He shoved back his chair, the scraping sound on the tile floor grating along Rachel’s nerve endings. Shooting to his feet, he paced to the counter and put his mug into the sink. She squeezed her eyes closed, listening to his footsteps returning toward the table. When she peered up at him, hovering nearby, his jawline strengthened into a fierce countenance.
“My wife and I were divorced for thirteen years. Yes, she died recently, but I’m well over her and have been for a long time. But I’m not over what she did to me.” Hurt flickered in and out of his eyes.
Rachel wanted to draw him to her, but his rigid stance forbade that. “What happened?”
“While I was serving in the army overseas, she divorced me. The only contact I had with her was through her lawyer. There was one thing she neglected to tell me when disclosing everything at the time of the divorce.” He pulled in a deep breath, held it for a long moment then released it slowly. “She’d been pregnant with my child.”
Her heart twisted like a bundle of barbed wire. “She raised your child without your knowledge?” Who had his child now?
“Not exactly. She put our daughter up for adoption without my knowledge.” He backed away, leaning against the counter, his hands gripping its edge.
Suddenly staring into his bleak expression, she knew the answer. Thirteen years ago. A girl. Could it be? No, that wasn’t possible, Lord. Please tell me so. “Where is she?”
“Here.” His gaze clouded as though the sun glittering on the grass suddenly disappeared. “It’s Taylor. She’s my biological daughter. I never gave permission for her to be put up for adoption.”
Her world fell away, the room spinning out of control. She squeezed her eyes shut to still its rotation. No, Max was lying. This was a trick. Lawrence had gone to college with the lawyer who handled the adoption. She tried to breathe, but fear seared her lungs, closing them off to any deep inhalations.
Clasping the table for support, she slowly lifted her eyelids and pierced him with a look she hoped conveyed her anger. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The lawyer who handled the adoption was Charles Steward. Does that name sound familiar?”
She didn’t have to see herself to know the color drained from her face. “But he’s a good lawyer. A friend of my husband’s.”
“My wife didn’t inform him who the father was. She said she didn’t know and didn’t want to raise a child.”
“How do you know this?”
“From Alicia’s sister.”
“Why did she tell you finally about your daughter?” Suspicion laced each word, hope that he was mistaken weaving through her. Taylor was her daughter.
“She’d promised her sister she wouldn’t say anything to me. She loved her older sister and believed everything Alicia told her about me and our marriage. But as Emily had children and saw how Alicia lived her life, she began to regret that promise. When Alicia died, she felt she wasn’t bound to the vow she made to her sister anymore. She looked me up and came to see me to let me know.”
“Did you talk with Charles Steward?”
“No. I got my information from Emily, some papers Alicia kept and a private investigator. I didn’t want the man to alert you to my search.”
Although she wasn’t sure she could stand, she struggled to her feet, keeping her hands clasping the table to steady herself. “So, you decided to come and claim your daughter. And you expect me to hand her over without a fight?”
“No.”
The concern in his eyes nearly melted her cold fury, but she couldn’t allow that. She would do anything to keep her daughter. No one was going to come in and say she wasn’t her child. No one. “You expect me to take your word for it?”
“No. I would like to do a DNA test so there is no doubt in your mind that I’m Taylor’s father.”
“No.”
“Are you afraid I’m right?” He shoved away from the counter, his feet planted apart, his hands clenched at his sides.
A warrior’s stance. As though he was readying himself to go to battle. She straightened, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I’ll go to court to get it. Do you want your daughter to find out that way?”
“There is no good way to tell Taylor.”
“Does she even know she’s adopted?”
“Yes, she does. When she was old enough, I felt she had a right to know, but she didn’t ever mention wanting to know anything about her biological parents.”
A nerve in his jawline jerked. “We can quietly do the DNA test. I won’t say anything to her until after the results come back.” He took a step toward her, his expression gentling. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I want to be in my daughter’s life. She’s my only child. One I didn’t know about for thirteen years because my wife was vindictive. She wanted to get back at me because I had to fulfill my duty to my country and pay back the years they sent me to medical school. After she married me, she discovered she didn’t want to be an army wife.”
Another step and he was an arm’s length away. Too close. She moved to the side. Needing a lot of space between them. She could hardly breathe as it was, but his nearness prodded her heartbeat to a quicker tempo. “I don’t care. You can’t disrupt Taylor’s life like that.”
“Do you think this is easy for me? I’ve agonized over how to do it. In the end, I decided there is no easy way.”
“You could have stayed away.”
He sucked in a ragged breath. “I considered that. When I had you investigated, I knew my daughter was with a good family, but that—”
“You had me investigated!” Her voice rose several levels at what he’d done.
“Shh, if you don’t want Taylor to come in and find out like this.”
Rachel snatched her coat from the hook on the wall by the utility room. “No, I don’t want her to overhear us. Let’s go outside and finish this conversation.”
He grabbed his jacked and shrugged into it. “Fine. Where do you suggest?”
“The front porch.”
