Out of the Closet

by Aimee Norin

  The air rumbled, the ground vibrated, the buildings shook—and the crowd’s scattered screams coalesced into a continuous chorus.

  Up ahead, the right-most two columns of their staging began to move forward, and in short order, the bikes ahead of the Fab Five began to move.

  The crowd screamed more loudly.

  Some of the bikers gunned their engines to make more noise.

  And it was their turn: Mason and Oceanna-with-Hila, smiles large, rolled forward at the slow pace of the parade, and right behind them, Harry and Simi.

  Tears rolled down Simi’s face.

  Harry watched her closely.

  The line of bikes seemed never-ending.

  The columns of two centered themselves in Market St. and rolled forward among a never-ending stream of screaming sidewalk fans.

  “Yea!”

  “Go girl! Go!”

  “Bikers!”

  “Pride!”

  “Whooooooo!”

  Road Captains rode the parade route on the left-hand side of the street, watching everything. One of them, like Mason’s though red, had a five foot U.S. flag on the back.

  Simi gunned her engine and looked at Harry.

  The crowd yelled more.

  Harry smiled at her.

  Mason gunned his engine. “Yeah!” he screamed at the crowd. “Git some!” He stood up on the floorboards of his hog and took his cowboy hat off, waving it at the crowd, who responded with cheers.

  Cameras flashed, taking his picture.

  Oceanna laughed at him.

  A road captain smiled at him and gently waved him back down into his seat.

  So he sat. But his smiled raged. “Git some!” he yelled again, gunning his engine.

  The line of bikes in the parade rubber-banned a little, and they had to stop briefly.

  “Hey, cowboy!” a fan on the sidewalk yelled at Mason. “What you doin’ with the dykes?”

  “I’m getting’ a few pointers! I’m in a parade!” Mason yelled back to him.

  The crowd laughed.

  “Oughta get Governor Perry out here from Texas and show him what’s up!” Mason yelled with an evil grin.

  “Nothin’s ‘up’ out here, except maybe you!” Harry yelled at Mason from behind, laughing at him.

  If it were possible, the crowd jeered and cheered even harder.

  Mason acted like he was embarrassed and humbled, but it was obviously a pretense. He was laughing at himself.

  Everyone was having fun.

  “Go for it!” a lady on the sidewalk yelled to him.

  Mason tipped his hat to her.

  All along the parade route, people cheered them as if they were saving humanity from destruction—and maybe they were. The cheering was constant, from start to finish. It never let up.

  Now and then, Oceanna turned her head around to check on Simi and Harry.

  At Eighth St., the bikes ahead of them were turning left. On Eighth, the crowds thinned, and they speeded up some. Left again on Mission, left again on Seventh, and they all bunched up at Market while more of their motorcycle contingent rolled by in front of them. After the bikes, security opened the line and let the bikes cross Market to their parking on the north side.

  Mason, Oceanna, Hila, Simi and Harry wound up parking their four bikes on Leavenworth, as expected.

  Women were getting off their bikes and talking excitedly with each other.

  “Oh my God, that was fun!” Hila said when she dismounted Oceanna’s bike. “That was my first time to do that. I have got to do that again! Where do I learn to ride one of these crazy things!?”

  Oceanna and Mason laughed at her.

  “You already are,” Oceanna said to her with a wink.

  “No, girl! I mean a bike!” Hila said.

  Harry snickered at them, then turned to Simi. “You did good, Simi.”

  Simi nodded but looked distracted.

  “Uh, Oceanna said to Hila. “Maybe take the California Motorcycle Safety Course? There is probably one somewhere around here. They’ll teach you, you don’t need to take the driving part of the test at the D.M.V., and you’ll get an insurance break for it. Bikes are good gas mileage, also. And parking’s easy in the city.”

  I’d get one of those little scooter things that I can get into with a dress on,” Hila said.

  “That suits you,” Mason said.

  “And I can ride on the back with you, if we go somewhere long together,” Hila said to Oceanna.

  There was no need to pack anything for whatever they intended to do next, as luggage was already stowed in compartments.

  Simi got her helmet out of her saddle bag, and the others watched her begin to strap it on.

