“Are you?” Amy whispered. “Ready, I mean?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Though I wish I wasn’t. I wish that my life didn’t consist of body counts and blood.”
“Was he already dead?”
“No,” I choked out. “He was at the meeting, but his plan was to double cross my own father — The De Lange family promised to push him through the ranks, to give him power, everything he’d always wanted. All he had to do… was kill me.”
“What?” Amy’s feet fell to the ground as she leaned forward and touched my arm. “What do you mean?”
“It was a set up. The whole damn thing. My father had people on both sides, knew that Joey was turning into a rat, knew that the De Langes wanted me because I just so happened to be, what? Sixth in line to take over the family? So, naturally, my father sent me in… knowing full well I’d have to kill in order to survive. That’s the thing about the mafia — feelings are never part of it, family or no family. My father was testing me — he was giving me a choice. Either die… or follow in his footsteps. My biggest mistake was not wanting to be selfish enough to live.” I stole a glance at Amy. “But being selfish enough to live for you.”
Tears pooled in her eyes.
I couldn’t look at her any longer. I stared at the road, clenching the steering wheel tighter. “I killed him. One gunshot to the head. I killed my favorite cousin so I could live, so I could see you one more day. I sold my soul to the devil so I could wake up to your smile and I never forgave the De Lange family — your family and mine, for putting me in such an impossible position.”
“Ax?” Amy’s hand found mine. I felt the pressure of her hand, but no warmth, nothing… I was numb. It always made me numb, thinking about what I did to Joey.
My whole life I’d blamed the De Langes, but I was the bastard that pulled the trigger. Suddenly, telling her about my past didn’t seem like the best choice I could have made. Pissed at myself, pissed at the situation, and even more pissed that she was trying to comfort me for shooting my own family in cold blood, I jerked my hand away and said, “It’s not a big deal.”
I couldn’t turn my brain off from the image of Joey’s face.
“Ax?” he asked holding up his hands. “What are you doing, man?”
“You or me.”
“Ax!” he shouted. “We’ll find another way.”
“No,” Mario De Lange whispered. “You really won’t. Make your choice.”
He was a cold bastard, the De Lange boss. I wanted to point the gun in his direction, almost did so, until Joey lifted his gun into the air, shaking it in my direction.
“I love you, man.” Tears streamed down his face.
So that was it.
I knew Joey wasn’t a great shot, knew that he always hesitated before shooting because he counted to three. He was a child. It was why he’d never be a made man. I was the same age, but I had no such hesitation as I held up my gun and fired off one shot.
He fell to the ground in a heap.
Mario offered a dark smile and whispered, “Welcome to the Family.” Just as my own father appeared out of the shadows and clapped his hands, once, twice. With a sigh he turned on his heel handed Mario a large envelope of cash and said, “It was great doing business with you.”
“Consider us even.” Mario nodded. “But never for long… not with an Abandonato.”
“I do not expect it.” My father chuckled, slapping him on the back as if we were at a family barbecue. As if the blood from my cousin’s body wasn’t creating a trail towards my father’s boot.
I said nothing.
When my father offered me the first smile I’d seen on his face since I was three I did nothing.
“Look.” My father pointed at Joey’s body. “Look at what you did.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his black suit jacket. “It seems you won’t be a mechanic your whole life after all — we’ll be in touch. Go home, eat, drink, I’ll have the men clean it up. After all, it was an accident.”
“I killed him,” I whispered hoarsely.
“No. You didn’t.” He shrugged. “The De Langes did, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep quiet.”
It fueled the war between our families.
Mario was too greedy for money to not keep his shady dealings going, he had no idea the ripple effect it would have on our already tumultuous relationship.
But I did.
“Ax?” Amy’s hand moved to my shoulder. “Ax, come back, are you okay?”
Clenching my teeth together, I gave a nod and continued driving. Driving I could do. Straight lines, moving forward, slowly accelerating. I could do all those things.
She sighed. “Pull over.”
“I’m fine.” The lie was easy.
She groaned and leaned forward. “I’m going to puke.”
That did it. I quickly checked my rearview mirror and pulled to the side of the road; gravel shot up in all directions along with dust. I put the car in park and pulled my seatbelt off, ready to help her out of the car when she suddenly launched herself at me.
“What the—”
Her lips crushed mine.
I wasn’t stupid.
I stole that kiss.
I freaking gripped her shoulders with my hands so tight I let out a moan directly into her mouth. Her seatbelt went flying and then she was in my lap, straddling me, pushing me against the soft leather of the seat.
When Amy pulled back, chest heaving, I couldn’t look away. The moment was beautiful; she was beautiful. “I take it you aren’t sick?”
“No.” She grinned. “But you scared me.”
“I was driving fifty in a sixty-five.” I said dryly.
“Not the driving.” She kissed my mouth again, softer, her tongue lazily dancing across my lips. “The story… you checked out… please don’t do that again, not with me, Ax.”