Max trod toward the foyer and wrenched open the front door. She followed him outside and went to the far end of the porch, mostly hidden from the street by large bushes. She certainly didn’t want the whole neighborhood to see them either, but going to his house wasn’t an option. Battling on his home turf wasn’t a wise strategy.
He leaned back against a post, the twinkling clear lights decorating the front of her house throwing his face into shadows. “I had you investigated so I would know what I was getting into. I wanted to know all I could about Taylor’s situation. I knew she was struggling in school before I came.”
“So, you think I’m not doing a good job with her?” The very idea sent terror through her. She might not be perfect, but she was doing everything she could. No one could doubt her love for Taylor.
“I didn’t say that, and no, I don’t think that. I know raising children, especially teenagers, isn’t easy.”
She wanted to shout at him, “How do you know? You haven’t raised a child.” But she kept those words inside that begged to be released in her anger.
“I’ve seen a lot with patients I’ve dealt with. I’ve been part of a counseling program for teens in New York. It has given me a perspective others may not have.”
“So, you think you can do a better job?”
“I didn’t say that, either.” He clamped his jaws, the hard set of his face underscoring his own rising anger. Tearing his gaze from her, he raked his fingers through his hair. “Let’s take this one step at a time. Get the test done, then you and I will discuss what to do next. We could look at sharing custody. We—”
Custody! The word struck fear through her heart. Losing Taylor would rip her family apart. Would rip her apart. “I’m not agreeing to anything until I talk with my lawyer first.”
“Fine. I’ll give you until Friday before I pursue this in court.” He headed toward her and paused next to her. “I will be in my daughter’s life. You can’t change th
at.”
When he left her alone on the porch, she collapsed into the swing, her legs no longer able to hold her up. She scrubbed her trembling hands down her face, kneading her fingertips into her temple that throbbed. This was a nightmare.
Lord, what do I do? How do I handle this? How could You let this happen to me? I could lose Taylor.
Chapter Nine
“I’m so glad Taylor could work with Becca’s children and Nicholas this morning here. I don’t know if I could have corralled her enough to get her to do any work today.” Rachel sat in Jordan’s kitchen, nursing her fifth cup of coffee after a night of not sleeping. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw her daughter being wrenched from her arms by Max.
“What did the lawyer say?”
“That this could get ugly, and I should first establish if Max is the biological father.”
“So you’re gonna agree to the DNA test?”
“I don’t see a choice here. I need to know, especially if he tries to take me to court over this. I even considered leaving Tallgrass and living somewhere else.”
Pupils dilated, Jordan gasped. “You’ve considered that?”
“Frankly, yes, until I talked with my lawyer this morning. I can’t do it to my family. Besides, Taylor would want to know why we were leaving. Why we were never coming back to Tallgrass. I know from my lawyer that the court would probably rule in my favor, but Taylor has been having problems. What if they decide in Max’s favor?” Rachel took a swallow of the caffeine-laced drink. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep.
“What are you going to say to Taylor?”
“She knows she was adopted. Five years ago, Lawrence and I had a long conversation about why we adopted her. She hasn’t asked any questions since then. I don’t want to say anything unless she is Max’s child.”
Jordan went to the stove and retrieved the pot. Back at the table, she refilled her mug as well as Rachel’s. “So, you’re going to wait until the DNA test comes back. I think that’s best. What if Max isn’t Taylor’s father? Why upset her and throw her life in turmoil if he isn’t?”
“My point exactly.” The warmth from Rachel’s cup seeped into her icy fingers. “I called and asked him to come to my house this afternoon during his lunch break to settle this.”
“What are you gonna do if he’s Taylor’s father?”
The very idea seared a hole through her stomach. Her heart ached, a tautness about her chest. “I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t lose my daughter.”
Jordan’s mouth hardened into a frown. “You aren’t gonna lose her. I’ve been praying. We’ll get others—Mom, Granny—”
“No, I don’t want anyone else but you and the lawyer knowing about this until the test comes back. The less people who know, the less likelihood someone would let it slip. Taylor is struggling enough right now.”
“How can Max do this?”
Rachel had asked herself that question many times since she’d discovered his intentions last night. “I’m trying to put myself in his shoes and see it from his point of view. But I can’t right now. I’m so angry at him.”
Jordan clasped her hand. “You cared about him. You weren’t expecting that from him.”
“I took my wedding ring off because I thought there might be something developing between us. What a fool I was!”
“You’re not. You have a big heart. Stop by before you pick up Taylor today and let me know how the meeting went.”
Rachel inhaled a deep, calming breath, but her chest still hurt. “Will do. I’d better get going.”
When Rachel rose, Jordan gave her a hug. “I’m here for you.”
“I know. I’m blessed to have my family.”
And that was the problem. She understood how important family was. When she thought about Max, she saw loneliness in his eyes. That was the first thing that had drawn her to him.
But he can’t have Taylor to appease that loneliness.
“So, you told her about Taylor?”
