A Choice of Secrets

by Barb Hendee

  “Worse,” she said, shaking her head in near-despair. “Christophe had never shown interest in marriage before our betrothal, and I think she’d begun to hope he’d not marry. Without an heir of his own, Whale’s Keep and the de Fiore title would go to Jordan, Mildreth’s son.”

  Sitting back, I absorbed all of this. It was worse than I expected. Mildreth was not just jealously guarding her position as lady here; she viewed Chloe as an obstacle.

  “But Nicole,” Chloe went on. “When I first arrived, I was broken. I loved Julian and found myself married to another man. I cared nothing for the running of Whale’s Keep and felt almost as if I were sleepwalking. It was months before I realized Mildreth was setting the course of my life for me—in which I had no power and voice. I tried to begin taking on some of the household responsibilities, but by then my waist was thickening and I was showing too early. I could see her counting the months in her head. She’s said nothing to Christophe, but I grew afraid of her, afraid of angering her.”

  Some indelicate questions rose in my mind. “Chloe, how far along were you before your wedding to Christophe?”

  “Perhaps two months.”

  “You said you felt broken when you first married Christophe, but how soon did you…?”

  “Get him into bed?” she finished for me.

  “Yes,” I answered gratefully.

  “Our wedding night at the lodge. I had the sense to act swiftly there. But he hasn’t come to my bed since I told him I was pregnant.”

  “What do you mean? Doesn’t he live in here with you?”

  Our mother and father had always shared the same rooms and slept in the same bed.

  “No. We don’t have that sort of marriage. He keeps his own rooms. I don’t think he wanted to marry me any more than I wanted to marry him. But he admires and loves our family so much, and he wanted an heir from his own line and our line.” She put one hand to her mouth. “He’s been so kind to me. I’ve been a misery to him and he’s never been anything but kind, and now I might saddle him with a son, an heir, who is not his own.”

  “It could be a daughter,” I said.

  “Yes,” she said, sounding calmer. “It could be. I am so glad you’re here. I felt as if I were drowning in fear. Just having you here makes me feel as if I can breathe again.” She paused. “And you’ve told no one, all this time?”

  “Only Erik, but I knew we’d need his help. I wouldn’t be here at the keep without him convincing Mother and Father. He loves you as I do and he’d do anything to protect you.”

  She wouldn’t mind me telling Erik. He was our brother.

  But her body went still again and she turned to look into my eyes. “Erik knows Julian was the father of this child? When did you tell him?”

  “The same day I found out, the day you told Julian.” Uncomfortable by her reaction, I glanced away.

  “Nicole, look at me,” she ordered. “Did Erik kill Julian?”

  Nothing could have prepared me for her to ask this. Were our positions reversed, I would never have thought to wonder if Erik had murdered the father of my child. And yet this was the first thing to enter her mind. Did she know our brother better than I did?

  No matter what, though, I’d never tell her the truth. Erik’s was a different kind of secret and I would take it my grave. Chloe could never know. It would destroy her love for him.

  “No,” I answered. “Of course he didn’t. How can you ask that?”

  She closed her eyes in relief, but I felt only further guilt. This was something else given birth by secrets. They turned sisters into liars.

  I had just lied to mine.

  “What am I to do when the child comes nearly two months early and is fully formed?” she asked.

  I had been giving that some thought. “Don’t worry. We’ll manage.”

  She gripped my hand.

  * * * *

  The next morning, I had an idea to help Chloe see how she might be able to carve out some happiness in this isolated place. I wrote three notes and paid a kitchen boy to deliver them.

  Then, Christophe, Chloe, and I gathered in the courtyard to see Erik off. I was sorry to see him go.

  Though he kept up a cheerful front with Christophe, as he hugged me good-bye he whispered in my ear, “Can you handle this?”

  Could I? I hoped so.

  “Yes.”

  “If you need anything,” he said, “send me a message.”

  Then he was off, waving good-bye and walking through the gatehouse to begin the journey home.

  “I’m a little tired this morning,” Chloe said. “I think I’ll go and rest.”

  We saw her back inside and then she started down the left passage. Within a few moments, she was out of sight and I found myself alone with Christophe. We’d not been alone since my arrival here.

  But he looked down at me. “Come this way. I want to show you something.”

  Curious, I followed him all the way to the back south corner and he entered a stairwell.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  One floor up, we emerged from the stairwell, but he turned almost instantly and we entered a turret with curving stairs leading up. I continued following him all the way to the top and then we stepped out into the wind at the top of the tower.

  Walking to the other side, he gazed out through an open space between the crenellations. “Nicole, come and look.”

  Without hesitation, I went over and stood beside him, holding in a gasp. We were directly over the sea. White waves crashed into the rocky shore below, and the ocean stretched out as far as the eye could see.

  Looking out, I felt insignificant and free at the same time.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said. “I have never seen a view like this.”

  He turned his head to study me. “I knew you’d say that. I knew you’d understand this place. Most people don’t.”

