Christmas is for Children

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘You’ll call for the children’s gifts?’

  ‘Yes, thank you – my children are being spoiled this year, but they’ve have enough grief recently and they deserve a few treats.’

  Flo nodded. ‘Tomorrow then…’ she said and went out into the cold night air.

  Was she being silly to think there was anything in the way Robbie had smiled at her? For a moment she’d felt that the years had melted away as if they’d never been… But of course that was foolish. Nothing could come of her secret yearnings. Flo was just imagining the look that seemed to say that he still loved her…

  21

  Robbie spent most of Christmas Eve volunteering at the mission. John needed extra chairs, plates and cutlery and some of them were borrowed from the Sally Army canteen, which always had plenty of spares. The mission in Oldfield Street was a local charity set up to help the poor by the church and a few good people, but the Salvation Army was countrywide and had many thousands of helpers and members; they thought of themselves as God’s army and their mission was to spread His word. Captain Arnott smiled at Robbie when he arrived with one of the other volunteers and a borrowed van.

  ‘Mr Hansen is making a bold move,’ the man said. ‘I don’t think we could manage a Christmas dinner for over a hundred people. We shall have the soup kitchen open as usual and we’ve planned some mince pies as a treat for our regulars – but that dinner is a huge undertaking.’

  Robbie smiled and agreed. ‘I think Mr Hansen has probably realised it by now but he has an army of volunteers. All his ladies are cooking their own meal early so that they can be at the mission to serve up the Christmas lunch at two o’clock.’

  ‘Well, good luck to you, that’s all I can say,’ the captain saluted and laughed. Robbie noticed that their side door was half of its hinges and Captain Arnott nodded when he mentioned it. ‘Someone broke in the other night. I think they were looking for money, but all they got was an almost empty collecting tin; it only had a few coppers in.’

  ‘Still, they were given to help your work,’ Robbie said. ‘I hate thieves, Captain Arnott, and just because you’re broke it doesn’t mean you should take from others. After all, most of us are in the same boat.’

  ‘I don’t think it’s a local man,’ Captain Arnott said thoughtfully. ‘I’ve noticed a few rough types hanging about – they may have come from somewhere up north. At least I think it was a northern accent, but it might have been foreign. I turned one of them away from the soup kitchen the other day. He tried to get a second portion and we do serve whoever comes, but we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour.’

  Robbie nodded and took the last of the chairs out to the van. ‘I’ll pop back after I finish at the mission and fix that door for you if you like.’

  ‘Thank you. I’ve been meaning to get it done, but no one seems to bother about small jobs.’

  ‘I do,’ Robbie said and grinned. ‘I’ll come back about four – OK?’

  ‘Yes, I’ll still be here.’

  ‘You’re a glutton for work,’ Reg, the other volunteer, said as he drove the van away from the Salvation Army Hall. ‘My missus volunteered me for this job and once we’ve unloaded I’m off for a drink with me mates.’

  Robbie laughed. Once he might have felt the same, but now he wanted to make a name for himself. He had no intention of charging the Sally Army for the small repair to their door, but he hoped they would remember his name and pass it on. Although he had work for the next month or so, Robbie wanted to make sure that he had work every day in future.

  He’d looked into Flo’s sweet face the previous evening and something inside him had ached to take her in his arms and kiss her. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, had always loved her – but he couldn’t ask Flo to forget the past and give him another chance unless he was certain he could provide for his family – all his family.

  Flo had her own business, but Robbie wasn’t going to live off another’s earnings. He had too much pride for that and so he couldn’t ask her to wed him until he’d begun to make a proper living instead of earning a few bob for the day, which was enough to subsist on but not enough to build a new life.

  His mind twisted this way and that, because there was so much he wanted to say to Flo – and to Honour, though he knew he could say nothing until Flo gave him permission. He’d given up all rights when he’d run away and left her to face her predicament alone. Somehow he had to find a way of making up for what he’d done, even though it wasn’t all his fault. Robbie knew now that Flo’s father had lied; Flo had never seen his letter. She must believe that he’d just kept on running.

