Point Hope

by Kristen James

  How would this work? What if rolled over in his sleep and wrapped himself around her?

  Suddenly he wanted her so badly he almost got back out of the bed. Instead he lay there, stiff like a mummy, listening to Rosette breathe. She wasn’t snoring, but it was her deep sleep breathing. Either she’d taken a pill or she was so exhausted nothing would wake her.

  That relaxed him enough to close his eyes and let go of the tension all through his body.

  Suddenly hot, shredded metal was searing into him.

  Trey woke up standing next to the bed, sucking air and shaking. It’d felt real—with real shrapnel suddenly hitting him out of nowhere. It wasn’t like a dream with any context, just a vivid, horrifying experience.

  He sat on the edge of the bed, catching his breath, just then noticing that Hope had slept through it. Somehow he hadn’t screamed this time.

  Turning, he could see the shape of Rosette lying on her side. Maybe he’d gotten lucky and hadn’t awakened her either. He lay down again and stared up into the darkness, wanting to reach over and touch his wife.

  ~ ~ ~

  The food had poured into their house over the last few days. Alex knew the routine from Ricky’s death. He met people, took their casserole, and tried to fit it into the fridge. If it came in a disposable dish, he stuck it in the freezer. Other people brought groceries that could go into the cupboards. He had just put one of the casseroles in the oven now so he could feed Candice and Jake lunch in an hour.

  He grabbed another plate, rinsed it, and stuck it in the dishwasher. It made a rhythm. Grab, rinse, place. Grab, rinse…

  He didn’t mind doing the housework. It took less thinking than doing make-up work from school. He’d missed the entire week, but no one said a word about it or told him he should have gone. Mr. Craven had brought all his work over two hours ago, promptly at nine a.m. as promised, and said Alex would get full credit if he turned everything in after spring break. That gave him the weekend and an entire week to do it. Maybe after the weekend he would be able to think about it.

  A weak moment came and went with just one shaky breath. Spring break. His sixteenth birthday. He’d been counting it down for months, and now it was shot all to hell.

  He poured in the dishwasher soap and snapped the door shut. It didn’t bother him to help out. But it felt like things could fall apart at any moment.

  The kids were upstairs for now, and Trey and Rosette were in the living room with Summer and Angel. Summer was mostly hanging around without saying much. There’d been other people too, but they left just a few minutes ago. It looked like Trey was doing okay with everyone coming and going. Actually, that usually didn’t bother him much. It was seeing blood and hurt people, so Alex had no idea why Trey still worked as an EMT. It was the exact thing that triggered his flashbacks—if he had to respond to an accident and people were bleeding. Then he’d take a few days or a week off and close himself in his room, or go for walks on the beach for hours at a time.

  What would have happened if Trey had been working that night and had responded to Amanda’s wreck?

  Alex looked out the window and saw Leena coming over from next door, a tray of food in her hands. The kitchen had two sets of big French doors, one that opened to the side of the house where Leena approached, and the other leading to the backyard. The back French doors had always been there, but Rosette had Trey add the second set. She loved light and said she needed a lot of brightness coming in to combat the rainy weather.

  He opened the side doors for Leena. The tray held cookies.

  “They’re still warm. I thought you and the kids might like them. Plus they’re Trey’s favorite kind.”

  “Thanks. I’ll let them have a couple after they eat.” The timer went off as he spoke. He set the cookies on the counter and took the green bean casserole out of the oven.

  “How’s everyone handling this?” She leaned against the counter. “It’s gotta be so hard, after everything. I wish I could do more.”

  “Thanks.” He liked how Leena talked to him like they were peers. Sometimes she even flirted with him. She’d moved into the house next door with a boyfriend, but they split up about six months later. Leena didn’t move out after that. The place had to expensive to rent, but she’d mentioned that her dad owned Micky’s Motors downtown and paid her rent.

  “Want to see the baby?” He led her into the living room; then he continued to the bottom of the stairs. “Candy Cane! Jakey! Lunch!”

