SIDECHICK: CATCHING FEELINGS

by K NICOLE

  “Stop acting like you know me,” I giggled again.

  “I do bitch. Fuck Roman and get the brother.”

  I sighed and shook my head.

  “Now that muthafucka is tough. Mean as hell,” I admitted. I told Wes how he made me sleep on the sofa bed. “Didn’t even pull it out for me. Made me do it.”

  “Yeah, that’s tough,” Wes had to agree, but laughed in the process.

  Our food was cooked and placed in front of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Roman and his wife leaving, his hand guiding her on the small of her back. His eyes were on me. I felt them, but I never locked eyes with him again.

  __________

  “Wow,” I snorted.

  When I had made it home and was walking to my front door, Roman was pulling up. The audacity. He walked up on me as I was unlocking the door. It was him trying to kiss my neck that had me wanting to turn around and slap the spit out of his mouth, but I kept my hands focused on unlocking the door. When it was open, I spun around and faced Roman.

  “You not gon’ let me in the house I pay on?” he asked with a sly smirk.

  “I can leave and go back to my mama’s house until I get on my feet. It doesn't matter to me,” I spat back, causing him to kiss his teeth.

  “You know you don’t even want to do that. At first, I said if you did stop fucking with me that I was goin’ to take this house from you, but I really do care about you Perri whether you think I do or not. I want you to keep this house. You fell in love with it,” he stated. My eyes closed into slits because I didn’t think he was sincere or was just bullshitting.

  After a while I asked, “Why are you here and you were just out with wifey? I’m guessing y’all are kid free. You should be spending time with her.”

  Roman’s jaw dropped and I was surprised at my damn self for what I had just spoken. Months ago…hell, maybe weeks ago, I wouldn’t have said no shit like that. I was falling in love with Roman then and wanted all of his time. Knowing he had a wife I didn’t even want him near her. I wondered if it was him pushing me or Zeus that had me with a change of heart.

  Roman dipped his brows. “You don’t want me here? You have another nigga comin’ by or somethin’ P?”

  This time I kissed my teeth. Waving Roman away, I turned and entered my house. It was cold since I left the air on, and I hurriedly trekked to turn it off. The front door closed, and I was wishing Roman was on the other side of the door, but when he bent that corner I should have known better.

  “You goin’ answer my question?” he pressed.

  “And what question is that?” I sassed. His chiseled jaw flexed.

  “Why you playin’ on my top, Perri? You got another nigga comin’ by the shit I pay for?”

  I snorted. “And that’s why I don’t want to be up in this shit. You always throwing what the fuck you do for me back in my face! You want to control me soooo bad, Roman.” His face softened that fast and Roman pulled me into his hard chest.

  “I’m not trying to control you, P. Why are we even arguing?” he asked, appearing crushed. “We never argue. Why the sudden change?”

  Was I changing how I felt about Roman? Like a light switch… was I now turned off by him?

  “Well stop acting like it,” was all I offered because right now, I was not sure what to say to Roman and he was looking so pitiful in front of me right now. The feelings I use to have for him, you know… the butterflies and shit… they were no longer there. The way he acted in Miami was probably the reason why. There couldn’t be any other reason…right?

  “You want me to eat your pussy?”

  This nigga was crazy. He thought eating my shit would fix anything. Maybe it did in the past, but this time, I think I was truly over it.

  “I’m bleeding,” I lied, hoping Roman wasn’t the type that kept track of my cycle.

  “Aight,” he replied, eyeing me closely. I think he knew I was lying, but oh well. He could go home and fuck his wife. I guess that was why he wasn’t so pressed behind it. “I’ll catch you later.” Roman leaned down and pecked my lips and left. Locking the door behind him, I wiped the shit off my lips. I honestly thought it was still a good idea to move back in with my mom until I figured what I wanted to do. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this up with Roman for long.

  ZEUS

  After a long day of handling business, I decided to take it in earlier than normal. I decided to stop at a food truck and then head home. There was a soul food truck posted in the hood. Earlier on Facebook, I saw that they had posted their location. It was run by a woman who could cook her ass off and never failed me.

