Lucian Divine

by Renee Carlino

  When we reached the end of the aisle, Lucian took my hand from my father’s and said, “Hello.” His smooth voice sent a chill down my spine. I could have melted into him right then and there in front of everyone.

  “Hello,” I said back.

  “You are stunning, Evelyn. I’m the happiest man alive.”

  And just like that, we were two regular people, young, in love, and about to commit the rest of our lives to each other.

  We finished with Till death do us part before kissing then turning and facing the crowd. His entire section was remarkably good-looking.

  He leaned in toward my ear, laughing, and said, “Jesus forgives. It’s kind of his thing.” I wasn’t sure what he meant but figured he’d fill me in later. Lucian and I danced the night away, swept up in each other and happy to see people sharing our joy. My parents were beaming, and Brooklyn was hitting on Zack, Lucian’s best man, who I figured was not of this world either. Not nearly as good-looking as Lucian, Zack still had a glow about him. I think he was pretty flattered that Brooke was all over him, but he wasn’t exactly reciprocating. Lucian had told me once before that Zack was a rule-follower.

  After the reception, a car drove us to a bed-and-breakfast near Napa. Our plan was to go wine tasting the following day. “You know I’m the best winemaker around,” Lucian said, nibbling on my ear.

  I spotted the driver eyeing us in the rearview mirror and giggled. “Stop. Let’s wait until we get there.” Lucian obeyed with a mock frown. “So tell me, who were all those people at the wedding on your side?”

  “Angels,” he said quietly. He grinned. “Zack really is my best friend, and Mona, the liaison, was there too. A bunch of them got their shifts covered to come and support me… support us. Although, I think it was more out of curiosity.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you and I are a bit of a spectacle to them.” I frowned at him, but didn’t respond. He continued, “I mean they all seemed happy for us, but an angel falling for a human and marrying her doesn’t exactly happen every day.”

  “That’s a bit elitist, don’t you think?”

  “Angels can be obnoxiously self-righteous.”

  “Don’t I know it.” I laughed.

  “I’m not like that anymore, Evey, obviously. Not since you,” he said while running his hand up my thigh.

  There is no doubt that Lucian’s hand on any woman’s thigh would make her fall speechless. “Mm,” was my only reply.

  “I guess they all got permission from the higher-ups, one last little way of saying good-bye,” he said.

  “Wait what?” My brain was back. “What do you mean good-bye?” I felt my heart begin to race.

  “They are going to have to cut ties for good, I think.”

  “Because you’re becoming a human?” I asked with wide, hopeful eyes.

  He took my hand and squeezed it. That warm feeling coursed through me. “I don’t know yet what’s happening, but I don’t want to think about it on our wedding night.”

  I felt as though Lucian was keeping something from me.

  Once inside our wedding suite, he took his time undressing me until I was standing in nothing but a white slip. He shrugged his jacket from his arms and frantically kicked off his shoes.

  “God, she is beautiful.”

  I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me or directly to God. It didn’t matter. I loosened his tie and began unbuttoning his shirt. He kissed a path down the center of my chest and took my nipple into his mouth through the slip, sucking on the silk and skin and making me crazy.

  “Lucian, come up here, let me undress you.”

  “Not yet,” he mumbled.

  He dropped to his knees and pushed the silk slip up my thighs and began kissing me down below. I was losing my ability to stand. Bracing the back of my legs, he kissed his way up my body.

  “I want you now,” I told him.

  “Patience, Evey.” He pulled the slip up over my head as he rose to his feet. Running a smooth index finger down the side of my breast, he shook his head and said, “I can’t believe I get to have you this way.”

  I continued unbuttoning his shirt before undoing his belt and pushing his slacks down his thin hips. With a little finesse, I forced his boxer briefs down. We stood there, staring at each other, bold… unwavering. It wasn’t a dream anymore. We were still and naked, like winter trees. His eyes scanned me slowly, his chest pumping in and out, then instinctively, I jumped into his arms, straddling his waist. We were frantic then. He pushed me against the wall, moving inside me while his mouth was on my neck, sucking and tugging at my skin. I kept my hands tangled in his hair as our breaths got heavier and heavier.

