Aidan

by Sydney Landon

  His face is impassive as he takes in my words. “All right, then why haven’t you had that done yet? I assume your doctor wouldn’t be calling you in the evening if you had.”

  “As I told my doctor, I don’t intend to go through all of that again. I refuse to spend my life panicking over every little thing because I once had cancer.”

  My uncle flips a hand as if to say big deal. “So if it kills you, it does, right? No big thing.”

  I’m actually a little hurt by his nonchalance, but I try not to show it. “Exactly.”

  He studies his nails for a moment as the silence stretches between us. “You know I never pegged you for a coward. But what else can you call someone who buries their head in the sand when any type of diversity strikes?”

  My mouth drops open as I stare at him in shock. I’ve been spoiled by my uncle my whole life. He’s kissed my boo-boos, wiped my tears, and helped me talk my way out of trouble with my parents. He’s a second father to me and has never talked to me the way he is right now. His disappointment literally flays me. “Bu—but you don’t understand,” I stutter out. “I—”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. I’ve been places and done things that you could only imagine in your nightmares. I did whatever had to be done so your father and I could have a life. Yet you’re playing with yours as if it’s disposable. Maybe we all spoiled you too much, but we never wanted you or your brother to have to make the choices we did. Hell, the choices that my own daughter ended up making. What would have happened to Lia had she just decided to throw in the towel and say ‘whatever’ while she was living with an abusive mother and a monster for a stepfather? Instead, she fought back and clawed her way out. Yet you’ve been given everything and don’t appreciate any of it.” He lowers his voice as tears begin to dribble from my eyes. “I know you’ve had a tough time of it, kiddo, and it’s done a real number on you. I was real proud of the way you faced your cancer and came out on the other side. And yes, your life is always going to be a bit different now because of the disease. But when you’re dealt a shit hand, then you play that fucker for all you’re worth. You don’t sit there automatically assuming you’ve been defeated. The best times I’ve had have started out the worst.”

  He gets to his feet and opens his arms as he’s done a thousand times before, and I’m on my feet snuggling against his chest in seconds. His familiar smell comforts me as I finally feel a crack in my armor. “I just want it all to be over,” I sob against his expensive business shirt.

  “Shhh, I know, sweetheart. But you have to face this. We’re all here for you. You’re not alone, and you never will be.” He whispers more words of comfort until I’m down to the occasional hiccup. He grabs a handful of tissues from the box on my desk and pushes them in my hand as I move to sit in the chair next to the one he recently vacated.

  “Are you going to tell Dad?” I ask, knowing that they rarely keep secrets from each other.

  He puts a hand under my chin and wipes a stray tear away. “I’ll give you a few days to do that yourself first. My brother and I don’t keep secrets from each other, especially when they concern our children.”

  “Okay,” I agree, already dreading what this will do to my parents. Again.

  He surprises me by asking, “What happened to Aidan Spencer? You two were attached at the hip for a while, but I haven’t seen him around lately.” The shrewd look on his face says he suspects my apathy is tied to Aidan. My uncle is far too astute.

  I shrug then get to my feet and begin putting the stuff on my desk away. “He couldn’t deal with having a sick girlfriend. He’s already lost too much.”

  I expect some kind of verbal attack against Aidan, but instead, my uncle simply says, “I see. Well, let’s get out of here for the evening. How about a steak with your favorite uncle? I don’t have any plans tonight, and I’m thinking you don’t either.” What the hell? The iron man has nothing to say against Aidan? His defection of me doesn’t bother him in the slightest? Or are my antidepressants muting my feelings here?

  I readily agree, wanting to prolong our time together. It actually feels good to be with someone who knows what’s going on with me instead of hiding it. As we’re leaving, I can’t resist pointing out, “You know, you could take some of your own advice. Instead of being afraid of what will happen, you should call Liza and take a chance.”

  He gives me a rueful grin before ruffling my hair. “I guess no matter how old we are, there are still things in life that freak us the fuck out. You conquer your fears, and I’ll work on mine. Deal?”

