"Only kinda? Don't bullshit me, baby, I've seen you panting for me when I'm covered in blood and fresh from the fight."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I bet you're wet just thinking about it."
"Want me to find out?" I asked, unbuttoning my jeans and biting my lip as I teased my fingers over the edge of my panties.
"If you start that I'll pull this car over and fuck you until you can't breathe, baby, and then we'll never make it to your mom's on time."
"Maybe that's a better offer," I said, arching my back as I pushed my fingers inside my panties and moaned as I slid them down to rub against my slick heat.
Ryder swerved the car so violently that I almost smacked my head against my window as he slammed on the brakes and drove us up onto the verge beside the road. Another car blasted their horn at us as they were forced to swerve and I gasped as Ryder yanked the parking brake on then grabbed my wrist, snatching my hand from my panties.
"Stop," he commanded, his green eyes boring into mine. "You've been putting this off for too long and you're letting it fester. What have I told you before about embracing your pain?"
His fingers dug into my wrist hard enough to bruise and I tried to wrestle my arm free, but he wouldn't let go, his other hand catching me by the throat as he forced me to look at him.
"This is bullshit and you know it. We're going to see your mom, you're going to call her out on all of the shit she's put you through and you're either going to find a way to move past it with her in your life or make the decision to cut her out of it for good. It's going to hurt like a bitch and you're going to feel every second of it whether you want to or not. You need this, baby, you're suffering the agony of the wait until you do and it's time to put it to bed."
The point where his skin met mine made the pain in my heart sharpen as his gifts tugged it to the surface and forced me to feel every inch of it.
I sucked in a sharp breath laced with pain and he watched me intently as tears brimmed in my eyes.
When they began to spill down my cheeks, he leaned forward and kissed me, pulling more agony from my soul with his touch as he did. But that kiss was pure, burning ecstasy. It said everything that there were no words for between us and the mixture of the agony that we'd both endured in our lives made it taste so sweet that I was almost consumed by it.
Ryder pulled back, leaving my lips bruised and aching for more before running the pad of his tongue up each of my cheeks in turn as he devoured my tears and tasted my pain.
I was shaking as he pulled back, looking at me with so much devotion and love in his eyes that I found myself stealing some of it to help keep me sane today.
A dark smile touched the corners of his mouth and he nodded once as he saw what he'd been hunting for in my gaze.
"You can face anything and come out fighting, baby," he purred in a low voice. "And once you've dealt with this, you can seduce me all you like."
Ryder used his grip on my wrist to pull my hand to his lips and took my fingers between them, slowly sucking the evidence of my arousal from them with a promise that made my toes curl inside my boots.
He pulled them out of his mouth again and released me, buttoning my jeans while I just sat there staring before starting the engine again and pulling back onto the highway.
The silence stretched between us as I tried to fight the conflicting fire in my flesh and pain in my soul into submission and I leaned forward to turn the radio on to break it apart.
"You don't even have any radio stations tuned in," I said in confusion as I flicked between them.
"Why would I?"
"So that you can listen to music while you drive."
"What purpose would that serve?"
I gaped for several long seconds then shook off my surprise, because of course Ryder didn't listen to music. He didn't do anything normal people did.
"Music speaks to your soul," I said, pulling my Atlas from my pocket and hooking it up to the car stereo without bothering to ask. "There are songs for every emotion. Sometimes you listen to something because it reflects what you're feeling, other times you listen because it portrays what you want to feel."
"I've only recently upgraded to feeling more than the words inked on my knuckles, baby, I don't think I’d have much luck at picking songs to match anything else. Besides, I doubt I’d like it much."
"Psh, you like all of the things I make you try," I replied dismissively, choosing a song carefully as I tried to figure out what he'd like.
Dark Times by The Weeknd and Ed Sheeran spilled through the speakers a moment later and I watched him for a reaction as the beat picked up.
Ryder tried to keep his face stoic, but the corner of his lips twitched and I knew I had him.
"Do you have any idea how much I love getting you to try new things?" I teased as I gave my attention to the bag of snacks Leon's moms had made for us.
"Can't be as much as I enjoy you doing it," he muttered like he almost didn't want to admit it to me and I grinned widely as I started singing along to the song and began rummaging through the snacks until I pulled out a hand iced smiley reindeer cookie.
"Did your mom ever make you tasty Christmas treats like these?" I asked, waving it before him so that he could see the festive decoration that had been iced onto it.
He began to shake his head then paused a moment, frowning like he almost remembered something.
"I think...that maybe she did," he said after a beat and I fell still at that revelation, waiting for him to go on. "I have this fuzzy kind of memory of leaving them by the fireplace with a glass of milk."
"For Santa," I supplied with a grin. "The cookies we left out were always out of a packet and one year mom had been on a losing streak and didn’t have money for any so we pinched a couple of condoms from the club and left them with a glass of water instead."
Ryder snorted a laugh. "Did Santa appreciate that?"
I frowned at the memory of that Christmas.
"Not so much. Christmas kinda lost its shine for me when I realised Santa bought the rich kids better gifts than us anyway. I remember asking my mom why he'd do that when they had so much and we had so little."