  “I can’t slow down, Evey,” he said.

  “Don’t stop, Lucian.”

  I could feel him trying to get a grip, so human, so uncontrolled. He moved us to the bed and took a step back, then for a moment, we were apart. He climbed up and was inside of me again, moving slower this time with his calculated grace.

  “I’ve always loved you,” he said as he kissed my ear.

  I could not form words. He pulled my hands above my head. I watched the flexing muscles in his abdomen as he moved inside me. I was lost in his eyes, this being who had watched over me, protected me, taught me things, cared for me, comforted me, loved me. Now he was making love to me, and he was the only one who could do it—who could make true, perfect love this way.

  Closing my eyes from the tingles bursting through my body and between my legs, I arched my back as his thrusts became harder.

  “Open your eyes, Evelyn. Let me look at you.”

  The moment I did, I felt our release everywhere. He collapsed on me, sweating, smelling perfectly male, and breathing with such pleasure and contentment. We stayed connected for a long time.

  “I want to sleep tonight, like a normal person.” Lucian had been sleeping occasionally, but not at all like a human.

  “Then sleep.” I stroked his hair.

  His breathing evened out, and before long, I felt myself dozing off right alongside with him.

  “Lucian,” I said, just before we were about to fall asleep.

  “Yes, my sweet wife.”

  “What’s my last name?”

  He let out a tired laugh. “I don’t know. I guess we can make one up.”

  “How about we take mine?”

  “Deal.”

  “My parents will wonder why,” I said groggily. “But who cares?”

  “Right. Who cares?”

  A moment later, we were asleep.

  IN THE MORNING, I woke to Lucian’s head on my chest and his hand pulling my legs around him. He stopped and sat up on his knees. He cupped and kneaded my left breast, but not in a sexual way. His eyes were open, wide and weary.

  “What is it, Lucian?”

  His face scrunched up. He swallowed. It looked like he was going to cry. “No, God.” He breathed hard as he looked at the ceiling.

  I was already starting to cry. “What, Lucian?”

  “I felt something. A lump.”

  I frantically kneaded my breast until I felt it—a small lump on the side, right near the bottom. “Oh. Oh no.” I was stunned, slammed back into reality.

  Lucian got up quickly and got dressed. “I’m taking you to a hospital right now.”

  “I don’t have health insurance,” I mumbled.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he replied irritably.

  He was rushing around the room, throwing our stuff in bags. I stopped him near the door and took his beautiful face in my hands. I leaned up on my toes and kissed him slowly. When I pulled away, he was shaking his head. “Please, relax. It’s probably nothing. It’s the day after our wedding,” I told him.

  He squinted, eyes full of pain. “This is my punishment.”

  “No, don’t say that. We’re in love, and everything will be fine.” I kissed him again and tried to deepen the kiss, but he seemed far away.

  “Get dressed, please, Evey. I wan
t to take you to the doctor.”

  I pinched his nose. “If it’s nothing, you’re making this up to me.”

  “If it’s nothing, Evey, I’ll fly you to the fucking moon.”

  “Really? Can you do that?”

  “No, I can’t do that. Don’t be silly. There’s no atmosphere.”

  I was laughing, but he was serious. “Lighten up, grumpy,” I said, knowing there was nothing we could do in that moment.

  “If it’s nothing and I’m overreacting, I will do anything you want. I’d do anything you want anyway, but we are going get it checked out right now.”

  WHAT’S THE DEAL with the medical system? We sat in the ER for four hours and were told three times that Evey’s situation wasn’t a medical emergency and to call her doctor, rather than continue waiting. I stood at the counter waiting, angry.

  “Cancer isn’t a medical emergency?” I shouted at the intake employee. “Are you kidding me? She could be dying.”

