Atlas Lost

by Alaska Angelini

  “Mr. King?”

  “Did you find anything?”

  Forcing away the guilt, I headed forward as he held out a piece of paper. I took another bite of the apple, watching as his face studied the scribbling I couldn’t read.

  “Unbelievably, only three in the US. I thought there’d be more. The closest is in San Francisco. But unless your girl is dying from toe fungus, I’m guessing this isn’t her doctor.”

  “What? No, I don’t think that’s it. Who are the others?”

  “Oh. My. God. Act normal. You’re not escaping. You’re not making the biggest mistake of your life. Normal. They don’t see you. Shit! They saw me! Keep going. Act like you don’t notice.”

  “Well, one’s in Colorado, the other’s in—”

  My hand shot up as the voice broke out in a multitude of curse words.

  “Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Smile, Cara. Be in control. Don’t let them tell you what to do. Tell them to fuck off. This is your life. No, no, no.”

  “Did you not want to know the other?”

  “Yes. I was recalling something. Continue.”

  “The doctor in Colorado is a surgeon, but there’s one in Idaho who’s an Oncologist. I’m thinking Boise is your best bet. She’s got to be there if she’s as sick as you believe.”

  “Boise, Idaho. Got it. Thank you.”

  I tossed the apple in the trash, grabbing another as I swept by. Boise. Where was that again? Was it far? I didn’t care to learn more of the land when I’d arrived in Los Angeles. And my business all revolved around real estate in the city. I hadn’t felt a need when I spent all my time living in the memories of my old life.

  “Mr. King!”

  Pushing the elevator button, I turned to see Marlon running to catch up. Soreness webbed through my neck like an old friend, and I found myself reaching up to trace my fingers over the covering as I took it off the tattoo.

  “What is it?”

  “Your messages. You had a few calls while you were with Wade.”

  “Anyone important?”

  I flipped through the papers, feeling a shift in my receptionist.

  “Actually, yeah. A woman. She said she’s your sister. Well…she said something else, but when I didn’t understand her, she said sister.”

  “Kelu?”

  “Is that what she was saying?” He laughed, shrugging. “I wrote down Kelly Lou. Kind of close.”

  “Not really,” I mumbled, squinting at the number on the paper.

  “What is this? She gave this to you?”

  “I guess I could have gotten that wrong too. She was a little hard to understand. Her accent is a lot thicker than yours. Where are you from? I don’t think you ever told me.”

  My eyes cut up. “I didn’t.” I sighed, shaking the papers. “Are you sure she gave you this number? An actual phone number?”

  “Yeah. I think that’s what it is. I mean, it’s the right amount of numbers. She did say it a little weird, though. ‘Mr. Man, inscribe these digits.’ I sort of figured she meant for me to write it down.”

  “Yes. Okay.” The elevator opened, and I stepped back, nudging Marlon inside as I stayed behind. Suspicion and concern flashed. “You’ve done great today. And Chili,” I said, inching to the office as I forced a smile. “We’re from Chili. Have a great night.”

  Chapter 3

  Cara

  Had I really done that? Had I refused treatment and left the hospital?

  Tears raced down the sides of my face as I stared at the textured white ceiling in my bedroom.

  I had. As nicely as I possibly could, I excused myself and said no. Okay, maybe I had been a little loud. And angry. But they hadn’t wanted me to leave. This was my choice. My decision. I could go back tomorrow if I changed my mind. I just needed time to process the news. Time to break it to my boss that I couldn’t return to work. At least for a while. Treatment was a huge deal. And yes, so was my life, but Dr. Jonah seemed determined to start the process right away. I couldn’t ignore what I was feeling deep inside. There was yearning for something more—something I couldn’t begin to understand. It was there, calling to me. Begging me to tap into some unknown part lurking within.

  My eyes closed as I took a shuddering breath. Cancer. It kept repeating in my head like the destructive thing it was. Was it ever going to leave me alone? If I miraculously beat it again, would it return as soon as I thought I was safe? It did this time. Was my life meant to be a never-ending cycle of fighting an enemy who wanted me dead? I couldn’t keep going through this. There had to be a solution. Something more…

  “More. More. God, help me.”

  The lulling darkness took me up, blanketing me with a comfort I hadn’t felt all day. It was night now. Late. I didn’t dare look at the clock. Every time I did, the numbers were all the same. They were beginning to haunt me. It was like some warning or code I couldn’t begin to understand.

  Heavier, I became, thinking nothing, but noticing a warmth in key parts of my body. My forehead still thumped, and just below my chest was an odd spinning energy. The more attention I focused, the more places began to heat up. My throat, the lower part of my stomach—even the crown of my head was tingling. Chakras. I’d heard about them before when I watched videos on yoga and meditation, but just like everything else, the knowledge faded into the background with my busy schedule.

  Clearing my mind, I pushed the sensations away, focusing on my heartbeat and breaths, letting them all merge into one. There was an importance to the act. My chest fluttered with butterflies, coaxing me to let go and trust the process. But even as I did, my inner voice still pleaded, “I don’t want to die. I want to live. Live. Live. Please. Help.”

