I guess I need to choose.
Am I going to turn my back on the MC?
Or am I going to give them a second chance?
“I can come back tomorrow, if you want,” he says to me gently. “I’m not going anywhere, Erin. I’ll wait as long as you want me to.”
Fuck.
Why is he being so sweet?
“Don’t get all soft on me now, Ace,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
His being an asshole I can take, and I can give it back to him tenfold. His being sweet . . .
Shit.
“Let’s go back to your motel,” I decide, speaking with my heart instead of my brain. “But just to talk. We aren’t doing anything else.”
“Okay,” he replies, and I can hear the relief in his tone.
“Where’s your bike?”
“At the motel, I walked over here,” he admits, holding his hand out to me. “Walk with me? I’ll carry your board.”
“Okay,” I murmur, picking up the board and handing it to him.
I then take his hand.
And we walk together back to the motel.
“He said that no one was to touch you, but then he saw how we were with each other, and he pulled me aside and said he’d give me the green light with you, but there were a few conditions,” Ace explains, as we both lie back on his motel bed, staring up at the ceiling. “He said that if I hurt you, he was going to kill me, so I better be sure that I actually do want you; he also said that I had to do what I needed to do to make you want to stay at the clubhouse, instead of going back home to the country. I told him that I was going to be honest with you about all of this shit, because you deserve to know.”
I stay silent, wondering what I’m meant to do about my dad. He was so much fun to hang out with, and I know that once he got over the shock, he was really happy to have me in his life. I guess he needs to learn that while he’s a club president and can control his men, he can’t control me. I’m sure that frustrates him, I’m nothing but a country girl after all, but a daughter-father relationship is not the same as the one he has with the people around him every day. The plan he had was selfish, and made me see the other side of him, the one I knew was there but never thought I’d experience so soon.
“What did he say when I left?” I ask Ace, slipping under the ugly green quilt. This motel really is awful.
“He was really worried about you, he thought something had happened, that whoever tried to poison you had kidnapped you or something,” Ace explains, and I picture the scene in my head. “He was about to send us all out on a search mission to find you, but then I went into your room for the second time and had a proper look, and found your letter. I was furious, but your dad just looked hurt, and to be honest I’ve never seen him like that before.”
I soften a little toward my dad, but not enough to erase what he’s done. I know I will want to talk to him again, but he needs to see that what he did wasn’t okay, and he needs to be willing to change for our relationship to continue.
“You guys really hurt me,” I admit to him in a soft voice. Vulnerable. Just what I didn’t want to be around him again. “Do you realize how fucked-up the whole thing is?”
“Yeah,” he whispers, sighing deeply. “As long as I got to be with you though, I guess I didn’t really look past that. But you’re right, it should be your happiness I’m focusing on, not my own. So you do your college thing, and I’ll come see you when I can. And when you’re ready to face your old man again, you can come and visit me, too.”
I blink slowly a few times. “Did you just decide we’re going to be in a relationship without me?”
He chuckles softly. “Yeah, I guess I did, but after hearing your words yesterday, you don’t need to tell me that the feelings are mutual.”
“You’re such a cocky son of a—”
He cuts me off with a soft kiss to the lips. “I know what I am, princess, but I’ll also protect you with my life. You can call me out on my shit whenever you like, and trust me I’ll be doing the same, but at the end of the day, all I really want is you.”
“So you’re not going to fuck anyone else, you’re just going to wait for me?” I ask, hearing the skepticism in my own voice. “With all the women throwing themselves at you? Somehow I highly doubt that, especially if I’m not around and you haven’t had sex in ages.”
“Will you give me a chance?” he asks, rolling over onto his side and looking me in the eye. “That’s all I’m asking for. Another chance to prove myself.”
I swallow hard and nod. I move to kiss him, and he allows it, but only for a second.
“I promised nothing was going to happen here, remember?”
“And you’re going to show me you’re a man of your word right now?” I ask, scowling. “Ace—”
“Can I take you out for dinner tonight?” he asks, cutting me off and kissing my cheek. “You can give me a tour of the town and show me why you love it here so much.”
I agree.
How did things change so much again, in just one day?
After we eat dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant, we walk side by side down the main street of my town.
“So this is your city center?” he asks, sounding mildly horrified. “It’s, like, one long street.”
“It’s not all we have,” I insert, sounding a little defensive, even to my own ears. “This is just the main street where all the cool cafés and things are.”
“So this is your strip?” he asks, teasing me. “I don’t know how you survive here. You’re not a small-town girl, Erin.”
“I’m whatever I want to be,” I fire back, pointing to the ice-cream shop. “I worked there when I was in high school.”
“You do like ice cream,” he mutters, reaching out and taking my hand. “Do you see people you know everywhere you go?”
“Erin?” I hear a familiar voice call out, just as those words leave Ace’s lips.
Shit.
I turn around and come face-to-face with none other than Clint.
“Oh, hey,” I say, taking him in. He looks the same, with his belted jeans, white top, and even whiter smile. His brown eyes eat me up, and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. While we’ve spoken over text, it’s been a while since I’ve actually seen him. “Clint, how are you?”
