What's the Matter with Newton?

by Mark Young

  Shelly and Theremin looked at each other.

  “Well, actually, we haven’t thought of anything yet,” Shelly admitted. “I mean, we’ve thought of a lot of things, but none of them were great ideas.”

  “She didn’t like my hot ice cream idea,” Theremin protested.

  “I liked it in theory, but it sounds maddeningly impossible to make or enjoy as a dessert,” Shelly countered. “But now that the three of us are a team, we can come up with something awesome. How about we brainstorm at dinner tonight?”

  “To victory!” Theremin said as he pumped his fist in the air. “Group hug!”

  Newton held back. “Um, I can’t make it tonight,” Newton said. “I’m having dinner with Mimi.”

  “Oh yeah, right,” Theremin said as he settled to the floor.

  “You’re what?” Shelly’s eyes got wide. “Okay, for a really weird day, that’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard.”

  “She sent him a holo-invite,” Theremin explained. “And I . . . I sort of lied and told him it would be fun. But that was before he saved my life and we bonded.”

  Shelly looked at Newton. “Just be careful around that girl. I’m not sure what she’s up to, but it’s usually not good.”

  “We could go to the library after dinner and do some research,” Theremin suggested.

  Newton nodded. “I’d like that.”

  Shelly held out her right arm. “Go team! Let’s do this!”

  Theremin rose off the floor and put his hand over Shelly’s hand. Newton got the drift and put his hand over Theremin’s. Then the three friends raised their arms in the air with a cheer.

  “To victory!!”

  That night Newton stepped out of the dorm building and followed the sign that read: AIRY CAFÉ THIS WAY. It wasn’t a far walk through the jungle, but he heard strange chirps and shrill birdcalls and was happy to see the Airy Café up ahead. It was a tall, circular building made of frosted glass, and Mimi was already outside waiting for him. She tapped her fingernails, painted with her signature green nail polish.

  “You’re seventeen seconds late,” she told him.

  “Sorry, Mimi,” he said.

  She sighed. “Come on, let’s go in.”

  Mimi pushed open the door and Newton followed her inside. She made a beeline for the hostess, a woman in a pale blue suit with a matching cap.

  “Reservation for two. Crowninshield,” Mimi said.

  The woman smiled. “Of course, Mimi,” she said. She waved her hand. “Please take your seats.”

  Two silver chairs slid up on a conveyor belt on the ground. Mimi sat in one, and Newton took her cue and sat in the other.

  Suddenly, the chairs started to rise up, supported by poles. A port in the ceiling slid open, and Newton saw Mimi’s hair begin to float in the air as they entered an antigravity dining room. Then the chairs they were sitting on detached from the poles and continued to float straight up until they finally settled on either side of a round table!

  “We’re flying!” Newton cried.

  “Not flying, weightless,” Mimi explained. “Everything floats without gravity!”

  Newton looked around and saw other diners sitting on tilting chairs around floating tables that were all askew. Everyone was laughing.

  A server in a pale blue uniform floated over to their table.

  “Hi, there,” she said. “I’m Avi, your server. Have you been to the Airy Café before?” Then she burst into giggles.

  “He hasn’t, but I have, of course,” Mimi said. “We’ll take two Bouncy Burgers, two Funny Fries, and two Bubble Shakes, please.”

  Avi laughed. “Yes, of course!”

  Then she floated away.

  “Why was she laughing?” Newton asked.

  “It’s the weightlessness. It makes you feel silly after a while,” Mimi responded. Then she leaned forward across the table. “Listen, Newton, that was a nice try today, pretending that you were in love with me to get information.”

  “I wasn’t pretending,” Newton said, and then he blushed. “I mean, I really felt it at the time, but it was only because of the formula Theremin spilled on me.”

  “So the robot’s in on it too?” Mimi asked.

  “In? In on what?” Newton asked.

  “Your plan to get close to me and steal my science fair project idea, for starters,” Mimi said. “I’ve been onto you from day one. But as my dad taught me, keep your friends close, and enemy spies closer. So here we are.”