"And what did she say?"
I blew out an audible breath, fogging the glass so that I could paint my finger through it and draw the figure of a Pegasus across it. "That there were haves and have-nots in this world and I needed to get used to the fact that I was a have-not because even Santa understood that much."
"And yet you still left him a couple of condoms and wished him luck in finding someone to use them with. He must have got you something good after that."
"Not really." I was going to leave it at that, but Ryder's curious glance had my tongue loosening again. I was always pushing him to open up to me so the least I could do was set a good example. "I was six and Gareth was seven, and I'd asked Santa for new clothes because most of mine had holes in them in one place or another and the kids at my elementary school used to tease me for it. Waking up to find that he hadn't left a single thing was kinda like getting a punch to the gut. Going without food that day made it suck almost as bad because the club wasn't open for us to get some there either and when the electric meter ran out of juice around midday and the heating went off…I officially stopped believing in Santa."
"So, you just sat in the cold and the dark with your belly rumbling?" Ryder asked, his tone laced with a deep kind of anger on my behalf. At least there was no pity there. He understood what it was like to live through shit without needing to make a fuss out of it. It sucked, but pouting wouldn't make it suck any less.
"Nah...I started crying and Mom felt bad so she called up a few of her regulars and went out for a bit to, er, service them. While she was gone, Gareth ran off to our room for a while and I thought he was crying too. Then he started yelling that he'd just seen Santa outside my window. I went running in to join him and found a bundle on my bed. He'd wrapped up one of his sweaters and a fairly new pair of socks in his pillowcase fo
r me to unwrap."
"Why?"
"So that I would still believe in Christmas," I said, frowning at Ryder as he seemed to struggle to get it.
"But, didn't you instantly know that they were his clothes? In his pillowcase?"
"Well, yeah. But I pretended I didn't. And then I pretended to still believe in Santa for him until I was twelve too. And every year after that whether Mom was on a losing streak or not, I always woke up to find something wrapped in one of Gareth's pillowcases."
"Like his old clothes?"
"Sometimes," I said, laughing as I watched Ryder trying to figure this out. "One time he made me a comic. He wrote out the story and sketched all the pictures. He called it Ellanator the Great and I was the superhero in all of the scenes."
"So, he did it to make you smile. And it didn't matter that you knew it was a lie?"
"Santa is a lie whatever way you look at it. The beauty in him is in the fact that his gifts are meant to spark joy. It doesn't matter if I knew it was a lie. In fact, I was glad I did. It just showed me how much my brother loved me. And I used to give him gifts tied in pillowcases too once I realised it was going to become our ritual. Even after the Santa bullshit was officially revealed, we always wrapped our gifts like that. This year will be the first Christmas where I wake up without one..."
"What about your mom? Did she bring you anything back from her clients?" he asked in a flat tone, not seeming to care much one way or another that my mom had been a whore.
I snorted a laugh. "Yeah, she turned up with all these random Tupperware boxes. She said she did them all a deal, a quick Christmas BJ outside their houses where their families couldn't see in return for something from their Christmas dinner. It was seriously some of the best food I ever ate. She had all of these fancy desserts and sides and even a jug of gravy. She got one of them to put juice on the electric meter too so the power came back on and everything. For what started off being the worst Christmas I'd ever had, it ended up being the best. Though I didn't understand why Mom kept complaining about having lockjaw all evening until years later. Honestly, she must have sucked about twenty cocks to get us all of that stuff."
Ryder laughed with me and I reached over to take his hand in mine, grinning at him like a lovesick idiot and not really giving a shit.
He gave me a sidelong look and I pushed the cookie between his lips without giving him the chance to come up with some bullshit excuse not to eat it. Ryder nipped my fingers playfully as he bit down on it and I half considered biting his in return to get a taste of his blood before leaning back in my chair and relaxing for the rest of the drive.
By the time we were pulling up outside White Haven Retreat, I'd nervously eaten most of the cookies and started in on the homemade cherry liqueurs Marie had made too. I didn't know how Lions didn't all end up with pot bellies if they ate this well all the damn time.
I hesitated as Ryder got out of the car and he rounded it to my door, giving me a flat stare through the window which made me move my ass and climb out too.
We'd parked at the end of a long parking lot filled with cars and I moved to walk at Ryder's side as we approached the huge white building which sprawled across a wide garden before us. We'd driven three miles up the road that led here without passing a single other property. This place was remote, isolated, peaceful.
"You know, when I first sent her all the way out here it was because I was worried that the big bad Kings of Aurora Academy might go after her if you all figured out what I was up to," I commented as I paused to place an illusion over my eyes to hide the silver in them. Me and my mom had things to discuss today and parading my newfound status as a mate wasn't necessary. I didn't need the distraction and I also felt weirdly guilty about it. Gareth's dad had left Mom for his own Elysian Mate years ago and broke her heart, sending us down the spiral of our lives which led us all to this moment. I didn't need to rub my happiness in her face when I was here to discuss our issues.
"And now you've brought me right to her door," Ryder mused, the edge of his lips quirking in that hidden smile of his. "Maybe you've finally played right into my master plan and now that I know all of your secrets, I'm going to do all of the terrible things you feared I would when we first met."
