Broken Fae

by Caroline Peckham

  The taste of his blood slid between us and my fangs grazed his tongue as he kissed me back with a brutal kind of need which quickly had the dynamic changing. I wasn't the one kissing him anymore, he'd taken control and as he sat up and my pulse raced, I found myself hoping that he meant to take more from me.

  But he shattered that desire as he pulled back suddenly, pushing me off of him with a curse so that I fell into the blankets he used for a bed. His gaze skimmed over me in the silky cami and shorts I’d worn to bed and his jaw ticked like the sight of them annoyed him.

  "Wait," I begged as he shoved himself to his feet, the loose sweatpants he was wearing hanging low on his hips and making me ache for him as my gaze naturally followed the line of the tapered V which dove beneath them. "I need your help."

  Gabriel's black wings sprung from his tattooed back as he turned away from me, but instead of flying off, he paused.

  "I found something," I hurried on. "Something Gareth left me before he died. There are all these documents and...something else, a book, I think it’s got dark magic in it but I can't figure out how to read it, and-"

  "Show me," Gabriel said on a sigh, still not turning back to look at me.

  I pushed onto my hands and knees and reached out to grab the duffle bag I'd dropped at the entrance to the tent when I'd arrived.

  As I sat back and unzipped it, Gabriel turned to peer down at me, his eyes guarded like I was the reason for everything bad in his life and his only chance for salvation at the same time.

  I managed to get my fangs back under control as I slowly pulled the Magicae Mortuorum book from the bag and held it out to him.

  "I've seen this," he breathed and I looked up at him with hope in my eyes.

  "You have? Do you know what it means?"

  Gabriel frowned for a moment like he was trying to concentrate but he finally just shook his head. "I'm not sure yet. I just saw a glimpse of it, but I know it's important. I think it’s got something to do with King."

  He hesitated and then dropped down beside me, leaving a solid foot of space between our bodies. I pouted but accepted his choice as I handed the book over. My skin was crawling just from touching it, so I had no complaints about giving it up.

  "Fuck," he breathed as his skin made contact with the creepy object. "This thing is...dark doesn't really come close. Evil is more accurate."

  "Do you have any idea why Gareth had it?" I asked desperately, knowing he couldn't possibly have the answer for that but feeling so fucking confused about all of this. I'd come to this academy wanting to uncover the truth about my brother's death, but I never could have imagined how convoluted the answers would be. Or how many secrets he'd been keeping from me.

  "No...but it could be to do with the Black Card."

  I pursed my lips on all the questions I had for him about that cult while he methodically turned the pages in the book.

  I shifted closer to look over his shoulder, inching along until my knee pressed to his thigh and he exhaled slowly like that contact pained him.

  I ignored him, my own frustration rising over the fact that he still couldn't get past this.

  I leaned in, looking at the illustrations instead of trying to decipher the constantly changing text but even those seemed to crawl across the pages. Everything I saw was the stuff of nightmares, dark and depraved things, torture, shadows, pain, hate.

  A shiver passed down my spine and Gabriel sighed as he closed the book with a sharp snap, placing it down beside his bed like he couldn’t bear to touch it for longer than necessary.

  "I don't know how to read this either," he admitted. "It’s clearly been shielded with magic as dark as the spells it holds so maybe it wants something in payment for the information it hides. Like a blood offering or some kind of sacrifice. But giving it something like that could be dangerous if the magic in it is somehow binding..."

  Gabriel fell silent and my eyes widened as I recognised the signs of him being swept away in a vision.

  It only lasted around a few seconds but the deep frown that pulled at his brow let me know he didn’t like what he’d just seen.

  “The book does want blood to reveal its secrets,” he confirmed. “But the price of it is higher than that. When it latches onto your magic, it will carve out a piece of your soul alongside the blood in payment. And once someone starts down that path of dark magic, there’s no turning back.”

