"Hi," I said, forcing myself not to shift in my seat as my mom crossed her arms over her chest and raised her chin an inch.
Her long, dark hair was the exact same shade as Gareth's had been and her beauty seemed even more apparent after months here than it had back home. She had wide, full lips and green eyes that mirrored mine and were about the only thing linking us to one another. Clearly, I took after my absent father more than her and in that moment the knowledge of that fact made a lump rise in my throat.
"Hello," she replied on a breath, her gaze raking over me and then onto Ryder.
My skin crawled as she gave him that assessing look she always gave men, sizing them up, considering her price, deciding whether they might be interested in buying what she was selling. I wondered if she'd been whoring while she was here or if it was just habit at this point. She shouldn't have needed anything aside from what this institute provided, but I guessed there was always something to trade for if you wanted it bad enough.
"This is Ryder."
"And who is Ryder to you?" she asked.
"He's mine," I said simply. "I need to talk to you about the things that happened with Old Sal and Gareth before-"
"Don't say his name," she breathed, her eyes flaring with pain before dropping to the table as she began to fiddle with her napkin.
Ryder's fist tightened on the table as he clearly caught a taste of that emotion on her, but he didn't say anything.
"I'm not just going to pretend he was never here," I said angrily. "Or that I don't miss him every fucking minute of every single day."
"Well maybe we wouldn't have to if you'd just-" She cut herself off, glancing at Ryder before shaking her head and looking away as a tear spilled down her cheek.
"You don't have to worry about Ryder, he knows everything," I huffed.
"He knows that you're responsible for your brother's death?" she asked, anger pushing her to speak her mind as she trained a glare on me. "Because you thought that you were so much better than me that you couldn't ever just work for something in your damn life and were happy to let him risk everything trying to pay a debt over your head?"
"Your debt!" I shouted, slamming my fist down on the table and making the cutlery jump. I only realised that Ryder had placed a silencing bubble around us when no one reacted.
Mom looked like she was about to flip the fuck out which usually equalled tears and a tantrum followed by her running off, but before she could do any of that, Linda appeared with a tray and a smile and started placing bowls of Victoria sponge cake down for each of us.
I looked down at the strawberry and cream filling and shuddered as I looked away from it again. Ryder made no move to touch his, no doubt against eating junk food in front of witnesses and Mom just continued to glare at me until Linda bustled away like she hadn't noticed a damn thing. That woman was a legend.
"In what universe do you seriously believe that that debt was mine?" I gritted out.
Ryder shifted in his chair, not saying a word, letting me fight my own fight, but his hand landed on my thigh where no one could see it and he squeezed just enough to let me know I wasn't alone. My heart twisted with a beautiful kind of ache which made me want to crawl into his lap and beg him to take me the fuck away from here, but I didn't let it show, I just waited for my answer.
"I only ever started gambling because of you," she muttered. "Always hungry, always needing more of everything, making me feel guilty because I couldn't get you enough. I saw the way you used to look at the other kids with their fancy clothes and their expensive toys and it just reminded me of how much I was failing. So I decided to try and make the little I had go further. And the first time I won, everything was so much easier and your smile was so much wider..."
"I was just a kid. I didn't even understand the concept of money. And I certainly never asked you for any."
"It's not about asking. It's about needing. You needed more. You and Gareth both. And I wasn't enough, I couldn't provide it. I did what I could, but I was always destined to fail. The cards fell against me time and again, the stars cursed me. I just wanted you both to have more..."
I sighed at the sincerity in her voice, my anger fading fast as I sagged in my chair. I knew all of this. I knew she'd loved us and wanted more for us and I knew that the things she'd done had been her way of trying to give us that.
"So when did it change?" I asked. "When did it go from wanting to provide for me to resenting me?"
I didn't really think she'd answer, but as her green eyes raked over me, she just shrugged. "Around the time my punters started asking questions about you. When Old Sal made her interest clear. When I realised that you had everything you needed to make your own money right there." She pointed vaguely at my body.
"By stripping?" I asked coldly. "Whoring?"
Mom blew out a breath and shrugged. "I tried to resist it when Sal pushed, because I knew you and Gareth had your big dreams of another life and I wanted you to be able to cling to that for as long as possible. But you can't have ever really believed that you'd get to taste that freedom, can you? You can't have really thought that you were exempt from the life you were born into, just because you had pretty dreams?"
I stared at her for a long moment as I realised what she was saying. She'd always expected me to end up working for Sal, even though she'd known I didn't want it. She'd tried to shelter me from the cold, hard facts of that reality for as long as she could because that was about the best she thought she could offer me.
"So, you didn't fight against what Sal wanted me to do because you always assumed that was going to be my life anyway?" I asked in a flat tone.
Tears brimmed in her eyes as she looked at me and she nodded her head hopelessly. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "Maybe it would have been kinder if I'd never even had the two of you than to bring you into this life."
I bit down the acidic words which I wanted to hurl at her for that statement and sighed.
