Everything I Have (The Everything Series Book 2)

by A. K. Evans

  My lips parted as I took in his words. A single tear fell from my eye. “You’re such a good man, Zane.”

  “It’s true, Emme. I’m painfully attracted to you and want a whole lot more than friendship with you as you already know. What just happened proves to me that you feel that same attraction. You have this thing you’re dealing with, not so well I might add, and it’s eating at you, sweetheart. It is gut-wrenching to watch, especially when I don’t even know how to best help you. I absolutely mean it when I say I’d forget about the snowboarding in an instant if I could fix this for you.”

  “I’m really sorry I can’t get there,” I began. “Please, Zane, please tell me you know that if I could get there, if I could get past this, I would come to you. I’d run so fast to get to you and I’d appreciate and cherish you more than anything in this world because I know deep down that you are deserving of everything I have to give, as little as it may be, and then some. And then, I’d spend the rest of my days praying that what I did give you would be enough to always keep you happy.”

  “Emme,” he said as he put his hand up to cup my cheek, his voice strained. I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes a moment, savoring the tenderness. When I opened my eyes, I saw he was clenching his jaw and I could tell he was fighting back emotions.

  I brought my hand up, wrapped it around the back of his, and squeezed. We stood there for what felt like hours just looking in each other’s eyes. I could only hope he saw the sincerity in mine.

  Zane broke the silence and asked, “You sure you’re going to be ok alone tonight?”

  “I have to be,” I answered putting my hand back to rest on the edge of the sink.

  “Correction, Em. You have to be ok, but you don’t have to be alone.”

  “I appreciate that, Zane, but I can’t ask you to do that. Besides, I think I’ve taken advantage of you enough for one night.”

  “You didn’t ask. And, I don’t mind being taken advantage of when you’re the one who’s doing it. It’s up to you, though.”

  “I’ll be ok,” I reassured him.

  He nodded. “Ok. I’m in the room right next to yours; so, if you need me you know where to find me.”

  I hopped down off the sink while he put an arm out to make sure I didn’t fall. “Thank you.”

  We walked out of the bathroom and toward the door leading into my bedroom. Zane turned to me, gave me a small smile, and said, “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

  I closed my eyes. That sentiment. I felt it so deep down in my soul, especially when his voice was easily a whole octave lower than was usual.

  “Good night, Barry.”

  He chuckled, kissed my forehead, and walked out of the room. I stood there watching the door for ten minutes before I moved to shower and go to bed.

  Chapter 13

  Emme

  My alarm went off early the next morning. I purposely set it extremely early so that I could get up ahead of everyone else and start breakfast. I knew that Zane, Stone, and Luke had a big day ahead of them on the mountain and I wanted to make sure they were all well fed before they got to it.

  I made my way downstairs to the kitchen and found that nobody else was downstairs yet. Mission accomplished. I took to getting all the necessary ingredients out for an egg and Belgian waffle breakfast. Once I had everything out, I located the waffle maker, turned it on to heat it up, and set the oven temperature to two hundred degrees so I could keep the waffles warm while I cooked the rest. As I pulled out a mixing bowl for the waffle batter I heard footsteps on the stairs. I looked up to find Luke descending the stairs. He looked like he was nearly ready to go out riding. He was already wearing a pair of snowboarding pants, but was only wearing a long sleeved thermal on top. I knew he was a big guy, but as he approached I felt smaller and smaller. The man was seriously jacked.

  “Now there’s something I don’t see every morning,” he began, a twinkling smile lighting up his face. “Morning, babe.”

  I smiled at him and said, “Good morning, Luke. I hope you like Belgian waffles and eggs.”

  “Works for me. Thanks for cooking,” he said as he walked to the fridge and took out a bottle of water.

  “It’s really no problem. I kind of feel like I need to do something to contribute here,” I started. “Between Wes paying for everything and all you guys not letting Charley or me pick up a bag I’m feeling underused. Besides, I love to cook so it doesn’t feel like work.”

