Life of Joy

by Amy Clipston

  Lindsay nodded.

  “Are you going to join the church?” Vicki asked.

  “That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Lindsay said. “I’m not sure where I belong.”

  “That’s heavy,” Heather said. “You’re definitely not going to college, right?”

  Vicki rolled her eyes. “Did you hear what she said? They don’t believe in education past the eighth grade.”

  Heather rolled her eyes. “Duh! I know that. But she just said that she’s not sure if she’s going to join the church. I assume she can go to college if she doesn’t join the church, right?”

  “That’s correct,” Lindsay said.

  “Oh,” Vicki said, looking surprised. “You mean you can go to college if you want?”

  Lindsay shrugged. “I could.”

  “Let’s go get something to eat,” Vicki said. “I’m starved.”

  Lindsay followed Vicki and Heather to the deck, where they loaded up their plates with burgers, chips, and potato salad. They then crossed the concrete back to the table and sat in the same chairs.

  Lindsay took a bite of her burger and savored the juicy patty. It was just as good as the ones her father made on their grill at the house where she grew up. She glanced toward the pool and found a group of swimmers laughing and splashing.

  “Do you want to swim?” Vicki asked between bites of her burger.

  Lindsay shrugged. “I’m having a good time talking.”

  “I am too,” Heather chimed in while lifting a chip from her plate.

  “I agree.” Vicki smiled. “I don’t feel like swimming either.”

  Heather turned back to Lindsay. “How’s your sister?”

  Lindsay told them about Jessica’s adventure in New York. While they talked, a few more acquaintances came over to say hello and welcome Lindsay back to Virginia. She chatted with them, telling stories about Lancaster County and listening to their exciting plans for college in the fall.

  The conversation stretched over the hours, and soon it was dark. The music was only quiet background noise, due to a noise ordinance, according to Vicki. Outdoor lights and tiki torches illuminated the backyard and gave the pool a shimmering blue hue.

  Lindsay glanced at a clock on the side of the pool house and found it was close to eleven. “Oh no,” she said to Vicki. “I can’t believe how late it is.”

  Vicki waved off the comment. “Oh, that’s nothing. We usually stay up until about three or four some nights. My parents are at the Outer Banks for the weekend. They go down there quite a bit during the summer, and they’re totally fine with me having some friends over.”

  “I need to be up early tomorrow,” Lindsay said, standing and grabbing her towel from the back of the chair. “Uncle Frank may have to go to the office, and I have to be ready to take care of Aunt Trisha.”

  “Oh, okay.” Vicki sidled up to her. “I’m glad you came.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled at Heather. “It was good seeing you again.”

  Heather looked disappointed. “I wish you could stay later.”

  “Yeah, I have to get back to my aunt Trisha’s house. I need to be up early to take care of her.” Lindsay followed them toward the gate leading to the front of the house.

  The crowd had dissipated. Only a few couples sat scattered throughout the backyard; two were talking and one was kissing. Lindsay quickly looked away, silently thinking how appalled her Amish friends and relatives would be at the public display of affection.

  Pushing those thoughts away, Lindsay turned to Vicki. “Can I borrow your phone to call Frank?”

  “Sure.” Vicki pulled her phone from her pocket. She shook her head as she handed it over. “I don’t know how you live without cell phones.”

  “Totally,” Heather chimed in. “I’d, like, die without mine!”

  Lindsay laughed. “You’d be surprised what you can live without, and how much you’d like living without it. It’s nice not having to be tied to a phone.”

  Lindsay called Frank and he said he’d head right over. She disconnected the call, handed the phone back to Vicki, and then glanced toward the fence. “How about we wait outside for Frank? We can sit and talk on the porch.”

  “Sounds good,” Vicki said while Heather nodded.

  They walked around the house to the porch and sank into the chairs. Lindsay found it ironic that she was sitting on Vicki’s porch, just as she liked to do back in Lancaster County. And then a thought hit her—maybe Frank was right, and everyone was the same on the inside, despite whether they were Amish or English.