"I would have done it," I said honestly, hating myself for the truth in those words. Ryder's grip on my thigh tightened painfully, but I ignored it. "If I'd known about the debt, if I had realised what he was trying to do, I'd have done it in a fucking heartbeat. I never would have asked him to pay it or do the crazy things he was doing to get that money. So if you want to blame me, then why not blame yourself for not fucking telling me? I'd have gotten on that stage in the blink of a fucking eye and you know it."
Mom just stared at me in shock for long enough to make the silence tense then started shaking her head. "You can't expect me to believe you didn't know? The two of you never kept secrets from each other-"
"Not before that we didn't," I spat.
We just stared at each other for a long time while she looked into my eyes and let tears run silent tracks down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Elise," she breathed and I swallowed thickly.
"Me too."
I felt like a weight had lifted from my chest as we exchanged those words, but neither of us was ready to let any more of them pass between us just yet.
I exhaled audibly then pushed to my feet with Ryder right beside me.
"Happy Christmas," I muttered and she said it back automatically.
I left her sitting there with tears rolling down her cheeks and enough heartache between us that I knew we'd never be the way we'd been before Gareth's death. But I was pretty sure we'd be okay somehow in the long term.
The ride back home was quiet. I flipped the radio on again and looked out of the window as I let myself feel all the pain and heartache I usually hid from. I allowed myself to grieve my brother and think about him and the things we would have done this Christmas. I wondered what he'd say if he could see me now with the four kings of the school. He'd been friends with two of them and hated two of them. No doubt he'd despise the idea of me getting together with any of them, let alone all four.
I snorted a laugh and looked around at Ryder, finding that the car had stopped moving and we were pulled up beneath a
large oak tree to the left of the Nights' house on the gravel drive.
"What's so funny, baby?" he asked me, unclipping his seatbelt as he waited for his answer.
"I was just thinking about how much Gareth would hate the idea of me being with you. All of you actually."
He was quiet for a long moment, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear before he spoke again. “I wasn’t kind to your brother when he was alive, Elise. He took that video of me and Professor King, he tried to get evidence against me for the FIB… You know how ruthless I am and if someone gives me those kinds of reasons to hate them-”
“I get it,” I said, shrugging one shoulder helplessly. “I understand who you are, Ryder, and what you would have had to do in response to those things.”
“I threatened him with you once, you know?” he said, his voice a hard growl which told me he was fighting against showing any emotion over this, but the fact that he was telling me let me know that it had been playing on his mind. “I have a knack for figuring out my enemies’ weak spots and I once found a letter from you to him. All I knew was that he had a sister called Ella – I’m guessing that was a nickname?”
“Yeah,” I replied softly. “Ella and Gare Bear.”
Ryder wet his lips as he slid his hand from my hair down to encircle my throat, the grip of his fingers loose but exhilarating.
“I threatened him with you. Told him I’d find you and fuck you and get you panting my name just to hurt him.”
I snorted half a laugh as I looked into his dark green eyes and his fingers twitched around my throat like he wanted to tighten them and wanted to pull back in equal measures.
“I’m going to guess he beat your ass for that comment?” I asked. Gareth had never been one to start fights aside from when it was absolutely necessary - unless it was in defence of my honour.
“He had one hell of a right hook,” Ryder confirmed seeming amused for a moment before a frown pinched his brow. “But then I-”
“No doubt beat the shit out of him?” I supplied because this was the King of the Lunar Brotherhood and even with all the rage that Gareth would have been able to muster on my behalf, he wasn’t a match for the darkness in Ryder if it had come to a fight like that.
Ryder wet his lips, his grip on my throat tightening. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. About the things he was doing to try and keep you safe. I want to say I would have done things differently if I’d known about you and what he was trying to protect, but I’m not that man, Elise. I’m the shadow in the dark and the reason you lock your doors at night. I’m the monster you know is stalking you and the reality you pray to escape. Your brother hated me. He would have hated this – us. I don’t want you under any illusions about that.”
“I know,” I said simply. “But I’m hardly going to take dating advice from a guy who was fucking Cindy Lou,” I said, wrinkling my nose at that horrific mental picture. “Besides, no brothers like to think about their sister having sex with anyone. I’m sure he would have equally hated any choice I made so far as that goes.”
He smirked at me like he found that amusing. "I imagine I'm most people's worst nightmare of a choice for their precious sisters."
"Too bad I love a nightmare then, isn't it?" I replied as I unclipped my belt too.
I licked my lips and climbed into his lap as my mouth sought out his and he released his hold on my throat as he allowed me to move closer.
"Thank you for today," I breathed against his mouth.
Ryder gripped my ass in his hands hard enough to hurt and a moan escaped me as I kissed him softly, my tongue caressing his for a moment before he bit down on my lip hard enough to draw blood.
I gasped as I rolled my hips over his crotch and he growled as one hand released my ass and moved around to unbutton my jeans.
Ryder groaned his appreciation as he pushed his hand inside my panties, fingers slicking through my arousal before he drove them straight into me.
