Point Hope

by Kristen James

  His phone buzzed in his pocket—Harry. He quickly answered, relieved Rosette wasn’t there.

  “Hey, did anything turn up?”

  Harry blew out a breath before answering. “There just isn’t anything here. By all accounts and opinions, it looks like she came around the corner and then just drove off the road at full speed.”

  It was time to let this go. Why couldn’t he? “But remember how Officers Jones and Havera said it looked like she veered into the side rail before careening off the road? If she suddenly veered, there had to be something there.”

  Harry was quiet. Trey shook his head at himself.

  “Trey, I want to find a better answer too, but maybe there isn’t one. Maybe we’ll never know. You can still decide what you tell their daughter.”

  Their daughter. Hope didn’t feel like their daughter. She felt like his. The thought unsettled him even though it wasn’t the first time he’d considered it. “Okay. All right… I don’t mean to push you. It sounds like you understand where I’m coming from, and you’re probably right.” That last part wasn’t easy to say.

  “Are things…okay besides that?”

  “Could be worse.” He meant for the words to sound light, but they didn’t. “Harry, I’ve been thinking about my career.” Trey paused, hoping Harry would fill things in or ask a question. In typical Harry fashion, however, he just waited on Trey. “I might want to look into other options.”

  “Okay.”

  “I haven’t yet. I’m not sure why I’m even saying anything, but…”

  “But it might be good for you.”

  “Yeah.” They said goodbye and Trey leaned back, letting the motion of the rocking chair calm him down. He heard a tap on the side door and stiffened. His eyes were closed and Hope was sleeping, so he just pretended to be asleep in case whoever it was could see him. Whoever—as if he didn’t know perfectly well who was at the door.

  He heard the latch click open and gritted his teeth. Damn it.

  “Trey?” She walked into the living room and sat down. “Psst, Trey.”

  At least she didn’t come over and touch him. He hadn’t spoken to her since that day when she had put her hand on his chest and made sure Rosette had seen it. He pulled his head up and looked at her. “Hey, Leena.”

  She started to smile but then suddenly became emotional instead. “I’m sorry if I caused trouble for you.”

  He felt bad for her, for a second. “Well, it’s water under the bridge now. But I don’t think you should come over anymore, Leena.”

  She popped up from her chair and moved to the closer sofa. “Trey—”

  “Leena, stop and listen to me.” He worked his jaw side to side. No matter what, he had to stay in control here. He couldn’t yell at her with Hope in his arms and his kids upstairs. “Rosette and I have a lot going on, and we don’t need anything else to deal with. Go find one of those college boys.”

  Turned out he didn’t need to yell. His cold voice traveled across the room loud and clear. Tears were running down her face now.

  “I don’t want some stupid college boy. I can’t help how I feel about you.”

  She was gearing up for a full-blown attack. Now she’d tell him she knew he felt it too. Trey cut her off. “I don’t want anyone else. I’m married. I want my wife, that’s why I married her. End of story.”

  “But you don’t have to be stuck with her!”

  “Get out!” he hissed the words, trying not to scare Hope. “I told you not to come over here anymore. I mean it. Don’t bother me or my family.”

  Her nostrils flared. Leena stood, not bothering to wipe away her tears, and turned on her heel in a huff. Her shoes clicked through the house, and the side door shut hard.

  Trey fell back in the chair. He reached up to rub his forehead, pure emotion rolling through him instead of any coherent thought.

  Then he heard a step behind him. What the hell. He jerked his head, planning to yell even if he did wake up Hope. Rosette stood there in her coat, wordlessly holding her purse in front of her with both hands.

  Something about her face struck him—her lips were red from the wind outside, her face white, her eyes big pools of questions. His anger seeped away.

  “Were you trying to catch me?” he asked sadly. He hadn’t heard the garage door open.

  She gave a half nod, half shrug that meant she was.

  “Why? You don’t trust me anymore?”

  She looked defeated and couldn’t even look at him. Instead she shook her head at the wall.

