by AK Waters
* * * * *
From the start, Cruz was popular on the base. In training he was a high performer and that gave him status among his brothers on Team 5.
Running for miles on the beach in the deep sand was a daily warm-up. Physical conditioning, swimming, and calisthenics grew harder and harder as the weeks progressed. They wore fins in the ocean and learned small boat seamanship. During the diving phase of their training Cruz’s team learned open and closed circuit diving as well as basic dive medicine and medical skills. In the land warfare phase they learned about basic weapons, demolitions, land navigation, patrolling and finally were taught to gather and process information that would complete the overall mission. Classroom work taught map compass and land navigation. After that, they would go to San Clemente Island where the class would participate in a much longer work intensive setting to mirror the work hours to be spent in the field.
Cruz was in control and he loved every minute of it, adding his own workouts between the Navy ones to increase his endurance and speed. He didn't want to pass the courses. He wanted to be the best in them and come out on top. Cruz was a leader and wanted to lead by example, knowing the sacrifices now (like less time at home and more personal training) would pay off in the end.
* * * * *
Devin tried to warm up to the other wives at first. The clique was run by Laura, who was married to Cruz's sergeant. She reminded Devin of the gossipy girls in high school.
When she mentioned it to her husband at dinner one night when he was between training sessions, he laughed. "They all seem nice to me."
"Of course they do. You're a guy. They smile and flirt a little and then talk about you behind your back. I don't want to be like them."
Cruz nodded. "And you're not. Just ignore it. They're all married to great guys. You need friends, too."
"I need real friends, not catty bitches," Devin said with a laugh. "I'm not going to kiss anyone's ass and play nice while they talk about everyone."
Cruz sighed. "I know none of them are Lila. Heck, no one anywhere is Lila. But you need to make nice. Who knows? Maybe they're being bitches because they think you're judging them."
"I'm judging them because they're bitches." Devin decided he wasn't going to understand, and it made her more determined to stand her ground.
The first few months were tough for her. She tried to keep her sanity by painting and keeping busy, but she was homesick. Putting the house together was fun but she soon found herself moving the same pictures over and over for something to do. If she was being honest, the house had been perfect for weeks.
Cruz had structure and purpose in his daily grind, while Devin had nothing resembling it. She didn't have to be anywhere. She didn't have to get up at a certain time, either. Cruz was gone before she woke and home most nights well after dark, usually heating up something quick instead of making her wait until 1900 hours or later to eat. Even when she did wait for him, the food often grew cold while she sat at the table and had to blow out the candle or the house would burn down. So much for making romantic dinners.
She needed a plan for her artwork. Having so much free time didn't translate into more work getting done, though. It gave her more time to over-think each piece. Some days she wasted watching television and taking naps on the couch, waking only because she needed to eat.
Devin found herself alone, which was hard on her. She hadn't made any real friends and none of the Navy wives seemed to include her in anything unless all the men were around. The base was all order and quiet, and it was starting to drive Devin insane.
* * * * *
As a new guy on Team 5, Cruz had to prove himself all over again. He'd be joining veteran SEALs on combat deployments. The real deal. Guys who'd been in the shit.
Cruz attended professional development courses, jump master training, close quarters defense and dives. He was learning new skills every day and staying in shape and in receive mode.
Even when he was in stand-down phase and he took Devin with him to BBQs on the beach with the other newbie couples, he spent most of his night listening for clues from the older, more seasoned guys who dropped by. He knew there was no such thing as a casual conversation with these guys, who were constantly testing the newbie's to see if they could handle being in combat with them, if they were from good stock and if, when the shit hit the fan, they'd be able to face their fears or panic and get everyone killed.
Cruz wasn't a stupid man. He could see a change in his wife, but they didn’t fight about it. She didn't fuss as much as she moped around the house. He swore, once he'd settled in and proven himself, there'd be plenty of time to make up for these lost weeks.
When he was home he got up before first light and began his routine with an invigorating run. He lifted weights like he was training for the Olympics. Like a man possessed, laser-focused on the endgame.
Cruz was determined to get a top assignment, which he'd get if he stood out from the rest of the newbies. It would also mean more time away, and he dreaded the fight that was brewing with his wife. Even though she'd had her eyes wide open when they married, Cruz knew she was still unprepared for his career. He feared it was only going to get worse for her, and he didn't know what to do to comfort her.
* * * * *
Cruz staggered home, exhausted, after they'd been on the base about five months. He rummaged through the refrigerator and found cold spaghetti. When Devin offered to heat it up for him he waved her off and ate it cold, standing over the sink. "I need to get to sleep," he said around bites. "I have a feeling I'll be called for a sortie tonight."
"I haven’t seen you in forty-eight hours," Devin said quietly.
Cruz sighed but kept shoveling food in his mouth. He finished and dropped the plate into the sink before going to the couch and fighting to take his boots off. "I know this is hard for you. I get it. But it will get worse once I'm deployed. There won't be any warning when I leave and you won't know where I am or for how long. That's just the way it is. None of this is a surprise to you, either."