“You kissed me.”
“Let’s focus on the task at hand.” Amy gripped my neck with her hands then slid them up my face until I was looking directly at her. “You won’t do that to me. Ever.”
“I won’t,” I whispered. “I won’t shut you out — never again.”
“Good.” She brushed another kiss across my lips, her body relaxing in my arms. “Thank you.”
“I think you have that backwards… I’m the one getting straddled, shouldn’t I be the one giving thanks?”
Her eyes darkened. “I may still be a bit afraid of you, afraid of the Family — okay a lot afraid. But for what you did… when you were eighteen. I know you think about it every day… how could you not? Taking someone’s life, someone you love, only to selfishly have air enough to breathe while you stole their very heartbeat.”
“Not helping, Ames.”
“Let me finish.” She swallowed, her eyes filling with tears. “It wasn’t selfish. What you did.”
I looked away.
“Ax.” She gripped my face in her hands again, her nails digging into my cheeks. “What you did was one of the most selfless things a person could do. You didn’t just kill him, you lost your own soul in the process — to save mine.”
I didn’t want her thanks. I didn’t want her damn gratitude. What I wanted was to shoot something. To forget how vulnerable it felt to have her sitting on my lap, telling me I wasn’t the devil when I knew what I saw in the mirror everyday.
“Now kiss me,” she ordered.
“What?”
“Did I stutter?”
“Did you mean to?” I fired back.
“Kiss me.” She wiggled on my lap. “Let me taste you… just this once… before we go back to Chicago before… just before. You said all I had to do was ask.”
Her eyes were wild, haunted, like she needed assurance I wasn’t going to turn her down. Like hell. The want scared me — terrified me. I’d never wanted something so violently before — so much that it consumed every cell in my body, demanded I do something to obtain it.
“Chicago changes nothing,” I said.
&nbs
p; She smiled sadly. “That’s where you’re wrong, Ax.” Sighing, she lowered her head and softly touched her cheek to mine. “It changes everything.”
I kissed her — hard. Maybe a bit too violently, a bit too aggressively. She bit down on my lip and I lost all sense of awareness as my body gave in to what it had been craving ever since she turned sixteen — ever since I became aware of her as a woman.
She could offer me only crumbs for the rest of my existence and it would feel like a meal.
Her mouth was hot, her tongue fought mine, fought for dominance. I jerked her against my body, wishing I could feel her around me — truly feel her. Not have so many damn clothes working against me.
She broke away from my kiss.
My lips traveled down her neck.
Her body arched when my tongue caressed her bare shoulder.
“Stop, Ax.”
“No.”
“Ax.”
I stopped, my body shuddering in response. Closing my eyes tightly, I pulled back. “We have a long drive ahead of us.”
“Yeah.” She kissed my forehead. “We do.”
She stopped me.
The only reason she would stop me was because she wasn’t planning on giving me what I was only too willing to give — my all.
I helped her into her seat and pulled the car out of park, my voice was hoarse. “I’m not stupid.”
“What?”
“That wasn’t a kiss of barely restrained passion, of longing, of desire…”
“No?” Her voice was weak. “Then what was it?”
“Goodbye.” My body trembled again. “You were saying goodbye.”
Her breath hitched.
“I just wish I knew why.”
“No.” She leaned against the window. “You really don’t.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Amy
I DIDN’T REMEMBER him being so perceptive. I wasn’t stupid. And I really didn’t take him for being stupid either. I knew, to an extant, how things worked. He would deliver me to the boss, thinking everything would be okay.
And I would die.
No loose ends.
They didn’t do loose ends.
Ax was only doing his job — and in the end I couldn’t blame him for wanting to save me. He always did have a hero complex. But he didn’t realize by bringing me to the very people I was running from, he’d be dooming me in the process. I had no idea what they wanted with me.
Correction… I had no idea if what I thought they wanted was what they actually wanted.
And if I was right — there was no helping me. So why get more attached? Why allow myself the fairy tale of Ax… when in another twenty-four hours the man I loved could very well be the man to pull the trigger? It would hurt less if there were only two kisses — at least that’s what I told myself.
Anyone capable of killing his own cousin would kill me. He wouldn’t want to. He would be tortured, maybe try to turn the gun on himself, and then I would have to be brave. I would have to follow through. Because I couldn’t let him keep sacrificing for me to live. My life wasn’t worth enough — his was.
“Ames…” Ax’s voice was low, gravelly… so many memories were attached to that voice. Memories that had my body aching. I wanted his hands on me again. I wanted his mouth everywhere.
“Yeah.”
“Nothing bad is going to happen. You know that, right?”
What delusional world did he live in? The mafia showed no mercy.
“Sure.”
“Ames.”
“Just drive.” I forced a smile. “How much longer do we have anyway?”
He laughed. “Uh, try around eight hours and that means we get in around two in the morning.”