  Scenes edged in as I sunk deeper. They didn’t mean much given I didn’t recognize any of the people. They walked down the street. Some were sitting in chairs at what looked to be a café. People laughed. They were happy. Nothing. The darkness came back, and with it, an odd flipping sensation in my stomach, as if I’d just been launched down the peak of some rollercoaster. More strangers. More nothingness. A repeat of the rollercoaster. Then scenes. A man. His face wasn’t clear, but I could feel love and pain in the depths of his eyes. Brown eyes. Familiar eyes. Nothing. Gone.

  Time swept by as I lost myself in the new experience. Symbols appeared: a spiral swirling counterclockwise, an upside-down pyramid blending into the black background. It only resonated because of the three bright stars at each point, but it was beautiful.

  “He comes for you.”

  Yellow eyes returned. This time, in the form of a human. The man’s skin was the color of graphite and appeared hard as steel as he began walking toward me. Each step in the dark room made his large muscles flex. I felt so small next to his gigantic form. He had to at least be seven feet, to my five-foot-five frame. Where there should have been terror at knowing what the creature was capable of becoming, I felt nothing but frozen and suddenly devoid of any emotion.

  “You. I saw you.”

  “You shouldn’t have.”

  “Are you going to hurt me?”

  Even as I asked, I didn’t feel as though he could. Something in that made me braver as he traced my cheekbone.

  “Hurt you? Perhaps in time. Maybe not even how you’re imagining. You’re no good to me dead.”

  “What am I good for?”

  A smile pulled back the side of his lips, not quite friendly, but not malevolent either. His finger slid to trace over my bottom lip, triggering my eyes to lift to his.

  “You’re good for many things, Cara. You stand before me, yet you do not scream. You do not cower. You do not even wake. Yet, you are awakened. You’re a fighter like me. Right now, you fight, yes?”

  “Yes.”

  “There are many things you do not know about your world. Many things you cannot see. Already, that’s ending for you. The world of secrets you live in will soon be as dead as your disease. You want that, don’t you? You want to be better?

  “Yes. Can you make me bette
r? You can help me?”

  Back and forth, his head shook. “I cannot. But there is someone who can. He’s coming for you. He hears you just as I do. But he’s not our friend.”

  “Our…” My mind paused at him putting us on the same side. “Why not?”

  Even as I asked, a black cord shot from his stomach, stabbing right into mine. My body bowed at the impact, but the man was already sweeping me into his arms, holding me close to his chest. Scorching heat locked into my center, flooding my insides with what could only have been molten lava. Thump after thump, his heart pulsed in a fascinatingly haunting rhythm so unlike my own. It joined with my screams, never drowned out by my increasing volume as it spread thickly throughout my entire being. Only when the mantra shook my innermost parts did the heat subside, leaving me weak and trapped in the hypnotic tone.

  “Shhh. You’re all better now. Listen to us. Let us calm you. That’s you in me. Me in you. Just as it’s supposed to be.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Fingers webbed in my hair, sliding through as my head came to rest on his large palm. The yellow of his eyes brightened as he searched my depths. For a man, he was handsome, with his attractive features and granite-colored skin. The dark gray enhanced his black hair.

  “For months, I’ve watched you walk by me, and for months, I’ve waited for you to open enough to see what I’ve done. I’ve done this to you. I’m in you. And every day, I grow.”

  I blinked through the words, weighing the two as I fought to think. To feel. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t right. Grow. Inside me. Grow. Grow. Grow.

  “You made me sick?”

  “I made you mine.”

  A gasp escaped, and my arms and legs thrashed against the comforter in my dimly lit bedroom. I shot to a sitting position, swaying as I tried to balance myself. My clothes were drenched with sweat, and I was damn near close to hyperventilating as I searched the small space. Struggling forward, I crawled to the foot of the bed, pulling the cord on my fan to turn on the bedroom light. The closet one wasn’t enough. Not after what I had heard. After those eyes... It was dream. A nightmare. It had to be. Learning I had cancer again morphed with my earlier hallucination. It was the only plausible explanation.

  A good minute went by before I could convince myself to step off the bed. As childish as it was, I half expected something to reach out and drag me under. Just the thought had me throwing open my drawer and jerking out clean undergarments. The moment I retrieved my pajamas, I surged through my door, right into the bathroom, locking it behind me.

  “It was a bad dream. Bad dream,” I repeated as I turned on the shower. But was it? It seemed so real.

  I couldn’t even look at myself as I stripped off my clothes and climbed in. And my impatience didn’t stop there. It was as though I was being watched. As fast as I could, I went through my routine. By the time I was sliding my clean clothes on, fog barely coated the edges of the mirror.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  “Cara?”

  My hand flew to my mouth as I jumped at the sound of Laurie’s voice. Easing the door open, I couldn’t help but stare at her, confused.

  “Sorry. We knocked, but you didn’t answer. Dean was worried. Your door was unlocked, so…”

  “Was it? It’s fine. Can you give me a minute?”

  “Of course.”