  “Well we don’t expect you to do it, but we definitely appreciate it. And the bonus is that you’re really good at it.”

  I smiled at him in acknowledgement. I had just finished whipping up the waffle batter and was still waiting for the waffle maker to fully heat up so I moved on to cracking eggs in a bowl for the scrambled eggs. A few seconds later, the waffle maker sounded and I went to pouring the first batch of batter in. Then, I got back to the eggs.

  “So, you, Zane, and Stone are all out there competing against all these other people, right?” I began. “I keep thinking about how competitive guys are in general and wondered how the three of you got along when you were in competition mode? I mean, I’m certain you are rooting for each other over the rest of the riders, but how do you handle the heat between the three of you?”

  “There’s more competition between Zane and Stone because they both ride pipe. I ride it only for fun. I compete in the big air contests, so I’m never riding against them. They seem to handle it well between the two of them, though. We’ve been friends since we were little, so that always comes first anyway. Now, I’ll certainly do my best to yank their chains in other ways.”

  “I can only imagine what that means,” I said on a roll of my eyes.

  At that, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Luke took that moment to step closer to me. He put an arm around my shoulders and whispered, “Like this. Just watch.”

  I stood there trying to focus on cracking eggs, but I was feeling a bit nervous.

  “Dude, what the fuck?” I heard Zane’s voice filter into the kitchen.

  “What the fuck what?” Luke responded, a smugness in his tone.

  Yep, he knew exactly what he was doing.

  Zane was not going to tolerate this much at all. I’d already seen how he reacted when his brother, Cruz, had his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

  “You getting a fucking cooking lesson that requires you to have your hands on her?” Zane asked, his tone now very close to lethal.

  “Nope. Don’t want to know how to cook, even though I imagine Emme here would be a good person to have as my teacher if I ever change my mind,” he said on a squeeze of my shoulders.

  I was definitely beginning to get a bit nervous. Luke was taunting Zane and Zane was not happy at all. I stopped cracking eggs, unsure of how many I had actually cracked at this point, and chanced a glance up at the two brooding men. Luke was relaxed; Zane’s hands were balled into fists and he was clenching his jaw. Shit.

  Luke continued, “Emme and I were just here discussing the competition. Right, babe?”

  I noted how Luke didn’t exactly specify what competition. I looked to Zane briefly and then my eyes looked anywhere but at the two of them. Thankfully, Stone walked in at that moment followed by Wes who materialized out of the den.

  “Do I smell waffles?” Stone asked.

  Luke gave me one last squeeze and walked around the island to sit at one of the stools. It was a relief because the tension was so thick in the room I didn’t ever think we’d get past it if he hadn’t.

  Unfortunately, Luke walked away and Stone walked right up and stood right next to me. I’m not sure that this would have been a problem, but Stone decided to wrap his arm around my shoulders. “Morning, Emme.”

  I heard a growl come from Zane. I looked up and saw Luke smirking and Wes was shaking his head, chuckling, and looking at the floor. Oh crap. They all knew what they were doing. I decided to stay neutral.

  “Good morning, Stone,” I replied looking up at him. Then I continued
, “And yes, there are waffles being made with a side of scrambled eggs. Is that ok?”

  “More than ok. You rock, sweet cheeks,” he said on a wink in response as he walked over to sit in a stool next to Luke.

  “What. The. Fuck.”

  That came from Zane. I looked to find him giving a death stare to Luke and Stone. They didn’t even seem remotely phased by it. Fortunately, Wes chimed in from the other side of the island and not with his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

  “Morning, Em. Thanks for making breakfast today.”

  “Good morning, Wes. It’s not a problem at all. Charley still sleeping?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been in the den working for a little while.”

  I nodded. Then, I looked to Zane. He was stalking over to me. Shit. Shit. Shit. Zane came up to me, turned my body so I was facing him, and tipped my chin up toward his face. I barely had a second to register what was happening when he brought his mouth to mine and kissed me.

  Like, really kissed me.

  There.

  In the kitchen.

  In front of his friends.