“Good,” he says, looking up at Ace, who is a few inches taller than him. “Who is this?”
“This is Ace,” I say, realizing how rude I’m being. “And Ace, this is Clint.”
“This is your ex?” Ace asks, sounding both surprised and disgusted. “I feel like you’d be the one saving him in any given situation.”
Yeah okay, Clint isn’t really muscly, or anything like that. He’s more on the lean, gaming nerd side, but in my defense, he was one of the popular boys in school, and I never felt as though I was any better than him.
I glance up at Ace and roll my eyes. “Can you not?”
“This is your new man, Erin?” Clint asks me, also sounding surprised. “He looks like a criminal.”
“I am a criminal,” Ace replies, flashing his teeth. “And don’t say my woman’s name again. I don’t like it coming out of your mouth, and it might trigger me to do something Erin might get angry at me for.”
“Okaaay, that’s enough,” I say, smiling apologetically at Clint. “I’m sorry, I better get going. Take care, okay?”
Clint opens his mouth, then closes it, but all I do is pull Ace out of there as quickly as I can.
When we’re a safe distance away, I slow my pace.
“He’s an idiot,” he declares, looking down at me with a gentle look in his eyes. “He had everything, he lost it, and I don’t even think he realizes it. He doesn’t deserve you, though. That’s not the type of man you’re meant to be with, Erin. You’re so much more than the life he would give you.”
I exhale slowly, not knowing what to say to that.
So I don’t say anything.
I just squeeze his hand and walk with h
im into the night, feeling safe, adored.
And maybe even loved.
25
TWO WEEKS LATER
It’s weird seeing so many new faces,” I tell Mona as we walk through the campus. “Do these people even live in town? Because I’ve never seen them before.”
“I’ve never seen him before,” Mona mutters, whistling under her breath. “I’d have remembered that face.”
I check out the guy and nod. “He’s handsome.”
“People from all over still come here, Erin,” she explains. “Just because we’re a country town, that won’t stop them if we have the courses they want. Or maybe they couldn’t get a placement anywhere else.”
“That’s true. And this is a good college,” I say, glancing around at the older buildings. “It didn’t look this big from the outside.”
Mona gives me a knowing look. “You’ll be fine, Erin. And we can still try to have lunch together, depending on our schedules.”
I am a little nervous. I’m older than most people here, for one, which makes me feel a little self-conscious. Plenty of people do a gap year, but I’ve done several. I know I’ll be fine, but it’s a new place, and I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m meant to be, and it’s a little stressful. We sit down on the grassy area, waiting for our first lecture to begin. Mona is studying business, so we won’t be in any lectures together, but like she said, we can still try to see each other. I see a few familiar faces walk by, and for that I’m grateful. I guess I’m going to both meet new friends and be reunited with older ones.
My phone beeps, and I open the message; it’s from Ace.
Good luck on your first day, princess. You are going to be the best nurse that college has ever seen.
I smile to myself. We’ve been messaging and video-calling every day since he left, and he’s planning on coming back to visit this weekend. I spoke to my dad on the phone and said I would come see him when I was ready, as long as he didn’t try to pull any shit. He agreed. I don’t know if I’m too forgiving, or if I’m just being too hard on myself for forgiving them, but it does play on my mind.
“Hello there, ladies,” a masculine voice says. I glance up to see two guys standing there. “Do you mind if we sit here?”
I glance around the lawn, which has plenty of room, but shrug. “Sure, it’s a free lawn.”
Maybe Mona will like one of them? They’re both cute, and I can see them being her type, especially the guy who spoke. He’s a bit preppy, dressed well and has a nice build. I mean, nothing on Ace, but good for our town’s standards.
“Thanks,” he replies, sitting down. “I’m Glen.”
I shake his hand. “Erin.”
“Mona,” she introduces, smiling at Glen.
Nailed it.
The other guy, whose name is Roger, also introduces himself.
“We’re new to town and don’t know anybody, and then we saw two beautiful women sitting alone, so we thought we’d come be loners with you,” Glen explains, smiling at Mona. “And I’m glad we did.”
I roll my eyes, and Roger smirks.
“Where are you both from then?” I ask Roger, making small talk with him. He seems more shy than Glen, who clearly doesn’t have a problem putting himself out there.
“Out east,” he replies, telling me all about the city he grew up in. “We came here to get our business degrees. The list of the people who have come out of this college is insane, so we wanted to see what all the fuss is about.”
“The town is a little . . . boring though,” Glen says, cringing. “But, hey, I’m here to study, so I suppose the less distractions the better.”
I share a look with Mona, who is about to be his next distraction.
“Yeah, but because there’s nothing to do, are you sure you’re not just going to end up drunk all the time? It is college, after all,” I tease.
Mona decided not to stay in the dorms on campus, and why would she when she owns her own house about a forty-five-minute drive away. I, on the other hand, wanted the full college experience, so I’ll be living on campus. My roommate wasn’t there this morning, so I have no idea who it’s going to be, but I hope we get along.
