Confessions (New Beginnings #4)

by Michelle MacQueen

  Mack removed his hand from hers and got to his feet. “Tell Colin you never want to see his ass again. This is my mess to deal with.”

  He left them behind and entered the solitude of his room.

  “Shit!” he yelled, slamming his fist into the wall until the skin on his knuckles was dotted with blood.

  He couldn’t believe Abigail had been protecting him for months. What made her think she had the right? He wasn’t some kid that couldn’t own up to his own actions. He was tired of people with savior complexes. Derek had one back then, and he lived to regret it.

  Josh pushed open his door without knocking. “Thought I heard someone going ballistic in here.”

  “Not now, Josh.”

  Josh ignored him, instead sitting on the corner of his bed.

  “This changes things, doesn’t it?” he asked.

  “No shit.”

  “At least you have a reason for why.”

  “Why what?” Grant snapped.

  “Why the only girl I’ve ever seen you actually like started avoiding you.”

  “I wish she wouldn’t have done this for me.”

  “No use in that. It’s done. Now you have a legit chance with her. Especially since she just sent Colin a text that they were done for good. As for everything else, we’ll figure it out.”

  He left, leaving Grant feeling like a giant douche for getting angry. His guilt wasn’t her fault.

  Abigail hugged the pillow closer to her chest as she sat cross-legged on her bed. They were on a freaking island, and she couldn’t make herself leave her room.

  In the past couple hours, she’d broken up with a boyfriend she once sort of loved and also sort of hated. She’d found out the man she spent months thinking about was more screwed up than she could have imagined. All of this, and the one person she couldn’t stop thinking about was her father.

  “Abi, you’ll never find anyone that loves you as much as this family,” he’d said. “It’s your duty to stay. Your selfishness knows no end, does it?”

  That was the day before she left for college without a goodbye. She hadn’t spoken to them since. Her entire life, she’d kept a low profile. As soon as she was old enough, she worked, and that was all she did.

  College to her was freedom, and she’d gone the extreme route. She’d arrived in Ohio never having dated anyone and started making her mistakes. Only, she hadn’t considered them mistakes. To her, it was just living life. Learning. Colin was her first real boyfriend. When she started dating him, a part of her brain freaked out a bit. Life taught her that everyone wanted something from you. There was no escaping it. Don’t care too much, because they will let you down.

  In walked Grant Mackenzie, the perfect person to keep her from getting in too deep. The person to help her regain control in her life so she didn’t get attached to Colin.

  Well, surprise! Sleeping with Grant turned her relationship with Colin into the mess it became. She got her wish. Colin was no longer what she wanted. But she lost control anyway.

  She’d been selfish when she slept with Grant, just like her dad said she was. She wasn’t Abigail, the bubbly, fiery college student. She was Abi, the insecure teenager looking for Daddy’s approval.

  Abigail looked up when there was a knock on her door. It swung open before she had a chance to say anything. Grant stood there, still shirtless, waiting to be invited in.

  She sat up straight and threw the pillow she’d been hugging off to the side.

  “Hi.” She hastily ran her hands through her hair to tame the curls and wiped at her red rimmed eyes. Thinking of her family always made her tear up.

  “Hey.” Grant stepped in closer. “Can we talk?”

  “I guess.”

  His muscles lengthened and contracted as he reached up to rub the back of his neck. Abigail ran her eyes across his broad shoulders and down his sculpted abs. Catching herself, she looked back into his heated gaze and could immediately tell he knew what she’d been doing.

  Images from their night together ran through her mind, causing her heart rate to speed up. A smirk formed on Grant’s face. Yep, definitely knows what I’m thinking right now.

  Her cheeks reddened, and she coughed to break the tension. “You wanted to talk.”

  The smile slipped from his mouth and he stepped forward to sit next to her on the bed. The mattress dipped with his weight, tilting her into him. She leaned away and looked at him.

  “No one’s ever done anything like what you did for me,” he started softly.

  “You mean none of your other women will help you?” She cringed at her own joke, but serious situations made her uncomfortable.

  “Abigail.” He sighed.

  “Did you just call me ‘Abigail’?” She laughed. “Not ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart?’ Not ‘Abi’?”

  “I figured it was time to start listening to you.”

  “Just because I kept dating Colin? It wasn’t that big a deal. Seriously.”

  “But it was.” He reached over and tucked an errant curl behind her ear, skimming the back of his hand against her cheek in the process. “Thank you.”

  She shrugged.

  “I need to know why.”

  “Why?” she repeated.

  “You stayed with him for months, just to keep the rumors from getting out of hand.”

  “I did.”

  “He forbade you from seeing me.”

  She nodded.

  “I must have been a risk.” He smiled at her, running the pad of his thumb over her lips.

  “You were.”

  “Were?” His eyebrows arched, showing Abigail the man she’d known. The cocky, self-assured, athlete that was Mack. Grant, on the other hand, was deeper - sweet yet troubled.

  Mack was who she’d been thinking about for months, but Grant was the man she was falling for now.

  Snapping back to herself, Abigail leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He reacted immediately, reaching around to cup the back of her head.