"Then you just come and go as you please?"
"No. I come and go as the Navy says." He walked into the bedroom as he pulled his shirt over his head. "You know you mean everything to me. I know it doesn't seem like it right now. But I have to give one hundred percent to my job."
Devin looked pissed. "What did you just say? Do you hear yourself? If you're giving the Navy one hundred percent, that leaves nothing for me. For us."
"Things will change. I promise," Cruz said as he took off his pants and collapsed into bed. He put a hand over his eyes. "I need to get some sleep. I'll be called tonight. I know it."
He was asleep by the time Devin stormed out of the bedroom and slept on the couch.
Chapter Ten
Abandonment
Devin tried to adjust. She could find her way around the base easily enough, and willed herself some days to leave the house so she didn't spiral into eating between naps and TV. She learned the proper way to mow the lawn according to the rules, and really concentrated on her painting and getting back into loving it.
There were tennis courts and she had brought her racket with her but you needed a partner for that. The other wives weren't exactly welcoming, even though they were often on the court whenever she drove by.
She went to the beach more and more with her canvas and paints as well, getting a new appreciation of the area. Some days a group of the Navy wives would be jogging on the beach and stop. They'd stare at her work like she was a toddler with a box of crayons.
"What are you drawing?" they'd ask, faces wrinkled up. She no longer tried to explain her art to them. It would only confuse them, and more often than not she could hear them giggling as they jogged away.
Cruz had been making an effort since the argument, going out of his way to spend as much time as he possibly could. Some mornings he would forsake his jog and have wild sex with her instead, which wasn't a bad thing as far as Devin was concerned. Their intimacy seemed
to grow and they fought less. Devin waited for Cruz to get home before making a quick, simple meal so they could sit at the table and talk about their day, even if it was for only a few minutes together before he had to climb into bed to sleep.
His team physical training was so intense it was becoming increasingly rare for the two of them to have much time together, though. A few stolen moments here and there were becoming the norm.
He would be called away for skydiving or snorkeling training on a moment's notice and he had to go. Devin learned not to pout and make him feel bad. This was the life they'd chosen, and fighting wasn't going to change anything. She tried to remain positive and focus on good things when he was around so they didn't waste the minutes in an argument.
The entire base was abuzz that his team would be activated soon. Devin wasn't sure how she would cope, knowing he might be far away and in danger, but she never confided in Cruz. The worst thing she could do was get inside his head. She'd hate herself if anything ever happened and it was her fault.
Cruz didn't have much information, only saying they could be gone in a heartbeat. He seemed to be more interested in how much weight he could bench-press.
* * * * *
One Sunday the couple was browsing through the melons and kale at the local market, enjoying the gorgeous day. Devin was trying her best to support Cruz when he started talking about a healthier diet. Even though she'd need been excited about fruits and vegetables, Cruz wanted to have more healthy cooking and more veggies and juicing.
Cruz grabbed two oranges and stuck them up his shirt. "Hey, who am I?"
"Your mother," Devin shouted a little too loud.
"My mom's are grapefruits. This is you. See? Nectarines."
An elderly gentleman looked at Devin and frowned. "Are you alright, Miss? Should I call the manager?"
Devin waved the man off and couldn't stop giggling. She knew it was time for them to get out of the store but when she turned back to Cruz he was gone. She supposed he'd gone to get ketchup for the BBQ tomorrow. "Cruz?"
She began walking slowly around the store, waiting for him to jump out and scare her. She walked up and down the produce aisle, calling out to him. When he finally jumped out she was going to act really scared and smack him. Then he'd stop these childish games. Or maybe not, she thought and laughed.
When she was in the pharmacy area she turned all around but didn't see him. "Hey, Cruz. Which Preparation H was it you needed?"
He didn't answer her dumb joke.
"Playing hard to get? I'll find you." She ignored the odd stares she was getting from other customers. It made her giggle even more. She enjoyed their time together when no one else was around to get his attention. When they met with other couples or went to parties Cruz was always working, picking brains for information or busy trying to follow conversations and get information to make his career better. But when they were alone they rarely talked about his work. They just enjoyed one another. Devin just wished it happened more often.
It wasn't until she walked down two more aisles that she started to panic. She wondered if he'd run to the bathroom. Maybe the chili for lunch had hit him hard, even though he'd barely eaten much and that's when they'd decided to eat better.
Devin went to the bathroom but another man was coming out and it was obvious Cruz wasn't inside.
Flustered, she tried his cell phone. It went straight to voicemail. Her hands were shaking. There was no way he wasn't in the store. No way.
Devin was embarrassed but found the store manager by the front and asked if he could call Cruz over the intercom. She knew he'd be embarrassed as well and probably get an attitude when they left, but she didn't care right now. She wanted him to get mad because then he'd be in front of her to do it.