  One hand went to the back of my head while the other grabbed my ass. I melted into the kiss and moaned. Then, I remembered where I was and pulled my mouth from his. He kept his body pressed to mine and brought his lips to my ear.

  “Forgive me for the public display, sweetheart, but I needed to give you a proper good morning after all that shit a few minutes ago.”

  I pulled back to look at him, nodded, and with my voice much quieter than it had been all morning I said, “Good morning, Zane.”

  I was pulled out of my Zane-filled fog when I heard Stone mumble, “Lucky fucking bastard.”

  I turned to look back at the guys and found them all smirking. When I looked back to Zane I could tell he was silently gloating.

  “Ok, I’ve got to get back to the food.”

  Ten minutes later the mood in the kitchen had gone back to normal and the tension was gone. I made a bunch of waffles, the last couple were still cooking, and I had just put the eggs in the skillet to cook. I heard footsteps again and saw Charley coming down the stairs.

  “Morning, sweets,” I said.

  “Mornin’, Em,” she answered.

  Everyone said good morning to Charley and after Wes gave her a proper good morning, much like Zane did to me that morning, she came over and got out plates and utensils and filled everyone up with some coffee. Minutes later, breakfast was ready. I set out the syrup and powdered sugar for the waffles and pulled the waffles out of the oven where I had kept them warm until everything was finished. The guys dove in and before I had the opportunity to finish one waffle they were on seconds or, in some cases, thirds.

  After breakfast, the guys offered to clean up while Charley and I got ready. Apparently, they needed to get going soon and felt that if they cleaned up I’d be ready sooner. I was going to be going to the mountain that morning with Zane, Luke, and Stone. Charley and Wes would be meeting us there later after they checked on the final details for a post-Games party Blackman Boards was hosting.

  I tried to get ready as quickly as I could, but I first had to have a heart-to-heart with one of my best girls. Charley followed me into my bedroom to make sure that I was going to be alright going with three guys by myself for the better part of the day. I loved her for her concern for me. I hated she was so worried, which is why I hadn’t brought her up to speed on a lot of things that had gone on with me lately, namely the worsening nightmares. I did my best to convince her that she didn’t have to worry. I did use some of the same words she used with me back when she first told me about Wes. I told her that Zane makes me feel safe and that helps with me feeling comfortable going with the three guys. Of course, I told her that I was going to go regardless because I had an opportunity to capture her designs on Blackman Boards that were being ridden by three guys who were at the top of their game. This was huge for her and I wouldn’t let her down. Confident that I wasn’t going to totally lose my shit heading off with Zane, Stone, and Luke for the day, Charley took off to her bedroom to get ready.

  I got ready as quickly as I could, grabbed my camera equipment, and made my way back downstairs so we could get on the road. They were all already ready to go so after Zane took the camera equipment bags from my hands we all filed out and got in the Tahoe. Stone drove and Luke rode shotgun. Zane sat with me in the back. Of course, I was itching to touch him, but I knew I couldn’t. It was then that I realized I really needed to get a handle on this. The more I was around him the more I wanted him. And then, the whole kiss in the kitchen this morning had me all hot and bothered, which did not help things. I wasn’t sure how I’d get over my attraction to him, but I knew I needed to figure it out soon.

  I felt Zane’s hand on my thigh. Even through the layers I had on it was like his hand was searing my skin. I looked down at his hand and then up at his face.

  “Got it?” Zane asked.

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  He chuckled and squeezed my thigh. “We were just telling you the plan for the next couple of days. Are you not paying attention to us?”

  I looked away, shaking my head, and said, “I’m sorry.”

  “You ok?” Zane asked, his voice quiet.

  I looked back to him and nodded. “Yeah, just have some things on my mind. What did I miss?”

  His face grew concerned, but he didn’t press me further. “We’re not going to be putting in full days over the next couple of days. Just a couple hours, maybe two to three, to practice and get comfortable riding in a new location. Think that’ll be enough time for you to get what you need so you’re ready to go once the Games start?”

