Sealed With A Kiss

by AK Waters

"Please baby, go make yourself a drink and let me do that," she pleaded.

  He shook his head. "You might forget something, you don’t know the dress. This has to be right."

  She wrapped her arms around him from behind. "It doesn’t have to be perfect, baby."

  He turned around to face her and there was so much pain on his face that she had to look away. "Are you coming with me?" he asked.

  She took his face in her hands. "Of course I am. Lila is meeting us there, too. She’s driving from Asheville. She’s already left."

  "How will I do this?" Cruz whispered softly.

  "We’ll do it together."

  * * * * *

  Cruz and Devin arrived in a rental car from the airport to Chickie’s Beach around nine at night, already emotionally spent. Devin had given him the space of silence the entire airplane ride. She knew how much he needed to be still.

  The town was tranquil. When they entered their small hotel they immediately noticed Lila sipping a glass of wine at the bar. She ran across the lobby, and the three embraced tightly. When they finally let go, Lila put her hands on Cruz’s shoulders and tried to speak but couldn’t. Tears welled in her eyes.

  Cruz looked at her for a brief moment until he had to step back. "I can’t right now..." Cruz fought his own tears, pursed his lips. "I’m going to clean up and then try to find Mr. and Mrs. Riggs. Is that okay?"

  "Of course," Devin said.

  "You girls go have a drink and catch up." He walked toward the front desk with their small carry-ons.

  For a moment, Lila and Devin just stood there, holding hands.

  At the bar, Lila ordered Devin a glass of wine as she watched Cruz walk to the elevator. "I never thought I would say this, but he looks awful," Lila said.

  Devin shook her head. "I’ve never seen him so vulnerable before. The Superman act was getting old, but this is hard to watch. It’s so great of you to drive all this way, Lila. You didn't have to."

  "I felt like I did, actually. It’s not the first time I’ve been here," Lila confessed. Devin gave her a confused look.

  "I came out twice. Right after the wedding and about six months after that I flew here. He was in DevGru training, whatever the fuck that is. I never figured it out. I hate all those goddamn acronyms."

  Devin finished her wine and waved for another. "I’ll guess some elite bullshit. They should call it all SEB."

  They clinked their glasses. Lila tried to smile and failed. "He was a beat-up mess. Scratched up and scab. Riggs was still sexy as hell, but I mostly watched him sleep. The second trip he fell asleep on top of me while we were making love. I almost suffocated." Devin threw her head back and laughed for the first time in days. "That would be the perfect way for you to go."

  They both laughed so hard they snorted their wine and then wiped their tears away. "Why didn’t you tell me, Lila? Did you love him? Why did it end?"

  "This life, this thing you guys have got going, it was just too much for me. I’m too selfish. And I gave you such a hard time about all the complaining you did, with your stuff in Coronado. I admire you, Devin, for being able to sacrifice like that for someone you love, but God, it seems like it takes everything."

  "It does," Devin said softly.

  After a short pause Lila sighed. "Was I in love with him? I don’t know. I guess it could have become that." She let out a sob. "I can’t imagine how Cruz feels because I’d give anything to see him one more time."

  They put their heads together and Devin held her. She closed her eyes and prayed, thinking to herself, Let me be strong. Between Cruz and Lila, tomorrow was not going to be easy.

  * * * * *

  The next morning, when Devin and Lila arrived at the cemetery the funeral Coach was already there. The six honorary pallbearers were lined up behind it. Cruz was the only one that wasn’t from Riggs’ unit. He stood out from the others, as they all had facial hair.

  That seemed so odd to Devin until Lila whispered "most of the guys from Chickie’s Beach get deployed to the Middle East. The beards keep them from standing out."

  Devin could hear hushed talk at the service that Riggs' undercover squadron was on a rescue mission. The two abducted reporters were brought back unscathed. Unfortunately, Riggs and one other SEAL did not come home. They had run decoy and taken fire. When the word hero came up, Mr. Riggs had murmured "no one would have expected any less of my boy."