  We shake hands, and I hope that he is better at keeping his vow than I am. Because even though my parents will soon know about the lump, I don’t know if it changes anything. I’m functioning, and by all appearances, and with Jen taking on more, I am managing at work easily. But it’s a hard slog. I don’t feel as equipped or as sharp as normal, and I hate that. I’m still more tired mentally than I’ve ever been, and some days, I only want it to be over, regardless of how that happens.

  14

  Aidan

  I’m just finishing a conference call when I hear a commotion outside my door. I disconnect the call and am getting to my feet when the door opens and Lee Jacks strolls in with my secretary right on his heels. “I’m sorry, Aidan, I couldn’t stop him,” she apologizes as she glares daggers at the other man.

  “It’s fine, Tricia. Why don’t you go ahead and call it a day? I’ll be leaving shortly myself.” I eye Lee curiously, as she says good night and pulls the door closed behind her. Finally, I extend my hand across the desk, and he ignores it to take a seat. “Make yourself comfortable,” I say sarcastically as I settle back in my chair. I’ve meet Lee a few times through the years at different social events, and now that Luc is married to his daughter, we see each other at family functions. Still, it’s not in the norm for him to barge into my office. Plus, he looks a bit pissed off and that automatically puts me on my guard. I’m no pussy by any means, but Lee Jacks isn’t exactly the type of man you want mad at you, especially when you have no idea why.

  “Spencer, tell me why the fuck you dumped my niece? Because she gave me her version and it’s fucking insane.”

  Did not see that one coming at all. He’s here about Kara? “It’s none of your business, Lee. Kara and I broke things off a few months ago. Why the sudden visit?”

  He sits forward, and I swear to God, he looks as if he might leap over the desk for my throat. What the fuck is going on here? “I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but Kara is like another daughter to me. I love that kid dearly. So when I found out that she’s decided to simply give up on life because of you, I took it rather hard. Plus, my brother and his wife are little more than basket cases now. Yet none of our begging, pleading, or threats are getting through to her.”

  I get to my feet so quickly my chair slams back against the wall. “Wait—what in the hell are you talking about?”

  He stands as well, leaning his hands on my desk. “Had she not met you, asshole, she might be willing to do what’s needed to save her life. Instead, she doesn’t care anymore because she’s too hung up on you. And apparently, if she can’t have you, then she’d rather give up.”

  I couldn’t give a shit who the man is now as I barrel around my desk and grab his shirt in my fist. “Start making some fucking sense before I kick your ass,” I snarl. I’ve had it with this cryptic shit he’s sprouting.

  He shrugs out of my hold, and in a deadly calm voice, he says, “You’d better fucking mean it if you touch me again, boy. Sit your ass down and listen.” I go to charge him, and he shakes his head and puts up a hand. “It’s not going to help Kara if I put you in the hospital, and that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t get it together and fucking listen.”

  I don’t want to, but I back off. I’m not scared of him, but I’m missing something important here, and he has the answers. Instead, I sit on the corner of my desk and motion for him to continue.

  “A few w
eeks ago, Kara went for her recommended yearly mammogram, and it showed a cyst in her other breast. Naturally, due to her previous battle with breast cancer, they wanted to do a biopsy right away, but she refused. She didn’t intend to tell any of us about it, but I overheard her one evening talking to her doctor. I gave her a few days to tell her parents and thought that I’d gotten through to her. Well, she did tell them, but she still refuses to have the biopsy. Says she’s not going to live her life in fear and doesn’t want to know if it’s cancer or not. She just carries on each day as if the threat isn’t there. I swear to Christ if I hear her humming at her desk as if she doesn’t have a care in the world one more time, I’m gonna lose it.”

  “FUCK,” I hiss. “Why in the world would she do that? You can’t just let something like that go. She’s risking her life!” I get to my feet once again and pace my office. “You need to make her go; she has to have the biopsy. Why aren’t you and her parents doing anything?” I shout.

  I half expect him to pummel me, but he gives me a strange, satisfied half grin instead. “Believe me, we’ve tried. She’s an adult, Spencer. Let’s just hope it’s not cancer because if it is, she might not be around much longer.” FUCK! NO!

  “That’s not happening,” I roar. “I’ll find her, and if I have to carry her ass for that test, then I fucking will.”

