A Choice of Secrets

by Barb Hendee

  A letter was sent to Whale’s Keep, summoning Christophe.

  I admitted my part in this to Chloe, but I explained why I had shared her secret and she was not angry with me. In fact, she was almost grateful. Because of my actions—my betrayal of her secret—she would not have to marry Christophe and would be allowed to marry Julian.

  I did not point out that Julian was being forced.

  Two days after the letter was sent to Christophe, I was with my hens when I heard hoofbeats in the courtyard and I knew he had arrived. Leaving the henhouse, I walked to my meadow and to my beloved bees.

  I thought he and Father might be speaking for a long time, so I waited.

  However, the wait was not long.

  Less than a half hour after his arrival, Christophe came striding around the side of the barracks, pausing only briefly at the sight of me before closing the distance between us. He had come to me here just over a week before, telling me things that altered the scope my world.

  I watched him coming toward me now, dressed in his armor and de Fiore tabard. With his short, dark hair and clear gray eyes, I found him far more attractive than Julian Belledini.

  He stopped a few paces away. “Your father has released Chloe from her betrothal to me.”

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “And he’s given me permission to ask you for your hand.”

  This startled me. I’d not been under the impression that I would be asked anything in this arrangement. Christophe had made no secret of his feelings for me, and I knew full well what would be the price of his soldiers.

  As if reading my face, he took a step closer. “This is entirely your decision,” he said. “I’ve told your father that no matter what you choose, I’ll supply your family with a large contingent to guard your shoreline. I will sign documents in this regard.”

  “You will?”

  “I’ll not have you look back later and see yourself sold into marriage. You marry me out of choice or you don’t marry me at all.” He sank down into the tall grass, on his knees. “Will you?”

  I thought back on his vision of our lives together, of him building me a henhouse and the two of us finding happiness together at Whale’s Keep. Over the past few days, I had become resigned, but to my quiet surprise, I wanted to marry him.

  “Yes,” I said.

  Instantly, he was on his feet again, clasping one of my hands in his. “Yes?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  Exhaling slowly, he said, “I could hardly believe it when your father told me why he’d called me here. I can still hardly believe it.” He leaned down. “Marry me tonight. Let me go into the village and get the elder. I want to start our life together as soon we can.”

  This was awkward, but I did not draw my hand away. “Christophe, we will have to wait a little.”

  He frowned. “Why?”

  “Did Father tell you why he released you from the betrothal to Chloe?”

  Slightly uncomfortable, Christophe nodded.

  “He was very angry with Chloe and Julian at first,” I went on. “But he and Lord Belledini have talked at length, and they both wish to preserve family honor and do the right thing. Lord Belledini will allow the new couple to live in a cottage on Belledini lands, near a vineyard that Julian will some day inherit. Though there will be no great dowry or family jewels, my father has agreed to provide Chloe with a small yearly stipend, enough to support a household. They will not lose their place in society.”

  Christophe nodded impatiently. “Yes, that is good of both fathers and only right. But how does it affect us?”

  “If we’re to preserve honor and make this appear more of a planned marriage, Chloe and Julian will need a wedding. We will need time to announce the change of Chloe’s betrothal and to celebrate her wedding to Julian. Do you understand? She is the elder sister and she should be married first. Once this is done, you and I can make our plans.”

  Thinking on this, he relented. “Yes… I do see. When will their wedding take place?”

  “At the end of this month, and of course we want you there.”

  “All right. I can wait. I’ll need to go home, but I’ll be back for the ceremony.”

  I knew he would understand. Christophe was a kind man and he always put the needs of others first.

  * * * *

  When Chloe learned that I was to wed Christophe, she grew alarmed, fearing that my father and Erik were now using me in their bargaining for soldiers. But I assured her that I was not being forced. It took me a while to convince her. She could not seem to imagine any woman wanting to marry Christophe.

  I found this ironic, as I couldn’t imagine any woman wanting to marry Julian Belledini.

  But preparations for their wedding occupied life at the lodge.

  At the end of the month, guests began arriving. At first, eyebrows had been raised over the change in grooms, but as Christophe had raised no objection and both my family and the Belledinis were sanctioning the marriage, in the end, everyone who was invited attended.

  I knew there would be a little more gossip when a seven-month child arrived, but such things were not uncommon. So long as the couple was married and had the support of their families, the other nobles would smile and wink.

  The evening before the wedding, Christophe arrived and I was so glad to see him. My parents held a dinner that night for our guests, serving salmon and baked potatoes and a good cask of wine. Christophe and I sat together, eating off the same plate. Chloe had always loved a celebration in her honor and it was a wonderful night.

  I could see she was deliriously happy. Even though I had initially regretted my decision to tell my family her secret—given the explosion this news caused—now I was certain I had done the right thing. I remembered Christophe’s words from the first time he’d asked me to marry him, that if I refused, we would be living the wrong lives.