“Fantastic,” I grumbled.
“Hey, at least you don’t have to sit next to someone on the plane while they pull their shoes off.”
“People do that on planes?”
“Not the ones I go in… then again taking a private jet down to get you would have been a little… extravagant.”
“You think?”
His grin was toxic, so beautiful… my chest ached as I reached for his hand. He held it tight, no hesitation.
Then again, he wasn’t a man of hesitation.
If he was… he’d be dead.
Eight hours. I had eight hours to hold his hand, to remember his touch, to memorize the lines of his face.
My life used to be defined by the sound of gunshots… and now? It was defined by sand sifting through the hourglass. I was powerless to stop it as it fell through my fingers.
But hey, at least I knew I had time left. Time to be with him. Time to be happy. For the first time in five years I was happy.
And all he was doing was squeezing my hand.
We talked for hours about nothing important. He asked if I still liked Chinese, I asked if he still hated it. We laughed. I didn’t cry once. And when my eyes were too heavy to stay open anymore, he kissed my hand and told me to sleep.
I didn’t want to sleep.
It was such a waste of the time I had left with him. So I tried to stay awake, but then he started rubbing my arm in slow circles, making me drunk with his touch. Finally, I succumbed to sleep, my head on his shoulder. My breathing matching his.
Life in that moment was perfect.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Axton
IT BOTHERED ME that she was shutting me out. I knew in theory it was because she was afraid. But she had nothing to be afraid of. Did she think so little of me? That I would bring her into the firefight and then just back off if things went to hell?
I pulled up to the large gate and grimaced. I hated our house — our prison. It was huge, mansion huge, with three floors, over thirty bedrooms. Ridiculous, who needed that many bedrooms? Me and Sergio? Not likely.
Then again we did have two other people living with us. The Nicolasi boss, don’t even get me started on that end of the story, and Campisi’s sister, though I didn’t find out about that fun little piece of information until it was too late.
The woman had just moved herself in.
As if there weren’t three guys already living there, trying to keep our shit together.
I hadn’t even had the great pleasure of staying one night in that monstrosity thanks to my assignment. I wasn’t looking forward to the experience.
The gate buzzed open. I drove through and pulled around the front.
Sergio was leaning against the wall.
I wondered in that moment, if it was possible to heal the chasm between us. This one girl had defined our relationship. She was what had forced us both into hiding… and once again pulled us both out of it.
Phoenix De Lange stood next to him.
Just another man I really didn’t care to see. Ever.
His mentor had died, leaving him in charge of one of the most powerful families next to mine and Campisi’s. It seemed wrong, someone from such a tainted bloodline taking over the Nicolasis. Then again, they weren’t exactly Cabbage Patch Kids so maybe it made sense.
There would only be one reason he would be waiting for me.
He wanted to see his cousin.
The one I’d been kissing and yearning for.
Excellent.
I took the safety off my gun — I never said I was stupid.
With restrained enthusiasm, I got out of the car and made my way towards both figures. Amy was asleep in the front seat.
“So…” Sergio smirked. “The prodigal returns, and a day early?”
“Mocking grin.” Ah my fingers itched to punch him. “Looks stupid on you, but thanks for the empty compliment.”
“Damn.” Phoenix rolled his eyes. “You guys are worse than Tex and Chase. Put on your big girl pants and stop acting like idiots. That’s an order.”
“Not our boss.” I damn near sang that happy truth..
“Still own a gun.” He slapped me on the back. “How is she?”
“Tired.” My entire body was tense. “Freaked out
.”
“For good reason.” He squinted towards the car. It was too dark to see inside, after all it really was two a.m. Black circles lined underneath his eyes as he examined the car for a few brief minutes. His brown hair had recently been cut shorter, to his face, making him look younger than the last time I’d seen him. He still looked like hell, just a younger version of it. He’d looked like hell when he’d moved in a week ago—and the shorter haircut didn’t help him look any less haunted.
“So…” I pursed my lips. “She stays here, right?”
“Your room,” Phoenix said slowly. “Bring her to your room, guard her, make sure she’s happy. If I hear as much as a scream I’m shooting you in the thigh so you remember your place.”
“My place,” I said through grit teeth, “Is not in your family, Phoenix.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” His smile was too confident…too knowing. “So, very, very, wrong.” With a shake of his head he slapped me on the back. “But it’s too late to talk business. Go to bed… there’s always tomorrow.”
“Is there?” I snorted.
He paused, his gaze calculating. “If I say no, will you leave? Steal her away? Go into hiding? Say I threaten to kill you… kill you for loving her. Would you leave?”
“No.” I said, a bit pissed off he would even ask. “I would never run.”
“Exactly,” he snapped. “My point exactly.”
He went back in the house leaving me more confused than before. Sergio was staring down at the ground.
“Mind telling me what that was about?”
“So much drama in the families now… so much testosterone, kind of chokes a man.”
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