass, revealing his plaid boxers. So unoriginal, really not Evey’s type at all.

  Greer was standing behind me. “What’s in it for me?”

  “Take the night off. I won’t tell anyone.”

  She glanced over at Joel’s angel, who shrugged, and then whispered something in her ear.

  “You gonna watch Joel as well?” Greer asked.

  “Fine,” I told her. A moment later they were gone.

  As I stared at Evey, Brooklyn, Joel, and Keith, it hit me that I was now responsible for all of them. No more drinking tonight, I chanted over and over in my head.

  When we got to the Fox Theater, I saw Keith hand something to Brooklyn. She popped it into her mouth. The crowd was thick inside, and I was trying to stay as close to all of them as possible, hoping they wouldn’t separate. Evey and Keith made it to the bar and did shots while Joel and Brooklyn watched the beginning of the show.

  As a tipsy Evey made her way into the crowd, I decided I had had enough hovering for one night, so I popped into Keith’s body.

  I heaved audibly at his sick odor and weak body. Evey was the only human who smelled pleasant to me. I felt sluggish in his baby boy chest.

  “What’s wrong?” Evey’s musical voice came at me. Her big brown eyes were wide and her smile timid.

  “Nothing,” I said. His voice was high, raspy, and super fucking annoying.

  Evey and I, disguised as Keith, approached Brooklyn and Joel. Brooklyn immediately grabbed Evey and started dancing. She had Evey’s hands up over her head and was running her fingers down the undersides of Evey’s arms, and Evey was giggling.

  She broke away from Brooklyn and came up to me and said, “I want one too!”

  “One what? And why is Brooklyn acting so weird?”

  Evey threw her arms over my (Keith’s) shoulders and leaned into my ear. “Uh, duh, because she’s rolling. Aren’t you the one who gave her the X?”

  I pulled back. “Me?” I put my hand over my chest.

  She reached into my pocket and brushed my (Keith’s) semi-hard dick in the process. “Oh.” She smiled.

  I wanted to throw up.

  She popped a pill into her mouth. “Thanks.”

  Oh shit! Things were getting out of hand.

  I had to know what she was feeling, so I reached into my pocket, took out a round pill with a smiley face on it, and popped it into my mouth as well.

  Joel looked at me and laughed. “You never do that shit, dude.” Brooklyn and Evey were dancing next to us. “You’re gonna bang that chick on X, huh?”

  “Uh, uh, yeah, man.”

  Winging it had so many meanings at the moment. I was in way over my head. The real Keith wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow. I scurried off to the bathroom and stared at Keith’s ugly face in the mirror. I could still hear Evey blabbering to Brooklyn about how cute Keith was, and that started a violent session of dry heaving within me.

  As I leaned over the sink about to purge my (Keith’s) right lung, a guy holding a beer approached. “You okay, man?”

  I almost swiped his beer. I needed a drink that badly, but I had to control myself. Instead, I turned toward the urinals, removed Keith’s sad excuse for a dick, and peed. The size and shape of Keith’s dick truly saddened me, not because Evey would appreciate it but because I couldn’t understand how he was going to use it to do anything worthwhile. It was also really weird to hold onto another guy’s dick. But I wasn’t a guy; I was an angel. I had to constantly remind myself of that fact.

  Heading back onto the theater floor, I found the girls and tried to collect myself.

  After about an hour, the headlining act was on, playing the song “Roses.” Evey was hanging all over me, smiling. I was trying to remain calm.

  “I like you,” she yelled over the music, then she mouthed the lyrics, Say you’ll never let me go as she swayed from side to side.

  I felt my hands moving of their own accord, up her slim hips to her sides, then I was kissing her and cupping her breast—or rather, Keith was kissing her and cupping her breast. Oh my God, what am I doing?

  Everything was vibrant. I was aware of the hair on Keith’s arms standing up and his dick twitching every time Evey brushed against it. Her smell was stronger. Her breath, her sweat was intoxicating. I forgot all about booze for a couple hours and just let myself get lost in her. I blame the X.

  What I was doing was wrong on so many levels. Doing ecstasy wasn’t exactly a justification for a celestial being breaking every rule in the universe. Evey’s tongue was in my mouth, and she grinding against me. God, it really seemed like she had it bad for this guy.

  “I want to go home,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

  “Really?”

  “I told you… I like you, Keith.”

  Maybe she sensed it was me. Maybe I wanted her to.

  She kissed me again and then pulled back and stared into my eyes. I had to look away—I didn’t want to remind her. Zack and Mona were right; I hadn’t zapped her well enough. Brooklyn and Joel sucked face the entire taxi ride back. At least they were all safe. For the most part, I was sober and had held up my end of the deal with Abigail, Greer, and what’s his face.