  Robbie spent the next hour and a half helping to clean the canteen after the soup kitchen closed, getting it pristine and decorated with paper chains and decorations for the next day. John’s ladies had brought in various bits and pieces from their homes and by the time the tables were laid the room looked very festive.

  When John locked up, Robbie set out for the Salvation Army Hall, his tool bag over his shoulder. It was in Spitalfields and a fair walk so he caught a bus. Captain Arnott looked a little surprised when he turned up, as if he hadn’t truly believed Robbie would come back.

  The Salvation Army captain made him a mug of strong hot tea as he worked, fitting the door with a metal bar they could put across when they locked up at night.

  ‘That should stop any more break-ins,’ Robbie said and smiled. He finished his tea. ‘I’ll be off now – Happy Christmas…’

  ‘How much do we owe you?’

  ‘Nothing for this,’ Robbie replied, ‘but spread the word for me if you can. I’m looking for work and my rates are very reasonable…’

  ‘We’ve got a lot of repairs we need done in one of our premises in Stepney,’ Captain Arnott said. ‘It’s a row of almshouses we let to our retired members and they are all in need of repair. Would you consider giving me a price for renovating the whole lot?’

  ‘Do you really mean it?’ Robbie was stunned. ‘I’ve got a roof restoration for the mission, but I’ll be free to start sometime in February next year.’

  ‘It would take that long to get it approved,’ Captain Arnott said and smiled. ‘Yours won’t be the only tender, but my approval goes a long way – if your rates are truly reasonable I would throw my weight behind your bid.’

  ‘When can I look at them?’ Robbie asked.

  ‘I’m free on Boxing Day…’

  ‘Give me the address and I’ll meet you there…’

  Captain Arnott extended his hand. ‘Thank you for doing this for us, Mr Graham – and I look forward to showing you the almshouses…’

  Robbie nodded and left. He felt as if he was walking on air as he hopped on a bus and paid his tuppenny fare.

  The future was looking brighter and if he got that job for the Sally Army… But he would be a fool to put too much on the word of one man. He had to see what needed to be done first, work out a sensible price and then hope for the best, but it made him feel that perhaps life was going to change for the better for him and his family – and perhaps that might include Flo and Honour one day.

  *

  Flo was busy for the whole of the morning, but by mid–afternoon the trade had almost dried up. She’d sold all the fancy bits and pieces and all that was left were a few buns and mince pies and when Honour told her that she would take over, Flo decided she would do Millie’s shopping and pop it round for her. She packed some of the mince pies into a little white box and put that in her basket. Her father was sitting by the fire reading a newspaper Honour had fetched for him and nodded as she told him where she was going.

  It took Flo only a few minutes to buy the goods Millie had asked for and to walk to their house. She was surprised to see that Bert was dressed and in the kitchen. He was just making a cup of tea and invited her to stop for one.

  Flo thanked him and unloaded her basket, setting out the mince pies on a plate and putting the other bits and pieces in the pantry.

  ‘Don’t do too m
uch, Bert,’ she said, looking at him in concern. ‘Now, have you got all you need?’

  ‘We don’t need a lot,’ Bert said. ‘Will you take Millie’s tea in for her, lass – and one of your mince pies? I know she likes to see you…’

  Millie was still in bed but looked brighter than she had done for days and Flo thought she was genuinely better. She placed the mince pie on its plate beside the bed and handed Millie her tea.

  ‘Thank you, lass – that looks lovely,’ Millie said. ‘Our neighbours have been wonderful. We’ve had a sponge cake and a casserole brought in this mornin’ – and Effie is cooking us a dinner on Christmas Day. Folks are so kind…’ She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. ‘I don’t think I could ever bear to move away if they do want to pull our houses down.’

  ‘You’ve made friends over the years,’ Flo said. ‘I know there have been times when you’ve helped others…’ Millie nodded as she sipped her tea. ‘Now folk are helping you a little and glad to do it…’

  ‘Robbie has been as good as a son to us these past few days,’ Millie said. ‘He’s done everythin’ – emptied the commode and all…’ She gave a little cackle of laughter. ‘These old places bring down all the barriers, lass. We’ve only the lavvy in the back yard and so we’re used to carryin’ a night pail out in the mornings – but Robbie didn’t bat an eyelid.’

