Atlas Lost

by Alaska Angelini

  Confusion only lasted a moment.

  “Angie. Where’s Angie? What happened?”

  Even as I asked, flashbacks of me lying on the road seeing the red tail lights of the car that’d crashed into the tree came back. Yes, the car. We’d never heard it coming. And maybe it hadn’t seen us? But it wouldn’t have mattered in the long run. Angie’s funeral devasted me. The news that she hadn’t made it scarred depths I couldn’t fix.

  School wasn’t the same after that. For months, I stayed in a depressive fog. My classes, booze, and pills. They became my obsession. It lasted for months until my first breakdown. A party from the neighboring apartment shook my walls. No matter how hard I wanted to study, focusing was impossible.

  Flying from my small table, I pounded the side of my fist into the wall, yelling for them to be quiet. When that didn’t work, the tears came. Frustrated, I stormed next door. What met me left me speechless. I stared at my peers, unable to speak—unable to do anything more than come in at their ushering.

  “You don’t want to see this.”

  I cut off my memories, curling more into Atlas.

  “So much pain,” he said, letting out a broken breath. “But your pain is now mine. I can help you. I want to see.”

  “You really don’t.” I turned, and my eyes lifted to meet his, ashamed of the night I self-destructed and lost my virginity to a boy I didn’t know. The following year wasn’t any better. I spiraled out of control, barely making it through my classes with passing grades. “Nothing good came after those days. I’ve made peace with it. I don’t want to go visit those times again.”

  “I saw enough as you were thinking them.” Atlas’s mouth tightened, but he kissed my forehead. “No more pain. Just love. Our love.”

  “Yes.” I shut my eyes, reopening them when Atlas’s energy shifted.

  “Cara, there’s something I think we should do. I’ve been thinking about it all day, and although it might alert Ri, it might be worth trying.”

  My head lifted as I searched his intentions.

  “It has something to do with the tie.”

  “Yes. I want to explore how deep it goes. I want to see if I can break it. Since it’s not karmic, it’s possible. But it’s a painful process. I was hoping with Emi-Ehn, perhaps the two of us will have success. She’s our best bet if my sister refuses.”

  “You think Kelu will refuse?”

  Atlas’s head shook. “I don’t see why she would, but I’ve been gone a while. And she doesn’t answer my call. Maybe it’s because she’s blocked so well. Maybe she doesn’t want me to know what she’s done with our people. I don’t know. I just can’t take any chances where you’re concerned.” He paused. “And I have a confession. I can’t hold it in anymore.”

  My mouth parted in surprise. “What is it?”

  “It’s what I felt back in the hotel with Ri. When I saw your powers, and what you were capable of, I experienced a sickening feeling. Greed. Only for a moment, but it was enough to give a glimpse to how it would affect others. It wasn’t good.”

  “What do you mean?”

  His hand cupped my face, and shame quickly flooded his features.

  “You took light. In those moments, I couldn’t help but wonder if you could take dark as well. To defeat the Ri. Destroy them before they could hurt anyone else. We know now you can, but at the time, we didn’t. I thought it, Cara. I thought just like him. Then, it hit me…it’s you. No matter what the outcome, you’d be harboring all that darkness. It would hurt you. Kill you. I immediately felt sick at the thought. I can’t believe it even entered my mind. I hate that it did.”

  My lips pulled back as I snuggled into his hand.

  “It’s natural to think such things. You don’t have to apologize.”

  “But I do. Goodness was not my motive behind ridding the universe of Ri.”

  “Also, natural, given the history between you.”

  Atlas pressed his lips into mine. “Maybe so. It doesn’t change that I don’t like it. That it came to me in the first place. I could never risk losing you. You know that, right? I love you. I can’t lose you.”

  “You’re not going to.”

  “I know. It’s just…” Hesitation had him kissing me again. “The happiness I feel, the completeness with you, I never thought I’d get a chance to love again. I never thought I’d meet someone who made me feel whole. I was so lost.”

  “You’re not anymore, and neither am I.”

