ZAAN (Sidewinders: Generations Book 1)

by Kat Mizera

  I put the top down on the Mustang and we blasted the radio, just like we’d done when we were younger, except Dad was usually the one driving then. It had been so damn long since I’d spent time with my brothers, I hadn’t realized how much I missed them until just now. They were younger than me, and Shane was playing junior hockey now, so he didn’t have a lot of free time either, but I was ashamed to admit I hadn’t seen him play since he was eleven or twelve.

  “Are you gonna tell us about you and Zaan?” Shane asked, turning down the radio after we’d finishing a rousing rendition of Elton John’s “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting.”

  I sighed. “I guess.”

  “Just tell us what’s going on,” Robbie suggested. “Maybe we can help.”

  “I think I’m broken,” I admitted. “I love music and playing in a rock band is all I’ve ever wanted. I’m just wondering if the sacrifice is too much. I don’t have many friends, I hardly ever see my family, I’ve never taken a real vacation as an adult, and now it looks like my career has cost me the man I love.”

  “I thought this was about Zaan being overbearing and trying to manipulate you?”

  “Yes and no. I mean, I’m still mad about what he did, but he wasn’t trying to manipulate me. Not really. I was pissed when he told me about it, but now that I’ve calmed down and we’ve been apart a few weeks, I see that he wasn’t trying to do that. He just wanted to help. Frankly, if I’d been better about communicating, he would’ve known I’d handled it but I was being stubborn and not keeping him in the loop.”

  Like I was doing now, I realized with a start. I had to call and tell him about the biopsy today. I couldn’t put this off any longer.

  “So what’s the problem, then?” Shane asked. “Call and say you’re sorry.”

  “But I’m not the one that fucked up,” I protested.

  “If you love each other, does it really matter?” Robbie countered. “I mean, do you want to be with him or not?”

  That was the question.

  30

  Zaan

  I was at home staring at the contract that had caused so much trouble for me when Lexi’s name flashed on the screen of my phone and I answered it right away.

  “Hey,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as excited as I felt.

  “The biopsy was negative,” she said right away.

  “Yeah, I know. Your dad told me last night.”

  “My dad…” Her voice was laced with irritation. Again. “And you didn’t think to call me or anything?”

  “You’ve known for days and didn’t call me,” I countered.

  “I’ve been busy,” she said. “Working sixteen-hour days and my brothers are in town. I wanted to call you when I had a few minutes for us to actually talk, instead of just shooting you a quick text, but I guess I should’ve kept it simple.”

  Shit. This wasn’t how I envisioned our conversation going. Why were we always fighting?

  “I’m sorry. I was worried because it’s been a couple of weeks and I hadn’t heard from you, so I texted him last night.”

  “Well, okay, I guess now you know.”

  There was an awkward silence and I hated every second of it. “Lexi, do you think we could talk?”

  “I’m leaving for L.A. tomorrow for a showcase at the Whiskey and you’re leaving for Scotland, so I don’t think we’ll have time.”

  “I really don’t want to leave things this way,” I said slowly. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too, but it doesn’t look like anything has changed.”

  “What if I came by the studio around dinnertime? We could talk for a few then, couldn’t we?”

  She hesitated. “My brothers are here and they’re with me today.”

  “Lexi, I have a lot to say. I want to apologize and talk about everything. Please don’t push me away like this.”

  “We can’t have that kind of conversation during a dinner break, with my brothers and the whole band around us.”

  “What about late tonight?”

  “Zaan, I want to, really, but I just can’t. We leave for L.A. first thing tomorrow and I have to sleep. My brothers are in town and I’m being pulled in a lot of directions. I’m sorry, because I know how this sounds, but this is like when you’re about to go on a road trip. You have to rest, you have to be on top of your game. That’s where I am right now. It’s not that I don’t want to see you and talk, but this showcase is a huge deal. Please don’t make me choose between this and you.”

  I paused. This was a test. Whether it was intentional or not, I couldn’t be sure, but my gut was screaming that if I fucked this up, I would lose her forever.