  As the pallbearers carefully placed the flag covered coffin down, Riggs’ family wept quietly. A firing squad off to the side fired three volleys. Taps was playing by a lone bugler and the flag from the coffin was tenderly folded and handed to Mrs. Riggs. Oddly, it reminded Devin of her wedding. The formality, the control. Somehow, it was comforting. When the service was over, Cruz approached the family first. Devin was taken aback by his quick transformation. This wasn’t the man who had left the hotel this morning. He looked like his old self again. His color was back, as was his confidence. The Riggs’ both seemed to lean on him as he led them to their waiting car. Devin watched him change from grief-stricken friend back to the soldier he was so well trained to be. She marinated in this realization.

  Lunch was served someplace called the Ready Room. The Riggs’ left early but the enlisted men and some of the younger relatives stayed to play pool and share stories about Jason. Riggs' team was huddled in the corner, discussing the details of the mission in hushed tones. Cruz listened intently. Devin couldn't help get close to her husband to hear what happened, but being respectful enough to the men not to hang on his arm or stand in their circle as they talked. During the raid the team was dropped by helicopter on a rugged mountain in Afghanistan’s Kunar province. They were to find and eliminate the leader and his second in command. Over a three mile long ravine they searched dozens of caves where they found weapons, ammunition and supplies along with a wealth of intelligence information. For weeks they survived on the supplies found in those camps. It was one early morning when a grenade unexpectedly detonated that they lost Riggs. Devin marveled at how quickly Cruz was able to change the mood. He had them laughing helplessly with anecdotes about Riggs in BUD(s) training. As much as it was a relief to see him smile, it was also a little unsettling. Cruz felt her deep stare and saw her stare through him. He looked away and Devin knew he wasn't as strong as he was trying to let on. The death of Riggs had shaken her husband.

  * * * * *

  After a sleepless night in their hotel room, she gave him an ultimatum. "Cruz, if I am going to risk going through this one day, when you might be the one in that coffin, I want something from you. I want a percent. Maybe not fifty, not even thirty."

  He drew her gently onto the bed and stared into her eyes. "What do you need from me, Devin?"

  She took a deep breath. "I can’t have you disappear on me again with no warning. I see how real all of this is now. It will be a torture I cannot bear. I’m not as strong as you are, Cruz. You have to warn me next time."

  Cruz pushed the hair from her face and kissed her softly on the lips. "I can’t lose you, either. I couldn’t have gotten through this today if I didn’t have you here, near me. It’s the same when I’m deployed. Knowing you’re home waiting for me makes me stronger. I promise you. I won’t leave you like that again. I’ll figure out a way to warn you."

  And his mouth gently kissed hers again.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Decisions

  Devin walked briskly along Orange Avenue. Ann was meeting her at Leroy's in ten minutes. Devin desperately needed her friend right now.

  She was frantic. She and Cruz had returned from Virginia a month ago. In the hotel room, the morning after Riggs' funeral, he told her how he needed her, made love to her and had given her a promise. He swore he'd tip her off when he had to get moving and that's all she wanted.

  Then… BAM! Gone again. No warning.

  Devin knew this was make or break time. She had given him an ultimatum. If she didn’t follow through, nothing would ever change between them and she could go on
this way forever. Maybe Laura Murray and Selma Reyes could, but she knew she could not.

  What was killing her is the fact she'd brought it up several times over the last four weeks. Cruz knew her position and the fact she wasn't kidding around. He nodded when he was supposed to, said he understood, did everything she wanted him to do… and then one morning he was gone, his duffle bag no longer in the closet.

  Devin had other stuff on her mind all month, too. Riggs’ funeral had been a shock to her system. What if Riggs had married Lila or some other girl? Maybe Cruz’s mother was right. Maybe it was too much to take on at once: training to be an elite warrior and a husband all at the same time. She knew she couldn’t go on like this. Thank God they had at least been smart enough not to have kids right away. It was a life Cruz had chosen for himself. A life she should not have agreed to. Devin needed Ann right now. Either to support her decision, or talk her out of it. She wasn’t sure which.