  The front door opened with a whoosh, revealing a handsome young man with dark hair, clad in flip-flops, a T-shirt, and swim trunks.

  “There you are,” he said to Vicki, plopping onto the swing next to her. “I was looking all over for you.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.

  “Lindsay,” Vicki began, “this is Brandon. Brandon, this is my old friend Lindsay from eighth grade. She’s visiting from Pennsylvania this summer.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Lindsay said.

  “You too,” Brandon said before kissing Vicki on the lips.

  Lindsay looked away, staring at the traffic whizzing by the house and wondering how Matthew was doing back home. Was he at a youth gathering? If so, was he thinking of her?

  “We have to get together again before I leave for school,” Heather said, breaking through Lindsay’s thoughts. She pulled out her phone. “What’s your number? I’ll give you a call.”

  Lindsay rattled off Trisha’s number, and Heather pushed the buttons on her cell phone.

  “Cool,” Heather said. “I’m working at Lynnhaven Mall until I leave for UVA.”

  “Really?” Lindsay asked.

  They made small talk about Heather’s job until Lindsay spotted the Suburban at the curb.

  “That’s my uncle,” she said, standing. “It was good seeing you.”

  Vicki pried herself away from Brandon and gave Lindsay a hug. “Thanks for coming. I’ll call you.”

  Heather stepped in and hugged her too. “Keep in touch.”

  Lindsay waved to her friends and then rushed down the steps to the Suburban. She climbed into the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt.

  “How was it?” Frank asked as he put the truck in gear.

  “Not as bad as I thought it would be.” Lindsay waved to her friends again as the Suburban pulled away.

  Lindsay tossed and turned in bed later that night. Thoughts of her family and friends back in Lancaster mixed with memories of the party and swirled through her mind, keeping her awake past one in the morning. She couldn’t stop her mind from mulling over her conversations with Jessica, Heather, and Vicki about college, and then her discussions with Frank and Trisha about looking into achieving a GED certification. Their words seemed to beckon to her, telling her that she needed more than the bakery and life as a member of the Amish community.

  Frustrated with her haunting thoughts, she climbed from the bed and walked to the den, where she spotted Frank’s laptop on the coffee table in the middle of the room.

  She sank onto the floor in front of the coffee table and pulled the laptop to the edge. Flipping it open, the screen came to life, glowing like a beacon in the dark.

  Lindsay searched for GED courses in Virginia Beach and found her way to the Adult Learning Center. She skimmed the pages and wished she could print them out and read them later with a clearer head. She spotted a printer across the room and hoped that it was somehow connected to the laptop. She’d once heard Jessica mention her wireless setup at college, which allowed her to print out her term papers from across the room.

  She hit the print button and quietly cheered when the printer across the room woke up and hummed while spitting out pages. After she was finished printing all of the pages she wanted to research later, she closed up the laptop and retrieved the pages from the printer.

  Lindsay went back to her room and placed the stack of paper on her dresser. Climbi
ng back into bed, she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of waves crashing on the beach outside her window.

  She rolled onto her side and sent up a silent prayer, asking God to guide her in her journey toward figuring out which path she was supposed to follow.

  The next morning, Lindsay sat at the breakfast table with Frank and Trisha. The aroma of sausage, bacon, eggs, and toast filled her senses as she loaded her plate.

  “You really outdid yourself, Lindsay,” Trisha said. “This is delicious.”

  “Thank you,” Lindsay said. “I was in the mood for eggs, bacon, and sausage. So, I decided to make them all.”

  Frank chuckled while buttering his toast. “And you eat like a bird.”

  Lindsay smiled, remembering when Matthew said something similar to her. She swiped a piece of bacon from the plate in the center of the table. “Are we going to church today?”

  Frank and Trisha exchanged surprised expressions.

  “That would be wonderful,” Trisha said. “Frank and I were discussing that last night and wondering if you’d want to go with us.”

  Frank held his hand up. “We don’t want you to feel pressured to go, Lindsay, since we know you worship differently now that you’re living with the Amish.”