  “Okay,” I said after a few seconds. “I guess we can talk when I get back from Scotland.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Please tell me you can wait a couple of weeks?”

  “I can,” I responded automatically. “Just keep in touch, okay? Promise.”

  “I promise. Talk soon.”

  She disconnected and I stared at the phone for a few more seconds before looking back at the contract. An idea was brewing but I didn’t have a lot of time because I was leaving for Scotland in two days. I’d had a lot of time to think and what it boiled down to was I didn’t want to be without her. Would it be difficult for us to make this work? Very. In fact, it would be miserable sometimes, but the alternative was to not have her at all and I already knew that wasn’t what I wanted.

  So now I had choices and I was going to have to bust my ass to make things happen. It was time to make some changes in my life, but I needed a wingman or I wouldn’t make it through the next couple of days.

  The first thing I did was call Royce’s wife, Tina, who was also my travel agent.

  “Tina, hey, it’s Zaan. I need a huge favor.”

  With travel taken care of, I headed out to the jeweler Ian had recommended, picking up Tore on the way.

  “Dude, I know less about rings than you do,” he said, climbing into my truck.

  “Yeah, but I need a second opinion.”

  “Are you still going to the wedding?” he asked me dubiously.

  I chuckled. “Of course. With or without Lexi, I wouldn’t do that to Ian. But I’m not leaving tomorrow. I delayed my flight by two days. Tina took care of it for me.”

  “Are you going to the show in L.A. tomorrow?” he asked knowingly.

  I nodded. “Yup.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “But we’re going to try to find a ring today, and then we have to stop somewhere I can print something out since I don’t have a printer.”

  “Why don’t you just call Lana and have her print it for you?” he said, referring to the Sidewinders’ head of media relations.

  She was still in town as far as I knew and I nodded. “Would you do me a favor and text her, see if she’s in the office today and can do it? If she’s not, I have to get this printed out.”

  “What is it?”

  “Would you just text her please, while I drive?” I was drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, my thoughts going a hundred miles an hour.

  “Okeydokey.” Tore pulled out his phone and started typing. “Are you sure you want to buy her a ring?” he asked as he waited for a response.

  “Could you do me one more favor?” I asked, staring straight ahead.

  “Sure.”

  “Could you just back me up on this? I know how you feel about her, and I get it, but I need you to be my friend and trust me. I already know that you have doubts and why you have those doubts. I’ve thought about very little else since we broke up. But I have to do what I’m about to do because I love her. If it’s not meant to be, we’ll know tomorrow, but until then, I just need you to be my friend.”

  “Done.” Tore nodded.

  “And if she breaks my heart, yes, you can say I told you so.”

  Tore scowled at me. “Oh, come on, I don’t think I’m that much of a dick. Am I? We’ve been friends since t
he day we got to the Sidewinders and even if I give you shit sometimes, I’m not the guy who’ll kick a buddy when he’s down.”

  “I appreciate that, because if she breaks my heart this time…” My voice faded. I couldn’t even think about that.

  “She won’t,” Tore said quietly. “I’m not sure why I think that, but my gut says everything is going to be okay.”

  “I wish my gut said that,” I replied, pulling into the jeweler’s parking lot.

  We walked up to a discreet entrance and had to be buzzed in.

  “What kind of place is this?” Tore asked.

  “Fancy,” I whispered, nudging him to be quiet.

  “Mr. Hagen.” An older gentleman in his seventies greeted me with an outstretched hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Weinberg,” I said, shaking it. “This is my friend and teammate, Tore Brekken.”

  “A pleasure.” Mr. Weinberg inclined his head. “Mr. Campbell spoke highly of you. Now, I understand you’re looking for an engagement ring?”

  I nodded. “I was thinking something in black gold or titanium, with a red diamond. You said on the phone you had a red diamond in stock.”