  Perhaps he had been right and due to my betrayal of Chloe’s secret, I had somehow shifted everyone’s path and we were all living the correct lives.

  The next day, as I helped Chloe to dress for her wedding, only one thought troubled me: Julian. For the ceremony, Chloe had chosen a beautiful gown of pale amber silk. In her room, she stood before a full-length mirror, admiring it as I laced up the back.

  “Chloe…” I said carefully.

  “Yes.” She turned slightly, so she could see the profile of her gown in the mirror.

  “Julian is happy about the wedding, is he not?”

  If she heard the caution in my voice, she didn’t appear to notice. “He couldn’t be happier. He’s so encouraged by Father’s agreement to provide us with a small stipend, and he’s sure that soon, Father will relent even more and increase the sum.”

  I found it worrisome that Julian’s main reason for happiness was my father’s agreement to provide money, but I didn’t mention this.

  “More, he’ll be allowed to stop training with Erik,” she went on. “Julian was never suited for the military and I don’t know what his father was thinking. We’ll live in the cottage, on Belledini lands, and Julian will begin to study the art of wine-making. He’s quite taken with the idea.”

  Again, I said nothing. I only hoped that Julian would apply himself more to the study of making wine than he had to the study of using a sword or a bow.

  That afternoon, Chloe walked into the gathering hall to the sound of soft gasps. She made the loveliest sight in her pale silk gown with her hair up and long, curled tendrils hanging to her shoulders.

  Standing with Christophe, I watched her make her way through the hall toward Julian and a magistrate that Father had brought all the way from Lascaùx. Chloe was radiant and I thought Julian the luckiest of men.

  As the two of them swore their vows, Christophe reached down with one hand and laced his fingers through mine.

  * * * *


  The next day, our guests began leaving, as did the magistrate from Lascaùx, but Christophe remained at the lodge and he asked Julian and Chloe to stay a little longer before leaving for their cottage. Three days following their wedding, Christophe came to me as I worked in my herb garden.

  “Nicole,” he asked, “do you need a large wedding like Chloe’s or would something smaller suit you?”

  I thought on that. I’d never cared to be the center of attention in a crowd. “Something small.”

  “Good. I could bring the elder from the village and we can take our vows by the hearth in your family’s dining room. If your father agrees, would you marry me tonight?”

  That sounded perfect and I smiled. “Or course I would.”

  That night, we were wed exactly as he described, surrounded by my family, in front of our hearth in the dining room. He wore the blue tunic with silver thread that I’d sewn for him and I wore my lavender gown. When I swore my vows to always care for him and to protect his heart, I meant it. And when he swore his vows, I heard truth in his voice.

  Afterwards, my mother embraced us both and said, “I’ve had the best guest room prepared for you.”

  * * * *

  Alone with Jenny, in our best guest room, I let her undress me and slip a white nightgown over my head. She brushed out my hair. A few moments after she finished, the door opened and Christophe came inside. Quickly, Jenny picked up the hairbrush and left us.

  Christophe glanced around the room. My mother had decorated it with glowing candles and vases of roses and lilacs. A down-filled comforter adorned the bed. Then his eyes moved to me.

  But he did not come further into the room and I could see he was uncertain—even nervous.

  Thankfully, I’d not been kept in ignorance, as were many young noblewomen. I’d delivered enough babies to know exactly what went on between men and women. In addition, my mother was not embarrassed by speaking of such things, of the natural needs and functions of our bodies. She had told me that for a husband and wife, coming together in the bedroom was meant for much more than the creation of children, that the act formed a unique bond between them. As she and my father shared a clear bond, I believed her.

  Christophe stood there, watching me nervously. I could see the desire and longing in his face, but I had no idea how to begin. Finally, he took the few steps between us and leaned down to touch his mouth to mine. The gentle pressure was pleasant. Yet when I tried to kiss him back, he drew in a sharp breath and pulled his head away.

  “I want this,” he said, “but I don’t want to hurt you.”

  What a good man he was, kind and gentle. I loved him so much. Reaching up, I touched his face.

  “You won’t hurt me,” I whispered.

  He kissed me again.

  Chapter 14

  Only one day later, I faced a new reality, of saying my good-byes.

  The courtyard of White Deer Lodge was alive with activity. Christophe and I were preparing to leave for Whale’s Keep up the coast, and Chloe and Julian would be heading inland, toward Belledini lands. There were wagons, horses, and guards everywhere. The de Fiore guards would escort Christophe and me, and my father had arranged an escort of our own guards for Julian and Chloe—as Julian’s family had left several days before, taking all the Belledini guards with them.

  My parents and Erik were also in the courtyard to oversee the packing and see us all off.

  But as our luggage was loaded and tied down, a feeling of loss began to weigh upon me. I had wanted this marriage and I wanted to go to Whale’s Keep with Christophe, but I was about to lose everyone else whom I loved—or at least that was how I felt. I’d slept in a room adjoined to Chloe’s my whole life. I’d never been without Erik or my father for more than a few weeks at a time, when they were off on patrol or collecting taxes or seeing to our villages. I had never been without my mother.