  “Even after you heard that? Don’t you trust me now?

  Rosette swung to face him and her blank expression went hard. “Why would I trust you? She runs over here every time I leave! And you’ve let her.” She shook her purse at him, forgetting it was in her hand.

  Hadn’t he just told Leena off? Told her to leave and stay away? It took everything in him to sit and hold Hope calmly. Once he felt back in command of himself, he stated, “I trusted you after the thing with Ricky.”

  Her hand dropped as the fire went out of her. Her eyes grew shiny, and he knew she was fighting tears of frustration. Maybe she was so hurt and confused she’d instinctively lashed out.

  “Listen, let me lay Hope down to sleep. Then I think we need to talk.” He rose and carried the baby upstairs to her crib. Candice was still busily talking to her parade. Trey peeked into Jake’s room to see him sprawled across the bed, limbs thrown in four directions. When he returned to the living room, Rosette had taken her coat off and set her purse somewhere. She stood in the living room, her arms crossed, waiting for him with tears in her eyes.

  Before, he was afraid of saying too much and destroying what progress they’d made. He’d worried they’d hurt each other even more if they said everything they were thinking. Now he was way past all that.

  “Let’s get things out in the open,” he said, holding his hands up in surrender. “Let me have it. All of it. If the problem is more than Leena, we need to take care of everything. What’s hurting our marriage, Rosette?”

  She spread her hands out wide, maybe illustrating the many, many things that had piled up over time. “You haven’t been here for me.”

  “I know I’ve been dealing with my own stuff but—”

  “No, you were here, but not here. When I lost our baby you didn’t care at all.”

  That sucked the air right out of him. He couldn’t fathom what she was talking about for a full minute. For one, it was so long ago, and two, well, it hadn’t been that big of a deal. “I had no idea...”

  She didn’t answer with words, but her eyes said more than he wanted to know. He could faintly remember that it’d been a relief, a solution. The other two pregnancies had been so hard. Both labors were long and difficult. It seemed like God was taking care of it with that early miscarriage. It hadn’t felt like a baby to him.

  “I’m sorry.” Looking at her, he saw it hadn’t been just a miscarriage or failed pregnancy to her. That had been a baby. But was he going to fix that now, years later?

  “You’ve been in your own world since getting hurt, too. I gave you space and time to heal, not to run to another woman.” She shook as she spoke but fought through it.

  “I know I messed up,” he said. “You’re right. You have a right be to angry and hurt. You have a right to say what you need to, right now.” He wanted to work through everything today, to fix their relationship and move forward.

  “You’ve taken everything from me!” The words flew from her, out of control.

  He opened his mouth, wanting to argue, to question that. But it was true, wasn’t it? She’d been hurt all this time because she’d given him everything she had, and he’d taken it, and now he would take it all away with him if they split up.

  “Why?” she asked, looking at him through tears, her body shaking harder. “Why did you do it?”

  He knew that last part was zeroing in on Leena. He could say, yet again, that he didn’t do anything with Leena. But so many wo
rds were jumbled up in his head that he couldn’t get any out. He wanted Rosette. He wanted his marriage. He wanted to live his life again.

  “I JUST WANTED TO FEEL SOMETHING!”

  She jumped.

  The outburst left him panting, trying to suck air into his empty body. He’d come into this knowing she needed to let loose. His outburst shocked him. Strange relief washed over him, like hot water in the shower, but he knew it’d been too much. They stared at each other. She was breathing hard, too, as she held a hand over her mouth.

  A noise made him jump and turn his head.

  Alex stood in the hallway, staring at them. Rosette sucked in a breath. “Alex—”

  She tried to say more but she, too, was at a loss for words.

  “I lost my family once already. And we just lost Ricky and Amanda.” Alex shook his head hard, shaming them. “You—both of you!—do NOT have to be SO SELFISH!” He turned and ran up the stairs. His door slammed a second later.

