Trouble with Angels

by S E Holmes

“Wait! I was only kidding about the other questions. You each have two left! Don’t you want to ask them? Come back! Don’t leave me…”

  The pleading Voice faded behind, as the Cherubs pelted towards the mayhem. Nimbus worried frantically that he would not be capable of assisting. His aim had been haphazard with an intact wing, what would his powers be like with the shrunken travesty he was hobbled by at the moment? He still suffered the ill-effects of Jinx’s: his balance was off kilter and he was extraordinarily clumsy.

  Sure enough, just as Celestial cleared the opening back into the Minotaur’s lair and into definite danger, Nimbus tripped over an iguana and tumbled to the floor in a graceless heap. He struggled to gain purchase on the sandy ground, and hurl himself upright, as a stunningly bright flash of light temporarily blinded him.

  An unearthly wail followed soon after, along with a cataclysmic tremor, which threatened to splinter the solid rock surrounding him. Rubble and dust hailed from the ceiling. The tunnel collapsed at his rear, huge boulders plummeting downward to form an impenetrable wall blocking access to the Cave of Unknowns. Then all was still. Compared to the furious calamity of a moment previous, the silence disturbed more. Nimbus, pushed by fear for his friends, eventually stood and hurried into the cave.

  He was met with a sight of unimaginable weirdness. Hapless lizards, pot shards, gold coins, and more disconcertingly, many coloured feathers floated lazily about just below the cave roof. One of the Harpies attempted to pull an unconscious hovering Bacchus to a place on the ground more consistent with gravity. The other huddled miserably over her fallen sister.

  The ruin and debris of the fight lay all around. The air smelt of charring and brimstone. Major Bull lolled weakly on a chair, tended by Celestial, who glowed and flickered like a thousand watt candle, tiny sparkles dancing into multiple deep and freely bleeding gashes as she healed his wounds. These would surely have been fatal had she not been present. Nimbus felt consuming shame creep through his veins like acid; what had he been doing during the battle? Grovelling on the floor like some worthless coward. Pity for himself set-in as he wondered bitterly why he had divine powers without the capacity to use them.

  He stumbled over to Celestial. She looked up, her countenance one of absolute despair. “Azazel has the Book. We’ve failed.” Shock mingled with his shame, and it was all he could do to remain on his feet and not crumple to the ground for a therapeutic sob. “At least you have your feathers back,” Celestial noted without joy, tears flooding.

  Nimbus shook off the now inadequate pillow case and there was his wing, as whole and magnificent as it had been before Jinx’s. He shook off his ridiculous self-pity too; it was an indulgence he could ill afford. The sight of his twin in such pain galvanised his inner strength -- they must formulate a new plan.

  “No tears, Celestial. You’re better than that. We need to wake Bacchus and make another strategy,” Nimbus stated firmly. “Don’t you remember? Good always triumphs in the end because it never gives up!”

  Celestial gave a pitiful sniff and nodded faintly. “I’ll finish up here. You check on Bacchus.”

  Nimbus moved towards Bacchus and the struggling bird-woman some distance away, startled to hear a soft groan. It came from a mound of pebbles, which vibrated slightly. He cautiously went to investigate. All of their friends were accounted for. White feathers protruded in patches, along with expanses of skin. Suddenly the figure beneath sat, spitting and retching and vigorously shaking its head. Litanies of foul swear words stained the air and Nimbus knew immediately who this was.

  The black eyes snapped open and instantly registered Nimbus’s proximity. An evil leer stretched its features. Electricity crackled up Nimbus’s spine and without thinking he spread his arms and opened his mouth wide. A deep rumbling wail from the very core of the world sounded and from between his lips came a savage swarm of buzzing blue wasps that rose in a twirling spiral, hung swelling in numbers and then plunged to encase Jomjael in a living prison.

  “Hornets can sting repeatedly and have extremely bad tempers. The smallest thing can set them off causing a long and frenzied attack. You so much as move the wrong way and I can’t be responsible for their actions.”

  Nimbus took in Jam’s appearance: his hair, brows and wings were bleached starkest white, only his ebony eyes maintained their original form.

  “Jinx, huh?” Nimbus chuckled. “I bet your mates aren’t pleased. You look too much like us now and they won’t relish having a constant reminder of the punishment their betrayal wrought. They left you behind!” The spiteful expression on Jam’s face confirmed Nimbus’s suspicion.

  “Don’t gloat, idiot! By the time my Brothers are through with you and your lot, you’ll wish you were me!” The hornets hummed ominously louder, swirling faster and tighter around Jam, who blithely chuckled. “You don’t know how to inflict pain. Bugs?” he scoffed. “We eat them for brunch with a little horseradish and crackers!”