  “I have something a bit eclectic,” Mr. Weinberg said thoughtfully. “It was originally designed for a basketball player’s fiancée, but she hated it. However, it sounds right up your alley.” He moved behind the counters and opened a locked case, removing a black velvet display case. He set it on the counter and opened it, half a dozen stunning rings sparkling in the lights.

  “Holy shit,” Tore breathed. “Those are stunning.”

  “That’s the one,” I said automatically, pointing to the red diamond the moment I saw it. The band was black, though I couldn’t tell what it was made of, with eight regular white diamonds surrounding a beautiful emerald-cut pale red diamond. It literally took my breath away as I held it in my hand.

  “The band is titanium, with a red diamond as the focal point. Total weight is almost five carats. The red stone is three, and the surrounding stones are approximately a quarter-carat each. With eight of them, that’s two carats.”

  “I’ll take it,” I said immediately. It was exactly what I pictured Lexi wearing and I knew she would love it.

  “Aren’t you going to ask how much?” Tore stage-whispered.

  I pulled out my American Express card. “Not unless it’s over half a million.” I cut a glance at Mr. Weinberg. “It’s not, is it?”

  He chuckled. “It is not.” He handed me a piece of paper with the price written on it and I just smiled. As far as I was concerned, it was a steal.

  “I’d like to take it today. I have no idea of her ring size, so I assume I can bring it back to get it sized if it needs it?”

  Mr. Weinberg nodded. “Of course.”

  “Then let’s do this.”

  “Lana says she’ll be at the office for another hour,” Tore said. “And the arena’s on the other side of town.”

  “I’ll have this ready for you in five minutes,” Mr. Weinberg said. “Don’t worry.” He hurried off to the back and I suddenly felt a little nervous.

  The ring was pretty damn expensive for a woman I wasn’t even dating at the moment, and while I trusted in her feelings for me, we’d had a hell of a time making things work between us.

  “So what are you having Lana print?” Tore was asking me.

  “A contract.”

  “A what?”

  “You’ll see.” I had a plan. Or at least part of one. But there was one more thing I had to do before I set everything in motion. I hit the speed dial button for Ian.

  31

  Lexi

  Standing in the wings before the show, I was nervous, and I hadn’t been nervous in years. Performing with Special Kay had cured me of stage fright because we played so often, and in those days, being onstage was the only time I felt alive. Tonight it was almost the opposite, as if everything was riding on this performance.

  My family was here—Dad, Mack and the boys—along with a handful of guys from the Sidewinders, their wives or girlfriends, and I’d impulsively flown out my friend Lindsey from Minneapolis. I hadn’t seen her in too long and I needed a friend right now. I’d offered to fly out my mother as well, even though it pained me to do so, but she’d said I hadn’t given her enough notice and that she and my stepdad had plans. It had actually been a relief, and now she wouldn’t be able to say I hadn’t offered.

  “You okay?” Bash was standing beside me as we waited to go on.

  “I’m nervous as fuck,” I whispered.

  “You’re going to be great,” he said softly.

  “You’ve got this,” Jayson said to me. Since Casey was almost nine months pregnant now, she hadn’t joined us, but Jayson had come to support us and the new album. He was also a big-name draw, and since he was playing on several songs, he’d helped sell out the show. There were all kinds of music industry bigwigs here tonight according to the record company, and Tawdra was in the audience live-tweeting every five seconds.

  “I haven’t been this nervous since my first show,” I admitted. “I’m literally shaking.”

  “Come on, settle down.” Tyler slipped an arm around my shoulder. “You’ve done this a thousand times. Breathe and remember who you are and what you do.”

  “If you freeze, I’ll be right there,” Jayson said quietly. “We can change the playlist on the fly if anything happens, but I have faith in you, so trust yourself, Lexi. You’re a pro.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  I bounced on my toes, trying to find my zen, the sense of calm I usually found before a show. It seemed to have abandoned me, though, and my sweaty palms belied the brave front I was trying to put on. I’d thrown up before my first performance with Special Kay and while hiding in the bathroom, I’d called Zaan. He’d talked me down, saying everything Jayson, Bash and Tyler had just said, in one form or another, but it had been his voice more than his words that had calmed me. No one else had that kind of effect on me and it suddenly occurred to me that he wasn’t just the man I loved, but he was also the best part of me.

