Filthy

by Katherine Rhodes

  My second, this afternoon, was Ellie Warner-Skillman.

  Exactly on time, the doorbell rang.

  I had to admit I liked this set up. The garage was in the front, but it was walled off from the hallway. The stairs were on the left, ahead of the elevator, and the hall lead to this sunroom-den area that was perfect for a office.

  Wren had put a boot bench just along the wall by the door, so the patients could leave their coats and bigger bags if they wanted. With it being a private residence, it held a lot of security.

  “Barry, good to see you,” I said, opening the door and motioning him in.

  “I was so sorry to hear about your family, Doc,” he said, offering a hand.

  I shook it, and hit him with the speech I had prepared for this. “Thanks. But remember, this is your therapy session, not mine. We’re not here to talk about what I’m going through, but with what you’re dealing with. Gotta get back into the swing of things.”

  He chuckled. “Good speech. Eight out of ten. Need to work on the sincerity a bit.”

  I laughed. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. Motioning him down the hall, I made a note of the bench and opened the door for him to step into the office.

  “Nice little set up,” he said.

  “Thank you,” I answered, motioning him to the chairs. “Let’s get started.”

  He sat on the couch, and I took the chair opposite of him, across the coffee table.

  “How have you been doing?”

  “It was tough without you walking me through some of the scenarios, but I think I held my own,” he said. “Couple of close calls here and there.”

  “Define close call.”

  Scratching his nose—not a good sign in Barry Elberman—he took a long moment to answer me. “Touching. All but one time I managed to pull my hand back.”

  “Where did all of this happen?”

  “The mall.”

  I waited.

  “The Lego Store.”

  “Barry…”

  “As soon as I realized what I was doing, I got the fuck out of there. I knew I had to. I left the mall, went straight home, took a Xanax and Lunesta and went to sleep. I’m not that guy, and I don’t want to be that guy.”

  “You really need a backup therapist,” I said. “I had no choice but to drop off the radar, but that didn’t mean you should have gone without support. Our next session, I’m going to bring in someone who would be willing to lend an ear if or when I can’t. Are you agreeable to that?”

  “Another therapist?”

  The trepidation in his voice was clear. I didn’t blame him. I’d been working with Barry for nearly five years and his situation was unique. “Doctor Brett Hanger is another sex therapist. He works down in Wilmington. And Barry, you know that as long as you aren’t breaking the law, we can’t tell anyone what you say in these sessions. I want to make sure that you can live your life with a reasonable measure of normality.”

  Normality for a self-professed pedophile was nothing of the sort. He was a mess when I first met him. I wasn’t even sure what was going on for nearly six months of weekly visits, and then one day it spilled out of him: he was desperate to stop the flow of desires for children. He was disgusted with himself, and it was only that disgust that made me willing to help him. We worked together to figure out what he had to do to keep everyone around him safe.

  Within the first year, we’d had him move into a job that was low exposure to children, if any. He voluntarily got a vasectomy so he wouldn’t be a father, because that was the absolute worst-case scenario for him. He’d even managed to have a few girlfriends over the years, and the relationships were healthy.

  But I realized very quickly that we would never be able to scale back further than every other week for sessions. He had exactly twenty days in him to stay on the straight and narrow before we had to do some major work again. So, every fourteen days, he was in my office for his two week assessment and encouragement.

  This past month had been a test of his mettle. He’d failed. We’d have to do some major rebuilding in the next few sessions, which also meant weekly.

  It was also why I wanted him as my first patient. He needed to stay in control. I needed him to stay in control—the other options were terrifying.

  Brett stared at me as I closed the door behind Barry. He scrubbed a hand over his mouth, and looked deep in thoughts.

  “Christ, Bas. A pedophile.”

  “I didn’t know when I first took him on.”

  “Are you really sure that he hasn’t been offending on his down time?”

  “Except for the past month, we’ve been on a bi-weekly schedule to help him. I have to put my faith somewhere, Brett.”