  “Your poor taste in cuisine aside, mine are special bugs, fool! When they sting, they inject love; something we know you cannot abide. And as an added incentive, you will hear the heavenly choir singing ‘Praise to the Lord and Hallelujah’, over and over in your marshmallow-filled skull! Enjoy!”

  Jam was notably appalled. Nimbus clicked his fingers and heavy manacles snaked about his prisoner’s ankles and wrists, with a gag to stop the torrent of vile curses.

  “Oh, and by the way,” Nimbus declared over the din. “You no longer have any Brothers.”

  “Nice job.” Celestial smiled feebly, still occupied by the Major’s injuries.

  Nimbus had finally dragged Bacchus to her side, after a gargantuan struggle to wrest him to the ground. He would not have succeeded without Wren, who despite mourning the loss of her sister, Robin, jumped up and down on their Guardian’s stomach until he fell unceremoniously on his head. There would be a painful bump and possibly the further loss of brain cells, which Bacchus could ill afford, but it couldn’t be helped. Nimbus blushed at the praise (a new experience for him) and shrugged modestly, although on the inside he was strutting.

  Bacchus stirred and slowly came to, coughing and spluttering. Celestial slapped his cheeks to speed the process (and possibly vent her spleen that he’d yet again let her down).

  “Really m’dear, tha’s noh necessessarary! Wha’ happn?”

  “Wake up! We have a catastrophe on our hands and you’re napping!”

  “Wouldn’t ’xactly call concussion and recuperating from the wounds of war ‘napping’.” His voice became stronger and clearer as he gained full consciousness, along with an offended tone.

  “Your head’s sore because we dropped you on it,” Nimbus provided helpfully.

  “You were out cold for the entire thing. Major Bull’s hurt and he’s lost one of his Birds and it’s our fault. We brought this scourge here! So sit up and help us find a way to make amends. Oh, and the Book of Lore has been taken. Azazel has it, and we have to get it back immediately!”

  Bacchus bowed his head. “I am truly sorry for Bull’s loss,” he murmured tragically. And then began to laugh quietly to himself.

  Nimbus was baffled by Bacchus’s reaction. Perhaps he’d sustained worse brain damage than predicted? Nimbus prayed it wasn’t permanent, and if it was, it didn’t make a noticeable difference to their Guardian’s usual impulsive behaviour. Regardless, he was nonetheless relieved to note Celestial was back to her usual severe self. He hastily recounted for Bacchus the results of their discussion with the insufferable Voice, and then turned to her.

  “What happened, Essie?”

  She eyed Bacchus warily, her fingertips glowing in readiness to mend him further, if required. “We’ll need to ask Major Bull for a full account. I was only present for the last bit. Azazel was wreaking havoc with a tornado that slashed and tore at anything its winds touched. Yet still the brave Major, I think protected by his thick hide, was fighting to reach the demon. The Harpies were tossed on the gusts but managed to cor
ner Ram, who was huddled over in agony. One of the little Birds lost the effort and was blasted against the wall.” Celestial’s face clouded with grief.

  “It seems Ram copped a double dose from Jinx. He had noses and ears all over his body. For him, the noise and the frenzied screams of the birds must have been torture.”

  She stopped to take pleasure in the thought with an expression of dour satisfaction. Nimbus nodded, thinking that with Ram’s exaggerated hearing the sound would have indeed been like knives slicing through his mind. Celestial continued, her voice dripping sarcasm.

  “Courageous Bacchus was already on the floor, having lost an encounter with ceramics.” Bacchus sat sheepishly, peering up at them. “Azazel successfully summoned the Book and extricated Ram with a flick of his wrist.”

  Celestial drooped to a chair by the comatose Bull. “What are we to do?” she implored.

  Bacchus chortled. “Have I told you about the time the Elders first approached me to act as your Guardian?”

  Celestial was instantly irate. “This is no time for one of your stories!”

  “Please my dear, humour me? It is very relevant to our current predicament.” She acquiesced with a begrudging nod. “The Most High called me to a meeting at the Chamber of Greats. Naturally, having been down on my luck and involved in suspect dealings, I believed the worst.”

  Both Celestial and Nimbus were paying full attention. Bacchus rarely admitted fault in his own bad deeds and his narrative got to the point in an unexpectedly brisk manner.

  “I was taken aback by their offer. Me, protect and teach the first young on the Ethereal Realm since time immemorial. The most precious Cherubim! To say I was puzzled by their choice is an understatement. I respectfully articulated the opinion my qualifications were, how shall we say, ‘highly specialised’, possibly inadequate for the appointed task. Frankly, I questioned their faith in my ability to be appropriately responsible for their cherished Fledgling Angels. It was one thing to exploit my own time in the universe, but quite another to jeopardise yours.” He flourished a hand at Celestial and Nimbus.