  She can’t. She can’t just give up. She can’t let the cancer win.

  Mom let the cancer win and stopped fighting, and it tore my father and me apart. Time has not healed our hearts. We still miss her so dreadfully.

  I can’t let Kara do that to her family.

  I can’t let Kara do that . . . to me.

  I’m halfway to the door when he says, “She moved out into her own place. Got tired of fighting with her parents. You might need the address.” I’m vibrating with impatience while he takes a piece of paper off my desk and jots something on it before handing it over. Then he shocks me by pulling a key from his pocket and flipping it to me as well. “She works late most every night regardless of what I say. I own the building, so I’ll have the doorman buzz you in. The rest is up to you, son.”

  I’m an absolute wreck as I follow the directions to the address Lee had written down. Kara might be sick again and isn’t doing anything about it. Dear God, am I the reason she doesn’t care? She may have gotten her family to back down, but that shit won’t work with me. One way or another, I’ll save her life because a world without her in it is one I don’t care to be a part of. Fuck! Fuck!

  kara

  It is almost nine by the time I fit the key in the door of my apartment. I’ve lived here for about a week now. It is a two-bedroom in a good neighborhood of Asheville. They usually have a long waiting list, but since my uncle owns the building, he managed to secure a unit that had just vacated. Of course, my parents weren’t happy about it, but what could they say, really? I wasn’t a child anymore, and it was the natural order of things to leave the nest.

  I know they feel I moved because of our daily arguments over my continued refusal to have the biopsy, but that wasn’t really it. While I was there, they couldn’t make peace with my decision. I kept them in turmoil, and I didn’t want that. Even my brother made a rare appearance the weekend before to tell me what a selfish bitch I was. Apparently, my desire regarding my health wasn’t popular with anyone. Uncle Lee has been strangely silent on the subject lately, which is a little disarming. Maybe he finally understands, though, because he certainly isn’t a man who ever let fear rule his life. Isn’t that what I’m trying to do as well? Not be ruled by the unknown but, instead, take each day as it comes?

  I lock the door behind me and walk straight to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water. Having had a late lunch means I’m not really hungry yet. I kick off my shoes and pad across the hardwood floors on my way to the bedroom. I almost reach the hallway when a lamp on a nearby table clicks on, and I see the outline of a man sitting on the sofa. When I scream, he moves quickly and clamps a hand over my mouth. “Princess, pipe down before someone calls the cops.”

  My eyes widen as I blink several times, thinking I’m hallucinating. “Aidan?” I whisper haltingly.

  “If I move my hand, you’re not going to start wailing again, right?” I nod, and suddenly, my mouth is free. “I’ve been here for hours,” he grumbles. “Do you work this late every night?”

  I nod, still staring at him. “Wh—what’re you doing here in my apartment? How’d you get in?” Oh, how I’ve missed him. Despite the lethargy my antidepressants cause, my yearning for Aidan hasn’t ceased. I’ve wanted it to cease. It hurts too much.

  He reaches for a nearby switch and more light floods the room. He studies me then, as if he can see everything inside. “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he says absently as he raises a finger to stroke my cheek.

  I’m mesmerized for long moments by the naked desire I see in his eyes. I’m seconds away from doing something crazy like begging him to take me against the wall when my reason returns. I step away from his touch and put my hands on my hips. “I asked what you’re doing here? I haven’t seen or heard from you in months, so this is a bit of a surprise.”

  He releases a breath on a heavy sigh. “Come sit down and we’ll talk.” I want to tell him to get out, but my curiosity won’t let me. What would make him break into my apartment and ambush me after all this time? There have been no calls, no texts, no nothing. So I perch on the cool leather surface several inches away from him and wait. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, but when he blurts out, “I know about the biopsy,” I almost fall on the floor.

  Stunned, I whisper, “How? Only my parents and my uncle know about that.”

  “Lee came to see me earlier this evening. Actually, I think he came to kick my ass, but luckily, he changed his mind and gave me your key instead.”

