by Ford, Brenda
If only I had her cell phone number… then I could talk to her without seeming like I’m pushing her. That would be the ideal solution, but I don’t. Going over there would be too much as well. After all, I can’t forget that the Clark family are suffering through grief at the moment. Plus, a big life change. I need to make sure that Ellie has plenty of space to figure out what she wants to do. I have to be patient.
I hope she realizes that I will be around whenever she is ready to talk. Even if it isn’t the news I want.
“What are you doing?” Brad asks me cautiously as he steps in to the living room. “Who are you looking for?”
“Er…” I don’t want to answer that, so I turn the conversation around. “You look nice. Where are you going?”
“It’s date night.” He smiles and winks. “So, don’t expect me to be home early.”
“Say no more.” I hold up my hands in a surrendering gesture. “You have fun, okay?”
“Sure, sure.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and refuses to meet my eyes. “I know I say this a lot and you never take me up on my offer, but I am always here if you want to talk, okay?”
This is the first time that I really do want to talk because I need to know what he thinks about everything. But I can’t find the words about my sticky situation, so I simply shake my head no.
“Thank you, Brad, I really do appreciate it. But I’m good, thanks. You have a good night.”
Brad stares at me for just a second before he exits the room, sensing that I’m really not going to say anything else, but before I can let out a sigh of relief, he’s yelling me again.
“Oliver, you have a visitor here. Someone that I’m sure you’ll want to see.”
Instantly, I assumed that it’s going to be Ellie, finally coming to have the much needed conversation with me, but as I bound over to the door I see a different face. One who isn’t pleased to see me.
“Rosie?” God, she’s pissed. I can see it from here. She’s going to tear my head off. I did wonder why she hasn’t screamed at me about Ellie before and now I’m going to get it. Perhaps she’s just found out.
“Well, I’m off,” Brad continues brightly, not seeing the issue at all. “See you guys later.”
Now there isn’t even going to be a witness when Rosie kills me. That’s just perfect. I smile at him though and let him go before I step aside and let Rosie inside. I try and brace myself for the onslaught that’s about to come, but I don’t know if anything will be able to prepare myself for it. She is going to destroy me.
“Rosie… are you okay?” I stammer. “You… you look a little stressed out.”
“No, I’m not. Do you have anything to drink around here? Something strong?” I shake my head no. “Urgh, you are useless. I really just want to block this shitty day out and you can’t even do that.”
She flops on to one of the chairs in the living room, making herself feel at home like always. I want to try and relax with her, but I’m too tense. I perch on the edge of another chair and watch her. I wait for her to start this conversation because I really need to know where her head is at before I put my foot in it.
Of course, all I can think about is however bad this is for me, it will be a million times worse for Ellie. She and Rosie would have been arguing even more, ever since she found out. No wonder Ellie hasn’t been in touch. Despite my best intentions, I did get in the way and make things worse between them. I’m an asshole.
“You are being quiet,” I half laugh as I force myself to break the silence. “What’s up?”
As soon as those words fly out of my mouth, I regret it. The bear is already here, why am I poking it? Now I have basically just invited her to rip me apart. I’m sure that she will jump at the chance. I need to come up with an answer to everything that she says. Not an excuse, just something to calm her down.
“I just can’t believe it, Oliver, this is all so crazy, isn’t it? How has this happened?”
“Wh… what?” Shit, what can I tell her? That it just happened? No, that would be a lie. Can I tell her that I’m really into Ellie or will that only upset her more? “What’s going on, Rosie?”
“It’s Tristan.” She slides her eyes closed and tosses her head back. “He’s cheating on me again.”
It takes me a couple of seconds to realize that I’m not about to be in trouble after all, that this has nothing to do with Ellie and only to do with Rosie’s troubled relationship. I must be silent for a beat too long because she gives me a curious look like I should have said something by now. I quickly snap back into action.
“He… he is?” I ask. “Again? Is it with the same girl as before?”
Rosie’s face darkens. “I don’t want to remember that, Oliver. And I don’t know for sure that he was cheating on me. Just that he broke up with me to be with her. But he soon realized his mistake, didn’t he?”
I guess she doesn’t want me to mention that it was me and her making him jealous which brought him to his senses. I nod slowly and skip over that part. If she doesn’t want to remember it, then I won’t either.
“So, what makes you so worried? Something must have happened.”
“He’s just being all weird with his phone and he’s out of town a lot. I know that’s a part of his work, but it isn’t all of it. He shouldn’t be away as much as he is…” She throws her hands in the air in frustration. “And, well, I just don’t feel like I am good enough for him. I always feel like he wants more.”
Once upon a time, I would have assumed that I could offer her more. I might have even taken this chance and said as much, but now I just feel sad for my friend because she could do so much better. She doesn’t deserve to be made to feel small and silly. She should be treated like a princess.
“If Tristan isn’t making you happy, then maybe you should leave him…”
“Do you really think that?” She practically leaps on me. “Because I’m so confused.”
“Well, I don’t know,” I admit. “Because there are times when you do seem happy with him. Really happy actually. It’s like a roller coaster of ups and downs. But a lot of relationships are like that. I don’t think you should make any decisions right now while you are emotional. You should wait.”