  “Yeah, but Jesus, Bastian…”

  I folded my arms. “Look, if I thought for an instant that he was actually offending, I’d be on the tip line to the police. I have my own…” I stopped and pursed my lips. “…had my own children…”

  He put his hands up. “I’ll trust you,” he answered, ignoring my heartbreaking misstep. I appreciated that. I needed people to just start treating me like a human again. “But I don’t know if I can be backup for him. I’ll be honest. I trust you. I don’t know if I can trust him. If he calls me up one night and confesses that he’s wanking off to kiddie porn… I have to report the whole mess. Including you.”

  “I haven’t done—”

  “Ethically, no, you’re fine. But in the eyes of the law, they’re not going to forgive you if he touched even one kid on your watch. Did you really think all of this through?”

  “Repeatedly,” I answered. “My whole therapeutic goal has been to make sure that he doesn’t act on his instinct and he doesn’t even leave himself the opportunity to be around children.”

  “He was at the Lego store.”

  I ran a hand down my face. “And he removed himself.”

  “I can’t do it, Bastian. I’m sorry. This is too dangerous. You need to think about some of your other patients as well, like the Ellie girl. She was the victim of people like him, and how do you think she’d feel if she found out you were protecting him?”

  “And what if by refusing him treatment, I cause him to give into his instincts?”

  Brett stared up at the ceiling. “How about this? I cannot be his backup. To me, that’s clear cut. But, if anything should ever happen, I will vouch for your ethical behavior, and your lack of criminal intent in all this?”

  “I guess that’s as good as I can get,” I answered.

  “That’s all I can give.” He stuck his hand out to shake on it. I took it, and pumped it a few time.

  “Hanging around for Ellie?”

  “Can I take you to lunch, man? You looked like you could use some normal interaction. I know it’s very soon after their deaths, but…”

  I held up my hand, and swallowed the tears again. “I’d be delighted. As long as you don’t mind me busting into tears for no apparent reason.”

  “I’m a psychologist, Bastian. I get it.”

  “Good. We’re going to Shank’s.”

  Wren

  “So, Mason turns around, and just kisses me hard on the lips,” Ellie said.

  “The look on her face was amazing!” Emma laughed. “I think she didn’t freak out because she wasn’t expecting it and Mason clearly had it bad for Natalie.”

  “What happened to Natalie?” Miriam asked.

  “She went white, then she went red,” Ellie giggled, “And then? She slapped him. For kissing me!”

  “Mason grabbed her hand, and she spun him against the locker and kissed the shit out of him,” Emma said. “They got ISS.”

  “Suspended?” Laxmi gasped.

  “They did. For kissing in the hall!” Ellie giggle in glee. “But it was worth it because they are so dumb happy together.”

  “Makes me gag,” Emma said.

  The two of them broke down laughing like fools at the table. Miriam, Laxmi, Lily, and I all chuckled along with them.r />
  It was such a relief to have Ellie acting like a normal high school kid, even though she was hiding a huge secret. That now involved wings and a sword and translocation of some sort.

  “Oh! Shit!” Emma looked at her watch. “I gotta go! I have dance in half an hour.”

  “Take the car,” I said, nodding at the hired car at the curb. “I can take Ellie wherever.”

  “Thanks, Doc! You’re the best!” She grabbed her school and dance bag and slid into the car. She waved as they pulled away from the curb, and Ellie blew ridiculous kisses at her.

  Miriam lifted an eyebrow, and Ellie caught her.

  “What?” she asked, her cheeks flaming red in the next second.

  “Have you an Emma been fooling around?” she asked point blank.

  I put a hand to my forehead. “Miri…”

  “We kissed a few times.”

  Canting my head, I stared at my daughter. “Ellie…”

  “What? I’m just being honest. We have.”

  “Are you gay?” Laxmi asked.