  He turned to see Leena leaning over and cooing at the baby.

  He took the kids into the kitchen to eat but happened to glance back. Leena was kneeling in front of Rosette to see the baby but was staring up at Trey. Something about it made him do a double take.

  Chapter Seven

  It was Friday afternoon. Sarah felt like she’d been holding her breath all week, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She parked her car about a half mile from the Sinclair’s house, so it’d look like she was going to the beach. A light rain fell, but she started out anyway. Her raincoat would probably keep her dry. She didn’t really care one way or the other.

  Sarah walked down the street, pausing across from the house. Neighbors had left roses and small crosses on the lawn. Amanda’s house was probably worse.

  She didn’t think anyone would notice her standing here. She always thought of herself as Sarah Plain and Tall. That was a movie title from something she’d watched as a kid. It had been a few years old even then, and set back in the Western frontier, if she remembered right. The movie portrayed a man who was widowed and needed a new mom for his children. He found a woman who’d written a letter to him and described herself as plain and tall.

  That was Sarah. She wasn’t ugly, simply unmemorable. She had never done much of anything to be noticed by anyone—until now.

  It was clear the house was occupied, but no one came outside. She just wanted one tiny glimpse of the baby, but it was too dangerous. If she stuck around long, someone might notice her and ask questions.

  ~ ~ ~

  “We’re thinking… Hope.” Rosette looked at Angel, who was holding the baby, and then toward Summer. So far, Summer continued to say she couldn’t take the baby, even though she was Amanda’s sister. Legally, Rosette had learned, Amanda couldn’t ever adopt a baby because she was a felon. It’d been something stupid she’d done a few years back, but it would follow her for the rest of her life.

  Rosette glanced at Leena but waited another second before looking at Trey. They’d been hesitant to even discuss names after Jake’s initial suggestion, but the baby was now six days old.

  “Maybe,” she added, “Hope Amanda Sinclair.”

  “Didn’t Amanda…” Leena trailed off as the rest of them looked at her. She stole a glance at Trey.

  He shook his head. “Ricky and Amanda were waiting to pick out a name together when he returned home. They thought they still had time.”

  “Hope.” Angel turned the name around in her mouth, leaning closer to the baby. “That’s a pretty name…for such a beautiful little girl.”

  That baby girl was drifting off to sleep, her tummy full and her eyelids drooping lower and lower.

  “Jake suggested it.” Rosette wanted to keep the conversation going. It was becoming a strain to talk to so many people, and she was tired of rehashing the same conversations. She glanced at Leena, surprised that she wished Leena would go home. They’d been neighbors for several years. In the beginning, she had reached out to the younger woman, thinking they’d be friends. They were only five or so years apart in age. Despite Leena’s easy-going personality, the two of them didn’t connect. They were friendly. They talked here and there. But, despite Rosette’s invites, they hadn’t gone out together to a movie, lunch, or anything social—just an occasional large-group gathering at each other’s homes. Maybe that was enough.

  “Rosette,” Trey said. “You could get that walk in while the baby’s sleeping.”

  “Oh!” Angel looked up. “Good idea. It’
s about time I got you out into some fresh air.”

  Trey stood and Angel shifted to pass the baby to him. Rosette stood too, dreading the thought of being alone with Angel. The feeling startled her.

  Summer had picked up a novel from the end table. Either she was reading or pretending to. Rosette was a bit surprised that Leena was still sitting there, though.

  “Oh, I’d better get home too.” Leena still seemed to hesitate as she stood and started toward the side French doors.

  “Thanks for coming over,” Rosette called. “We should get together more.” The words came out before she thought it through. They could easily invite Leena on their walk, but she didn’t really want to.

  No one followed up on her comment as they said goodbye. Rosette called “thanks” to Trey as she followed Angel out the door, into the breeze, pulling on her jacket as she went. It would be nice to get out of the house after several days of sitting with a baby and constantly visiting with friends and family.