  “You don’t want to go back to the festivities here?” Harry asked her.

  Simi still looked distracted, maybe a little white in the face.

  The other four began getting their helmets out.

  Mason and Oceanna’s bags were fiberglass and lockable, so they went about locking them. Harry and Simi’s bikes had leather saddlebags with a buckle that closed them, and they made sure they were buckled.

  “Maybe share what’s up?” Harry asked Simi.

  Simi smiled at Hila, but it was clear something was wrong.

  “What’s the matter?” Harry asked again.

  “No problem. I’m good,” Simi said.

  “Seem a little distracted to me,” Mason said.

  “Well, it’s just that now I’ve done the Pride Parade, in San Francisco like I dreamt. And I’m here, like I dreamt. I’m with Harry, like I never thought to dream.” She hugged Harry and got a kiss on her neck.

  “But there is this one other little thing I have been fearing I should do, that I haven’t done yet. Since I’m here, anyway. Maybe.”

  “What?” Oceanna said.

  “Well, um,” Simi shuffled her feet a little. “I was thinking about going to see my parents.”

  “Parents!?” Oceanna’s mouth fell open. “They’re here?”

  “Yes.”

  “You know they’re home?” Hila asked.

  Simi nodded. “It’s Sunday, so they’ll be getting out of church soon.” Simi seemed to withdraw a little.

  “Simi,” Mason asked. “You haven’t been to see your parents yet?”

  “No.”

  “Have you emailed them photos yet?” Oceanna asked Simi.

  Simi shook her head.

  “Oh, Jesus,” Oceanna said.

  “Have you even told them anything about this yet?” Hila asked.

  “No. Not yet.”

  Harry laughed out loud, a big belly laugh. “Aaaaaaaaaaahh! Ha ha…”

  People organizing things on their own motorcycle, nearby, stopped what they were doing to stare at them briefly.

  “Simi!” Harry laughed. “Ha! You— Simi!”

  “It’s not funny!” Simi defended herself. “I didn’t want to—”

  Harry was still laughing at Simi. “You were afraid to!”

  “So what?” Simi asked.

  “Okay!” Harry laughed. “God— Do they even know you’re out of the Army?”

  “Not yet,” Simi answered meekly.

  Harry bent over laughing but went over to Simi to give her a hug in reassurance. “Oh, I’ve got to see this! Army helicopter pilot guy goes M.IA., P.O.W., gets rescued, comes back, gets discharged, and— ‘Hello, Mom and Dad? I’m your daughter!”

  “They know I was shot down—” Simi tried to explain part of it.

  “And you left ‘em hanging with that?” Harry said. “Here’s five bucks! You gotta take me!”

  “It’s true, Simi,” Oceanna said. “You’ve got to tell them.”

  “I know it! What do you think I just said?” Simi leaned against her bike.

  Mason leaned on his own bike and talked to her. “You really— You never told them, even years ago, that you needed to be a girl or anything about this?”

  Simi shook her head.

  Mason looked at Harry with a
little bit of a smile. “This is gonna be good.”

  “Don’t make fun of me!” Simi said.

  “I’m not! Really!” Mason said. “But look at the bright side of it? We’re your support.”

  “That’s right,” Oceanna said. “Take us along. We’ll catch you if you faint.”

  “Where do they live,” Hila asked.

  Simi pointed north.

  CHAPTER

  15

  At eleven forty, the five of them rode their four bikes together in lane number one, north across the Golden Gate Bridge though the most beautiful vista any of them had ever seen. They were roughly in the same relative positions as the parade, though with Simi and Harry ahead, and Mason and Oceanna behind.

  Simi was leading the way.

  But none too quickly.

  Their speed was just slow enough to avoid obstructing traffic.

  “This is gonna be good,” Mason said on Channel One of his C.B. to Oceanna.

  “It could be scary,” Oceanna responded.

  “Oh, her parents are not gonna do nothin’. Surely?”

  “Don’t be so sure, Mason. Shock and rejection are common, and then think about how it can come back on Simi. She’s fragile.”

  Mason paused. “That’s right.”