  “No, I don’t think so,” Ellie answered. “I think I might be bi or pan. I don’t know. I’m all fucked up about sex right now, so I’m not trying to figure it out and label myself. I’m trying to find out what I like and what I can handle. Mason kissing me after we broke up was fine, weirdly. Emma and I making out isn’t a trigger for anything either. She’s also…”

  “Hmm?” I asked, as nonchalantly as possible.

  “She’s safe. She’s…well. She’s a known factor There’s nothing duplicitous about her, and she’s very kind and sweet to me. She’s totally bi, by the way.”

  “Are you going out?”

  “Just fooling around.”

  If those words had come out of anyone else’s mouth, I would probably have given them a lecture about being responsible and not screwing with people’s emotions. But Ellie was different. She needed to feel comfortable with herself, she needed the chance to explore who she really was. And she would never be irresponsible to the point of risking her own safety and mental health.

  Lily leaned forward on the picnic table. “Okay, now that Emma has gone off, we can talk about some other things that have been going on.” She looked directly at me. “What the hell happened in that hospital?”

  I shared a look with Ellie, and recounted the whole mess at St. Christopher’s. I had been terrified for the twins. I didn’t even think about me—I just wanted those two out of there.

  Ellie added her side of the story. “I felt terror. Panic. It was so bad I hit the floor in gym class. Why do they still make us play dodgeball? That game is bullshit. As soon as I hit the floor, they all pegged me with that fucking ball. It was the perfect excuse to get out of there, but that still wasn’t fair.

  “Anyway, I got down to the locker room and the abject terror was making my skin crawl. I knew what it was, I just didn’t know what to do about it. And I had been fucking up the translocation left and right when Laxmi was showing me.

  “But the more I sat there, the more the terror grew and the more I knew I had to do something. So I risked it. I had to. And it was like the darkness just connected to me—not in a tempting way, but like attracts like. A magnet. Bam, I was in the room with Mom and the twins. Full versilange out and ready.”

  I nodded. “I was glad to see you, believe me.”

  She bumped against my shoulder. “You just wanted the sword.”

  I coughed. “Maybe.”

  Miriam, Laxmi, and Lily laughed. They all knew that I wanted a flameblade, but there was no way I could have one. They were specifically for people who were part of the After, and a mere human would most likely go up in flames for just touching one.

  Not for the first time, I found myself wishing they would explain more, tell me more, about what the hell was going on around me. Us.

  Miriam leaned forward. “And then, she just took his head off before he could lunge for the twins. It was beautiful. It was everything we’d been trying to teach her. But for all the straw dummies and bamboo thatches we had Ellie hack through, nothing replaces experience.”

  “The craziest thing was that while you’ve all been training me, I’ve been so afraid that I couldn’t push a sword through someone. I would forget everything and run away. But I didn’t. Not even close. I just did what had to be done.”

  Ellie looked between the four of us. “Am I supposed to feel guilty?”

  “Technically,” Lily said, “yes. But in reality, you won’t because you didn’t kill a human. You dispatched a demon. Which is what you’re supposed to do. Specifically, a zhadanjir demon, which is exactly what you’re supposed to do. So, there’s no reason for guilt.”

  “Good, because I don’t feel any. Not about that. Not when he was threatening my mother, brother, and sister.”

  I patted her arm. “I appreciate your supernatural support.” Taking a bite of my cheesesteak, I laughed. “I still want a flameblade.”

  Laxmi rolled her eyes.

  Lily coughed. “Well…”

  I jerked my head over to her. “Well what?”

  She reached behind her, and pulled out something from the back of her waistband. I knew it wasn’t her gun, she kept that in a shoulder holster.

  A black-handled, black leather sheathed knife was on the table between all of us.

  “What is that?” Miriam whispered, her eyes growing wide.

  “An anjir blade.” Lily smiled. “It’s forged in the After of black titanium and obsidian.”

  “It looks old,” Ellie said.

  “It is,” Miriam answered. “No one makes anjir anymore. It’s too dangerous.”