  Rosette fell into step beside Angel, and they walked through the backyard to the stairs. They paused for a minute, looking at the view. The ocean roared as always, endless waves washing in, hypnotizing in their endless rhythm. Huge globs of clouds zipped across the blue sky like they were racing. The wind played over them, a feeling Rosette had always loved. It made it her alive. Today it reminded her she was still alive.

  Even her friend closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. Angel was a mix of Mexican, Hawaiian, and a few other ethnic groups, which gave her gorgeous, shiny black hair and warm brown skin. She didn’t flaunt her beauty. Actually, she didn’t seem to notice it. She usually had her hair braided or pulled back into a mix of clips and a ponytail, and she hardly wore any makeup. Maybe she didn’t wear any—just had naturally full and black eyelashes.

  As they started down, Angel slipped her arm through Rosette’s. “This is all so crazy.”

  Rosette burst out laughing. Yup, she’d cracked. “Oh, I had no idea how badly I needed this!”

  “I thought you were going to argue with me back there. You didn’t look like you wanted to come.”

  “I didn’t want to think about things. Any more than I already am, I guess.”

  Descending the stairs made them breathless, so they were quiet until they reached the beach.

  “So,” Angel said, flicking a meaningful look over Rosette’s face. “Is it just the stuff I know about that’s going on?”

  Rosette tried for a blank face as she looked at her friend. She almost said, “Isn’t it enough?” But she didn’t speak. She met Angel’s eyes for a second and then had to look away. Where to begin? Should she share any of this?

  They started down toward the ocean, and Angel patiently waited. A recent rain had left an intricate pattern in the sand. Rosette studied that as they walked, until they cleared the brush and could see the ocean.

  “Start with the smallest.” Angel pushed her hands into her jacket pockets and watched Rosette for a minute.

  “There aren’t any small things.” She turned and walked a ways from the path and sat down on a washed-up log. Most often, they walked down to the water and continued along the beach. But that was too much right now. “Okay… I don’t know much about what happened that night, but I wonder if Amanda…”

  “Tried to get in an accident?”

  That was a prettier way of saying it. She looked down and felt her eyes tearing up. Angel put her arm across Rosette’s shoulders.

  “There isn’t any way to know or even guess, is there?” Angel asked.

  Rosette shrugged under Angel’s arm. “But did I miss something? Should I have stayed with her?”

  Angel knew better than to answer. They watched the waves crash in and a seagull playing in the wind. It hovered like a kite, tilting this way and that without moving forward.

  She was moving forward in life, wasn’t she? Her kids were relatively happy, outside of the recent tragedy. Did anything else matter?

  “I’m worried about you. I mean, after all of this, you weren’t expecting to have another baby in the house. I know how hard it is when they’re up all night and need constant care.”

  “Angel.” It took entirely too much effort to get that word out. The rest were even harder. “Trey and I were talking about splitting up when we heard about Ricky.” She let that sink in for a while before even glancing over.

  “Oh.” Angel looked confused and let down, like she’d received bad news personally. “You’ve never acted like anything’s wrong, or said anything about you and Trey having problems.” She didn’t have anger in her voice, thankfully. Rosette shrugged, unable to speak through her tears. “So…what will you do now?”

  She leaned back, pulling in a breath, fighting away her emotions so she could talk. “We agreed to focus on the kids and get through the funeral. But after that, we got the call about Amanda.” Her voice caught on the name. It still seemed like Amanda would come home any minute—just walk through the door and scoop up her baby.

  “And now it’s all in limbo.” Angel wrapped her other arm around Rosette. “Oh, my God, Rosy.”

  “It’s just like my parents, but it’s me this time. Me who will be hurting my kids.”

  Angel was holding her breath. Rosette’s words were enough to explain a much bigger picture. Angel had been there for Rosette when her parents divorced; she knew how ugly it’d been and how much it had scared Rosette. Her dad was gone now, and so was her mom for all intents and purposes. They hardly spoke.