  “We’re going back to Kingman,” Oceanna said. “My mom’s there, your family. But Simi is due to stay here, and it’ll rip her support apart. And if her parents are hostile—”

  “You’re not thinking dark thoughts,” Mason asked Oceanna, looking at her on her bike.

  “She’s very fragile. Suicide happens.”

  Off the bridge, past Vista Point, the road curved around to the right.

  “She’s so up!” Mason said.

  “That’s artificial,” Oceanna said. “She’s up because she’d been down and she finally got something she’d dreamt about all her life. But if she’s crushed—she could crash hard.”

  Mason turned his head to look at Oceanna and then back ahead to look at Simi.

  Near Sausalito, Simi got off the freeway and began leading them through pleasant residential streets.

  On one corner, Simi stopped at a stop sign and waited with her group.

  Their four engines rumbled at idle.

  Harry looked at Simi and mouthed, “It’s okay.”

  Simi raised the face plate of her full helmet and wiped tears away with a gloved hand, slapping her face plate back down.

  Harry nodded to her.

  The five friends stood on the porch of a little house on a hillside, its backside overlooking the Bay in the distance. There were two cars in the driveway and one on the street at the curb. The sound of a baseball game on television could be heard within.

  Simi’s face was ashen. She stood there, quietly, not lifting a finger to the doorbell.

  After a time, Oceanna spoke. “You want me to do it, hon?”

  “I’m gonna catch her if she falls down,” Harry said.

  “And I’ll catch you,” Mason said to Harry.

  The large oaken door suddenly opened, and a middle-aged woman, blond hair cropped short, stood in the doorway. “Yes?”

  “Who is out there?” a man called from inside.

  “Looks like some people are up here from Hollywood,” the lady in the door way said, turning to retreat back into the living room a few steps but keeping her eyes on the door. “Get Anita Bryant,” she said.

  Oceanna was the only one who stiffened with that reference, due to her age.

  Two men within turned to look at the door, ignoring the game on T.V.

  One of the men got up and walked to the door.

  The other followed.

  Another middle-aged lady walked from inside the house to stand in the doorway. Her hair was dark brown, worn in a long ponytail. She had a small, pixie nose, light makeup, and kind eyes. She was wiping her hands on a dishtowel. “Hello?” She looked with a friendly smile at the group on the porch. “Can I help you?”

  Simi stood on the porch, frozen.

  Oceanna stood behind Simi and touched the small of her back. She whispered in Simi’s ear. “We’re all here with you, hon.”

  The lady at the door looked concerned at the young lady’s distress on the porch.

  A gentle man walked up to stand beside her.

  “It’s okay,” Oceanna whispered in Simi’s ear.

  Simi looked at Mason, Hila and Harry before turning to the lady, sharing a soft, “Mom?”

  The lady in the doorway looked surprised. Her smile morphed into an expression of confusion for a few seconds as she looked more closely at the young lady with her group on the porch.

  “Mom?” the lady with the ponytail in the doorway repeated. She looked at the people on the porch and also at the man beside her.

  Simi de-focused, looked wobbly. Her gaze left her mother, but didn’t go anywhere else.

  “Who is it, Kath?” the man beside her asked.

  “I don’t know, Fulton,” Kathleen said at the door. She turned back to the young lady on the porch.

  “Honey, you don’t look well. Come inside and sit down, please, before you fall over.” Kathleen opened her door wider to admit the group on the porch.

  Mason held Simi’s left arm, and with his other hand on her back, ushered her inside. “Come on. Lets go sit down.” He half carried Simi inside to the couch.

  The rest of the group followed silently.

  “Eileen,” Kathleen said to the lady behind her. “Please go and get her some tea from the kitchen?”

  Eileen looked at the motley crew coming in through the front door and hesitated.

  “We can practice a little Christian kindness,” Kathleen urged Eileen. “Just like Pastor Baine was saying only this morning.”

  With a scowl, Eileen turned back toward the kitchen.

  “Gayland,” Fulton asked, “Would you bring that chair over here as well?”

  Gayland did not, returning to the T.V.

  Mason directed Simi to sit on the large sectional sofa, which she did.