  Atlas breathed me in deep, letting me feel his love as he took me inside him. For minutes, there was only us. Ri didn’t exist. The tie didn’t exist. It was the two of us, content and happy, holding each other with such ownership, the universe wouldn’t have been able to tear us apart. But it didn’t last. The shadows made themselves know—stabbing little reminders of a craving so strong, it had my eyes opening.

  “I’m ready to break this tie. You mentioned pain?”

  “I’m afraid so. It’ll hurt worse than anything you’ve ever felt. I—” He got quiet, confusion on his face. When it turned to anger, he eased us to a sitting position. “I can’t stand knowing what you’re about to go through. The mate in me wants to protect you. To take the side effects so you don’t have to feel them. I would, Cara. I’d endure every ounce of torment if I could. But I can’t. And not because I’m part of the ritual. The tie is your own. Just as I can’t feel what it’s doing to you now, I can’t take away the pain. Knowing that drives me crazy. You’re my mate. I’m not supposed to hurt you.”

  My energy searched his as his head lowered.

  “You’re not sure you can do this.”

  Hesitation. “I don’t have a choice. Every second you’re connected to him, you’re in danger. If he finds out we’re bonded, if he takes you or gets close to you…” Anger rippled through the tent like heated razorblades dancing over my skin. The slicing sensations ended the moment Atlas exhaled and opened his eyes. “It’s either I cause you pain or I risk your death. I’ll hurt you if it means saving you.”

  Turning, I looked over my shoulder at the shadows Emi-Ehn and her soldiers cast along the towering mountain not far behind. Most were dancing and chanting along with her. Others were sitting, watching the sway of her hands and hips as she stared right toward us. They’d be watching me soon, just as I knew she was watching me now. I’d be part of their shadows. I’d be the shadow. Could she and Atlas handle me?

  Dogs howled, deep and threatening, as I sat up straighter and faced my mate. The pain I wasn’t afraid of. What I was capable of doing while I was battling it was another story. I could hurt someone. I could hurt them all.

  Chapter 21

  Atlas

  “You’re afraid.”

  Cara turned from the opening, nodding as her eyes dropped instantly from mine.

  “Don’t be,” I continued. “I can feel your worry. I won’t let you hurt anyone. That’s what you’re afraid of, yes?”

  Again, she dipped my head forward. It was only once, but it was pronounced enough for me to not only feel her fear through our bond, but see how distressed she was.

  “Cara, you have my word I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening.”

  “And if I hurt you for trying to stop me?”

  My palm flattened on the back of her neck, drawing her closer.

  “You won’t hurt me. You can’t. We’re mates. Twin flames. We’re incapable of physically harming each other.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Positive.” I smiled, stealing her fears and replacing them with completeness as I tugged against our tie. The return pull of awareness was a connection so strong, I couldn’t help but seal our moment with a kiss. Cara let out a sigh as I traced her lips with my tongue.

  “Can we do a raincheck on Ri? Maybe afterward?”

  I laughed, moaning. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her. “Having access to Emi-Ehn is an opportunity too good to pass up. We have to take advantage of it. I’ll make it up to you.”<
br />
  “You promise?”

  “You better believe it.”

  At the nibble on her lip, Cara sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”

  “That’s my mate. You’re going to be okay.”

  I stood, crouching as I headed for the door, holding Cara’s hand. The tone of the queen’s voice pattered over my skin, testing my frequency—my loyalty, even if she was lost in singing. The deep pop of the drum amplified the dark. My pulse morphed at the reverberations, and I couldn’t help but swallow hard as the king inside of me was called to stand tall against Emi-Ehn’s royal blood. I didn’t have to speak a word to announce my presence. Glowing eyes lifted to mine, and her volume lowered until it was nonexistent. Shuffling joined the crackling of the fire as her men lowered and retreated to the shadows.

  “It is time,” she announced.

  Cara moved in close, following my stare as energy imprints made themselves known. They gave way to rich colors bordering the mountainside. Protection. They were all guarding the mountain we were on. And they were ready. They knew my plan, just as I was sure Emi-Ehn had the entire time of her ceremony. Maybe she was even listening to our thoughts now. I didn’t feel her invading our minds, but she didn’t have to to read our intentions through our auras.