  While they worked on my order, I posted up and this OG in the hood sauntered over and shot the shit with me. He was just talking about how the young niggas were getting killed and how the little girls were getting pregnant. Shit that just made my stomach turn.

  Even though I sold drugs, I still tried to tell these young niggas to go a different route than I did whenever I caught a nigga trying to sell some shit. They’ll laugh me off and then next thing you know, they done got shot, stabbed, killed, locked up or robbed. They weren’t built for this life. That’s what I was trying to get through their heads, but they weren’t trying to hear that. Like me when I was their age, I was looking for a quick way to make a few dollars.

  My name was called and when I trekked towards the truck, a familiar face caught my eye. Perri. Her orange hair couldn’t be missed. She was in the process of ordering food.

  “Fuck you doin’ in the hood?” I spoke loudly, grabbing my food and thanking them. I moved out of the way and stood on the other side of her, admiring her small frame. She was dressed down in black tights and a black racerback tank. On her feet were some PINK slides and that damn orange hair which I was guess was her signature look, was flat ironed straight.

  I caught the little smile that was tugging at the corner of Perri’s lips when she saw who was talking to her. Yeah, I caught it. Then that little ass mug appeared as if she scared someone.

  “I heard it was some fire and I wanted to try it. Plus, my mama stays nearby.”

  I tilted my head. “Word?” She nodded and then stepped back to let the next person order and I followed. “Yeah, in a house down that way,” she pointed, and I nodded slowly. “I’m thinking about moving back.” Now that really caught my attention.

  “Why the fuck would you do that?”

  “Is fuck your favorite word?” she asked instead, and I simpered, licking my lips in the process. She shook her head and chuckled at her own question.

  “Could be.”

  Waving me off she continued. “I guess…um… I’m not feeling Roman anymore. He had pushed me in the room in Miami over my phone…”

  “He did what?” I growled lowly.

  Perri rolled her eyes. “Look it doesn't matter. I just don’t put up with the shit. Fuck feelings when it comes to you putting your hands on me in a manner I don’t like. Then he brought some random ass girl to the room. He really just… I don’t know,” she rambled.

  “Was it a push or a shove?” I asked.

  Roman knew better than to put his hands on a woman. He ain’t never seen our old man do no hoe ass shit like that.

  “A damn shove, but your food gon get cold,” she said, grabbing her food when they called out her name. Well, they called out Marie and she grabbed the food. “What?” she giggled. “I don’t need folks around here knowing my real name. I know a few people out here, but still. Uhn un.”

  I fucked with her vibe. Perri was easy going to chop it up with and I actually found myself wanting to continue our conversation, but she had other plans.

  “Thanks for keeping me company while I wait for my food. Ima go holla at my mama. Bye Zeus.”

  I watched Perri bounce away and my dick was reacting to her ass. Fuck it. Roman couldn’t give her what she fully wanted from him, I wasn’t a nigga that cared for committed relationships, but for that fine ass girl I would try.

  __________

&
nbsp; “Hey Zeus,” Diah greeted me, after opening the front door. I decided to pop up on Roman and his family. I hadn’t stopped by to see my nieces and nephew in a good while due to being heavy in the streets. Plus, I wanted to feel Roman out about Perri. See where the fuck his head at and why he shoved her ass. She could have left out some shit and wasn’t telling the truth. It’s always three sides to a story anyway. Two sides and then the damn truth!

  I gave my sis-in-law a side hug, and then scooped up their bad ass son as he ran by with Lizzy on his heels. He had to had been fucking with her because she was the quiet one who stayed to herself.

  “Quit messing with your damn sister,” I fussed at Rome. This nigga tried swinging on me and I flipped his ass upside down by his ankles and he started screaming for Diah. She paid him no mind, told me where I could find her husband and kept it pushin’. I was taking Rome with me. Give his sisters a break for once. He was hell, looking just like his damn daddy.