  The circles under his eyes were darker this morning. Given what had transpired months ago, back at my beehives, we were probably the last two people who should be baring our souls, but he didn’t appear to have anyone else to whom he could talk. He couldn’t speak to Erik on matters of the heart and certainly not to Mildreth, and Chloe was lost somewhere inside herself.

  “Christophe, what is wrong?” I asked. “I can see you are troubled. Are you worried about the coming birth? Do you worry for Chloe’s safety?”

  At first, he seemed taken aback by the open questions, but then he answered, “No—yes, I do worry, but my main worry is Chloe’s unhappiness here.”

  “You worry because she seems unhappy?”

  Again, he hesitated. “You remember the things I said to you last summer?” Then he stopped, as if hesitant to tread on dangerous ground.

  But I nodded. “Yes, of course. It’s all right to speak of such things.”

  “My mother was a great deal like Chloe, lovely and admired. She grew up at court and she loved dancing and banquets and large gatherings. But she fell for my father and he brought her here.” He paused and gazed back out over the sea. “Father watched her fade from the bright girl at court to a creature of misery. She saw no beauty and no thriving community. She saw herself cut off from all that mattered, a lonely prisoner in a stone keep. Soon Mildreth was born and then me. Father thought children might give her purpose, but she grew only worse.”

  I’d never asked how his mother died and a fear gripped me. “Did she grow ill from her sorrow?”

  “No.” He pointed to the turret across from this one, which was also high over the cliffs and sea. “When I was six years old, she threw herself from that tower. My father blamed himself and he never fully recovered.”

  “Oh, Christophe.”

  “So, when I asked you to marry me, I was not being selfish…or at least not entirely.”

&nbs
p; His words were hard for me to hear, but at least I understood him now. He did not simply fear his wife being unhappy. He feared her falling into a misery where death seemed preferable to life.

  “What’s done is done,” I said finally. “You and Chloe are married and she lives here now. But she is more resilient than you think. We need to show her she can build a life here on her own terms.”

  “Is that possible?”

  “Yes. You saw her yesterday at the market. She enjoyed herself.”

  “You think she needs to get out into the village more?”

  I nodded. “And not only that. I have a few other ideas. Come to the great hall in the mid-afternoon and you’ll see.”

  Something—perhaps a glimmer of hope—crossed his eyes. “All right.”

  * * * *

  Not long after this, I was back down on the main floor and heading for the stairwell to go up to check on Chloe, when the boy I’d sent with my messages that morning came running up the passage.

  “My lady.”

  I stopped. “Do you have replies?”

  He handed me three notes. After reading them, I smiled and changed direction, heading for the kitchen. I’d not visited the kitchen of Whale’s Keep before and found it a large area bustling with activity.

  “You keep a close eye on that bread in the ovens,” a large woman ordered a young girl. “I don’t want it burned again.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  It was not difficult for me to spot the cook. The large woman turned with a scowl as I entered. But she took in my blue wool gown and loose, wavy hair.

  “My lady?” she asked carefully.

  “Do forgive me for intruding.”

  My apology surprised her. “You’re not intruding.”

  Walking up to her, I said, “I am Lady Nicole, Lady Chloe’s sister, come to help her until the child arrives.”

  “Her sister? Yes, I was told you were here. It’s good of you to come.”

  There was warmth in her tone and I sensed kindness beneath her gruff manner.

  “Thank you,” I said. “I’ve invited a few of the merchant wives from the village to come for tea and embroidery this afternoon, and I was hoping you might allow me to use a corner of the kitchen to make some tarts.”

  “You want to make tarts?”

  “Yes. I feel Lady Chloe needs the company of other women now, and I want to surprise her with a small gathering for tea. Are there any apples still to be had? She is fond of apple tarts.”

  The cook watched me for a long moment and then asked, “Does Lady Mildreth know of this?”

  I straightened. “No.”

  This was the moment of truth. Mildreth held the power here. But my sense of the cook had been correct. “If Lady Chloe likes apple tarts,” she said, “I’ll make some. We’ve cinnamon and sugar, and I could bake some sweet dough twists as well.”

  “That would be perfect, but I’m glad to help.”

  “No, you’d best make yourself scarce in this kitchen. Leave it all to me. I’ll have a proper tea ready by mid-afternoon. You send word and one of the girls will bring it all up.”

  I smiled. “Thank you.”

  * * * *

  I waited until early afternoon to tell Chloe of my plan. But I wanted to give her time to choose a gown, should such a thing matter to her. At first she was dumbfounded. “Merchant wives? Here? For an embroidery party?”

  “Yes, I enjoyed meeting the women yesterday in the village. They are all quite respectable and seemed taken with you. Your cook is preparing tarts and tea. We can arrange chairs by the hearth in the great hall.”

  “Tarts and tea?” she repeated.

  “Yes.”

  Then she flowed into motion, choosing a green day gown and having me brush her hair. At the appointed time, we had chairs set in a half-circle near the hearth in the great hall. Chloe waited there, seated. I sent for the tea to be brought in and then I went out into the courtyard. My actions today were probably unprecedented here, and I wanted to make sure everything went smoothly.

  Soon, four women came through the gatehouse, somewhat tentatively, and a few guards glanced in their direction. I walked to the women straightaway.