  “She needs tests,” the clerk replied. “Tests that can be performed in a specialist’s office… tomorrow.”

  “Fuck it all to hell!” I said. The clerk grimaced.

  I took Evey by the hand and quickly led her to the car. It was her twelve-year-old Honda that sounded like a jet engine every time you started it. “You need a new car,” I told her. Evey hadn’t said anything to me in a long time. I had an empty feeling inside. My heart ached. It was her—I was feeling her feelings. I glanced over as I drove and noticed that she was crying quietly. “Don’t be scared, please.”

  “You’re scaring me,” she choked out.

  “What? No. I’m sorry.”

  I pulled the car over into a strip mall parking lot, got out, and rushed around to the passenger side. After opening the door, I pulled her out and held her to my chest. Her body relaxed. I wrapped my wings around us, so we were cloaked.

  She brushed the inside of my wing with her hand. “You’ve lost a lot more.”

  “It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.”

  She started crying again. “What’s happening to us, Lucian?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll find out, I promise. Let’s get you home.”

  Brooklyn, shockingly, had given up the apartment to Evey and me a week before our wedding. She said she needed something with more space anyway. I carried Evey over the threshold, and that did earn me a smile. But once we were inside, I insisted she call the doctor.

  “I have an appointment tomorrow,” she said after she hung up. “Let’s not think about it for now. Let’s plan our honeymoon.”

  “Okay, but I’m going to look for Mona tonight and see if I can get some answers.”

  “Maybe it’s nothing and it has nothing to do with you.”

  I blinked at her. She could have been right, but I wasn’t convinced. Jesus forgives, but there are rules for a reason.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon wrapped in a blanket, watching movies. We watched Dogma, and I laughed through the entire thing. Evey was curious if any of it rang true, and sadly, I couldn’t confirm or deny much except that I was positive Alanis Morissette was not God. She thought it was so strange that I knew nothing.

  “I guess it’s a need-to-know kind of thing.”

  “Well, you’re real, so the rest of it must be true.”

  I nodded. “I am real. Jesus was a real man, and now he’s one of us, sort of.”

  “Where is he?”

  “He spends a lot of time in Milwaukee, for some reason.”

  Evey laughed hysterically. “Stop it.”

  “I’m serious. Got sick of the desert, I guess.”

  “Now I don’t know if I can believe anything you say.”

  “You can trust me, Evey. I’m telling you the truth. I don’t care about any of that other stuff. You’re all I care about.”

  “Well, you should care about yourself too, you know.”

  “I used to… I think.” The mood had gone from light to serious again in a second.

  When she fell asleep, I went out to the stoop to see if I could find anyone. At magic hour, I walked the streets, seeing very few angels. I ran into Zina coming out of the St. Francis. She was kind.

  “I heard you married her,” she said.

  “I did.”

  “And nothing’s happened so far?”

  “What? Like a bolt of lightning? No.”

  “Hmm. I don’t know. God works in mysterious ways.”

  I chuckled. “Wow, Zina, you’re beautiful, smart, and two thousand years old. I would expect a bit more out of you than that tired old cliché.”

  “Clichés are that for a reason. Take care of yourself.” She kissed me on the cheek and then took off into the air.

  I walked six blocks until I finally heard the undeniably squeaky voice belonging to Mona.

  “Mona,” I yelled into the sky.

  “Up here,” she called back.

  I spotted her flying straight toward the top of the Transamerica building, so I followed her. We sat side by side, perched on a small ledge.

  “Look at this city, Lucian, so still like this. Beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “It is.”

  “Were you looking for me?” she asked.

  “Yes.” I looked down at my fidgeting hands. “Evey found a lump in her breast.”

  She huffed. “Well, Lucian, humans go to the doctor to get those things checked out. That’s the protocol. What do you think, that you can heal her? You’re not a fucking healer.”

  She seemed so agitated. What did she know that I didn’t?

  “Calm down. Why are you so angry?”