  A light hum drifted through the wind as the queen lifted her hand to trace the outline of the fire. Flames danced, beckoning as she drew them toward her long fingers.

  “Light to light.

  Dark to dark.

  Twin flames, never apart.

  Mates are two.

  Hearts are one.

  Blood to Ri.

  The tie is done.

  Light to light.

  Dark to dark…”

  As Emi-Ehn began repeating the chant, I joined in, leading Cara around to stand between us. Alarms registered inside, but I pushed them to the side. I held Cara’s bicep. I knew if anything went wrong, I’d have her to safety faster than harm could reach her.

  “Atlas?”

  Uncertain eyes flickered from me to the queen. It was impossible to break the flow with my words locked in. To stop now would ruin the spell. My love enveloped Cara’s in a protective ripple, and I placed my free hand on the center of her back. Waves of bright orange and yellow fire rolled with each gesture from Emi-Ehn, growing so high, Cara’s head tilted back.

  “Light to light.

  Dark to dark.

  Twin flames, never apart.

  Mates are two.

  Hearts are one.

  Blood to Ri.

  The tie is done.”

  Silver glinted in the light as Emi-Ehn eased a dagger from the sheath at her hip and placed the blade in the raging flames. They almost lovingly curled around the weapon, parting in a sorrowful wake as she drew the dagger toward her waiting palm.

  “Three will suffice.

  Better than two.

  Blood to a king.

  Your bond is through.”

  Crimson spilled over the side of Emi-Ehn’s hand, running in a stream against the fire as she thrust her fist into the dancing inferno. The knife was already pointing in my direction. My hand came out, but Cara quickly latched to my wrist.

  “It’s okay. It has to be this way.”

  I pushed my assurance into her mind, but Cara didn’t look at me as her stare locked onto Emi-Ehn’s hand still in the fire. Fear grew in her aura with every second. My fingers uncurled from Cara’s arm, and I breathed in deep as pain sliced down my skin. It didn’t compare to the immediate boiling of the queen’s hand grasping mine and pulling it into the flames to join hers. I knew it wasn’t real. Not from the fire itself. The pain was the tie, and it was overwhelmingly powerful. So much so, Emi-Ehn’s entire body was nearly convulsing from the frequency as she thrust the blade in Cara’s direction.

  “Third.”

  Fear and anger collided at Cara’s words and small cry of pain. It was bad enough to feel Ri’s tie before, but merging all three of our hands took my breath away. Blood mixed between us, trickling into the glow around our joining. Emi-Ehn’s chanting was back, but I heard nothing. Nothing but the buzz of an unbreakable chord. It vibrated in a loud baritone like a sounding alarm. It was almost instant, churning my stomach sickeningly.

  We were in trouble. Cara was in trouble. Emi-Ehn stopped abruptly as she felt it as well.

  “W-What…?” Cara’s breath turned labored as she cringed at the increasing heat that accompanied the spell. It was going to do its job whether what we did worked or not, and there was no stopping the outcome. Even if Emi-Ehn and I knew it wasn’t going to work.

  “Let’s get her back in the tent. He’s going to come.”

  “My dogs will kill him if he dares get close.”

  Cara’s knees buckled as her scream pierced the night. It was full of agony and something else as I scooped her into my arms. A warning.

  “Did I hear someone say dare? Tsk-tsk. Kings do more than dare for their future queens, Emi-Ehn. They die for them. You know that.” Ri appeared from the shadows at Emi-Ehn’s back, shoving her hand up so the blade was under her jaw. Her look of shock mirrored my own as she stared into the face of the man who murdered her mate. Neither of us were able to process the speed as he thrust his hand and forced the weapon into her brain. Her body went rigid, and blood poured down Ri’s forearm. He laughed, dumping her lifeless body to the ground as howling and snarling from the dogs filled the air. The pounding of heavily bared feet echoed from all around us, but I couldn’t see the fighting beginning to give way between the Ri and the queen’s devoted soldiers.

  “You didn’t have to do that. Emi-Ehn didn’t deserve to die.”