  “How are we supposed to figure it out then?” I asked with a huff as Gabriel scowled at the book. “Do you think Orion would be able to help us again?" I suggested tentatively. "Though if this thing is as dark as it seems, I’m not sure if we should risk showing him it. We're probably breaking the law just by touching the damn thing."

  “He’s already been helping me to search for this book, but I didn’t realise it was this sinister of an object,” he said.

  “Can we trust him to keep it secret?” I asked.

  Gabriel's gaze drifted and I looked up at him in the soft moonlight as his expression slackened and he was lost to The Sight once more.

  My soul eased a fraction as I was gifted the opportunity to do nothing but stare at him. He was so strong and guarded and I hated that my bond with Leon was hurting him so much. He'd been alone for his entire life. Even the people who had raised him as their own didn’t seem to hold much of a place in his heart. He felt like he'd been nothing but a job to them and now that he was old enough to look after himself and their payments had stopped, his relationship with them was fading away. He was aching for love, but he was afraid to claim it too, not knowing if he really understood it or if he even deserved it. And I wanted nothing more than to prove to him that he did. To hold him in my arms and wipe the frown from his brow. To kiss him until he was breathless and promise him forever and know that he'd believe me.

  I'd missed him so much the last few months. And even being back at school didn't help with the pain because I still hardly saw him, spoke to him even less.

  I studied the strong lines of his jaw, the hard set of his lips and the detached, hopeless look in his steely grey eyes as I waited for the vision to play out and it made my heart ache. Because even his expression was enough to cut me open. He was hurting and I wanted to help him but instead, everything I did only seemed to make it worse.

  "We can trust Orion," Gabriel said, exhaling slowly as his mind returned to the present and he blinked off the vision. "And I'm pretty sure he will be able to help us with this somehow. But I can't see when we will be able to meet with him. There are too many paths available right now. Give me a few days to try and figure it out."

  I sagged in relief and he offered me a smile which seemed laced with pain.

  "Is it getting easier?" I asked, deciding to steer clear of the subject of the two of us right now. "The Sight."

  Gabriel blew out a breath which seemed somewhere between amusement and despair. "Yes and no. I can guide the visions to some degree. And I can see a lot more about the future or possible futures than I used to be able to now I’m working closely with Mystice to harness these powers. But The Sight also likes to gift me visions about people I'm close to. And as I never really had anyone before you..."

  "You see me?" I asked, smiling at the thought of him caring about me enough for me to dominate his gift.

  "Yeah," he replied with a grimace, looking away to glare out of the tent at the stars.

  "And that's...bad?" I asked in confusion.

  Gabriel's jaw tensed like he didn’t want to reply but he nodded. "I can't control the kinds of things I see - the stars choose whatever they think is important enough to gift me. And apparently they put a lot of importance on torturing me with visions of you and...him."

  "Me and who?" I frowned.

  "Leon." Gabriel said his name like it was a curse, fists clenching and jaw gritting, but what I first took for hate, I quickly realised was jealousy.

  "You see me and Leon together?" I asked in a low voice, understanding how much that would hurt him as guilt twisted my gu
t.

  "Yeah."

  "You mean, hanging out or-"

  "I see you laughing and joking and having the time of your fucking lives. I see how much you love each other and how happy you are," he spat bitterly. "And best of all, I see the two of you fucking. I mean, do two people really need to have so much sex? I've literally been gifted visions of you fucking him in every position imaginable. In your bed, in every room of what I have to assume is his house, in his car, on his car, in a lake, on the beach, against a tree, in the shower and the bath and even in a few of the fucking classrooms I have to sit in every day. I was literally sitting in Cardinal Magic the other day and I was gifted a vision of him bending you over my goddamn desk after class."

  I bit my lip, meaning to say something sympathetic but I suddenly burst out laughing. Gabriel tried to scowl but he couldn't keep it up and he groaned as he started laughing too, letting himself fall back against the blankets behind him as he just laughed.