  “Put me down!” he screamed.

  “You need yo muthafuckin’ ass beat,” I snorted. I found Roman in his man cave rolling up. I made it just in time because I had to stop at the store to grab some cigars.

  “’Sup nigga. Fuck you doin’ to my son? Getcho bad ass out of here,” he barked at Rome once I planted him on his feet. He took off running but not before I popped him on his ass. You know what he did? This muthafucka turned around and shot me the bird and sprinted out before I could react. Before I left, he was gon get his ass whooped. They might allow that disrespectful shit from Rome, but I couldn’t stand it. Right now, Roman was laughing at the shit.

  “When he starts school, y’all gon have a problem out of his ass. Teachers are gon’ be callin’ y’all every gah damn day, every gah damn hour,” I let him know.

  “He’ll grow out of it. We don’t even know where he gets that shit from because I don’t do that shit and neither does Diah,” he replied, sealing the blunt. He fired it up and took a few pulls before handing it to me.

  “That YouTube,” I offered.

  Roman nodded, “Maybe so. Anyway, what brings you here? You haven’t been out this way in about a month.”

  “Shit, I can’t come by to see my people? Plus,” I said, getting down to the other reason, “I saw Perri out in the hood and she said you shoved her in Miami.” I made sure to lower my voice just in case Diah was trying to ear hustle. The door was open and Roman hopped his ass up like he was on fire to shut it. “Don’t tell me you did that shit bro.”

  “First of all, why the hell are you asking about her anyway? You feelin’ my bitch, Zeus?” he grilled me. Roman had balled up fists, but he knew he didn’t move me or scare shit this way. We grew up fighting each other and I may be the youngest, but I beat his ass every fucking time.

  “Roman you know you don’t scare me mayne,” I snorted. “If I was feelin’ Perri, just know I can have her. Shit, since you tryna buck on a nigga, I might just see what it do.”

  Roman swung on me, but I was too quick for him. I could have easily rocked him to sleep, but I wasn’t about to disrespect Diah’s crib. He stood there huffing ‘n shit, but I wasn’t playing. I was gon’ go after Perri and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. His best bet would be to focus on his family because once Perri get a piece of a real nigga… a ME, she gon be lookin’ at my brother sideways.

  Without any other words passed between us, I walked out of his man cave, spoke to my nieces, whooped Rome’s ass and left.

  DIAH

  I’ve been married to Roman for six years and could always tell when something was off about him. He’d been in bed all day and that was some shit he ain’t never did. Normally, he would be up with the damn roosters and out of the house, leaving me to fend to these kids by myself. I was use to it even though it was a lot on me. Roman just kept putting kids in me. I was pregnant right now and he didn’t know. Five kids. What the fuck. I wanted to get my tubes tied after Rome, and I should have because his ass was bad! Roman didn’t want me to. So, I didn’t.

  While he was in the bed watching sports, I was in the bathroom puking. This was the only time I got sick. Without even taking a pregnancy test, I diagnosed myself. I’ll go out later today and get one just to prove my diagnosis was correct to Roman more than myself. I knew for a fact.

  Once the queasiness left, I stood and flushed the toilet and then sauntered to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face. I was not looking forward to another nine months of another person evading my space and privacy. Four was enough, but I guess it was a blessing. The last blessing. I don’t care if me and Roman don’t work out and we end up getting a divorce, I’m not having anymore kids. If I ever meet a new man, he better already come with kids. Shit.

  I reentered the bedroom and Roman was out of the bed and doing pushups on the floor. Something had to be heavy on his mind. Instead of picking his brain, I said ‘good morning’ then trekked towards Celeste’s nursery to check on her. She was waking up on her own. Before she started crying for me, I changed her and took her downstairs with me to start breakfast for my family because the kids would soon be up begging for something to eat. I fixed Celeste a bottle and Lizzy came down just in time to feed her for me. She was my little helper and I appreciated her so much.