  As Devin approached the bar at Leroy's, she glanced over at her paintings that stood on the wall. Jeremy had commissioned ten of them two weeks ago and six had sold. Cruz had seemed mildly interested in the fact she had them showcased somewhere, being too busy to say much while he ate dinner and crashed on the couch or in bed. A rush of adrenalin filled her just thinking about it. But that feeling quickly turned to apprehension.

  "Gorgeous, when are you bringing me new stuff? You’re developing a buzz around here. A following. You have to fan the flame. I think I can get a critic from San Diego to come write a review, but you need more pieces." Jeremy watched her fidget. “Still bummed from that funeral? You could use it to do something dark."

  Devin stared at him. "You can be such a complete unthinking ass. Maybe, if my husband never comes home, I can get a show at MOMA." She slumped in her chair at the bar.

  Jeremy placed a martini on the bar and frowned. "Sorry, that was crass. Have you heard from your husband yet?"

  She looked down at her phone and shook her head. "Ann’s late."

  "She better get her ass here fast. It’s gonna get packed tonight. This guy who's playing has been drawing a crowd. And he’s hot," Jeremy said.

  "I’m already sick of being back on the base. Anything will sound good to me tonight," Devin said and took a sip of her drink. Everything since the funeral had bee surreal. Nothing made much sense. Only her friendships with Ann and Jeremy and her painting, but even those things were not distracting her enough from what she was struggling with inside. Devin needed to be at Leroy's as much as possible, but she knew it wasn't healthy. She needed to settle a few things instead of hiding from the base and her life.

  "Save her seat, but if some hot guy comes in you'll have to give it up. I want the cute ones front and center so I don't miss anything," Jeremy said and winked. Jeremy was the type of friend who would listen to you bitch all night and keep filling your glass. Devin loved that about him.

  She glanced at the big clock behind the bar. Ann was never late. She sipped her icy cold martini slowly, mind racing. When her cell phone rang, she jumped. But it wasn’t Cruz. "Hey, Ann, where the hell are you?"

  "Sorry hon, but I can’t make it. Jacob got caught with a joint in his locker today and I gotta be here when Sam gets home. It’s gonna be a scene from the ‘Great Santini’ and I have to mediate. Will you be okay? I'm really sorry for bailing and I feel like an awful friend, but I can't also be an awful mom right now."

  After a short pause Devin closed her eyes. "You are the BEST mom, and some time alone with a couple martinis might be just what I need right now. Take care of that girl of yours." Devin ended the call with a tap of her thumb and finished off her first drink. She expected to have a few more before this night was over.

  The guitarist took the stage and the music began. She snatched a spot at the corner of the bar where she could lean and listen. It was classic guitar and reminded her of being a teenager back in Seattle. He was really good, and the crowd was responding to him. Devin tried to forget about her problems and drink her worries away, but it wasn't working yet.

  Devin’s mind wandered back to all the rumors about fake training missions. Cruz had changed speeds so fast at Riggs’ funeral. Deep down, she knew he loved her, but could he switch it on and off and be a different person when he was away from her? He had broken his promise after one month. The first time something came up. Not a single hint that he was leaving again. She knew deep down that he wasn’t with another woman but he had betrayed her just the same. And she knew it wasn't going to change.

  Devin took another martini when Jeremy put it on the bar. None of this mattered anymore. She was done with wondering, worrying, and waiting. Devin was sick of the emotional distance between them. As she sipped her second martini a little switch went off in her head. Her thoughts went to her father, who had left and abandoned her throughout her life. The irony of choosing to marry a man who was constantly leaving her was palpable. Was she choosing a life she had been accustomed to? Jeremy stepped from around the bar to join her and gawk at the guitar player. Devin had barely noticed the guy onstage.

  "You've seemed bored and distracted since you've been back. I know just the ting for you," Jeremy said with a grin.

  "What?" Devin asked, almost afraid.

  "What if you joined Laura Murray’s little book club? They seem like a nice bunch of women to help you forget your troubles."

  Devin closed her eyes. "Don’t tease me tonight. I’m not up for it."

  Jeremy squeezed her shoulder. "I don’t know how you do it. Living alone would drive me up the wall."