  The sound of it was enough to make my soul happy and I dropped down beside him as my own laughter faded and I grinned at him. "The stars have got some fucked up ideas of what constitutes a helpful vision."

  "That's just it," he replied with a sigh. "I don't get it, but I also think it must be important. I don't believe they'd torture me for the sake of it. But why the hell I have to listen to the sound of you moaning his name ten times a day, I don't know."

  I bit my lip and looked at him from beneath my lashes. "You know, it doesn't have to only be him you see me with. Leon isn't just okay with me being with the rest of you - he actually wants it. He wants the five of us to somehow figure out a way to-"

  "The little angel, the warring gang leaders, the thief and the Seer with no past? There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I don't think I'm grasping the punchline. Or maybe I'm it."

  I shook my head irritably and made him hold my eye. "You're so focused on what we are that you're forgetting that what matters is who we are. Or more importantly, who we are to each other. The four of you are everything to me, Gabriel. You're everything to me."

  He looked at me for a long moment as his eyes slid out of focus and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

  "What?" I asked, wanting to know what he'd seen.

  "The stars just showed me a vision of the two of us with a lot less clothes on...but that will only happen if I let it and I still don't know."

  "You feel guilty over Leon?" I guessed. He’d clearly been a true believer in the all-encompassing nature of the Elysian Mate bond when he’d thought he was destined to share it with me. I guessed now he was realising why I hadn’t wanted it. Why I’d been so upset over the idea of it wiping out my feelings for my other kings, but now I was living it and that wasn’t how it felt at all.

  "Yes...but it's more than that. I spent so many years being alone through choice, I didn't even want to accept you as my mate when I thought the stars had chosen us for each other because I was afraid of what that might mean for you if the people who want to hurt me ever found me. But now I know you won't be my mate so I'm back to having more of a choice in the matter and I have to think that I should be choosing to shield you from that threat again."

  "I never asked you to shield me from it. I’m not afraid of some unknown threat to you. We could deal with that together if it ever comes to anything. Would you really rather be alone and unhappy forever because of something that might never even happen?" I asked, a dull ache in my chest.

  "No," he admitted in barely more than a whisper. "I think I've had too much of being alone, but...the idea of taking what I want terrifies me. What if that selfishness really does put you in danger? Or Leon? What if my connection to the two of you meant that he ended up hurt? I could be endangering you and all of the others if I choose to get involved-"

  "You are involved, Gabriel. It's not a choice anymore and you know it. And I get that you need longer to figure out exactly what you want, but I'm not going anywhere."

  His gaze roamed over me and I bit my lip as I waited to see if he was going to act on the hunger I saw there or not. When he fell back against the blankets and flung an arm over his eyes, I sighed and relaxed too.

  "Well, if you're not going to be following through on all of that hot vision sex you saw for us, then you might as well let me in on what the hell you're doing hanging around that Black Card weirdo," I said, deciding a change of subject was in order.

  Gabriel snorted a laugh. "Karla? Are you jealous?"

  "No. But I'll kick her ass if she tries to touch you."

  "Such a hypocrite."

  "Maybe. I'm not going to apologise for it, though. If I see the bitch so much as touch your pinky finger in a sexual way, I'll break her arm."

  "What exactly could be sexual about a pinky finger?" he asked, lifting his arm to quirk an eyebrow at me.

  "Is that a challenge?"

  Gabriel's only answer was a soft shrug, so I caught his hand in mine, pushed his little finger between my lips and sucked on it with a breathy moan. He stared at me as I drove it between my lips again and my gaze dropped to his crotch where I could see his dick pressing through the fabric of his sweatpants.

  "By the stars, Elise," he cursed as he drew his hand back and placed it over his dick like he was trying to shield himself from the effect I had on him. "I'm trying to resist you here."

  "I never agreed to that and I'm certainly not going to make it easy on you."

  "Fine. I'll tell you about the Black Card then to make sure you don't jump me."