  They watched a man in a tan raincoat stroll by with his German Shepherd, down by the wet sand in front of the waves.

  “A few weeks ago, Alex had a friend over.” Rosette actually felt like that’d been a year ago because so much had happened since. “I overheard them talking, and TJ asked Alex what it was like living with us. I couldn’t hear everything they said, but I heard Alex say I’m like his sister-in-law and his mom wrapped into one.” Rosette dreaded facing the fact that she might lose Alex if she lost Trey. When she lost Trey, actually.

  Angel held her a long time. “Is there someone else?”

  Rosette almost snorted. She twisted her head. “Would I ever do anything…” She realized too late that Angel wasn’t talking about her. After all, why would Angel ever suspect her of anything like that? No one would ever guess that she had once kissed Ricky.

  But how had she not thought of Trey possibly having someone else? Who, though? He didn’t spend much time around any other women. “I really don’t think he could.”

  “I could ask Mitch to talk to him.”

  “No!” Rosette startled herself along with Angel. “No, please don’t tell anyone, not even Mitch.” She couldn’t handle the thought of other people knowing their marriage was falling apart. They’d think the worst of her—deserting Trey after he lost his brother. Their kids were still little, and they had Alex to think about too. And tiny Hope. Someday Hope would figure all this out and realize no one had wanted her. Rosette would look like a bad wife and mother…and the kids might hear other people talking too. Of course, they would learn about it at some point, but she didn’t want to think that far ahead.

  “Trey has never hinted, or acted weird, or said something odd? I just wondered...” Angel looked away, but there had been something in her eyes.

  “Angel?”

  “I got a weird vibe from Leena. Maybe between them, too.”

  Leena, from next door? “Don’t you think I’d get a weird feeling if there was something there?” As Rosette said the words, she remembered how Trey had been so nice and said she could go for a walk…and Leena had seemed like she wanted to stick around.

  ~ ~ ~

  The heat in the house almost stung her skin after several hours on the brisk, windy beach. Rosette checked first to see if Leena was there; she wasn’t. She walked by Trey, taking in the picture of him holding the baby to his chest. His smiling face was soft and loving as he murmured to her. There was love in his eyes. The image might have warmed her heart at another t
ime, but after her conversation with Angel, he looked different to her. She felt different about him. She wondered how life could change so quickly, but that seemed like a very dumb question given recent events.

  He looked up at her. “I talked to the social worker. The birth certificate is filled out now…with Hope Amanda.”

  So he had decided to go with her choice for a middle name. Tears poked at her eyes, surprising her. Thank you. She wanted to say it but couldn’t. She nodded and left, her feelings too raw to talk to him.

  Candice and Jake were lying on the floor in the family room watching Cars again. (Again? Did they convince Alex to let them start that one? She had every line memorized.) It was at the scene where Mater took Lightning McQueen cow tipping, only the cows were actually tractors. Alex was flopped across the couch, busy with some device, either texting his friends or playing on his DSi. She couldn’t see to tell which.

  She kept going until she reached the office, where she shut the door and sat down. This was her home, but today she had the weird feeling that she didn’t belong here. She had painted the rooms, decorated the walls, and hung her driftwood carvings on the outside, but now it felt like Trey’s home and not theirs.

  What if Trey were in love with someone else, and that’s what all this was about? Maybe he was picturing another woman here with him. Maybe he was eager to be with her. Maybe he had been with her.

  What would he think if he knew she had kissed Ricky? Maybe it had been that easy for him too. Had she lost her marriage before all this… and just hadn’t known it until now?

  Chapter Eight

  Alex was standing in the living room, peering through the curtains, when Rosette walked into the room. It was Saturday morning and she’d slept in, which felt like a miracle with so many kids and a baby in the house. Trey had gotten up with them, and she guessed Alex had helped. The extra sleep probably saved her sanity.