"I'll take my chances," I said, looking at the glass double doors which led inside. There was a Christmas tree visible beyond them and an empty desk waiting for visitors.
I turned to look back at Ryder and raised a questioning eyebrow at his expression.
"You know, I thought I missed your eyes being that perfect, endless shade of green," he murmured. "But now I find myself hunting for the silver ring in them."
"Life likes to fuck you up like that," I teased, pulling up my big girl panties and marching towards the door.
Ryder easily kept pace at my side and I cut him a sidelong look before pushing the door open, striding up to the desk and smacking my hand down on the little bell on top of it obnoxiously.
A blur of motion announced the arrival of a Vampire and my spine straightened as my instincts pushed me into assessing him to see if he might be a threat or not.
The guy's eyes darkened for a moment as he gave me the same appraising look but the moment his gaze flicked to Ryder, I bared my teeth and slammed my palms down on the desk to glare at him.
"Mine," I growled and Ryder chuckled in the back of his throat.
The receptionist ran his tongue over his own fangs, his gaze lingering on Ryder like he could tell just how much of a tasty morsel he was before he blinked firmly and dropped into the chair beyond the desk.
"How can I help you?" he asked in a mild tone as he bent his head slightly in submission.
My posture relaxed and my fangs slid away as I regarded him. "We've come for the Christmas dinner thing. I'm here to see my mom - Tanya Callisto."
He nodded politely and quickly checked his computer before asking me for my name which I gave.
"I'm afraid your mom has put a formal ban on you for access..." he said slowly, raising his head again as my heart fell. We'd come all this fucking way for nothing. "So, I can't let you-"
Ryder snatched the guy's tie into his grip while his attention was on me and yanked him halfway across the desk as he glared down at him. The dude's fangs snapped out, but Ryder was quicker and the two of them fell still as he cast his hypnosis.
I bit my lip as I waited for them, and Ryder suddenly shoved the guy back across the desk hard enough for him to fall onto his chair and then flip right over the back of it. He shot to his feet again, but he was trembling as he looked between us like two real life monsters had just walked into the room.
"Follow the signs for the terrace," he said, raising a shaky hand as he pointed to our right. "The meal is taking place out there. No need to buy a ticket. You might still make dessert." He fumbled in a drawer and pushed two visitor passes our way before shooting off in a panic.
"What did you show him?" I asked, my pulse pounding heat through my body as Ryder reached out to pin my badge to my sweater, his thumb grazing over my nipple as he read the look in my eyes. Why did I always find it so hot when he was being an asshole?
"The monster in me," Ryder explained with a shrug as he clipped his own badge on. "The one you like way too much for your own good."
I didn't deny it and we started walking down the corridor to our right, following the signs like we'd been told and walking down bright corridors past various doors which stood open to reveal spa treatment rooms, a pool, a music hall, a gym and everything and anything else that a Fae might need to help them relax.
"You paid to send your mom here with everything you had and then turned up at the academy penniless, didn’t you?" Ryder asked as he took in the place which clearly wasn't cheap and I nodded.
"Turned out she had a piece of jewellery worth enough to pay for a year. I've got a few months to find enough to keep her here after that."
"Assuming you like what she says today."
"You think I should just let her e
nd up on the streets if I don't?"
"She didn't care where you ended up," he reasoned. "Where would you have spent the summer if the Lion hadn't taken you home?"
I didn't get a chance to answer that question before we reached the terrace and stepped out onto a huge patio which ran along the back of the building. Someone had clearly used a combination of air and fire magic to keep this outside space sheltered from the winter temperatures and we were surrounded by people sitting at little tables with their family members, eating and laughing and seemingly having the time of their lives.
Beyond the patio a long lawn ran away to a cliff which dropped off to meet the sea, and I could just make out the crash of the waves over the commotion surrounding me if I concentrated on listening for them. It really was beautiful out here.
A blonde woman in the pale pink uniform of the staff spotted us and hurried over with a smile on her face which I returned a little hesitantly.
"You came," she said, her smile widening though her eyes wrinkled with concern. "I'm Linda," she added, offering Ryder a hand which he looked at like he was considering biting it off.
"Don't mind my boyfriend, he's a cranky asshole," I explained as Linda's smile dropped. "Is she here?"
"Right this way."
We followed her through the crowded terrace, all the way to the far right of the patio where a larger table was set up with a more sedate crowd sitting around it who I guessed were the residents without anyone visiting them.
"Tanya, look who's come to visit!" Linda called enthusiastically and my gaze fell on my mom as her eyes snapped up to mine, the look in them like a shot to the chest as she shoved herself to her feet with the clear intention of running the fuck away.
Linda was quick though and she caught her elbow, steering her to a little empty table in the corner and beckoning us over. I gritted my teeth and shot around to take my seat before my mom's ass even hit hers.
Ryder dropped down beside me a moment later and Linda leaned down to murmur into Mom's ear while I used my gifts to eavesdrop. She basically just begged her to hear me out, promising it would be good for her before heading away from the three of us while offering to hunt us down some cake.
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