  “Killing her was a gift. She deserved torture and death for trying to dissolve my connection to Ina.”

  “It was my idea.”

  Ri’s lips parted as he smiled evilly, stepping over her body. “I know.”

  “So what of me? Torture and death?”

  “For trying to break my tie? Or for placing one of your own?”

  I drew Cara in closer to my chest as she whimpered and thrashed.

  “You know?”

  “Of course. I planned on it.”

  “Planned?” I shook my head, catching monstrous shadows tearing at each other in my peripheral. “Why count on me bonding with Cara? Why would you want that if she’s to be your queen?”

  Smoke poured from Ri’s exposed skin, growing thicker by the second.

  “I’ve come to see there’s this crazy thing about love. You all believe it’s the source of light. No one likes to admit it being the source of darkness. Love of war. Love of death. Love of a woman. Love’s spectrum covers every shade. Even those so dark you can’t see.”

  Ri ran his hand over his chest, spinning the smoke to capture the cloud. As his finger moved amongst the substance, a heart formed.

  “I have a deal for you, Atlas. It’s a very good deal, so before you want to rush your answer, I suggest you think it over.”

  “Don’t even ask. I will never make a deal with you.”

  A hiss sounded as his pupils wavered in width.

  “You will hear me out, or you will lose another queen. Right here. Right now. I will kill her with our tie.”

  Cara bowed in my arms, releasing a scream so full of agony, the sound was all I heard as the pain brought me to my knees.

  “No, Atlas. No deal. Don’t—”

  Again, she cried out at his internal torture. But it didn’t last. Anger had my wall coming up. My power was enough to buffer the link between them. But barely.

  “You will listen, and in doing so, I’ll grant you the impossible. I’ll relinquish my tie to your mate. I’ll break hers, and our agreement will be enough to dissolve ours. I’ll forgive what your family has done, and you can forgive me for returning the favor. We can go our seperate ways, Atlas. We never have to see each other again.”

  “You make it sound so easy. What do you want?”

  Ri paused before lifting his hand to point north.

/>   “Kelu. You will hand her over to me. She is my light. She will be my queen.”

  “Never!”

  “It will be done,” Ri snarled. “She is already bonded to me. She did this! She tied us. How do you think I discovered my gift with light? Why do you think she attacked my realm? I kept the portal open because I trusted her. I trusted her!”

  Smoked rolled from Ri as the flesh on his arms split open.

  “She thought she could seduce me into goodness. Seduce me so I’d give myself to her. And I did. But she couldn’t handle it and ran. So what did I do? I went after my mate. I pleaded for her to come back, just like she wanted. She played with her spells, but they weren’t strong enough to trap me here to die like she intended. The only thing that died was the land,” he hissed. “Kelu is not as powerful as she had hoped. So, I let her come to me in her supposed surprise attack. It was all for fun. I knew she didn’t stand a chance, and that she wouldn’t get hurt. Or so I fucking thought. Then the Dron ruined everything. He took her from me. He took what was mine when he didn’t have the right to. But I was correct on one thing. She lost. Your men are dead thanks to your sister’s immature decisions. All that aside, I’m willing to forgive you both, if she comes out of hiding and returns home with me.”

  “I refuse to believe what you say is the truth.”

  “Believe this.”

  Ri tore his shirt open, revealing intricate white lines over his dark chest.

  “That shows me nothing. You’re bonded. It doesn’t tell me to who.”

  “I’d kill any man who saw my private thoughts, but perhaps if anyone should see what your sister’s capable of, it needs to be you.”

  Arguing was pointless. Where I put my focus into keeping Cara safe from Ri’s connection, I hadn’t protected my own. Images blinded me. Darkness. A room. The stone lining the walls nearly matched Ri’s skin-tone, making it hard to see his thrashing form in the dim candlelight. My eyes rolled, and sleep beckoned as Ri and I merged. The heavy soreness from training left my body aching. I was restless both body and mind, yet I couldn’t commit to sleep or consciousness. I stayed in-between, wanting nothing more than to forget everything. To let the nothingness consume me and never wake again.