  They stared after him. Trey waited for Jake to cry or Candice to run to the top of the stairs and ask what was going on. Nothing happened. Was Candice that engrossed in her toys? And Jake that asleep? He hoped they weren’t both holding their breaths right now, waiting.

  “We have to talk to him,” Rosette said. “We can’t leave it like that.”

  He nodded, knowing it was his responsibility. He took the stairs slowly, feeling each one. At Alex’s door, he knocked and waited. Nothing.

  “Alex? Want to talk about it?”

  “No,” Alex said, his voice uncharacteristically flat. He sounded just like Summer, and it made Trey’s heart freeze up in his chest. Somehow, all this time and through all the ugliness and loss, he had assumed Alex would be okay. That was just Alex, the way he was. But what if he wasn’t?

  “I’m sorry we upset you.” Trey stopped and gathered himself, wondering whether to explain or make excuses. “Rosette and I, we have our moments, just like everyone else. We disagree and even argue. We’re okay, though.”

  Trey waited another minute, his hand on the door and his heart sinking lower and lower. They’d never left anything remain broken, but he wasn’t sure what else to do.

  “Daddy?” Candice leaned out her bedroom doorway and looked at him with big eyes. “Want to see my parade?” She made parade into two syllables: par-ade.

  She didn’t act like she’d heard any of that. Trey looked at Alex’s door one last time, as if he could teleport how he felt into the room. Maybe Alex needed some time to cool off, and then they could talk.

  “Sure, sweetie.” He carefully stepped over the stuffed animals and sat on her bed. If she had heard the argument or heard him talking to Alex, maybe she didn’t really listen or understand. She prattled on about each animal, holding them up one by one. After the confrontation with Leena, then Rosette, and then Alex, Trey felt drained. He thought about the kids slurping those drink packets till the package collapsed. That’s how he felt. Sucked dry.

  He listened to Candice, appropriately smiling and nodding, focusing on her descriptions like there was a test afterward. In the now quiet house, he heard a click that sounded like Rosette going outside. He hoped she was going to work in the greenhouse. She loved those plants, and they relaxed her. She hadn’t been out there in the last two weeks either, so he had a feeling she might be worrying about her plants.

  Jake walked sleepily into the room and silently sat on the floor. They knew the drill: soon Candice would have Jake moving each toy to her exact measurement. Trey sat with them until Hope woke up. When he walked out of the room, both kids were on their knees, slowly moving animals through the parade.

  He entered the bedroom to Hope’s screaming. She was awake and wanted the world to know. He checked her diaper, which made her even madder, then scooped her up, shhhing and bouncing, and headed downstairs to fix a bottle.

  Summer was sitting at the table, a hand wrapped around a mug, her eyes unfocused. She came to at Hope’s sounding alarm. “Want me to hold her?”

  “That’d be great.” He passed Hope over and fixed her dinner in record time, handing the bottle to Summer. They both took a breath in the newfound and welcome quietness. The only noise was Hope’s fervent sucking and murmurs. He broke the silence by saying, “She always eats like it’s been days since her last meal.”

  Summer laughed quietly without looking up. She had Hope nestled in her arm while she held the little bottle in her other hand to feed her. They looked like mother and daughter with matching blond hair, although Hope’s hair was just a baby dusting. The sound of Summer humming floated over to him.

  It was close to their dinnertime too. Trey rummaged through all the premade dinners in the freezer. There was lasagna that looked good, rolls and even gluten-free rolls, veggies, and dessert. Once he had dinner heating in the oven, he went outside to look for Rosette. She was in the greenhouse, as he’d suspected, repotting some tropical-looking shrub. At his entrance, she glanced up. He wanted to smile—she had a smudge of dirt across one cheek that trailed onto her nose, and her hair was curling every which way. He held the smile in, though. It’d probably come across wrong after their argument.

  “I started dinner. It’ll be done in about forty minutes.”

  “Okay.” She set the pot down and scooped in more soil around the roots.

  “I’m sorry for yelling,” he started, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets. “I just wanted to get it all out in the open. So we can fix it.”