  I took deep breaths, trying to calm. I was going to be okay. What was in my dream couldn’t hurt me.

  So, why wasn’t the fear subsiding?

  Rubbing my stomach, I eased out, heading to my living room where Dean was pacing. At his worry, I pushed harder into my core. He jolted to a stop, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “You left the hospital. I went to get Laurie, and when I returned, they said you’d left. Just signed yourself out. They made it sound like that was a bad thing. They worried me. What’s going on, Cara?”

  “Nothing.”

  “That doctor didn’t make it sound like nothing. He urged me to have you return.”

  Laurie’s head tilted as she took a step back, looking just above me. As if she were viewing a large circle, she followed it around. Tears escaped down her cheek, and she wiped them away as her eyes met mine.

  “You’ve gotten worse. A lot worse.”

  “Worse?” Dean cut in. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s nothing,” I stressed.

  “It’s something,” Dean cut in. “Laurie, talk to me, sweetie. What is it? Why are you crying?”

  I shook my head as she looked between us.

  “A few weeks back…muddled colors. I thought perhaps she was tired or had a cold. But now, darkness. Here,” Laurie said, pointing to my stomach, “and here,” she whispered, moving to my chest. “Holes. Empty voids within the gray. Her body is fighting, but weak, therefore sucking the energy from her surroundings in order to function.”

  Dean’s hands flew up. “What does that mean? She’s sick. We know she’s sick.”

  “Cancer, Dean.”

  “What?”

  His head whipped toward me as he stepped back.

  “I have cancer. I was in remission. It’s back.”

  “But…no. No way. You would have told me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Laurie grabbed my hand, continuing to wipe the streams leaving her light blue eyes as we faced Dean.

  “I thought it was gone. I wanted it to be.”

  “This is my fault,” whispered Laurie. “I should have mentioned my worry. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was this bad. I should have said something. Maybe if I—”

  “No,” I rushed in. “This is not your fault. If anyone’s, it’s mine. I thought I was in the clear. I didn’t make sure.”

  “But...” Dean exhaled, raking his fingers through his hair. “If it’s back, why did you leave the hospital?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “But you’re going back, right?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “Dean.” Laurie shook her head.

  “What? She has to go back. She has to start getting better. Every second, every minute, it’s just getting worse. Please, Cara. You have to go. Right now.”

  “Dean.”

  Laurie’s tone deepened enough to have him pressing his lips together tightly. Still, his stare didn’t leave mine.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not saying I’m refusing treatment, but I can’t go. Not yet.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just feel like there has to be another way. I can’t explain it.”

  “A healer.” Laurie nodded quickly. “You’re right. A healer could help you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t depression or woo-woo shit, Laurie. Cara is sick. She’s dying. She needs chemo or whatever it is they want to do. Heavy medicine. The good kind that will kick this cancer’s ass.”

  “It’s not woo-woo.” Laurie glared. “Healers do miracles every day. That includes curing cancer.”

  “Then let her see the healer after she goes back to the hospital.”

  My palm lifted at their tension. I could feel it, as if it combined with my own. “I believe this decision is my own. I’m not ready to make it tonight. I’ve had a big day, to say the least. All I want is rest so I can decide with a clear head. I appreciate you coming over to check on me, but as you can see, I’m fine.”

  “You weren’t fine this morning.”

  “No. But I am now. And I’d really like to get to bed.”

  Laurie nodded, grabbing Dean’s hand and leading him to the door. I could tell he wanted to continue arguing, but he knew me. I was only nice for so long when pushed. When I made a decision, it was mine, and that was final. I would not be swayed.

  “Call me in the morning, Cara. We will gladly take you back and help any way we can.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I want that call,” Dean whispered in a direct tone as I began to shut the door behind them.

  “And I’ll
make it if I choose that path. Goodnight, Dean.”

  Chapter 4

  Atlas

  “Call Kelu.”

  “Calling Ke-loo.”

  My head shook in annoyance at the robotic voice as I stared at the city ahead. Ringing filled the interior of my car, and like I suspected, no one answered. No one had since I’d started calling her hours ago. It wasn’t right. Kelu would never try to get ahold of me. Banishment was forever. She risked losing the title even attempting to contact me. Marlon couldn’t have been right.

  I hung up the phone, looking up at my GPS. Once I’d had the doctor’s location and Cara’s first name, it hadn’t been hard to use my power of persuasion on the nurse from the hospital, especially when I thickened my accident.

  “St. Luke Medical Center.”

  “Hello, I’m looking for Cara, a patient there.”

  “I’m sorry. Cara, who?”

  “You mean there’s more than one? I’m not from this country, but that name can’t be common.” I pushed my energy through the receiver, feeling it enter the woman. “Cara, she was brought in for being sick. I’m terribly worried.” I paused. “I’m having such a difficult time finding her. You can help me, yes?”

  “You said she was a patient here?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I believe she mentioned Dr. Jonah as her doctor.”

  “There was a Cara O’Neil brought in a few hours back, but she’s already checked out.”

  “She already left? That doesn’t sound good. I’ll find her. Thank you so much.”