  “Mistress Gabby,” I said, holding out my hands to the woman in the lead. “It’s so good of you to come.”

  Mistress Gabby was the wife of a wool merchant here on the island. She was in her late thirties and in the short time I’d observed in the village, she had seemed to command respect from the other women. She grasped my hands quickly and released them, still appearing tentative. And who could blame her?

  “Thank you, my lady. We weren’t sure what to think when your notes arrived.”

  The other three women were Mistress Judith, married to a wine merchant; Mistress Edna, married to a cheese maker; and Lacey, who was Edna’s grown daughter.

  Lacey looked around at the courtyard. “I’ve never been up here, my lady. And I didn’t have no embroidery to bring, but I brought some socks I’m knitting. Will they do?”

  “They’ll be perfect. I don’t have any embroidery either and I’ll be working on a shirt for my father.”

  The women nodded and seemed to grow easier. I led them inside as we chatted. Upon our entry to the great hall, Chloe stood, and further greetings took place. Again, there was a little tension at first, but the women soon began asking how she fared, and she mentioned the baby was sitting low.

  “Probably a girl then,” said Mistress Judith. “Girls sit low.”

  Chloe smiled. “Please come and have some tea.”

  Two servants had set up a tea service. Apple tarts and cinnamon twists were arranged on porcelain platters.

  “Look at this,” Lacey said in delight. “Have you ever seen anything so fine?”

  I poured tea and passed out small plates. Chloe asked polite questions about events in the village. Once we’d all eaten and sipped our fill, we pulled out various sewing or knitting projects. Chloe was working on a beautiful pillow cover of pink and sky blue roses.

  I watched her when she thought I wasn’t looking and I could see her coming to life. Perhaps these were not women of her class, but they were women and at their core, women understood each other. I wanted Chloe to see that even in this isolated place, she was not alone. There was company for her here should she choose to seek it out.

  The six of us sewed, knitted, and visited for about an hour.

  “So, Martha’s husband hasn’t been coming home at nights and he’s been at the tavern,” said Mistress Judith. “She near to fits trying to get him to come home. But—”

  Just then, Christophe walked into the great hall and Judith fell silent.

  He stood for a long moment taking in the tea and pastries on the table and the sight of us all gathered around the hearth.

  “Nicole?” he asked me, but he sounded puzzled as opposed to disapproving.

  “We are having tea and a good gossip,” I answered. “And we could use a man’s opinion. Do get yourself a tart and come gossip with us.”

  To his credit, Christophe walked to the table, got himself an apple tart, and dragged over a chair. All four of our visitors tensed up again. They’d probably not expected the lord of the island to join us.

  “And what is the gossip?” he asked, sitting down.

  Chloe said, “Apparently, Martha—from the candle shop—is having trouble with her husband. He has taken to staying late at the tavern and she doesn’t know why. How do you think she might get him to remain at home?”

  Christophe swallowed a bite of tart. “Has she asked him why he’s staying away?”

  “I’m not certain, my lord,” Judith answered.

  “Then she should ask him. He’ll probably tell her a good deal more than she wants to hear.”

  The women broke into laughter and even Chloe smiled.
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  Christophe stretched out his legs and glanced over at Chloe’s pillow cover. “That’s pretty. I like the light blue roses.”

  She leaned forward to show it to him.

  But as he pointed to a rose, Mildreth walked into the hall. At the sight before her, she froze. Her eyes settled first on Chloe showing Christophe her embroidery and then they moved to our visitors.

  “What is all this?” she demanded.

  Though Christophe normally seemed unaware of her cold tone, he frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I was not informed of visitors,” Mildreth answered, her voice shaking with anger. She pointed to the tea service. “Where did all that come from?”

  “All of what?” he asked. “Tea and a few tarts? Lady Chloe probably ordered it from the kitchen. Come and join us.”

  Suddenly, I was grateful for his presence. I thought Mildreth might be annoyed, but I’d not expected her to be enraged.

  She glowered at Chloe in hatred.

  “No. Thank you,” Mildreth said. “Some of us have duties to attend.”

  Turning, she walked out.

  The visiting women appeared stunned, but I shook my head at Lacey. “Not to worry. I forgot to tell her about our gathering and she prefers to be informed. Now, what were you saying about your new dog who eats too much?”

  We continued visiting and sewing, but I knew Mildreth was against anything that might bring Chloe a scrap of happiness.

  I knew she’d strike back.

  I just needed to be ready.

  Chapter 6

  Though I expected some form of retribution from Mildreth, I didn’t expect it to come so swiftly.

  Dinner that night started out well enough. I arrived at the great hall to find Christophe, Chloe, Mildreth, Jordan, and Amanda already gathered.

  “I hope I’ve not kept anyone waiting?” I asked.

  “Not at all,” Chloe answered.

  As of yet, I’d not heard a word from either of the children and felt rather sorry for them. Mildreth did not strike me as a loving mother. Servants arrived carrying trays of food, but I’d eaten so many tarts earlier that I wasn’t particularly hungry.