by Barbara Bard
Part Five
Chapter 20
Rebecca's heart was bruised by Alastar's reaction. She was far from home and felt the stirrings of desires for the man who had rescued her. After everything she'd been through, she wanted to be close to him, to feel the warmth of his skin. Something about him had tempted her, and although the sensations she was experiencing were scary she felt as though she had to act on them. His masculinity inspired desire within her. She felt safe in his arms, as though nothing in the world could harm her. His skin was taut and leathery, his muscles bulging, and his heart beat as powerfully as a drum. It was steady, and lulled Rebecca into a safe sense of security. In his arms the night did not seem cold at all. She was hot enough that she would have let him strip her of her clothes if he had asked.
Yet evidently Alastar did not feel the same way, and she was a fool for having risked herself by giving in to the moment. It had been a rash action, as though her body had been possessed by another force, and now she felt utterly foolish.
But there was nowhere she could turn to escape the awkward tension that now rested between them. Alastar pulled down some blankets from the horse and made a rudimentary sleeping area.
“Wrap up warm lass. The night will be cold, and I dinnae want tae risk a fire in case it attracts the wrong kind of attention,” he said. Rebecca merely nodded. She had no idea what to say. This lifestyle was completely unknown to her.
Somehow, she knew that she could never return home again. She was an outlaw.
Alastar handed her a blanket and gestured to an empty spot on the floor, which he had worked hard to clear of stones and sticks. Rebecca lay down pulling the blanket over her. Her bed at the estate had never been the most comfortable, but it was luxurious compared to the ground. Uneven lumps dug into her skin and she wondered how she was ever going to get to sleep.
While riding away from England, her heart had been in her chest, and she had been so afraid that she could barely think. She'd pressed herself against Alastar's body and clung on for dear life. Now, the thoughts were rushing through her mind.
She shuddered when she thought of Lord Flynn's hands upon her, and then burned with anger at Elayne's betrayal. Tears began to stain her eyes, and she had to stifle a sob, for she did not want Alastar to know that she was crying.
She turned away from him and closed her eyes. Sniffing softly, she wiped her cheeks on the rough blanket, and wondered where life was going to take her next. She was out here, alone in the woods with a Highlander. The strange thing was that she didn't feel scared of him at all. She was just worried that the English would find them, and that she would be hanged. Probably with Elayne smiling up at her.
Despite all Elayne had done, Rebecca couldn't help but pity her. She wanted the prestige of being by Lord Flynn's side, but soon she would learn how cruel a master he could be.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed when her body surrendered to the tiredness, her eyelids grew heavy, and she began to fall asleep, but she was interrupted by a grunt. At first her entire body went rigid, afraid that it was some wild animal, before she realized it was actually Alastar.
He turned, grunted more, and then started speaking incoherently. Before too long his entire body trembled and he lashed out. Rebecca turned and, in the pale moonlight, saw him throw aside his blanket as he cried out in defiance. Terrified, she wondered if he had lost his mind after being imprisoned for so long, until she realized that he was still asleep.
He convulsed violently. His legs and arms kicked out, and his head jerked back and forth. Rebecca assumed that it would stop in a moment, but after some time it became clear that it was not going to. Rebecca crawled over to him quickly and shook his body, trying to wake him. She had to struggle and dodge the blows of his flailing arms.
Then, his eyes flashed, and he went rigid, as though there was a demon in him. It lasted only a moment though, and then he seemed to regain his senses.
When he recovered them and realized where he was and who he was with, he exhaled and leaned back on the ground. Rebecca didn't move, like a frightened bird, unsure of how he was going to be. Alastar placed a hand upon his head and rubbed his temples.
“What happened lass?” he asked in his deep Scottish burr. The tone had a magical effect on her, making her quiver all over.
“I do not know exactly. You were having a nightmare I believe. Your body was shaking, and you were calling out. I was scared.”
“I am sorry for scaring ye. I...I dinnae know what happened,” he said, bowing his head away from her. Looking at him, Rebecca was filled with a need to help him and nurse him. She helped him to a sitting position.
As the moonlight slanted across his face, he looked entirely different from the swashbuckling hero that had rescued her from Lord Flynn's chambers. Here, he looked like a weary warrior, a man burdened by guilt and shame.
“I was back in that village. I saw my Da being killed, and I tried tae help him. But I could nae. I failed him again and again.”
“Have you had the dream before?”
Alastar hung his head.
“Every night since it happened.”
Rebecca wanted to fling her arms around him taking his pain away, but she was hesitant, he had pushed her away once before. The feelings inside her were strong though and were compelling her to take risks she wouldn't ordinarily take.
“What was he like?” she asked, trying to make him think of other memories associated with his father.