  I can hardly fathom what he’s saying. How dare Lee betray my privacy in this way and to Aidan of all people? I surge to my feet and point at the door. “Get out! He had no right to do that, and I don’t care if you have a key or not. You broke into my home. I’ll call the police if you don’t leave immediately.”

  He puts his hands on my arms and shakes me slightly. “Stop it, Kara! Calm down and listen to me. You’re not calling anyone, and I’m not leaving.”

  “Fuck you! Is this some kind of pity stop for you on the way to see your whore of the week? Did you agree to visit poor, disease-ridden Kara to alleviate your conscience? Maybe give her a push to have the stupid test, and when you fail, hey, at least you tried, right? You can walk away feeling better about yourself because that’s what you’re good at, right? Walking away before things get tough. Well, thank God you did in this instance. You were right all along. The clock was ticking, and it was just a matter of time before I got sick again. You must really feel like you dodged a bullet.” My voice is so bitter I hardly recognize it. I see him flinch as my words hit their mark.

  “Stop,” he murmurs raggedly. When I don’t, he curses under his breath and his lips cover mine roughly. I fight him for a moment, but then my body betrays me. I’ve never been able to resist him. He ravages my mouth before moving on to my neck. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry,” he repeats over and over, and he hugs me tightly to him. “I’ve been such an idiot, princess. Please don’t make me live my life without you.” Then I feel moisture. Is he crying?

  “Aidan.” I pull back. His eyes are wet and red as he meets my gaze. “What are you saying?” I ask, terrified that I’m misreading him.

  “I love you, Kara, so much. That hasn’t changed for one minute, and I’ve barely existed without you. I hope to God you can find it in you to forgive me for fucking this up so badly.”

  Confused, I say, “But nothing has changed. It may actually be worse, and you can’t handle that. You’ll leave me again,” I say thickly, battling my own tears. I barely get those words out as a sob from deep within my heart escapes. I wouldn’t cope if he gave up on me again. I can’t do that.

  He drop
s to his knees and puts his arms around my waist. “No, princess, fuck no. I’m not going anywhere. That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and that’s saying something.”

  Almost as if they have their own will, my hands run through his hair, remembering—loving—the feel and texture of it. “Please don’t tell me you’re doing this so I’ll have the biopsy. If this is something that you and my uncle cooked up—”

  “For fuck’s sake, Kara.” He gets to his feet, looking angry. “I realize that you don’t have a lot of reason to trust me right now, but give me more credit than that. You know damn well I’d never do that and neither would your uncle. Yes, hell yes, I want you to have the biopsy, and you bet your ass my reasons are selfish. I want you with me for a long time, and that means not taking any chances with your health. But—and believe me, I can’t believe I’m saying this—it’s your body, your life, and your choice. I may not agree with it, but I’ll support whatever you decide because I’d expect the same from you. I’ll absolutely let you know my feelings on it, but I will not leave you over it. I’ll be right there by your side no matter which way you go.”

  I can hardly believe what I’m hearing, but I can’t doubt the sincerity in his eyes. “You have no idea how much I want to hate you for what you’ve put us both through,” I say tearfully. “Other than my family, you’re the only man I’ve ever loved, and you let me down big time, buddy. I’ve turned myself into the most dedicated employee at Falco. I work twelve to fourteen hours a day, seven days a week, and then come home and collapse. That’s the only way I’ve survived losing you, and it’s never gotten any easier. I haven’t coped, Aidan. My depression has come back . . . And I . . . I’m hurting and angry.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I was so very wrong. Believe it or not, I pretty much came to that conclusion myself without your uncle threatening to kick my ass.” I smile at that thought. My uncle can be terrifying when he’s angry. What did he say to Aidan? Although, judging by what he just said, it wasn’t about what Uncle Lee said. It was about Aidan’s love for me. I’ve been such an idiot, princess. Please don’t make me live my life without you. Yes, he’s been an idiot, and I am barely holding on at the moment, but he loves me. And he thinks it’s enough. I can’t fathom my life without him in it. I’ve missed him so very much. Although I’m exhausted, I need him. I need his touch, his loving, his dominance. I’ve felt adrift without him. The surprise in his eyes as I begin to unbutton his dress shirt is almost comical. But this isn’t funny. I need him.