  “Um, yes, here we are,” Newton repeated. Mimi was making him feel like . . . like a bug under a microscope.

  “So I have a proposition for you,” she said. “You can hang out with me—instead of with that sniveling tin can and that animal-loving Goody Two-Shoes that you hang out with now.”

  Newton frowned. “But . . . they’re my friends. And Theremin’s not a tin can.”

  “They might be your friends, but they are at zero-point-zero on the social scale,” Mimi said. “If you hang out with me, you’ll be popular. And popular kids are the only ones that get ahead at Franken-Sci High.”

  Newton pondered this. Higgy didn’t like Franken-Sci High much, and it was because a lot of students didn’t want to hang out with him. And Theremin was angry all the time for the same reason. So maybe Mimi had a point. But was being popular worth giving up Theremin and Shelly?

  Mimi leaned in even farther. “So if we’re going to be friends, Newton, I need to know more about you. Where are you from?”

  “I don’t know,” Newton replied.

  “Come on, Newton, you can drop the act,” Mimi said, smiling sweetly. “We’re friends.”

  “I would tell you if I knew,” Newton said sincerely. “But I don’t. I don’t have any memory of who I am or where I’m from.”

  “Are you saying you really have amnesia?” She blinked.

  Newton shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t remember.”

  “Order up!” Avi appeared next to them, smiling. She plopped their food down on the table.

  Mimi quickly grabbed her plate and Newton did the same. “The plates and food will float away if you’re not quick enough, Newton. We’d better eat.”

  Newton looked down at his burger. It was slowly separating, with toppings floating off in different directions. He grabbed the pieces, held them together, and took a bite. Then he put the burger down for a second, and it started to bounce away! He grabbed it and took another bite.

  “Wow, they make you work for your food here,” Newton said. “But it’s kind of fun!”

  Mimi smiled. “Try a fry.”

  Newton bit into a fry that had already floated up by his face.

  Oo-ee! Oo-ee! A siren sound wailed.

  “No way!” Newton said.

  “Each one makes a different sound,” Mimi explained. She bit into a fry, and hers let out a tweet.

  Newton bit into another one.

  Pffffffffft.

  Newton blushed. “Oh man. That sounded like Higgy.”

  Mimi giggled. “Yes, that’s a fart fry!”

  Then Newton noticed that bubbles were floating out of his milkshake glass.

  “You’ve got to catch them. Quickly!” Mimi said, showing him how it was done. “They turn into milkshakes once they hit your tongue.”

  Newton obeyed, catching the closest bubble by opening his mouth and letting the bubble float inside. It dissolved in his mouth with a creamy, sweet taste.

  “Mmm, that’s good!” Newton said. He floated up a little bit out of his chair to catch another bubble that was floating away. “Got it!”

  Mimi laughed, and the two of them launched into a giggling fit.

  Suddenly, the lights flickered. Newton’s stomach dropped as his chair began to drop as well.

  “Power surge!” someone yelled.

  Instinctively, Newton reached for a nearby glass wall with his hands and feet, and clung to it as the lights flickered again.

  A soothing voice came over a loudspeaker.

  “Our antigrav syste
m had a slight hiccup, but its working fine now. Please enjoy your meals.”

  Newton looked down. It was only when he saw that everyone was still floating safely, seated at their tables, that he realized he had done something strange. He had just overreacted, he realized, and he floated back into his seat.

  Mimi was staring at him, her eyes wide.

  “So uh, the system failed for a second there, right?” Newton asked, hoping to explain away what she just saw. “Antigravity works in mysterious ways?”

  “I suppose.” Mimi sighed, and then her eyes hardened and narrowed. “I’m really glad we did this, Newton, but its decision time. Friends?”

  “Um, yeah, sure,” Newton said, “but I still want to be friends with Theremin and Shelly, too.”

  Mimi scowled and her voice went cold. “Sorry, Newton. No deal. Either you’re with me—or you’re against me.”

  Even the fun of the Airy Café couldn’t lighten Mimi’s mood after that. Newton wondered why she was so suspicious of him.