  “Hmm.” She flicked a glance his way. That seemed to be the end of it, until she added, “I’m sorry too. For holding grudges, for blaming you for everything.”

  He stepped closer. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”

  A faint mist fell outside, making wiggly patterns on the greenhouse walls, sounding as soft as it looked, cocooning them inside. She started to look at him but dropped her gaze. Maybe if she had made eye contact and if her look had said she wanted more, he might have closed the last few steps between them and wrapped his arms around her. But she only nodded, and he left. She likely wanted time alone to think about them, if he still knew her.

  Sometimes taking one step is the best option. Pushing for more can be overwhelming and ruin things. But one step puts you in the right direction.

  Inside, he set the table, and once everything was ready, put dinner out and started tracking down everyone. At Alex’s door, he knocked and announced dinner. A long minute passed before a flat answer came. “Okay.”

  Trey stopped by the bathroom, and when he came back down the stairs, everyone else was sitting around the table. Even Alex. They met each other’s gaze for a prolonged second. A meaningful second, he thought. Alex probably felt everything around him—his family and his home—were on shaky ground, but Trey hoped a family dinner together would ease Alex’s fears.

  “How come we’re having a fancy dinner?” Jake asked.

  Candice squished her eyebrows together, looking around. “How come it’s fancy?”

  “Cause we have flowers in the middle.” Jake pointed to the vase of red roses to prove his point. They were the roses Trey had bought Rosette. It had seemed fitting to place them here.

  “Sometimes families can have a nice dinner together.” He put his napkin in his lap and began serving lasagna. Alex just stared at his plate, his head propped against his fist.

  He tried not to, but Trey glanced at Rosette. She looked emotional. He couldn’t blame her after today. They also had the funeral coming in the morning. Between the stress now and what would be coming tomorrow, he needed this dinner—this time to sit down with all of them. What he expected, he wasn’t sure. But they should be together, especially tonight.

  Dinner was quiet. While cooking, he had daydreamed about them laughing and talking, but it’d been just that, a fantasy.

  He had another crazy idea: maybe life would go back to normal after the funeral tomorrow.

  ~ ~ ~

  Rosette knew it was selfish to take off and leave Trey
with the dinner mess, but she needed to save her sanity. Summer took Hope for a while, and the kids were playing the Wii with Alex. She escaped upstairs to the master bathroom and ran a bath. She zoned off while watching the water fill the tub, only then thinking of getting a glass of wine or lighting a few candles. But tonight she was too tired to care. She clipped her hair up, slipped into the hot water, and let her mind go blank.

  Except it didn’t go blank. She needed to talk to Alex about earlier and make sure he was okay. First, however, she had to figure out how she felt about Trey’s words and Trey himself. She actually felt he was trying, despite that recent fight. In hindsight, maybe she had overreacted. He’d told Leena to get out of here, and not come back. She should have been happy about that and let it go. Instead it brought up everything she was feeling about Trey, their marriage, their family. Maybe they had needed that fight.

  Then he’d apologized. They’d apologized. But their apologies would be for nothing if they both didn’t let go of their angry and hurt. If she didn’t let go of the old dead weight.

  She soaked in the hot water until it grew cool, and still it hadn’t seeped her pain away. She toweled off and dressed for bed. When she opened the bathroom door, she saw Trey sitting on the bed, his hands clasped in front of him and his head bowed. She got the impression he’d been sitting there awhile, waiting for her.

  Leaving the light on, she took two steps into the room.

  He looked up at her and asked, “Can I sleep in here tonight?”

  She started to say yes but couldn’t get the word out. Time ticked by—or possibly stood still—as he sat and tenderly looked at her. He was ready to spring up and comfort her, and she knew she’d break at any second, like an old levy just barely holding back the sea. The bedroom felt cold after being in the steamy bathroom, and the base of her hair was damp, making it worse. Or maybe it was the pain in her heart and the feeling of loss that chilled her. She felt as cold as the sea, colder in fact, as shivers raked her body.