  Flo laughed. ‘It doesn’t worry me – but not many men care for the job.’

  ‘My Bert never made no trouble of it, but lookin’ after me nearly killed him,’ Millie said, looking anxious. ‘I’m glad we let Robbie bring the beds down. We can’t expect folks to keep runnin’ after us forever and those stairs are too much for my Bert.’

  ‘I don’t intend to stop comin’ when I can,’ Flo told her with a smile, ‘and I’m sure Effie won’t – I can’t do as much as I’d like, but I shall make sure you’re all right…’

  ‘You’ve been an angel,’ Millie said and the emotion in her voice showed that she meant it. ‘Robbie has his work to do, but the children are here most days and that means we don’t feel cut off… we know someone will always be about and that takes away the fear of lying ill and no one caring if yer die...’

  ‘A lot of folk care about you and Bert.’

  ‘Aye, they’ve shown that…’

  Flo smiled and chatted for several minutes and then wished Millie a Happy Christmas. She said goodbye to Bert, who thanked her for coming and told her he was going back to bed for a little rest.

  ‘I’m doin’ what the doc told me,’ he said and winked naughtily as she took her leave. ‘I don’t want to get carted off to hospital and leave my Millie on her own…’

  *

  Flo closed the shop at half-past four on Christmas Eve. They had very little stock left and what they did have they could eat themselves. Flo would make some fresh mince pies in the morning before she cooked their dinner, but other than that she intended to have a rest from baking.

  They ate lamb chops, mashed potatoes and buttered carrots and cabbage for tea and then washed up. Honour said she was going next door to see her friend Kitty.

  ‘We’re going to cut out a new dress for Kitty’s little sister,’ she told Flo. ‘I’ll be back later if you want to go to church for the midnight service…’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Flo said. ‘I think I’ll just sit and listen to Dad’s wireless – if it works…’ Her father’s wireless was a Bakelite model and a nice-looking set but a bit temperamental, but Flo didn’t mind if she just sat quiet for a while. It would make a nice change to read her library book, something she seldom had time for. She was hoping that Robbie would keep his promise to call that evening.

  He came at eight fifteen and brought a big terracotta pot of hyacinths for her as a Christmas gift. The flowers were still green and tightly shut, but it was a lovely surprise and made Flo feel a little fluttery inside. She hadn’t expected a gift and hardly knew what to think or say...

  ‘I grew these bulbs myself,’ Robbie said. ‘I think they should be pink when they open, but I’m not sure.’ He looked at Flo’s father, who was sitting by the fire and looking at his newspaper. ‘Happy Christmas, Mr Hawkins. I hope you have a good day tomorrow – all of you.’

  ‘Thank you, Robbie,’ Flo said. ‘I’m glad you found time to pop round. I’ve got a little parcel for each of your two – but I didn’t get you a gift. I’m sorry.’

  ‘I didn’t expect it, you’ve done enough for the children,’ Robbie said and accepted her gifts. He hesitated, glancing at Flo’s father. She knew he’d hoped they would get a moment alone. ‘I suppose I’d better get back. I left the kids with Bert, but he won’t want to be up late…’

  ‘Oh, before you go, I wanted to show you something in the shop… a little job…’ Flo said and led the way through the hall, closing the door after Robbie. ‘There isn’t anything wrong… I just wanted a moment alone. It’s awkward with Dad there…’ she confessed, slightly breathless because her heart was racing. She hadn’t been alone with him for years and felt a little shy, her cheeks pink.