“S… stay with him?” I can almost hear the eye roll in her voice. “Wait. That’s your advice?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have any advice for you. I’m not exactly the wisest person when it comes to relationships, am I? I haven’t had anything long term enough to know how it should be.”
“Hmm. But you have known me long term. Surely, you have something to say to me.”
She wants me to say something specific, but I don’t know what, and I really don’t need to be making any wrong moves when she’s all het up like this. All I can do is shrug and apologize.
“I’m sorry, Rosie, I can’t tell you what to do. That’s your choice.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” she pleads. “What do you think?”
Urgh, I’m going to have to give her something, so I might as well be a little bit honest and take her wrath afterwards. If she wants to kick my ass, then she’s going to find a way to do it.
“I think you should break up with him. He isn’t good enough for you.”
“You do?” Weirdly, she seems to light up at this suggestion. “Really?”
“Yes. You’ve been with him for a long time now. It might be time for you to have some space. Be single for a while and get to know yourself a little better. That way you can make sure that the next guy you are with is one who is right for you. One who treats you right. Not another Tristan.”
“But what if I have already found someone I like? Someone else?”
“You have?” Now that does surprise me. “Well, I still think some time alone would be good…”
“Why are you being so negative?” All of a sudden, Rosie leaps up from her seat. The look she gives me could burn holes right into my soul if I let it. Of all the times I have seen her filled
with rage, this is the worst.
“I don’t… I don’t know, Rosie. Sorry, I don’t mean to be… if you want to stay with Tristan then do. I don’t know, do I? This is why I don’t want to give you any advice, because it always backfires.”
“I don’t want to be with Tristan, that’s what I just told you, isn’t it?”
“Then what do you want? Huh? Because I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to say to you, Rosie. Nothing feels right. I want to help you, but you keep snapping at me all the time.”
Her hands fling on to her hips and she shakes her head at me. “You really don’t get it, do you? You have no idea. You’re just a fucking idiot, Oliver. You can’t… you can’t do anything right.”
“What the hell…?” I call after her. “What is going on?”
But she doesn’t answer. She runs through the front door and slams it closed behind her. All the air strips from my lungs as if she’s taken the breeze with her as she goes. I don’t know what is going on here, what I’ve done wrong, but clearly, it’s something. I’m struggling to work out how I can make it right. I don’t even know if there is anything that I can do. It all seems a bit out of my control.
I don’t like to keep doing nothing, but that’s the only thing which seems to be logical right now. Every time I do anything, I just make it worse. I’m like a ticking time bomb, leaving a trail of destruction each time I act.
Chapter Twelve
Ellie
What am I doing? I ask myself as I continue to stare up at the ceiling. There are so many things that I need to be getting on with right now, so many chores crying out for my attention, including getting a damn job, but all I can do is think about him. Oliver Smith, the man who has me all tied up in knots.
I want to be with him, I’m sure I do. I don’t know why I’m even questioning it really. Sure, I might have stormed over to his house in a mood with Rosie and that might have affected my decision to have sex, but quite frankly I don’t regret it. Not at all. It was incredible, Oliver was so lovely with me, and it felt incredible… of course, I do regret the way that I acted afterwards. Running away and not speaking to him again wasn’t my finest move, but I think he might be able to forgive me. If I just go over there. So, what is holding me back?
Rosie, I think. Rosie’s reaction to everything. I don’t want to put too much stock into everything that she has said to me, especially the bits blurted out in the heat of anger, but it’s still playing with me regardless. I can’t help it. She is my family, and I don’t have much of that left, so I don’t want to hurt her too much. If she does like Oliver, I wish she would just tell me so we can talk about it and go from there. We just don’t have that kind of relationship. I can’t get her to open up to me and likewise I know I won’t open up to her. It’s a shame.
I hear the sound of the front door opening down the stairs and since it’s probably going to be Seth back from school, I force myself to dig up every scrap of energy that I have, and I roll off the bed. I still want to be there for him even through any personal traumas that I’m having, because I’m all he has left. Sure, Auntie Amelia has been good to him, and Rosie too, but soon enough it will only be us.
“No, Tristan, it isn’t like that.” But it’s Rosie’s voice that I hear floating up the stairs. “I love you.”
I lean against the door and listen to her for a couple of moments, hearing her tell her idiot boyfriend how much she loves him and only him. How much she has always loved him. See, she wouldn’t be saying all of those things if she had any kind of feelings for Oliver, would she? She’d end things and ask him out. I think I’m getting in my own head about that. I’m assuming that she likes Oliver but actually I feel she just doesn’t want me to be with him. She doesn’t think I’m good enough for him. She doesn’t want him, nor does she want me to have him.
Well, screw that. She’s got her own thing going on. She has Tristan. It shouldn’t worry her one damn bit if I am with Oliver or not. He likes me and I like him. The only way we will find out if I’m good enough for him is if we give it a try. Maybe Rosie will be right, and I’ll mess everything up, but maybe not.