  “I would love to go with you,” Lindsay said. “It would be almost like old times. You both always went every Sunday when my mom and dad were alive. I don’t remember many Sundays when you weren’t beside my parents, Jessica, and me in the pew.”

  Trisha touched Lindsay’s hand. “You’re right.”

  “So, we’ll go?” Lindsay asked. “I would love to see the pastor and my old friends, if they’re still there.”

  Frank glanced toward the clock. “I don’t think we have enough time to make it today. How about we go next week?”

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t have Frank get you up earlier,” Trisha said. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to go. I should’ve asked you last night.”

  “It’s okay.” Lindsay shrugged. “We’ll make a plan to go next week.” While she finished her breakfast, she wondered how it would feel to step back into her former church after four years.

  Crullers

  2 eggs

  ¾ cup cream

  ½ cup milk

  1 – ¼ tsp baking soda

  ¾ tsp salt

  ¼ cup sugar

  4 cups flour

  Beat eggs; add cream and milk. Sift dry ingredients and combine with liquid, using enough flour to make dough that can be rolled but remain soft. Mix well and let stand for 2 hours. Turn out on floured board and roll to ¼-inch thick. Cut into strips and fry in deep fat at 350 degrees until brown on both sides. Drain on absorbent paper and dust with powdered sugar.

  13

  Rebecca brought the homemade bread and butter to the table the following Thursday morning. It had been more than a week since Lindsay had left, but it felt like a month. She found herself glancing toward the stairs in the morning, waiting for Lindsay to come down, and then watching the back door, expecting her to come home after work in the evenings.

  Aside from the heartache of missing her niece, Rebecca also was exhausted. The pain in her abdomen was becoming constant, and the children wore her out every day. She wished she had some help, and she knew she needed to ask one of her nieces to come over and fill Lindsay’s role. However, she hadn’t had a chance to discuss it with Daniel, since he was preoccupied with a project at work, and she didn’t want to add to his stress.

  Emma squealed, and Rebecca handed her a piece of bread before kissing her head. The pitter-patter of little feet on the stairs announced Junior coming into the kitchen.

  “Bruder is awake,” Rebecca said with a smile.

  Emma laughed and clapped her hands as Junior bounced toward his chair.

  “Gude mariye,” Rebecca told him, handing him a piece of bread. “I made your favorite—sausage.” She placed the patties in front of her son, and he frowned.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked with surprise.

  Hesitating, he frowned.

  “It’s okay.” She sank into the chair next to him. “You can tell me anything.”

  He rested his chin on his hand and stared at the plate of sausage. “Your sausage is gut, but I like Lindsay’s better.”

  Rebecca touched his hand. “I do too.”

  “When is she coming back?” he asked.

  “Soon,” Rebecca said with a sigh. “Very soon.”

  Daniel’s boots clomped down the stairs, and Rebecca touched Junior’s hair before popping up from the chair. She brought his usual breakfast of oatmeal to the table and then greeted him with a kiss when he stepped into the kitchen.

  Daniel kissed each of the children on the head before sitting at the head of the table. Rebecca sat across from him and bowed her head in silent prayer before buttering her bread.

  He gave one-word answers and nodded frequently while she prattled on about the weather and upcoming church service. Soon she heard the crunch of tires in the driveway, and Daniel jumped up from the table.

  “Mike is early,” he said, wiping his beard. He stood and kissed Emma’s cheek. “Be gut for your mamm today.”

  Emma giggled in response.

  He then patted Junior on his head. “You too.”

  Junior smiled up at him. “Have a gut day, Dat.”

  Rebecca crossed to the counter, grabbed Daniel’s lunch pail, and handed it to him as he headed for the door. “I hope you have a gut day.”

  “Danki.” He kissed her cheek, his whiskers tickling her skin.

  “Ich liebe dich.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close.

  He looked concerned. “Was iss letz, mei lieb?”