  After a short kiss, she broke away. “Happy now? You have your reason.”

  He answered her with a grin as he pulled her closer and kissed her deeper this time.

  Abigail leaned back on the bed and pulled him with her. All she wanted for months was this, right here, and now that it was happening, everything else faded away. She knew this feeling wouldn’t last. She had no illusions about who Grant Mackenzie was. But she wanted to keep this feeling as long as she could.

  Her fingers explored Grant’s chest, spanning out across his pecs and down over the ridges in his stomach. He kissed a trail down from her earlobe to her neck, warming her skin with his breath.

  His hand rubbed circles on her stomach just under the fabric of her shirt.

  “Abigail,” he whispered into the crook of her neck before his lips found hers again.

  She pressed closer, enjoying the feel of his body against hers. His hands worked her shirt over her head and he tore his lips from hers just long enough for his eyes to take her in.

  “You’re beautiful.”

  “I’ll bet you say that to all your women.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted it.

  Grant leaned back and regarded her, the heat in his eyes suddenly replaced with steel.

  “Shit,” Abigail groaned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …”

  Grant sat up and swung his legs off the side of the bed.

  “What are you doing?” Abigail asked.

  “Leaving,” he grunted.

  “Why?”

  “You’re a fighter, Abigail, and I don’t have it in me for a fight today. I know my reputation. I earned it. But, what I don’t need, is you throwing it in my face.”

  “I’m not - “

  “You don’t mean to, but yeah, you are.”

  “Abigail?” Taylor’s voice came from the living room. “Mack?”

  Abigail didn’t take her eyes from Grant. “Yeah?”

  “We’re heading to the beach. You coming?”r />
  Grant broke eye contact before ducking through the bathroom into his room that was connected on the other side.

  Abigail heard his voice as he stepped out his door. “I’m in.”

  “Me too.” She stepped out, narrowing her eyes at Grant in challenge.

  “Good,” Taylor said, seemingly unaware of the tension surrounding them. “Then get changed and meet in the car in ten.”

  Chapter Five

  Abigail ran down the beach with Taylor at her side, stopping when they reached a cluster of hammocks hanging between the palms.

  Mack and Josh watched them from behind.

  “After everything she’s been through,” Josh started. “It’s good to see Taylor having fun.”

  Mack made a noncommittal sound and kept walking. His mind was on a girl as well, but he wasn’t going to admit that, even to his best friend.

  He’d gotten mad at Abigail and completely messed up. He’d earned his reputation fair and square, but couldn’t stand the thought of her thinking of him like that. He’d wanted her for so long, and now he didn’t know what to do.

  “You okay?” Josh jerked his head in the direction of the girls.

  “Yeah, fine.”

  “Abigail getting to you?” He started laughing, but stopped when Mack glared at him. “I thought you were over this.”

  “I am. Just drop it.”

  They reached the hammocks, where Taylor and Abigail were already sprawled out, and dropped their bags. Josh immediately took off running towards where the water was crashing onto the white sand. Mack caught up, throwing his arm over his friend’s shoulders and tackling him into the waves. They both came up grinning, and dove down into another wave.

  Mack set his feet on the ground as the washing machine action continued pushing against him. The beach was part of a resort that was nestled at the base of a mountain. A cliff jutted out where the crystal blue waters crashed into the rocks.

  From the road, they’d only been able to see colorful roofs beneath the tall trees.

  There were only a few other beachgoers, making it feel like they had their own private beach for the day.

  “We should just stay here,” Mack laughed. “Rather than going back to Columbus.”

  Josh braced himself against another wave, and turned to his old teammate. “You have a season to prepare for.” The look he gave Mack told him he knew he was joking, but that there was something else behind his words.

  Mack sighed, accidentally inhaling sea water in the process. He coughed until his throat felt raw.

  “You’re not supposed to drink the stuff,” Josh grinned crookedly.

  “Thanks,” Mack said wryly. “I needed that lesson in breathing.”

  “Anytime, Dude. Look, I know you’re not serious about not wanting to go back, but you don’t sound too excited. Last summer all we wanted was for the season to start.”

  Mack dove into a wave seconds before it crashed into him. Avoidance was something he was good at.

  The truth was, he wanted someone to talk to about this, and normally that’d be the guy who was basically his brother, but not this time. He didn’t feel like he could talk to Josh about this, about the trade rumors and the things people around the league were saying about him. Not when Josh had lost his NHL dreams completely only months ago.

  It hurt Mack not to have his best friend there with him. He’d been a mess when Josh went down on the ice. The weekend after that had been All-Star weekend, and Mack had spent the entire time drinking and trying not to worry. He’d never admit to any of that. He was supposed to be unshakable. The bad boy superstar.

  “Talk to me,” Josh said. “The rumors are getting to you more than you’ve let on, aren’t they?”

  Mack may have been good at avoiding conversations, but Josh was just as good at pursuing them. It was nearly impossible to lie to the man. He could read people so easily and he truly cared, making it that much harder.

  “I’m supposed to be a professional,” Mack started. “Trades are part of the game. But you never think it’s going to be you.”