  A thought formed in her head about Jeremy and his living conditions. He rented out rooms in the house he owned, and he remembered talk of one of his roommates leaving soon. "Did Roselyn move back to New York yet?"

  Jeremy couldn’t take his eyes off the stage. "Oh yeah, but I’ve already rented out her room." He suddenly whirled toward her. "But I have the second room, the one with the little window that faces the ocean. It’s adorbs. I haven’t advertised because I’m putting a fresh coat of paint on it right now. Why?" Jeremy's eyes were dancing in inquiry.

  There had been no mention to Jeremy yet of her serious thoughts to leave the base and Cruz. Devin turned away with a frown and tried to focus on the stage.

  "What aren't you telling me?" Jeremy asked. He leaned closer to her. "Is this why you wanted to talk to Ann so badly tonight? Are you having some thoughts of leaving Cruz?"

  "No… yes… maybe?"

  "You know, no matter what you need, I am here for you," Jeremy said. "If you want to talk or act, you know where I am. You also know I won't pull any punches. Neither will Ann, for that matter. We're both here in your time of need."

  "I'm not happy. With any of this," Devin admitted.

  "Think about your life right now. He’s locked you on that sterile base with those bitchy Stepford Wives while he leads this exciting, dangerous, and adventurous life. He’s living his dream. That’s what you should be doing. You are an artist. You should be living like one. You could take a few days or weeks to think about what you really want. I’m not saying leave him, but you can’t think clearly in that cult environment."

  Devin felt herself perspiring. It was one thing to make the decision in her head but a much bigger step to actually do something. "Would you need me to sign a lease?" she asked timidly.

  "Don't insult me. If it came to you coming to stay for a time, the room rents itself. You can leave whenever you want. If it got to that, pack up some stuff and come stay with me," Jeremy said. "But you need to be sure. This is a huge step."

  "I think my mind is made up."

  Jeremy put his hands up. "Have you talked this through with anyone yet? What about your best friend you're always bringing up, Lila? Does she have any idea?"

  "No," Devin admitted. "Every time I want to talk to her about it, we talk about Riggs and she gets so sad. She makes comments about how strong I am for staying in this relationship and how she wished she had had more time with Riggs. I think telling he
r I was thinking of leaving Cruz would crush her right now."

  Devin had thought about leaving a few times before. She would be angry for days and start to plan. Thoughts of going back to Seattle and living with her mother until she got on her feet, or moving in with Lila in Asheville swirled in her head.

  But by the second week she would start to yearn for him. To ache for his touch and to fantasize about him walking through the door. The thought of giving up on Cruz or their life together still felt like a punch in the gut.

  This time though, the urge was deeper. To run away. Just not too far. Not yet. Jeremy was presenting her with an opportunity to do just that. He studied her face carefully and realized she was considering it.

  "Come on girl, we’ll have sleepovers and drink margaritas on the deck, watch the sun set or rise, whatever we want. There are no rules at Jeremy’s house and no damn grass to cut, only sand as far as the eye can see."

  From hints Ann had dropped, she was sure Cruz would be gone for at least another month. Apparently, her husband told her things.

  Jeremy had been right. She wasn’t focused on painting. She also knew she had to stick to her guns with Cruz or nothing would ever change. After a deep breath a calm came over her. She stopped sweating. It was a blessing in disguise that Ann hadn’t shown up. Ann would have tried to talk her out of it.

  In the haze of two martinis, Devin’s decision was made. "I’ll do it."

  Jeremy squealed just as loud applause exploded in the room. From the stage the musician shouted "Gonna take a little break, back in a few."

  There was more applause. Jeremy hugged Devin and ran back behind the bar. Patrons crushed around her for another drink. She squeezed herself toward the stage. The CDs for sale was Wyatt Jones Classic Licks.

  * * * * *

  Most of the tables were empty now, the crowd shuffling out after another smoking musical set and last drink.

  Devin collapsed at a table while Jeremy cleaned up. He never let Devin or Ann help at the end of the night, joking he couldn't afford to pay them.