  “That should be plenty fine. I’m feeling more confident about shooting you and Stone. I’ll just want to check out the specific location for the pipe. I’m not so sure on Luke, though, since I’ve not seen any big air stuff. I’ll probably need at least an hour to watch that so I can not only check out the location and the best spots to shoot from, but also to get an idea on camera angles to get the best possible shots of him and the boards.”

  “We’ll make sure you get that time then.”

  “Thanks. So, what is planned for the rest of the day once you guys are done with practice?”

  “Resting mostly. Wes is going to have a lounge set up at the event for riders, the public, and media. We’ll probably check that out today, but otherwise, heading back to the house and taking it easy.”

  Fuck. I was kind of hoping that we’d be spending most of the day out so that I wasn’t struggling to figure out how I was going to distance myself from Zane. “Ok,” I said.

  We finally arrived at Buttermilk Mountain and we unloaded from the truck. The guys got right to it. I checked out the pipe location, took a bunch of pictures there of both Zane and Stone, and found what I deemed to be ‘my spot’ during the actual event. Satisfied, and feeling confident about my ability to deliver good pictures, I decided to head over to the big air course, which was parallel to the superpipe. As I walked over I saw a rider coming down the hill to a jump that launched him into the air. He did a bunch of twists and turns while grabbing his board and then he landed at a point further down the mountain after the jump. Ok, so now I knew what snowboard big air was and had a small clue as to how I’d want to shoot it. I continued to watch rider after rider come down and do their tricks; some were good, some didn’t land. Finally, I looked to the top and saw Luke ready to drop in. I had already found what I thought would be a great spot to get good shots, so I was prepared as soon as he turned the board and began his run. I started snapping photos before he even made it to the jump. The next thing I knew he launched off the jump, did some crazy trick in the air, and landed with ease. It was incredible. While I waited until Luke ran again I swiped through the photos I took to make sure they turned out alright and was happy with what I saw so far. I was hoping that Luke would make at least two more runs just so I could be sure I knew what I needed to do.

  Luke ended
up making another three runs, all of which I managed to capture. Zane and Stone joined me before Luke’s last run. They had done enough practicing and were ready to call it quits for the day. After Luke’s last run we all went over to the Blackman Boards lounge that was currently in the process of being set up for the event. Charley and Wes were there as Wes was overseeing the set up.

  “Hey, honey. How did it go today?” Charley asked as she walked up to me and gave me a hug.

  “Great. Feeling much better now that I’ve had the opportunity to witness the big air riding. I’ve found the perfect places to take my pictures from, so I hope nobody steals them before we arrive on day one. I’m happy I came here today, though. Got rid of a lot of my jitters,” I answered.

  “You’re going to do awesome, Em. I’m so excited for you.”

  “I could say the same to you, you know?”

  She smiled at me. “Yeah, I have a few nerves. I hope they ease up over the next couple of days, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to get worse.”

  “I know I’m biased, but I am confident it’ll be great. I am not at all worried about how well your designs are going to do. It’s too bad we couldn’t have the same confidence in ourselves that we do in each other.”

  She rolled her eyes, “Tell me about it. So, have you had a chance to think any more on what we talked about this morning?”

  I had a feeling she’d bring it up again. Part of Charley’s heart-to-heart with me this morning resulted in me telling her how happy I was for her that she had found someone who loves and supports her unconditionally. She, of course, decided that I needed a lecture on it and insisted that I could find it if I’d just allow myself the opportunity. I genuinely believed that it wasn’t in the cards for me. I was not going to risk my heart or the heart of anyone else again. The consequences could be devastating.

  “Actually, I did,” I began. “I sort of spaced out a bit on the ride over here and thought on a lot of things. As much as I may want to find the good and something even half as wonderful as what you have with Wes, it’s just too risky. I am not willing to take a chance on suffering through that kind of torture and heartbreak again. And, Charley, it’s not just for me that I feel this way. I’ve made the decision because I refuse to see someone else get hurt in the process.”