  Roman’s deep voice could be heard as I started scrambling eggs. I could hear him talking to the girls. Danielle had woken up too. Rome was still asleep and I wasn’t trying to wake him up until the food was finished. Roman sauntered into the kitchen holding a smiling Celeste. She knew when her daddy was holding her.

  “You’re okay?” I questioned him. He appeared to be alright now. He kissed my neck.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Why you ask that?” Roman stopped playing with Celeste to squint his eyes at me like he was trying to read me. Hell, I was trying to read him! Something was going on with Roman.

  “Just asking. You’re normally not here when I wake up. You were doing pushups. I’m not use to that. You can sit here and lie and say nothing is going on with you, but I know better Roman.”

  “I’m good. I can’t be home with my family every now and then without being questioned? Damn, do you want me to leave the house and come back in the evening?” he retorted.

  I rolled my eyes and then focused back on cooking breakfast. He knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I finished breakfast and had everyone’s plates set on the table before them. Celeste had gone back to sleep and Rome was now up. Since he was still trying to wake up, he was being a little angel right now.

  Roman had his phone in his hand as he ate, typing fast. It really had me thinking if it was business related or something else. Something that involved another female. I never had to question his loyalty to me, but right now…I don’t know. Something was just off and when a woman had a gut instinct that something was off with her man…it was best she trusted it because she could be right. One thing I didn’t want is to be looking dumb as fuck behind Roman. My damn husband.

  ROMAN

  Diah was really digging. I didn’t like that. Maybe I should give Perri some space so Diah could get off my back because I was probably looking suspicious to her. She was right. I was never home when she woke up and me doing pushups was to get the thought of Zeus and Perri out of my mind. Just because he tries to fuck with her, she should know better to entertain that shit. Zeus was my damn brother, and she knew that shit. The thought of them fucking with one another had me ready to square up with Zeus real talk.

  Being at home today really showed me what my wife went through with the kids. Rome was everywhere once he shook back and fully woke up. I had to get on his little ass several times. My oldest two daughters basically chilled in their own worlds and were content. Celeste was still in the I want to sleep all day stage unless I’m wet, dirty, or hungry stage. Me and Diah took turns with her. Diah even was able to take a nap. I was really surprised she didn’t go into her shop while I was home.

  This morning at the breakfast table, I had sent Perri a few messages and she kept leaving me on r
ead. It took everything in me not to hop in my car and race to her house to check her on that. She was really trying my patience and I didn’t like that shit. Not one fucking bit. While Diah slept on her side of the bed, I took out my phone from underneath my pillow to check Perri’s social media. She hadn’t posted anything new recently, so I texted her to see where me and her stood.

  ‘Sup. You need anything?

  That always reeled her in. Perri always loved when I offered to give her something instead of her having to ask. I saw it had gone from delivered to read and the three dots appeared.

  No, I’m fine. Thanks.

  That was a first. Perri never turned down me wanting to give. I was fucked up about it too.

  I’ve been texting you all morning, and now you want to respond. When have you ever turned down me wanting to give you something? Fuck done changed?

  I was sounding like a mad man…an obsessed man, and I didn’t give a fuck. This change in Perri…I didn’t like this shit not one bit. I loved when she was all about me and wanting to be up under me all the time, even though she knew that couldn’t happen. I missed her blowing my phone up even when it was on DND. I missed her being obsessed and not the other way around. I wanted to go to her, but Diah was sleep. She wasn’t up to watch the kids and the way she was sleeping peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb her. But when she woke up…I was goin’ to dip off for a few hours. Every time I thought I would give Perri some space, I changed my mind. I needed to know we were still good, and I needed for her to tell me face to face because over the phone shit was sounding real iffy.

  __________

  It seemed like it took forever for Perri to unlock the door. I had a key, but she had the nerve to have the deadbolt on. When she unlocked the door, I had a fucked up attitude.

  “Since when did you start using the deadbolt?” I barked, barging in and spinning on my heels to face her. My attitude has been real fucked up lately when it comes to Perri. I noticed it and still couldn’t keep it under control around her.