  She wasn’t looking at me—she was staring out into the distance. “I’m angry because you’re causing a lot of confusion. Honestly, I think Evey will be fine, but one never knows. Cancer is a human disease. It has nothing to do with us.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “It’s a fact, and one that I had confirmed earlier today.”

  “You’ve been keeping tabs on me, on us?” I asked.

  “I overheard you in the apartment, talking about it.”

  “You care for me, don’t you, Mona?”

  She sighed. “Both of you. I care for both of you. I was told there would be consequences for you, but I don’t know what they’ll be. Your selfishness alone will cause Evey pain; I know that. And it will have nothing to do with cancer.”

  Thinking that I was causing Evey pain stung me deeply. “If this is all my fault, then why are you concerned?”

  She took a long breath. “Because I’ve seen you with her. You are different, or she is different. You should have found a way to control it, but you didn’t. I don’t know if you were capable of staying away from her in that way, and that’s why I pity you now.”

  “I wasn’t capable of staying away from her, I promise you that. But I’m still feeling lost, and I probably always will. I only feel normal when I’m with her. I just have to have faith that she’ll be okay.”

  Mona smiled peculiarly at me. “That’s right—faith. But if she’s not okay? Will you curse God because of it, Lucian?”

  “Wouldn’t you?”

  She laughed through her nose. “You never learn.”

  I checked my phone and noticed magic hour was almost over. “I gotta go.”

  I took off into the fog, and boom! I was suddenly spinning out of control. I’d had a collision. A moment later, I hit the ground hard.

  “Oh fuck, my back!”

  An angel hovered over me. A big male. “Watch where you’re going, dumbass!” He spit on me before taking off.

  “Oww,” I moaned. My wings, jaw, and elbow were bleeding. “Oh fuck.” I got up and stumbled home because I couldn’t get off the ground.

  When I came into the apartment, Evey was awake. Magic hour had been over for some time. She gasped. “My God, Lucian, what happened? Were you drinking?”

  “Geez, you really don’t trust me. It was foggy; I ran into some massive linebacker angel.”

  �
��Come into the bathroom. Let me clean you up.” She wiped the blood from my wings and elbow and kissed the blood from my mouth. It was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for me.

  “You’re an angel,” I told her, but she just shook her head. “What time is your appointment?”

  She looked at the clock. “In three hours.”

  “Can we rest?”

  She nodded. “Lucian, your wings don’t look good.”

  “They’ll heal. I just need to rest.”

  She woke me two hours later, and I was surprised to see that my elbow and jaw still had visible lacerations. Maybe healing would take more than rest. Evey put Neosporin on my jaw. I tried to tickle her while she was doing it. “What are you doing?” she said.

  “It’s been too long since you’ve smiled. It hurts me when you frown.”

  “Really, does it physically hurt, Lucian, because I’m very literal?” She was copying what I had said to her the first night we met.

  “I can’t believe you remember that.”

  “I remember everything,” she said.

  I had zapped Evey like any other soul I’d watched over in the past, but everything had stayed with her, or it had all come back. Why? Maybe after I was gone, she would remember me and be tormented. Or maybe I’d have to watch her die, and I’d be tormented. And then I realized, that is love. That is life. Brutal and beautiful all in the same.

  My body ached as I drove her to the doctor’s office. Once inside, they swept her away to another room to do a mammogram, ultrasound, a biopsy and blood tests, then they told us to come back in two days. The doctor confirmed that there was definitely swollen tissue in Evey’s breast. I was sure something was terribly wrong and that it was my doing. I thought maybe it was the beginning of our time in hell, and that I was responsible.

  We went home and slept. We were supposed to be on our honeymoon, but it didn’t feel much like a honeymoon at all.

  Surprisingly, the next day, the doctor called us in. She was an older woman, experienced, which should have given us some peace, but she wasn’t warm. Evey and I needed warm. Dr. Smythe was the kind of doctor that didn’t feel the need to smile at everyone all the time. She wore a gray, coifed bun and a pair of bifocals on a chain around her neck. No stethoscope.