Without worrying about it any longer, and without considering what Rosie might think about it anymore, I creep out my bedroom and tip toe down the stairs. I’m not hiding anymore, just avoiding any kind of conversation with Rosie. It seems like she has her own issues to contend with anyway, with Tristan.
Once outside, I practically run the short distance between my temporary house and his, my heart racing with excitement as I go. I almost let out a giggle because I’m so excited, I feel like a puppy jumping around for joy as I get a new toy. Oliver is my brand new toy and I can’t wait to play with him.
I bang hard on the door and rock back and forth on my toes as I wait impatiently for someone to answer. There are cars outside the Smith house hold, I know that people are in there. I just hope it’s the right people.
“Oh, hey.” Brad answers the door and gives me a lazy smile. “Ellie, how are you?”
I bite down thoughtfully on my bottom lip before I answer. As soon as I say these words, what is probably suspicion right now will be confirmed. But that hardly matters, does it? If we’re going to be together.
“Is Oliver home? I would like to talk to him if possible.”
“Sure, he’s up in his room. Do you need me to show you the way?”
I can’t stop myself from smiling. “No, I know where I’m going.”
Brad steps aside and lets me in, chuckling to himself as I bound up the stairs two at a time. At least he doesn’t have anything to say about me and Oliver, I don’t want to deal with any more negativity.
“Oliver?” I knock on his bedroom door too. I don’t want to barge right in and invade his privacy. “It’s me.”
“Ellie?” Luckily, as he replies I can hear the happiness in his voice. “Oh, thank goodness.”
The door flies open, and I immediately grab him in for a kiss. I should apologize with words really, but I know that actions speak much louder. He responds to the kiss, giving me as much passion as I am giving to him, but only for a moment. It isn’t long before he’s pulling back to give me the oddest look. I can just tell that he’s wondering what the hell I’m doing, why I have been blowing so hot and cold, and I don’t know how I’ll explain it to him.
“Are you okay?” he shocks me by saying. “I have been worried about you; you know.”
“You’ve been worried?” That’s a strange feeling. I don’t know if anyone has ever really asked me if I’m okay before. I’ve always just been seen as someone tough who can get on with it. “Why have you been worried?”
“Well, because you looked all sad before you left the other day. Like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. I was worried that I had done something to upset you. Then I’ve been worried that you’re struggling with your grief and panicking that you don’t have anyone to talk to… basically, I’ve been thinking of you a lot.”
“Wow.” I can’t believe it. I knew that he liked me, but I didn’t think he was that much into me! “Well, yes. I’m okay. I think. I needed a little bit of time to wrap my head around it, but… well, I’m good.”
“I’m glad you came back to me. I have missed having you around.”
The people who have known me for my whole life back at home won’t miss me, but Oliver has. That’s incredible. No wonder I’m completely obsessed with him. This is everything that I’ve ever wanted.
“I missed you too. It’s good to be back here.” I beam with joy. “How have your days been?”
“Work.” He rolls his eyes and takes a seat on the bed, patting the space for me to sit next to him, which I do. “It’s been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. Terrible and pretty boring. How about you?”
“I’ve been looking for a job.” That sounds better than telling him I’ve been lying on the bed thinking about him. “No luck at the moment, but I’m sure something will come my way.”
“Oh, you will
sort something. You know, I could ask Brad if you like…?”
I immediately shake my head no. I can’t imagine anything would kill our romance quicker than working together. Plus, if I do go to work with him, he’ll find out just how much younger I am than him. Personally, I don’t think it’s an issue, age is just a number, but Rosie has freaked me out. I don’t want him to find out how young I am until he’s really fallen for me and it won’t matter.
“Okay, yeah I’m sure you have your own plans, so you do what you need to.” I smile, still saying nothing. “Have you been out much since you’ve been here? Have you gotten to know the place?”
“You know what, I haven’t yet, but I haven’t really wanted to. I think I’ve just been adjusting. So much has happened in such a short time. I just haven’t had the energy. Plus, I’ve been looking after Seth.”
“Of course. And how is he doing? He must be struggling a little…”
This strips my breath away as I think about poor Seth. I won’t be home now when he gets in from school to check on him. He’ll probably be fine because he’s connected well with Auntie Amelia, but I like to see him.
“He seems to be doing okay, but I can’t always tell. I don’t know how much he’s holding in.”
“Hmm, yes he might be. I know I didn’t talk much growing up about my pain. But I survived it.”
“Yes.” I stare at him for a few moments, realizing that we have a bond, something in common. “I forgot that all of you survived it too. Your parents dying when you were young. And you’re all doing well now.”
“Exactly.” He nods. “Kids are resilient. They can survive all sorts. We’re proof of that. I’m sure there will be times when Seth struggles, but he has you looking out for him, so he’s very lucky. You will get him through it.”
That makes me feel even better. He really does see me in a positive light, much better than I have ever seen myself. I can’t help but swell with pride as he gives me a surge of confidence.
“Thank you. I hope so. That means a lot to me.” I chuckle. “But you know what, it’s my birthday soon. On the thirteenth. Maybe you should take me out for the night. Show me around the place.”