  ‘I wanted to be alone with you,’ Robbie said and smiled. He reached out and took her hand. She didn’t draw it away. She couldn’t, because she could hardly breathe. ‘We’ve never had time to talk, Flo – and I know I don’t deserve that you should listen but…’ He hesitated, then: ‘What I did all those years ago was wrong and cowardly…’

  ‘We were both so young,’ Flo said at once. ‘I was as much to blame as you… and neither of us really knew what we were doin’…’

  ‘I did,’ Robbie said. ‘I never thought you would fall for a baby just because we made love once… I was shocked when you told me and I ran, Flo, but I did come back… Only it was too late…’

  ‘You came back?’ She looked up at him in shock. ‘I never knew…’

  ‘I wrote and then I came but I was told you wouldn’t see me… and given a black eye as well as a broken rib…’ Flo gasped in shock and he shook his head. ‘Don’t be upset, Flo. It was such a long time ago, but I do want to make it up to you if I can…’

  ‘Was it Dad?’

  He nodded and she clenched her hands as the anger flared.

  ‘He had no right…’

  ‘Perhaps he did,’ Robbie said. ‘You were his daughter and too young to have a child – too young to marry a callow youth with no prospects…’

  ‘That should have been my choice…’ Flo’s eyes stung with tears. She had never known that Robbie had returned for her and been sent away! It shocked and distressed her, because she’d thought he had not truly loved her. ‘Oh, Robbie, I’m sorry for what he did to you…’

  ‘I’m the one who should apologise. I took advantage and I let you down,’ he asserted and reached out to touch her cheek. ‘I don’t blame your dad any more and neither should you, Flo. He was taking care of you – and, as it happens, he was right. I wasn’t much of a provider for my wife or my kids. It was fine for a while, but then I had a fall at work and was in bed for months with a damaged spine and a broken ankle. I mended, but it took ages to get back to work and then the work started to dry up…’

  ‘None of that was your fault,’ Flo said. She gazed up at him, feeling the love she’d suppressed for years flow out of her. ‘You worked hard when you could – and you’re a good man, Robbie. Please, don’t put yourself down.’

  ‘I’m tryin’ hard now to get on my feet,’ Robbie said. ‘I’ve got work for a month or so after Christmas – and there might be a lot more comin’ my way, but I don’t know for sure… I just wanted to tell you that I still care, Flo.’ He met her gaze. ‘Is it possible that one day…?’

  Flo felt her eyes moisten and she offered a wobbly smile as he faltered. ‘I still care for you, Robbie. I never stopped. I can’t promise anythin’, because I’ve got Dad to consider and Honour…’ She hesitated, then, ‘You do know she’s your daughter?’

  ‘I thought she might be,’ Robbie said and caught his breath. Tears stung his eyes to hear her say it, even though
he’d known. ‘She’s beautiful, Flo – just like you. I’d like us to be together as a family one day – if that’s all right with you?’

  ‘One day perhaps,’ Flo said and pressed her face into his shoulder, inhaling the lovely masculine scent of him and willing the tears not to flow. It was all too new, too painful to take in. ‘It’s what I would like, Robbie – but Honour doesn’t know… and I couldn’t leave Dad – despite what he did.’

  ‘I wouldn’t ask you to, love,’ he said. ‘Let’s face it; I couldn’t support a family yet. I’m managing now, but it will take me months before I have money in the bank and could offer you anything…’

  ‘We’ll have to think about what we do next, Robbie – but I want to be with you in time…’ She gave him a loving smile, because she knew that now there was something to look forward to. Her grief over the years had not been his fault. He’d come back to marry her but her father had sent him away.

  ‘I love you, Flo. I always loved you and Madge knew it… She didn’t know it was you, but she sensed there was someone.’ He held her close. ‘I didn’t mean to say all this yet, because it is too soon – but I couldn’t help myself…’

  ‘I’m glad you did,’ Flo said. ‘We both need time, Robbie – you have to get on your feet again, and I have to think of Honour and Dad. Maybe in time we’ll be able to do what we want, but for the moment… But I want you to know I’m not bitter or angry.’

  ‘I know.’ Robbie kissed her softly on the lips. ‘I know we have to be patient, but you’ve given me something to look forward to, Flo – far more than I deserve. And you will come out with me after Christmas?’

  ‘Yes, I will…’ Flo said and gave him a little push. ‘Get those kids home and in bed – they will be beside themselves with excitement thinking about Father Christmas comin’…’