  Oceanna looked at Kathleen. “Kathie Fisher?”

  “Yes,” Kathleen answered.

  “And I’m Mr. Fisher,” Fulton said, reaching out to shake Oceanna’s hand.

  Oceanna shook Gayland’s hand. “I’m Oceanna Winkler. This is Mason Winchester—”

  “Hello,” Mr. and Mrs. Fisher said to them.

  Mason nodded and touched the brim of his hat. “Glad to meet you.”

  “And this is Hila Mohammad—”

  Hila smiled and waved.

  “—and Harry Reinhold, no relation to Judge.”

  Kathleen smiled. “Well, it’s a pleasure to have you visit.”

  “Please, all of you. Sit down.” Fulton indicated.

  Most of them sat on the sections of the sofa.

  Harry remained standing for a moment, then took the chair. She displayed no trace of the humor at the situation, as she had before.

  Simi looked at the fireplace. There was a portrait photo of her, when she was a man, on the mantle, in uniform, a young Warrant Officer One.

  She glanced at Oceanna, who saw it, too.

  Everyone in her group followed her gaze.

  “And you?” Kathleen looked at Simi more deeply. She took a seat, also on the sectional, near Simi, just past the ninety-degree bend, so their knees were close.

  “Fulton?” Kathleen indicated for him to join them.

  “Oh,” Fulton said, gathering his recliner and turning it away from the T.V. to face the couch. “How’s that,” he asked his social director.

  Kathleen smiled at him.

  Eileen came back into the living rom with a cup of tea.

  Kathleen turned back to Simi.

  Simi looked to her friends, who nodded at Simi to get on with it.

  Simi looked back at Fulton and Kathleen. “I— I—”

  “She’s that way,” Mason said.

  “She’s had a hard time,” Oceanna said. “A real hard time.”

  �
��And she’s come here to see you,” Hila said.

  “We’re hopin’ you’ll be nice,” Harry said, none too gently.

  “Sure, nice! All the time,” Fulton said. “Here.” He took the cup of tea from Eileen and gave it to Simi who spilled it on the floor with shaking hands.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry!” Simi said. “I didn’t mean to!” She looked for something reflexively to pat it off the carpet.

  “I’ll get it,” Eileen said, going to the kitchen for a towel.

  “Don’t worry about it. Your hands are shaking,” Fulton said. “I do it twice a week—three times, during the play offs. I should have set it on the coffee table.”

  “Could give it to her intravenously,” Gayland said in front of the T.V.

  “Never mind him,” Kathleen said.

  Eileen came back with a towel. Hila took it from her and began patted the carpet with it.

  Eileen sat by her husband, Gayland, on the arm of his recliner. They huddled.

  “It won’t stain, I don’t think,” Hila said.

  “Wouldn’t be the first if it did,” Fulton said with a smile.

  “So, now,” Kathleen said. “What is it we can help with?”

  Simi’s mouth opened, but shut again.

  “She was over in Afghanistan,” Mason stepped in for her. She was a helicopter pilot there—”

  “Like our Tommie,” Kathleen said, pointing to the picture on the mantle.

  “Yeah, probably,” Mason said.

  Oceanna continued. “But she got shot down—”

  “So did he,” Kathleen said.

  “She was a wreck,” Harry said. “Really messed up.”

  “I can imagine,” Fulton said.

  Oceanna continued. “They sent her back to the states, but her biggest problem was inside, and that’s where she totally melted down. You see, when she was little, she always had something inside her that hurt so, it had to come out, and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. I think if she hadn’t found the courage to be herself, I think it would have killed her.”

  Simi looked at her mom more intently in the eyes.

  Kathleen looked back at Simi, and her face began to change. The kindly, quizzical look became alarm and shock.

  Fulton looked back and forth between his wife and Simi.

  Oceanna held up Simi’s hand toward them. “This is Simi Fisher.”

  Kathleen stood up on reflex.

  “Oh, for the love of Jesus—” Gayland said from his recliner.

  Fulton stood beside his wife to hold her. “What’s the matter?” He asked her.

  Kathleen pointed at Simi whose fearful look was now fixed on the floor.