I cried out, arching back and he bit down on my aching nipple through my sweater as he moved his fingers inside me with a deep and relentless rhythm, the heel of his hand rubbing my clit and making stars burst before my eyes.
A knock on the window made me jump and I looked around with my heart in my throat to find Leon there watching us with a dirty as fuck grin on his face.
My lips parted and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about being caught, but Ryder growled with frustration, thrusting his fingers into me again so that I moaned loudly before using his other hand to throw the door open.
"Don't just stand there watching us like a creep," he snapped as his hand returned to my ass and he rocked me against him again.
"Your wish is my command, Scar," Leon teased.
A wave of cold air gusted over me, but before I could so much as shiver, Leon's mouth captured mine and I cried out into his kiss as Ryder bit down on my nipple again, his fingers digging into my ass as he rocked me more forcefully and fucked me with his hand.
Leon, tugged my sweater up, finding my other breast and rolling my hard nipple between his fingers, his gentle torment such a contrast to Ryder's rough treatment of me that I felt like I was tearing in two between the sensations.
My body was coiled so tight with tension that with the next pump of Ryder's fingers inside me, I fell apart, my orgasm crashing through me like a dam breaking and Leon devoured the sound of it with a deep purr leaving his chest.
I fell against Ryder, breaking my kiss with Leon and tasting his tongue for a moment instead as he pulled his hand back out of my jeans.
Leon caught me around my waist and casually lifted me out of Ryder's lap, planting me on my feet beside the car and smirking at me like I'd just made his fucking day as I tried to make my wobbly legs support my weight.
Ryder looked between us, seeming to be deciding whether or not he was going to leave when Leon rolled his eyes and moved to haul him out of the car.
"Come on, Rydikins, we have somewhere to be," he said with a smirk that said he was up to something. I just hoped it involved pinning me between the two of them in that massive fucking bed of his because there was no way I was done with them yet.
"Get the fuck off of me, Simba, I'm here for our girl, not you," Ryder snapped as he threw the car door shut behind him and shoved Leon off.
"And therein lies the problem," Leon sighed, casting me a wistful look as he stood beside Ryder. "Sorry about this, little monster. But I bought you a new vibrator that’s moulded in the shape of my dick and purrs when you press a button and I’ve put it in the nightstand drawer to get you by."
"What?" I asked with a frown but he ignored me, slinging an arm around Ryder's shoulders a split second before he threw a handful of stardust over the two of them and they disappeared from sight.
My mouth hung open as I stared at the space they'd just been standing in, the ache between my thighs undeniably left wanting with absolutely no sign of them reappearing to do anything about it.
Crazy fucking Lion.
T he Magicae Mortuorum book was on my mind since I’d told the others to show it to Orion. Leon really did think he could pull off a heist to get the spyglass, but so far The Sight wasn’t giving me much insight on whether that was true or not. I just didn’t know the Lion that well, but I’d keep trying all the same.
I'd spent the Winter Solstice with Bill, but he was following his usual tradition of heading to Las Mijas for Christmas to gamble, hire hookers and visit his sister between his sexcapades. He'd invited me along, but I’d declined. It wasn't really my scene and as my invite home to my adopted parents place had apparently been lost in the mail, I decided to spend Christmas how I’d spent the last one. In my apartment pretending it wasn't happening. I guess I had to be thankful that King was allowing the cult members to all go home and play nice with their families over the holidays. He didn’t want any of us drawing suspicion as far as I could gather.
With The Sight not cooperating though, I’d descended into a mindle
ss funk. I'd made it through three Faeflix seasons already, all of which were horrifically violent but helped to take my mind off missing Elise most of the time. Although, the plan to drown my brain in violent television shows was going pretty smoothly so far, in the quiet pauses between episodes and the hours I had to get up and wash, sleep and make food, she consumed my thoughts entirely.
I'd considered texting Ryder a few times before I realised the snake would probably be as happy to hear from me as he would an Oscura looking to slit his throat. Now that he'd killed Mariella, he didn't need me anymore. I hadn't expected that to bother me as much as it did. And I definitely hadn't expected to miss him. But since Mariella's death a few weeks ago, there had been radio silence between us. And now my friend tally had gone from one to zero again.
Should've seen that coming.
I grabbed myself a bag of chips after a shower and dropped down onto the couch ready for another TV marathon. I was probably going to show back up to school with a fat gut at this rate, but fuck it.
I was halfway through the episode when my Atlas pinged and I realised it was wedged down the back of the couch. Fuck my life.
I fished it out, dropping my chips as I saw who the message was from and a shit-eating grin pulled at my mouth.
Elise:
Hey hot wings...what are you up to? ;)
Hot wings? Why did I like the sound of that?
I smirked as I stretched myself out on the couch, tapping out a reply to her.
Gabriel:
Just hanging out at my apartment missing you...
I hesitated before pressing send. Admitting that I missed her probably wasn’t the best move, but it was also the truth. And after lying here trying not to pine for her for hours on end, I didn’t have much will power to stop myself. I pressed send and her reply came in fast, making my heart pound to a powerful beat.
Elise:
Broken Fae Page 41