“He was a hero. He helped people whenever they were in need, and he would dae anything he could tae make sure they were safe. All I've ever wanted is to be worthy of him.”
“You are.”
“It is kind of ye tae say lass, but I hae nae done anything tae be worthy of him yet.”
“You have. You saved me. I will always be grateful for that. If you hadn't come in when you did...” she trailed off, not wanting to think of the fate that would have been in store for her.
“Ye speak kindly lass, but there is still much I must dae tae honor Da.” He seemed pensive for a moment, then spoke again, presumably to take his mind of his own horrors, she thought. “What are ye parents like?”
Rebecca's face lit up as she thought of them. “They're wonderful. They were both hardworking. They tried to give us everything they could, but really all we needed was their love. I had to leave when I was of an age to work, and I have not seen them in a long time. Family was always important to me, but I have not been with mine for too long, and I suppose I never shall again,” she said, smiling sadly, her face falling into despair.
“Then it seems we share the same pain. Both of us are alone. Still, at least ye can gae home.”
“How? I would not know my way around these woods, and if I ever show my face in England again, I would always be living in fear, afraid that Lord Flynn would find me.”
“Ye will nae hae tae worry about that for tae long,” Alastar said, his tone turning grim.
“Why?”
“Because I am gonnae kill the man. When that happens ye shall be free tae return tae ye parents and begin ye life anew.”
Rebecca wasn't sure how she felt about that. It seemed like her place was with Alastar, but he clearly saw things differently. The man was used to being alone, and alone he would stay. She bit her tongue and kept silent, fearing the future, yet knowing that there was still much that was yet to pass.
The tiredness that had claimed her body and fled. She brought her knees up to her chest and tried to ignore the chill of the night. She gazed out into the darkness.
“Do you think they'll find us?”
“Nae. In this darkness they dinnae stand a chance. We shall make it tae the Highlands, and then we shall try tae prevent a war.”
Rebecca thought about the war and all the horrors it would contain. Her life could well be lost. The thought of not living, not existing, of everything she was disappearing into the ether terrified her to her core.
“Do you think we'll die?” she s
aid.
“We all die,” he said, “but I promised that I will keep ye safe, and the Blue Thistle always keeps his word,” he said, pride creeping into his voice.
“But how can you make that a certainty when so much is uncertain?”
Alastar was silent. Rebecca got the impression that he was trying to placate her and keep her from knowing the truth.
“I can only dae as much as I can,” he said.
“How did you cope with it?”
“What dae ye mean?”
“With being in that prison for so long. How did you spend every day and night in there without losing your senses? Knowing that each day brought you a little closer to death, knowing that at any time Lord Flynn could have called you up and hanged you.”
“I had nae choice. I was ready tae die, if that's what the gods hae planned for me. I had lost me Da, I had nae family. But for as long as I was alive, I kept myself going with one purpose. Tae kill Lord Flynn. I will nae rest until that is done. But there was one other thing tae. Ye lass, ye reminded me that there was at least one person who still cared. I would hae died if it had nae been for ye.”
Rebecca suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion. The fatigue came back with a vengeance, and all this talk about death and imprisonment only served to remind her of all the horrors that awaited her. This was never the way she wanted her life to go, and there seemed only one inevitable end. As much as Alastar promised that he would keep her safe, she was not confident he had the power to do so. He was only one man set against the eternal tide of war, and if that came crashing down upon their heads they would all be dashed against the shore, their bodies wrecked and broken.
A huge wave of emotion swept through her heart. She tried to press her lips together to keep the waves from bursting out of her, but she was unable to muster the strength. It felt like her heart was bursting with sorrow, and she fell forward, sobbing desperately, into Alastar's arms.
His warmth and strength contrasted with her liquid weakness. Her entire body shook, but she was grateful for his embrace.
“I don't want to die,” she wailed. Alastar caressed her back and murmured softly, trying to calm her. She buried her face in his chest and breathed in the warm, comforting scent of manliness. Being close to him was entirely different than being close to Athelred. The English lord was cold and cruel, his skin was pale and thin. Alastar was virile and full of life. His body thrummed with the energy of youth and the vibrant flush of purpose.
His strength seeped into her, as though he was sacrificing his own energy to take care of her, to support her, and when she breathed it all in she felt heat and warmth spreading through her body.
His hand rested against her head, fingers twining in her long, thick hair. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart echoing near her ear. Her hand rested on his hip, and he was so broad and big that she fit snugly into him, as though she was wrapped up in a huge blanket.
“Just sit there, lass. Ye are tired, but ye will be better in the morning,” he said. She looked up at him with sorrow in her eyes. He caught her glance. There was a flicker of emotion, and then he turned his face away.