  Why would she think I’m a spy? he wondered. But then it hit him—why wouldn’t she? I appeared out of nowhere and I don’t even know who I am.

  Now Newton’s eyes narrowed, but not with suspicion—with determination.

  Shelly, Theremin, and I are going to win that Mad Science Fair prize, no matter what it takes! he promised himself. It’s the only way I can find out who I really am!

  CHAPTER 12

  Eureka!

  “Ha ha. A fart fry. That is funny,” Theremin said the next morning, when he and Shelly joined Newton for breakfast smoothies.

  Theremin didn’t need to eat, of course, but he wanted to hear about Newton’s dinner with Mimi.

  “I’ve never been to the Airy Café,” Shelly admitted. “I’m a little afraid of heights.”

  “It was kinda fun,” Newton said.

  “And Mimi was really mean to you, right?” Theremin asked.

  Newton shook his head. “No, actually, she was pretty nice. She did ask me a lot of questions, though, and it got me thinking. We really need to win the science fair, so I can get some answers.”

  “I’m sure we’ll come up with something great tonight,” Shelly assured him.

  “Why wait? Can we meet right after classes are over?” Newton asked. “I really want to get on it.”

  “Sure, why not?” Shelly replied. “First, though, you have to finalize your schedule.”

  “Oh yeah, right,” Newton said. He took out his tablet, scrolled to the enrollment screen, and selected his classes. The good news was that Leviathan was teaching Neo Evolutionary Biology. The bad news? Juvinall was the only gym teacher who had an opening in her class, and Physics of Physical Education was a requirement.

  Newton spent the rest of the day half-focused on his classes and half-focused on trying to think of ideas for the science fair project. He wasn’t the only one who was obsessed. It was all the students were talking about, though Newton noticed that some bragged loudly about their projects, while others talked in whispers.

  In the hallways, kids were rushing around gathering equipment for their projects. He spotted Tootie controlling an antigravity platform that suspended a big, bulky box in the air. The box had small holes in the sides, and Newton swore he heard scratching sounds. When he asked Tootie what was inside, she just smiled and said, “Something terrifyingly awesome!” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know!

  After his last class, Newton met Shelly and Theremin outside the library. He stared up at the glass walls of the Brain Bank.

  “I can’t believe it’s only been a few days since I first met you guys in there,” he said.

  Shelly nodded. “I know! So much has happened.”

  “So, let’s download ideas from the brains!” Newton suggested.

  “Against the rules,” Shelly replied. “We’re supposed to come up with ideas on our own.”

  “Besides the Brain Bank, the library has some paper books, like Professor Waggs likes,” Theremin explained. “And then, there are the holo-books.”

  The robot drifted over to a glass pedestal with a square platform on top and waved his hand over it. A holographic image of a book appeared. Theremin waved his hand again, and, as the holo-pages turned, three-dimensional images and diagrams popped out.

  “Whoa!” Newton exclaimed. “Cool.”

  They found a quiet table in the back of the library.

  “So I was thinking,” Shelly said, “that maybe we could expand on the rodent-protection system I’ve been developing.”

  “Rodent protection?” Newton asked.

  Shelly reached under her poncho and gently pulled out a white rat with a pink nose and a long, pink tail.

  “Cats give these little guys such a hard time,” she said. “I was thinking of inventing a sonic collar that would repel them.”

  “Hmm,” said Theremin thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t it bother the rats, too?”

  “Exactly my problem,” Shelly admitted. “I need to read up more on buffering sonic technology. Let me go find some books.”

  With that, she headed off.

  “Now what do we do?” Newton asked.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Theremin said. “Mumtaz wants me to help you practice for your portal test. If we win the contest and you don’t know how to access the portal, it won’t be of much use to you. We’d better practice.”

  “Good point. Whoever said you weren’t a smart robot?” Newton said as he dug the brochure out of his bag.

  “Thanks. Fold the corners of the brochure in first,” Theremin instructed.