  Rebecca glanced back toward the children and found them eating breakfast and making faces at each other across the table. Emma squealed while Junior crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

  “I miss Lindsay, and I worry about her all the time,” she whispered. “I keep thinking that she’s going to come through the door or down the stairs from her bedroom. She’s on my mind all the time, Daniel. I hope she comes back to us soon.”

  “I know you’re worried about her, and I think of her too,” he said, his expression softening. “But you have to trust her to make the right decision about her future. You also have to trust God. He knows what’s best for her, and He’ll help her make the right choice.”

  “I know,” she said, straightening his shirt. “But I can’t stop my thoughts, and I can’t shake the feeling that she belongs here with us.”

  “All you can do is let go and let God guide her,” he said. “You can be her strength when she calls and writes, but you have to leave it to God.”

  A horn tooted out in the driveway, and Daniel touched her cheek. “I have to go. We’ll talk later, ya?”

  “I’ll see you tonight,” she said as he disappeared out the door.

  Rebecca hugged her arms to her stomach as a wave of nausea gripped her. Instead of finishing her breakfast, she cleaned up the dishes while the children ate the rest of their meal. She talked with the children about their upcoming day in order to steer her thoughts away from her sick stomach.

  Once breakfast was finished, she took the children into the family room and brought out their toys, and then she returned to the kitchen. While keeping an eye on the children, she swept the floor and straightened the counters. When a wave of nausea overtook her, she ran to the bathroom.

  Stepping back into the kitchen, she ran cold water over a paper towel, sat at the kitchen table, and dabbed her forehead. She broke out into a cold sweat, and she breathed deeply to stop her racing heart. She prayed that this horrible sick feeling would dissipate soon. However, after nearly twenty minutes, she still felt ill.

  The clip-clop of a horse drew Rebecca’s attention to the back door. She wondered who was coming to visit. She wasn’t expecting anyone today.

  Slowly, Rebecca rose and started for the back door, trying in vain to ignore the dizzy feeli
ng washing over her. Pulling the door open, she found Elizabeth and Katie standing on the porch, studying her with concerned eyes.

  “Elizabeth,” Rebecca said, leaning on the door. “Katie. What are you doing here?”

  “How are you?” Elizabeth asked.

  Rebecca swiped her hand over her clammy forehead. “I’m fine, danki.”

  Reaching out, Katie touched Rebecca’s arm. “You don’t look okay, Aenti.”

  Elizabeth gestured toward the kitchen. “Why don’t we go sit down and talk?”

  Rebecca led them into the kitchen and moved toward the refrigerator. “Would you like a drink?”

  Katie appeared behind her. “Sit. I’ll get the drinks.”

  Rebecca gave a sigh of defeat and moved to the table.

  Squealing sounded from the doorway as Emma and Junior appeared and climbed onto each of Elizabeth’s knees. The children hugged and kissed Elizabeth while she laughed.

  Rebecca smiled as she watched her mother-in-law talk to the children and then listen intently while they responded to her questions.

  Katie brought three glasses of tea to the table for the adults and then two plastic cups of water for the children.

  “Kinner, why don’t you draw me a picture?” Elizabeth suggested, glancing at Katie. “You could draw while I talk to your mamm.”

  The children became excited at the suggestion, and Katie brought them paper and crayons from the drawer at the end of the counter. Katie lifted Emma into her high chair and gave her paper and one crayon. Junior hopped into his chair and began scribbling on the paper.

  “Danki,” Rebecca told her niece.

  Katie sat next to Rebecca. “Gern gschehne.”

  Rebecca sipped her drink. Her stomach sickness eased and she felt her shoulders relax. She glanced at her children and smiled and then looked at her mother-in-law. “Did Daniel send you to check on me?”

  Elizabeth gave a knowing smile since Rebecca had shared her secret in confidence when they visited last Saturday. Elizabeth was elated but promised to keep it a secret. “He called me at the bakery and mentioned that you seemed out of sorts this morning.”

  Rebecca raised an eyebrow at the statement. “Out of sorts?”