  "As if you aren't at least half wishing I would," I scoffed. "But I think I'm done chasing you, Gabriel. I'm going to let you come to me when you can't keep denying this anymore."

  "I joined the Black Card," Gabriel said, choosing to ignore me and I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

  "You what? But Gabriel, King knows you were there fighting against him at the end of last year and I'm pretty sure joining that cult is what got Gareth into the trouble that led to his death. Are you insane-"

  "I had a vision that showed me joining them," he said. "I think it’s the only way to get the answers about what happened to him, and despite what's going on between us, I still care about you, Elise. I still plan on fulfilling my promise to you to help you figure out what happened to Gareth. None of that has changed. Besides, The Sight also led me to something which protects me from King's dark magic."

  "What?" I breathed, my heart swelling at the realisation that he hadn't abandoned me at all. Even while he'd been keeping away from me, he'd been trying to help me, figuring out what it would take to find the answers I still needed so desperately.

  "I went to a cave where there were all kinds of ancient artefacts. The Sight led me to take a ring from the finger of a dead man and when I placed it on my hand, it sank beneath my flesh and became a part of me."

  Gabriel rolled onto his side and offered me his hand, pointing at a new tattoo on his middle finger in the shape of a pair of wings which curled around and formed a black ring which almost looked like it was alive.

  "It felt like it awoke a flame inside me, or maybe it gifted it to me. And all of the binds King places on me when I'm taking part in any of the Black Card's rituals are just burned away by it."

  "So, you can spy on them without them knowing?" I breathed, still holding his hand, my thumb caressing his new tattoo.

  "Yeah. I shouldn't even be able to talk about them with you. That's got to be why Gareth never told you any of this, the bond King put on him made it impossible even if he'd wanted to."

  Tears burned the backs of my eyes at the thought of that and I swallowed against the thickness in my throat. Had he needed help but was unable to ask? Had I been angry at him over all of these secrets when he couldn't have told me half of them even if he'd wanted to?

  I sat up and pulled the duffel bag closer, taking out the fake passports and tickets that Gareth had gotten me and offering them to Gabriel to look at as he sat too.

  "He left me a coded message in his journal," I said,
my mind whirling. "All this time I've been thinking he was worried about someone else finding it which was why everything in it was so confusing and hard to work out. But what if he just couldn't say it more plainly? If King had his tongue tied then he probably couldn't write anything down either."

  "He couldn't," Gabriel agreed. "I could feel all of the binds that King tried to place on my mind and I understood them before the fire in that ring burned them out of my head again."

  "But he could draw them," I breathed. "Art is too abstract and varying to control." I grabbed the journal out again and started flicking through page after page.

  Gabriel shifted close behind me, pulling me between his legs so that my back was to his chest and he could look over my shoulder.

  I kept turning pages, hunting for something that I knew I’d seen and hadn't understood.

  Gabriel wrapped his arms around my waist and something deep within me felt like it was purring at being so close to him. Maybe spending the summer with Lions was rubbing off on me.

  As I turned another page, he suddenly reached out and pressed his finger to the sketch there. "This one," he said, the vibrations of his voice transferring into my body from his.

  I looked at the picture with a frown, trying to see something in it which I hadn't before.

  The sketch was of a pool of water beneath the starlit sky. There were ripples in the surface, distorting the reflection of the sky and as I slowly rotated it and looked at it upside down, I found words hidden in the lines of the ripples.

  "Not everything is as it seems when looking into death and dreams. Freedom is bought on a lie," I murmured.

  Gabriel stiffened behind me then gripped the journal and flipped the pages again, stopping on another image as he turned the book the right way up.

  This one was a portrait of me as I'd looked before Gareth's death with long, blonde hair trailing down my spine, but he'd added a pair of white angel wings to my back and had placed a compass in my hand.

  The words at the bottom of that page weren't hidden but I hadn't thought there was any dual meaning to them before. I'll never leave you behind, angel mine.