He's here somewhere, Devin thought. She checked the time on her phone and nearly fainted. It had been an hour since they'd entered the store. The reality set in he wasn't coming to answer the overhead call. He was gone.
Devin abandoned the cart filled with fruits and vegetables.
The store manager looked puzzled. "Do you want me to call the police?"
"No. It’s fine. I'm sure he got called away," Devin said.
Now all the customers around her were staring. She reached into her purse and pulled the keys to her truck, rushing from the market.
Devin was halfway across the parking lot when she realized Cruz had driven them to the store, and he had the keys in his pocket.
It was the first time Cruz vanished and it left her a mess. Just like that. Poof. Into thin air he was suddenly gone. Devin thought there were no more certainties in life once someone you love disappears like that, without a word or warning.
The solitude was suffocating. There was no more knowing he'd be home for a late dinner or he'd half-wake her super early in the morning taking a shower or the door clicking shut as he left. Cruz was just absent.
Her appetite was gone. She stayed inside as much as she could and left the couch only when she had to.
And then, seventy-two long hours later, she was informed by phone that he'd been sent on his first deployment. Devin sighed. At least she knew where he was and what was going on, even if she didn't know the details.
It was important for her to stay strong and brave. She thought back to what the Chaplain had said during the wedding.
She watched the news on TV, thinking she'd get a clue to where he was. She had nightmares when she slept and every bump in the night startled her from sleep.
Ironically, it was in these days of uncertainty and loneliness Devin found out how much she loved him. She couldn't fathom anything bad happening to Cruz.
Twelve days later Team Five returned home safely. When she saw Cruz she showered him with hugs and kisses.
A welcome home party had been planned. The room was filled with red and white balloons, American flags, and women overwhelmed with relief.
This party was where Devin began to feel solidarity with the other Navy wives, and some of them were genuinely friendly toward her at the party.
Devin knew he'd be gone again, and sooner than later. She needed to be strong for him. Cruz was out serving his country and entering into dangerous situations. She needed to be there for him unconditionally.
And in the blink of an eye, he was once again gone without notice.
Soon after a rumor surfaced about a fake training mission. The Navy wives were all calling one another and even Devin got a couple of calls from women she barely knew, all excited and angry.
Supposedly some of the men went down to Mexico instead of on an actual mission. There was talk of strip clubs and prostitutes. One of the wives from another team had found a receipt.
Devin trusted Cruz. She had to, or this was all going to be gone as well.
Chapter Eleven
Ann
One afternoon on the beach, after three fruitless hours trying to paint, Devin felt helpless. Even the beautiful golden clouds against the light blue sky weren't enough inspiration for her to paint.
Her exasperation thickened as a couple walked past her holding hands and giggling. She finally gave up and tossed her paintbrush into the small bucket next to her. It missed and left an imprint in the sand. Devin stared at the mark and felt like it meant something. A sign. As if it was the dark imprint on her lonely heart. She picked up her things and left the beach. She had a party tonight and she needed to prepare for it, both physically and mentally.
When she arrived home Cruz was standing in the living room.
Her mind screamed to smile and go about her business, but her mouth got in the way. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Cruz. I can’t take you disappearing like that again."
Cruz pulled off his sweaty t-shirt. "Baby, we can't do this right now. We have to be at the new Admiral's in twenty and I need a shower and to stow my gear. Can you help me?"
Before she could respond he was in the bathroom and starting the shower. Now she was more than annoyed. She went in just as he stepped i
nto the shower.
"You've vanished twice on me. You can't even show the proper respect and tell me you're leaving," she said, trying to keep the venom from her words.
"This is our life and it's a hard one. But it's a good one. Don’t you have everything you need?"
"I want my husband."
Cruz turned his back on her as he let the water splash down on him. "Dev, this is getting old. Can't you just enjoy the time we have together? I don’t want to fight again tonight but I am going to point out this life gives you a lot more time to paint than most would. I need you tonight. This is a very important party for me. All I need is for you to be friendly with Admiral Jordan's wife. Maybe make a friend for a change."
She hated when her called her Dev. "If you're asking me to compete with the pack of Stepford Frog Wives, to kiss some Barbara Bush look-alike's ass, you might as well fly this solo."
Cruz turned back to her. "You're my wingman, baby. I know you won't let me do this alone. You know how important it is for my career. For us." Cruz grinned and put his hand out. "You look dirty. You might need to climb in here with me."
Devin tried to fight it but she laughed. He could always make her smile. Thoughts of questioning him about Mexico and fake missions faded away. He still loved her. It was obvious. Cruz would never do anything to jeopardize their marriage.
"And no more Air Force metaphors," Cruz said with a laugh, moving to the corner of the shower to let her strip down and join him.
* * * * *
The thin black dress she chose was slightly short for the base, with a small slit at her right thigh. Devin paired it with sleek stiletto boots. It was definitely not a way to make friends with Laura Murray, the sergeant's wife and queen bee of the unit.