  And now Chloe was leaving, and I was leaving, and everything was about to change.

  Thankfully, Christophe understood without being told and he did not rush me.

  Chloe, however, could not seem to wait to be gone from this place. The summer day was warm and she wore no cloak over a tan muslin traveling gown. The moment her last trunk was tied down, she hugged me.

  “Good-bye, little one. I will miss you. Write to me often.”

  Her words were comforting, but they felt rushed. Julian was in especially good cheer this morning, shaking hands with all the men.

  “He seems in high spirits today,” I noted.

  Chloe smiled. “He is. Several of the wedding guests gifted us with money, and he’d not expected that. Christophe gifted us with two hundred silver pieces.” She shook her head in wonder. “Considering the circumstances, I thought that most generous of him.” Her voice lowered to a near whisper. “Julian had several…debts here, among our guards. He was able to repay them and we can begin our lives with a clean slate.”

  Again, something about this worried me. She never talked about Julian being happy with her, only that he was happy that the marriage had supplied him with a cottage, a small yearly income, a way out of training for the military, and gifts of money to pay his gambling debts.

  With effort, I pushed down my worries. Of course he valued Chloe. What man wouldn’t?

  Then, Erik was standing beside me and I buried my face in his chest.

  “My girl,” he said, kissing the top of my head.

  “You’ll come to the keep soon?” I asked. “To visit? You promise?”

  “Yes, I’ll come soon.”

  When he spoke, I believed him.

  Mother and Father embraced Chloe and me and they said their farewells to Christophe and Julian. Mounting a horse, I rode beside Christophe.

  I was off to my new home.

  * * * *

  Early in our journey, Christophe prepared me for how the day would progress. He made certain I would not be shocked at my first sight of the island, and he explained how we would row over in a boat and how we would land.

  All day, he was concerned for my comfort, but I assured him I was fine and that he could set a faster pace if he chose. He listened to me and we made good time, stopping only once to eat and a few times to water the horses. Although he was a difficult man to read, at several points I had a feeling he wished to say something to me, and then changed his mind.

  We arrived at the shore across from the island before dark. He and three other men rowed me across and we landed on the south side. There was a long climb ahead, but again, he had prepared me and so I knew what to expect.

  Following Christophe, I went up and up, and just when my legs were nearly ready to give out, we reached the top and passed through another gatehouse and then we stepped out to the sight of a thriving village, perhaps the size of a town.

  All around us, as far as I could see in the increasing darkness, spread roads lined by shops and dwellings. There were taverns and small barns. The ground sloped upward and looking to my right, I saw a great, four-towered keep at the top of the cliffs.

  “Oh,” I said. “It’s beautiful up here.”

  “I knew you’d say that.”

  I started forward, but he stopped me. “Nicole…”

  Again, he seemed to wish to tell me something.

  “Christophe, what is it?”

  We were alone on the edge of the village.

  He shifted his weight between his feet as if uncomfortable. “You know that I live with my sister, Mildreth?” he asked.

  “Yes, I know.” A thought struck me. “Oh, will she be upset at having missed our wedding?”

  “No, she does not leave the island. But I want you to know some things about her before we go up to the keep.” He hesitated. “She is married, with two children. Her husband is Baron Phillipe de Caux, and he is minister of finance to the king, and she lived at court for a while. But she an
d her husband are no longer…together. Eight years ago, she brought her small son here and shortly after, she gave birth to her daughter. Not long after this, her husband made it clear that he did not want her back.”

  “Oh, I am sorry.”

  “My father still lived then and he placed Mildreth in charge of the household. She has managed the house ever since.” Again, he hesitated. “Even before the break with her husband, she was not a warm person, but over the years, she has built walls around herself. People think I don’t notice this, but I do. Trust me when I say, she is a difficult person for whom to feel affection.”

  “But you love her?”

  “Yes. In my own way, I do. Another reason I was reluctant to marry Chloe is that Mildreth would never have accepted her, even felt threatened by her. They’d have been oil and water. But you and Mildreth might be friends. Whatever you do, don’t show her pity. She’d not forgive that, but perhaps you might be willing to share the duties as mistress here?”

  At last, I understood what he was trying to tell me, and I commended his concern for his sister.

  “Of course, Christophe. I’ve not been trained to run a great household and I should be glad for both her help and her guidance. I’ll not try to take her place.”

  He breathed in relief. “Thank you. I’ve been trying to broach this all day.”

  I followed him up through the village. The back of the keep was built over the cliffs, but a low stone wall bordered the front with a break at the center point, and we passed through the break into a courtyard.

  After walking through the courtyard, Christophe ushered me inside the enormous front doors into a square foyer. Passages led right, left, and straight ahead. Only upon entering the front doors of the keep did I realize how wet and cold I was. But as so often happened, Christophe had been aware.