  “Correction. Grant Mackenzie never thinks it’s going to be him. Most teams don’t even entertain the notion of trading their first-line center. The rest of us plebes are always fair game.” Josh sighed. “Was. I was fair game. I still have trouble thinking about that being in the past.”

  “See.” Mack swayed with the waves. “This is why I didn’t want to talk to you about it. I feel like such an idiot to worry about a trade when I’ll still get to play no matter where I go.”

  Josh didn’t get the chance to respond because Taylor and Abigail waded out to meet them.

  Abigail dove down and came up right beside Mack. “Can we talk?”

  “Later.” He winked and picked her up before she could object, throwing her as far as he could. She came up laughing.

  “Ass.” She grinned.

  “Aw.” Mack placed a hand over his heart. “That wasn’t very nice.”

  She swam back towards him. “I never said I was nice.” She reached an arm around his neck and pulled him to her.

  He kissed her back until a wave broke them apart. He caught sight of Taylor and Josh’s grinning faces before making his way to the shore. This girl was going to be the death of him.

  Later that night, Abigail sat on her bed scrolling through Facebook on her phone when she heard Grant in the other room. She’d been trying to work up the nerve to go in there. When she first left home, her confidence had been in shambles, so she’d faked it and probably overcompensated a bit. She wanted people to like her so badly because she’d never had many friends.

  As the year went on, she had to pretend less and less. Being with Colin made her more assertive because she had to be. He’d actually been good for her. He built her up until she could stand on her own two feet and be the person she wanted to be. For all his faults, he made her see something good in herself.

  With Grant, she felt so sure of herself one moment, and at a complete loss the next. She didn’t know where they stood, and it freaked her out. She was used to someone who told her how he felt about her every day.

  “Dammit!” Grant yelled in the other room.

  Abigail stood up and walked across her room in bare feet. She went through the bathroom and knocked on Grant’s door. It flew open a moment later and she took a step back when she saw the look on his face. He immediately snapped out of his anger when he saw her.

  “I heard you yelling,” she said.

  “It’s nothing you need to worry about.” He moved to close the door, but she stopped him.

  “Grant - “

  “I’m going for a swim.” He gave her his typical charming smile. “Wanna join?”

  She gave up on her questioning. If he didn’t want to talk, there were a lot of other things they could do. “Yeah, I’ll meet you out there.”

  She donned her suit and stepped outside, where Grant was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling into the water.

  The night air was warm and smelled of salt and chlorine. It was an interesting combination.

  A full moon hung overhead, creating an eerie glow on the ocean in the distance.

  “You hear that?” Grant asked without looking at her. “That constant noise?”

  “Of course.”

  “Those are coqui frogs.”

  He finally glanced up to meet her surprised eyes, the corner of his lips turning up in amusement.

  “Josh had way too much time on his hands before we came.” He laughed. “I know more about this place that I care to.”

  “Are you going to get in?” She motioned to the pool as she slipped off her robe, revealing a solid yellow bikini.

  “I was thinking about it.”

  “You think too much.” She ran forward and cannonballed in with her hair flying out behind her.

  She came up and swam over to him, positioning herself between his legs.

  “Most people would assume my problem is I don’t think enough.
” He ran a hand over her wet locks.

  “I’m not most people.”

  “And you think you know me?”

  “No. I only know what people say about you.”

  “Exactly,” he sighed.

  “But knowing isn’t believing … or something like that. Tell me something about yourself. Something that has nothing to do with hockey, and everything to do with Grant Mackenzie.”

  “This was the first year I actually wanted to be a hockey player,” he paused. “Before, I only did it because I was good. Because it was expected of me.”

  “That’s breaking the rules,” she said. “Hockey isn’t all you are.”

  “There’s really not a lot to me … besides the good looks, that is.” He gave her a smile, but she wasn’t buying it.

  “Bullshit.”

  “You don’t think I’m good-looking?” He acted hurt and she slapped his leg.

  “I’m trying to be serious here.”

  “And I’m deflecting.”

  “I noticed,” she said dryly. “But if we’re going to do this, I want to know you.”

  “Do this?” He shifted uncomfortably.

  “Oh, don’t go all weird on me. You might not want to admit it, but I know you feel something here and it’s more than guilt over what I did for you.”

  When Grant didn’t say anything, Abigail backed away. “Maybe I was wrong.” She quickly ascended the stairs and didn’t look back as she ran inside. Water trailed behind her as she walked towards her room, feeling like the biggest idiot on the island.

  She grabbed a towel from the bathroom and dried herself off. She was still squeezing the water from her hair when her door was thrown open.

  Grant stood there as if he didn’t know what to say, then marched forward and pushed her up against the wall, kissing her hard.

  When he finally backed away so he could breathe, she looked up at him.

  “It’s more than guilt,” he said, pressing his lips to hers again. He spun her away from the wall, keeping her body pressed against his. The back of her legs hit the bed and she pulled him down with her as she smiled against his lips.

  Mack traced figure eights on Abigail’s stomach as she sighed contentedly. The pillow was damp from her hair, but neither of them seemed to mind. It felt right. Different than their first night together. That had been fun. This had been something else.