“I’m sure I’ll be able to contain myself.” Glen grins, and then he and Mona start talking between them.
I look at Roger and say, “So I guess we’re going to both be the third wheel.”
He pulls out a red licorice twist, breaks it in half, and hands it to me.
I like him already. “Thank you.”
“It looks like it,” he replies with a mouthful of sugary goodness. “And unlike Glen, I probably won’t be able to contain myself.”
Did I just find myself a partying buddy?
“Wonderful,” I reply, chewing slowly.
“You have a man?” he asks, studying me.
“Yeah, why do you ask?”
“Well, you must be taken, since you aren’t hitting on me now,” he says, wiggling his brows.
I laugh loudly. “Think you’re that amazing, huh?”
“I know it,” he replies, but with a cheeky grin, so I know he’s just being a smart-ass.
“Are you one of those people who starts off quiet but then never shuts up?” I ask, finishing the last bite of licorice.
“Maybe.”
I look at his bag. “What other goodies do you have in there?”
His lip twitches, and he reaches over and undoes the zipper. “I thought you’d never ask.”
And that’s how Roger and I became friends.
When all my classes are over, I head back to my dorm room, completely drained from all the socializing and new information to process. I open my door and step inside, seeing that my roommate has arrived and is sitting on her bed, her phone in her hand. She’s dressed in all black, from head to toe, boots, ripped jeans, and a tight top, showing off her slim figure. Her long black hair covers her face as she’s typing furiously, and I don’t think she’s even realized that I walked in.
“Hello,” I say in a soft voice so I don’t scare her. She doesn’t reply, and then I realize that she has earphones in. I step to her side and touch her shoulder, wanting to introduce myself, but one second I’m standing next to her, and the next I’m on the floor and she’s standing over me, fists raised in a fighting position.
“Who are you?” she growls, hazel eyes narrowed, her hair falling over her face like a curtain. She’s beautiful, in a scary way, considering she just threw me to the fucking ground like I weigh nothing.
“Erin. Your roommate,” I reply, wrinkling my nose. “Nice to meet you too, kung fu Barbie.”
She winces and offers me her hand, helping me up. “Sorry, Erin, it was just reflex. Don’t sneak up on me, because that’s generally how I’ll react.”
“Oh yeah, well, I won’t be doing that again,” I mutter, dusting off my ass and fixing my clothes.
“Sorry,” she says, sounding a little sheepish. She holds her hand out. “I’m Clover.”
“Clover, that’s a nice name,” I tell her, smiling. “Good to know if someone tries to break in, you can fight them off for us.”
She laughs and sits back down. “Well, I was raised not to be the damsel in distress but my own hero instead.”
What a great line.
“I like you already,” I blurt out, moving to my own bed and lying down. “The beds need work, but it’s okay. It’s day one of dorm life, and I’m free, and alone, and I can do whatever I feel like doing.”
“Want to watch Netflix and eat junk food?” she asks, tying her hair up, showing off her stunning features. She’s going to have all the men on campus panting—she is that striking.
“Yes, I’d love to. Who needs to binge drink when there’s binge eating? Am I right?”
Although I intend to do both at some point.
Full college experience, remember?
Clover laughs, opening her laptop before looking at me, an amused look on her face. “How about Sons of Anarchy?”
“Sure, why not,” I reply, inside cringing.
I’ve never watched it, but now I’m going to be comparing everything to real life.
And Ace is my Jax.
26
Clint, hey,” I say as I see him walking up to me while I wait for my food order to be ready. I came home to spend one night with my family, because it’s my sister’s birthday and there’s no way I’m going to be missing that. I didn’t tell her I was coming though; instead, I told her I’d see her next weekend for a belated birthday celebration. We ordered Chinese food, which I’ve been sent to pick up, while Mom finishes Eden’s cake. Eden is still at work, so when she gets home she’s going to be surprised with me, dinner, and my mom’s chocolate mud cake.
“Erin,” he murmurs, eyes widening. He glances around me. “No giant biker with you this time.”
I shift on my feet. “Just me this time.”
“Is he your boyfriend?” he asks me, coming closer. He tucks his hands in his pockets and studies me.
Boyfriend doesn’t seem like the right word for what Ace is to me, but I nod. “How have you been?”
“Good,” he replies, brow furrowing. “Listen, there’s been something I’ve wanted to say to you for a while now, and it needs to be face-to-face, but I hardly see you these days and—”
“What is it?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I’m sorry, Erin. You know, about everything that happened. I was young, and selfish, and I didn’t look after you the way I should have, and I’m fuckin’ sorry.”
“Oh,” I whisper, eyes flaring. I didn’t expect him to bring this up. It’s kind of been like a black-hole subject, one that is never spoken about yet always lingers below the surface, the damage so irreversible that we can always feel it.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “For the apology, I appreciate it.”
Even though I was strong enough to forgive him without it. Although when I think on the trust issues I have with men, maybe that’s not exactly the truth.
“It’s long overdue,” he murmurs, looking down at his white sneakers. “I was an idiot.”
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