This time Rebecca wasn't going to let him turn away. She raised her hand and pressed it against his cheek, turning his head back towards her.
“Don't look away,” she whispered. Fear mingled with excitement as she was so close to him. She tilted her head up and their lips were barely apart. Their breaths swirled as one, their hearts began to beat at the same rhythm. His strong hands wrapped around her slender waist. She smiled sweetly at him and then, in one magical moment, she felt his lips against hers. His breath was hot, but his kiss was tender. It lasted only briefly, but it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.
He followed by kissing her head, which she nestled into the nape of his neck. He lay down, still keeping her pressed against his body, and the two of them succumbed to sleep. Neither of them struggled this time, and the night passed with the two of the slumbering soundly.
Chapter 21
Alastar awoke to the sound of birds chirping and golden sunlight streaming through the gaps in the trees. A drop splashed on his head, morning dew that trickled down from a green leaf. He stretched out his fingers and twisted his neck from side to side, but other than that he remained still, Rebecca was still asleep beside him.
He looked down at her and smiled. The previous night had almost seemed like a dream. Being with her in this place was unreal. It was as though the natural laws of the universe didn't exist, and it was possible for an English girl and a Highlander to share intimacy. His entire body throbbed with tension, but it was a bittersweet feeling, he knew it could never go further than a kiss.
Rebecca had been through too much already to have more sorrow thrust upon her. He had to protect her, but he could do no more. She needed to get back to England so that she could have a proper life away from this war, and that was how he was going to guarantee her safety.
Still, it was a difficult thing to be prepared to see a sweet flower like her leave his life. She was kind and compassionate, loving and tender, everything he could ever want in a partner.
But his life was on another path. He was the Blue Thistle, and that meant there had to be certain sacrifices made.
He lay there, wanting to let her rest for as long as possible. The journey ahead would be arduous, and he wanted her to be at her best. He gently stroked her soft hair and wondered how women became so delicate. There was something in their nature that puzzled him, mysteries that would be unsolved. His father had always told him there were some things in life a man would never understand, and a woman's mind was one of them.
Why, would a girl like her ever take pity on a man like him? He just couldn't see it. The kiss they shared had created a lasting bond between them, and he let the memory linger, for he knew there could not be another kiss.
She deserved a man who would offer her a life of happiness, not one of strife and toil.
He took in a deep breath. His chest rose, and he felt movement. Rebecca smiled and stretched out her body, and then it became clear that she had forgotten she had been sleeping on top of him. She reached back from his embrace and sat up, looking embarrassed. Alastar found it amusing.
“Good morning tae ye,” he said.
“Morning,” she replied shyly.
“Did ye sleep well?”
“I believe so,” she said, and played with her hair, trying to neaten it, for one side had been pressed against her head and the strands were coming off in different angles. She was clearly having trouble and turned away from him slightly because she was embarrassed, but in Alastar's mind she had nothing to be embarrassed about. As far as he was concerned, she was beautiful and seeing her in this natural state only enhanced his opinion of her.
She glanced at him and her sweet lips turned into a smile. Her eyes were innocent, and his heart beat for her. He was filled with a desire to taste her again, but he chided himself, saying that he needed to keep control of his desire and not cause the girl any more pain.
The horses had awoken too. Alastar got the rest of the supplies from the horse, a little frustrated that more hadn't been packed. There wasn't much water left either.
“Do you think we'll make it to the Highlands today?” she asked.
“Aye, we'll make it tae the Highlands, but I dinnae think we will make it tae where we need tae gae, nae with these supplies anyway. We'll hae tae make a stop first, tae see some old friends,” he said, a mysterious smile creeping upon his face. Rebecca didn't press him for more information.
The two of them ate in silence. Alastar noticed that Rebecca was casting worried glances around the area.
“Dinnae worry lass, they will nae find us here. We lost them in the night.”
“It's not the patrols I'm worried about. You hear stories of these woods, of the monsters that are lurking in the shadows,” she said visibly shivering. Alastar rose to prepare the horses to leave.
“Ye hae spent one
night in the woods, if ye can dae that ye hae naething tae worry about. Ye are only worried about English folk tales.”
“You were never told stories like that?”
“When I was younger, but as soon as I was older my Da told me the truth. The only things tae really be scared of are the beasts, but I know how tae track them.”
Rebecca seemed to be satisfied with this explanation. He quickly finished preparing the horses and then told Rebecca they were ready to go. She had finished gathering up the blankets and the two of them straddled the horse once again, making their way through the forest.
Since the trees were so thick, they could not gallop regularly, but they moved along at a brisk trot. The air was fresh and Alastar was glad to be back in the place he knew so well.