  “Dangerous?” Laxmi asked. “Flameblades aren’t dangerous?”

  “Flameblades can’t kill angels,” Miriam breathed. “Why do you have this Lily? They’re contraband.”

  “I have it for Wren,” she said, her words clipped. It was easy to realize that she wasn’t going to tell us why she really had it or where it had come from.

  She pushed it toward me on the table, catching my hand before I could touch it and capturing my gaze. “It’s going to trigger you. It’s going to hit you hard with darsana.” She cocked her head. “Really, really hard. Like, you might not want to be sitting here outside of Shank’s hard.”

  “Finding out my best friend and her wife are versilange and Hell is real hard?” I asked.

  “Probably,” she answered, with no mocking in her tone.

  Jesus, did I even want to touch this?

  “So, where?”

  “Your house? Somewhere that’s not here, near a known tear.”

  “Tear?” I asked.

  “The voral that was over there,” Laxmi said, pointing to the dock on the other side of Shank’s, “exploited a weak spot between here and Hell. There are proper gates, but sometimes they can get through the tears. And touching that blade so close to one may pull some zhadanjir through.”

  “That’s bad,” Ellie said.

  “Thanks for that newsflash.” I laughed, bumping her shoulder again. “So what do you propose?”

  “I can take it and we can meet at your house tonight?” Lily said.

  “Okay, that’s agreeable,” I said. “We should figure out where the—”

  “Doctor Warner?”

  We all turned and found Sebastian walking up to the table. I stood and marched over, shaking his hand. “Bastian. You’re out of the townhouse?”

  “I had to leave at some point,” he said. “This is my friend and colleague , Doctor Brett Hanger.”

  I shook the man’s hand and grinned. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You as well,” he said. “I heard you’re responsible for a lot of Sebastian’s progress after the attack.”

  “I don’t know about a lot, but we helped where we could. There’s more to work on with him, but we’ll handle it one day at a time.” I smiled at Bastian who nodded.

  “You’ve given me space to figure my shit out. And I have a lot to figure out.”

  �
�May we join you?” Hanger held up his wrapped sandwich.

  “Of course,” I answered and motioned them to the benches. “Doctor Hanger, may I introduce my daughter, Ellie, my best friends Detective Lily Haden, Miriam Crownin and her wife, Doctor Laxmi Rana-Crownin.”

  Pleasantries were passed around, and I noticed at some point the short sword disappeared. Lily caught my eye to let me know she had it. We weren’t done but we now had people who weren’t in the know.

  “How are you doing, Doctor Mederos?” Lily asked.

  He swallowed audibly. “As well as can be expected, really. How is the investigation going?”

  “I’ve got some leads I’m exploring. I actually have a few ideas, but I can’t share those because it might make things more difficult. I don’t want to encourage vigilante justice.”

  “Believe me, Detective, I want to see justice, not carry it out,” he said. “I don’t have that in me. I’m glad I’ve even found the motivation to get out of bed most days.”

  “I’m glad you have that.” Lily nodded. “We will bring them to justice.”

  Bastian nodded, looking tired. “Miss Warner-Skillman, You’ll be in this afternoon for your session?”

  “Of course, Doctor.” She nodded. “I’m grateful for your help and I really feel like I’m making huge strides to dealing with everything.”

  That made him smile and…

  Oh what a smile it was.

  Fuck.

  I shook off the thought and went back to my sandwich. It was kind of cold now, but I was also really hungry and really needed to distract myself.

  “This is where Victoria and I had our first date,” Bastian said, quietly.

  That factoid worked as well. I let out an internal sigh.

  “How long ago?” Laxmi asked quietly.

  “Fourteen years.” He grinned. “We dated for four years before we got married. We used to come here all the time when she was pregnant with the kids. She loved the cheesesteaks, and she’d eat two a week with Elliot.” He smiled at the memory.

  The smile slowly slid off his face. A moment later, there were tears in his eyes and they slipped out and ran down his cheeks.