Brendan’s voice floated to Max, reminding him of the evening before. Max gripped his cell tighter. “Yeah, and I wish I hadn’t.”
“Why? The DNA test needs to be done so you can proceed forward with what you want.”
What I want? The problem was it was two conflicting things. “I didn’t want to hurt Rachel.” Because I care about her more than I should. She’s nothing like my ex-wife.
“But you knew you were going to have to. You shouldn’t have gotten to know her so well. That has made this whole situation harder.”
His brother was only telling him what he’d already concluded during the middle of a sleepless night. “I can’t undo what’s been done. I’m meeting her in a few minutes to discuss Taylor.”
“Don’t forget after what Alicia did to you that you deserve a chance with your daughter.”
At a cost to Rachel? Her family? Maybe even his child? He knew in his heart he was Taylor’s father, especially after piecing everything together from Alicia’s papers, what her sister had told him and the timing of his deployment right before Alicia asked for a divorce. “First the DNA testing.”
“Maybe you could bring Taylor back to New York to visit at Christmas. We’d love to meet her.”
“No! I won’t do that to her even if we get the results back fast.”
“Yeah, I guess the courts don’t move that fast, especially around the holidays.”
“And they might not rule in my favor.” In fact, probably wouldn’t, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying if he had to. “This may not be settled for quite some time.”
“Keep me posted.”
“I will. Give my love to your family. Talk to you later.” Max disconnected the call and slipped his cell back into his pocket.
Family. Would he ever have one? Was this the way to go? When he’d seen Rachel’s expression last night—so full of hurt and fear, all directed at him, he’d doubted his plan to be in his daughter’s life. He didn’t want to do more harm. But he wanted to see his child grow up. He’d already missed thirteen years. Thirteen precious years he could never reclaim.
“Come in.” Rachel opened the door all the way and stepped to the side.
“Is Taylor here?” Max entered her house, the dark circles under his eyes attesting to his sleepless night.
Good. She would hate to think he’d slept while she hadn’t. How could she when she was faced with such a dilemma? “She’s at the ranch. I didn’t want her here when we talk.” She gestured toward the formal living room with its white furniture.
“Did you talk to a lawyer today?”
“Yes, and he suggested I go through with the DNA testing although there’s a good chance the court would rule that Taylor should stay with me.” It was important she made the point she didn’t think she would lose Taylor even if he were her father. “And I agree with my lawyer. We need to find out first if she is your daughter.” Her legs shaking, she sat on the couch.
“I don’t want to take this to court.” He remained standing, the coffee table between them.
His chances legally weren’t good, so she could understand why he’d said that. Why was he pursuing his claim? What was he up to? “That wasn’t the impression you gave me last night. So what do you want?” Her hands clasped together, she placed them in her lap and forced a calm tone. “Please have a seat.”
He folded his long length into the chair across from the couch. “As I said yesterday, I want to be involved in Taylor’s life.”
“My lawyer told me it would be better if we could work something out, but if I have to go to court, I’m prepared to.”
“And put your daughter through a nasty fight?”
“I’m not the one who is pushing this. You are.” Rachel crossed her arms over her chest.
“So, if the test comes back that I’m her natural father, what do you have in mind?”
“That we continue as before. You are a friend of the family. Taylor was warming to you.”
“Oh, I see. We live
a charade.”
When he put it that way, it bothered Rachel. She never lied to her daughter and didn’t relish spending the next years doing that very thing. And what if when she was older, she decided to look for her biological parents? “What do you suggest?”
“Full disclosure. I think Taylor needs to know I’m her father and that I didn’t have any knowledge of her until recently.” Rachel started to speak when Max held up his hand. “Through no fault of you and your husband. I want her to know about her biological family, too, and I hope she’ll allow me to be in her life. I won’t force her. I didn’t come here to disrupt everything.”
“What did you think was going to happen?”
He looked her in the eye for a long moment. “I didn’t really think it through as much as I should have. At first, I just wanted to see her and make sure everything was all right. I wanted to get to know her. Things changed as we got to know each other. I realized I wanted more.”
“You can’t replace Lawrence in her life.”
“I don’t want to. He was an important part of her life, and I wouldn’t want to take away from that.”
“So, what do we do about the DNA testing? I don’t want Taylor to know about it until we get the results.”
“The lab can get DNA from a hair sample. Can you take some from her brush?”
“Okay.” Rachel stood. “What do I do?”
“Let’s get the brush and come over to my house. I have the paperwork almost completely filled out. We can finish it up and send it to the lab. Together, so there are no doubts on our parts.”
“You really have trust issues, don’t you?”
He slipped his gaze away and stared into the foyer. “Can you blame me after what Alicia did? I was burned. It only takes me once to want to avoid the fire.”
“Believe it or not, I’m sorry your ex-wife did what she did. Nothing good ever comes out of such hatred. But—” she sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly “—I will protect my daughter at all costs. I want your promise you’ll put Taylor first in whatever we discover.”
A Daughter for Christmas Page 11