  Not that I wasn’t my own woman. Not that I couldn’t do anything and everything without him. I just didn’t want to. That’s what made this so hard. How could I love him so much yet still not be sure we could make this work together? I wished he was here so badly I almost couldn’t breathe and the tears that were threatening to fall made the nausea that much worse.

  “Introducing…Pretty Harts and friends!” I heard our introduction but was rooted to the spot, unable to put one foot in front of the other.

  “Come on, doll, you got this.” Tyler took one of my hands and Jayson grabbed the other, literally dragging me onto the stage. The crowd went wild, cheering and whistling, yet I didn’t hear it. I was aware, could see their faces moving, the lights flashing, but I was still a zombie, completely frozen.

  “Fuck, she’s freaked right out,” I heard Ford say.

  “Put her on the stool by the piano,” Jayson instructed, even as he grabbed the microphone and turned to the crowd. Tyler dragged me in that direction and put me by the piano, leaning over to whisper in my ear.

  “Come on, doll. This is what you’ve always dreamed of—breathe, dammit.”

  “Hello, Hollywood!” Jayson had taken control, microphone in hand as he addressed the audience. “Are you motherfuckers ready to rock and roll?!”

  I felt Stu’s hand on my shoulder as I stared at the sheet music in front of me. We weren’t supposed to start with a slow song, and I only played piano on slow songs, so I didn’t know what was happening. I just tried to keep breathing, to remember the words to the first song of the set. To remember what the first song even was.

  “We’ve got a hell of a show for you tonight, featuring Pretty Harts and some really special friends.” Jayson was still talking. The plan hadn’t been to introduce everyone until later, but he was stalling, trying to get me to snap out of it, and I was starting to feel my legs again.

  “Casey Hart i
s eight months pregnant and ready to pop, so she couldn’t be here tonight, but the rest of us are, along with some badass musician friends that are going to rock the fucking house tonight! Starting with the amazing Pretty Harts’ rhythm section…” He motioned to Tyler. “Tyler Thompson on bass and Bash James on drums—say hello, Hollywood!”

  The crowd went wild as Tyler hit a few notes on his bass and Bash did a short roll on the snare drum.

  “Formerly of Raging Willow—the one and only Stu Killorn!”

  The crowd cheered, a black lace bra landing on the stage. Stu scooped it up and put it on over his tank top, getting a round of laughter.

  “Former guitarist of Malone’s Martyrs, Ford Malone!”

  More cheers from the crowd and this time a pair of panties appeared as if by magic. Did women really bring lingerie to rock shows?

  “And from Special Kay, the one and only Lexi Rousseau!”

  Somehow, I got to my feet, waving to the crowd even as another bout of nausea shot through me. I broke out in a cold sweat, but Jayson had my hand again, holding me in place as the crowd hooted and hollered.

  “Our first song tonight is a little ditty you might have heard before,” he said, holding my hand so tightly it hurt, the pain slowly penetrating my haze of stage fright. “Anyone ready for some ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’?”

  Stu hit the notes for the opening riff and the rest of the band joined in. Jayson held fast to my hand, his eyes meeting mine questioningly. I took a deep breath and stared down at the crowd. Robbie and Shane were in the first row, pressed against the stage, huge smiles on their faces. They knew me pretty well, so they had to see how uncomfortable I was and Shane looked up at me pointedly.

  “You got this,” he mouthed.

  I almost teared up but it reminded me that I wasn’t alone, even though it felt like it a lot of the time. I took a deep breath and grabbed my microphone, looking down at my brothers once more. And then I saw him.

  Zaan.

  He was here.

  My Zaan, the love of my life, was here. Even though we were broken up and he was supposed to be on his way to Scotland.