  Determined to get it right, Newton carefully folded down one corner. Then he tried to fold another—and, just as before, his fingers stuck to the brochure.

  “That should not be happening,” Theremin remarked.

  “EXACTLY, it shouldn’t!” Newton yelled out, a little too loudly. A drone instantly appeared, floated up to him, and a message flashed across its digital screen.

  SSSSHHHHHH!

  “Sorry,” Newton told the drone, and it flew away. Newton lowered his head and focused on folding the brochure again. Sweat was dripping down his face. As he got his fingers unstuck, they just kept sticking again.

  “Let me see that,” Theremin said, and he grabbed the brochure from Newton as Shelly walked up, carrying an armful of books and a holo-book.

  “Hey, good idea to—” Shelly stopped and looked at Newton. Her mouth dropped open. “Newton, are you all right? Your eyes are all—”

  “I’m never going to fold my brochure correctly!” Newton blurted loudly, frustrated. “It won’t matter if we win the science fair or not if I can’t open the portal!”

  The drone returned and flashed the warning:

  I SAID . . . SHHHH!

  “Sorry,” Newton said, then he scowled. “No, I’m not sorry! It’s been days and I still don’t know who I am! Mumtaz seems to know something, but she won’t tell me anything! And my only chance of finding out what is going on is winning the contest, and I can’t even fold a dumb piece of paper. It’s not fair!”

  Multiple red lights began flashing on the drone.

  EJECTED! EJECTED! LEAVE NOW!!

  Five more drones swooped in and surrounded Newton. They started to herd him out of the library.

  “Newton!” Shelly called after him.

  Newton didn’t answer. He left the library and headed back to the dorm.

  There’s no point in me winning the science fair, he thought gloomily. No point in anything, really.

  When he got to his room, he didn’t even check for any of Higgy’s pranks before he opened the door and stepped inside. Luckily, Higgy hadn’t set one.

  “Where’ve you been, roomie?” Higgy asked.

  “Wasting my time,” Newton mumbled. He kicked off his shoes and scurried up to the top bunk.

  Higgy got up from his chair. He was wrapped in a bathrobe, but his face was bandaged, and he wore his usual cap and glasses. “Okay, Newton, you have to tell me what your secret is,” he said.


  “What secret?” Newton asked. “I told you, I don’t know who I am or where I’m from.”

  “No, I mean the secret of how you get in the top bunk,” Higgy said. “You climb up there so fast. And you don’t use the ladder.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Higgy walked over to the metal ladder on the front of the bunk and tapped it with a gooey tendril. “I can just slither up the rail if I want. And other humans climb, like this,” Higgy demonstrated. “But that’s not what you do. You kind of . . . scurry your body up the rail and barely touch the rungs. So what’s your secret?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know,” Newton said. “I thought I was doing it, you know, the normal ‘human’ way.”

  “All we need is a little scientific deduction,” Higgy said. “Do it again.”

  Curious, Newton jumped down from the top bunk and then scurried up the ladder again.

  “Hmm,” said Higgy. “It’s like the palms of your hands stick to the metal, so you don’t need to grip the ladder rungs or step on them. We could use a microscope about now. Message your friend Theremin.”

  “How do I do that?” Newton asked.

  “With your tablet,” Higgy replied. “I’ll show you.”

  Newton gave Higgy his tablet, and one of Higgy’s green tentacles snaked out and scrolled through the screen.

  “Students . . . freshmen . . . there he is, Theremin Rozika,” Higgy said, handing the tablet back to Newton. “Now type in a message telling him to come here.”

  “Okay,” Newton replied, happy to play along if it meant finding out answers about himself.

  A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Newton opened it, and Theremin and Shelly stepped in.

  “Newton, are you okay?” Shelly asked. “We really need to talk to you about something.”

  “First, we need Theremin’s microscope, please,” Higgy said. “I’ve deduced that Newton has an unusual stickiness to his fingertips, and perhaps also his toes.”

  Shelly and Theremin exchanged knowing looks, and then a door opened on Theremin’s chest and a small retractable microscope came out.