  Joel and I followed the girls up to their apartment. I debated whether I should let good ol’ limp-dick Keith have his body back. My decision was made once I followed Evey into her room. With one zip, she was literally standing in a thong and nothing else.

  “Really?” I said derisively. “Really, Evelyn?”

  She scowled then covered her breasts. “My full name? Honestly, what’s up with the dad thing? I thought we were going to… I thought you liked me.”

  I had hurt her feelings. “No, don’t cover up, you’re just… you’re just so fucking beautiful, so fucking bold.” My eyes were wide.

  She let her hands drop. What I wanted to say was, Come on, Evey, seriously, this guy? You get naked like that for this guy?

  I hadn’t seen her completely naked since she was a baby. I didn’t know grown-up Evey’s body at all. Yet ironically, I knew her better than I knew myself. My hands were drawn to her. We were in her room, alone, standing in the small space between her bed and the door. She walked toward me and pressed her body to mine—or rather, Keith’s—reached her hands up around my neck, and smiled at me. She was searching my eyes again. It was freaking me out.

  “There’s something so familiar about you,” she said.

  I kissed her lightly and let my hands fall to her hips. I traced her thin waist with my fingertips as I moved my lips to her throat and collarbone. She moaned.

  “Evelyn…” I sighed. I was tormented, tortured, conflicted, hungry for her but wanting to protect her.

  She squinted. “That’s funny that you call me Evelyn. Only my mother and grandmother call me that.” She shrugged, leaned forward and tried to kiss me again.

  I put my finger to her mouth. “I can’t do this.”

  She stepped back, took a deep breath, and covered her body again, this time shamefully. She reached for a T-shirt lying on the bed and threw it on. “What is your deal? One minute you’re all over me. I take my clothes off and you act repulsed, then you say I’m fucking beautiful and then say you can’t do this?”

  I walked toward her and put my hands on her shoulders to comfort her. Then I did something really despicable. “I’m impotent, Evey. I have very extreme erectile dysfunction. It’s a medical condition and I take medication for it, but I can’t mix it with the X. It could be a fatal.”

  Her eyes shot open with sympathy. “Oh, I’m so sorry. How embarrassing. I didn’t know.” It was almost like she adored Keith even more. My plan was backfiring. “You poor thing,” she said as she wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me.

  I had to get her and Keith to sleep so I could get out of his ugly, dumb body. “You know what I would love, Evey? I would love to just lie down, call it a night. I’ll tak
e your number, and we’ll go on a proper date.”

  Her eyes lit up. “I would love that too.”

  She put on a pair of flannel pajamas with penguins on them then patted the space on the bed next to her. “Come lie down. I’m so sorry, Keith. I hate that I put that pressure on you.”

  Geez, was she really into this guy?

  “Don’t apologize. I’ve been trying to sort it out for a long time.” I was actually starting to feel kind of bad for Keith myself.

  She cuddled up into the crook of my (Keith’s) skinny arm, and it felt like heaven. I’d never actually been to heaven. I’m not even sure it exists. I know it’s weird, an angel who’s never been to heaven. No one had confirmed or denied that there was a place humans went when they died. But as I lay there with Evey, even in Keith’s body, I started to think maybe heaven was on Earth. Maybe being an angel was like being in hell.

  I waited until she dozed off, jumped out of Keith’s body and sat in the corner to make sure he didn’t react. He startled, looked around, and then down at Evey asleep, looking beautiful and serene. He smiled, closed his eyes. He was out. Thank God he didn’t freak.

  At magic hour, I passed Joel’s angel, who said, “Hey, thanks, man, good job.”

  I’d actually done something right, sort of, but I was dying for a drink. I flew to the market where Henry, one of the banished angels, worked. I wanted to get myself a nice little bottle of Scotch. But instead of Henry, an irritated Mona was posing as the corner market cashier… that bitch!

  “Really, you? Where’s Henry?” I asked.

  “Really yourself? I gave him the night off. I knew you’d be here. I know about that stunt you pulled earlier.”

  “I’m tired. I had a long day at work. I still did my job. In fact, I was on quadruple duty tonight, if you hadn’t noticed. Some angels have no work ethic—like Abigail, for example. Why don’t you get on her shit?” I shrugged, grabbed the bottle, and headed out the door.

  Mona called after me, “She’s not on probation. You are, Lucian.” A moment later, Mona appeared at my side and put her hand on the bottle. She focused her beady little eyes on me. “All I’m saying is to take it easy on the booze. I know you’re dealing with a lot right now.”