  “But Gabriel himself explained that there was no one more uniquely suited to the job. My skills at deception, thieving disposition and capacity to slip through even the tightest spots and more importantly, my capriciousness and lack of reliability would make it difficult to track our movements and anticipate our whereabouts at any given moment. In essence, my flawed character and less than reputable habits provide you not only with an ideal training ground for transcending the weaknesses of human action, but also a priceless form of security.”

  “Bacchus this is a wonderful tale and I’m thrilled the Elders view your shady tactics constructively.” Celestial frowned resentfully, displaying that she was anything but thrilled. The disclosure one of the topmost Archangels had approved his appointment meant Bacchus would now be intolerable to live with, and worse still impossible to argue against. “But one of our own has been slain, the Book is gone, we have a Dark Angel in our midst and… Well need I go on? What has any of what you’re saying got to do with now?”

  “Hermes, Silenus and I have been selling bogus antiquities to the gullible Earth-bound, it’s an absolute bonanza! Included amongst my list of goods are counterfeits of the Book of Lore,” he announced triumphantly. He rushed on before Celestial could spark-up. “Azazel stole one of my fakes. I knew an ambush was on the Tarot cards and decided not to risk bringing the real version along as a precaution.

  “The little detours we made prior to arrival were a deliberate ploy to conceal the Book elsewhere and bamboozle our pursuers. I do not imagine the deception will last for long, but we have merely to retrieve the Book and find a quiet hidey-hole in which to plan our next moves.” He had a naughty glint in his eye. “Oh, and I forewarned Major Bull of our intentions and he agreed without hesitation, as did the Harpies. They feel any sacrifice is worthwhile in the fight against all-consuming evil.”

  Nimbus was ecstatic, and not just a little awed. “You sneaky old goat! It’s Brilliant!” He was also jealous. Bacchus had effectively been granted sweeping permission to misbehave! “We could get the Book and hide under the Fallens’ noses on the Ethereal Realm? They’d never expect us to do that.”

  “That is the stupidest idea in the history of humanity. A species that gave us the solar-powered flashlight, the helicopter ejector seat and the glass hammer!” Celestial said. “You’d deliver the Book straight to those Underworld ingrates if we were discovered. For once, I agree with Bacchus. According to the Voice of Unknowns all we need to do is conceal the Book for three days and take it home when the Most High have returned.”

  “You know, Celestial? It’s been my experience if a thing sounds way too easy, it usually isn’t!” Nimbus responded sulkily, stung by her insult. “Not to mention that your plan is precisely the one they’ll expect.”

  “Be that as it may, are there any other options?”

  “I believe so,” came a hesitant reply from Major Bull, who strove to rouse himself and achieve the vertical.

  “My comrade! It is a truly joyous relief to have you back,” Bacchus said, as he ineffectually tried to hoist the Major up under the arms. “My sincere condolences for our dear friend’s passing.”

  “Thank you, my good man. It would take more than a couple of loathsome coffin-haunters to subdue this old steer! We must determine the best way forward and then I need to tend to my Birds. Robin’s departure is an unbearable blow.” He swayed gently on his chair, his head momentarily lowered, before rallying. “Bacchus, are your Book forgeries upstairs?”

  “Heavens no! If they were discovered I would be food for the dragons. Why St George persists at domesticating them, I will never know. Unruly beasts! I keep my supply secreted away in Thutmosis the Fourth’s tomb in Egypt.” He tapped the side of his nose like a common crook. Celestial’s mouth pressed together razor-thin, and Nimbus could tell she was expending considerable energy on self-restraint.

  “Split-up and distribute copies around the globe, then rendezvous at a place of sanctuary and wait it out. Retrieve the Book at the very last minute. Confuse the blighters with a well planned subterfuge, I say!”

  “Excellent gambit! And I offer you my last flagon of vintage ambrosia. Raise a glass in Robin’s honour for me. When our task is complete, I shall return poste haste to reimburse my debt and we shall celebrate her colourful and praiseworthy life in fitting style.”

  Bacchus sadly surrendered his only water-skin, releasing it reluctantly after gripping it for an overlong minute. Major Bull was clearly moved.

  “I deem your liability repaid, as I know how much it costs you to cede such treasured bounty. May Divine Providence light your path,” he said with a hand over his heart and then hobbled off to help the two remaining Harpies. Bacchus stared wistfully after his departing intoxicant.

  “Bacchus fetch your books and we shall see to our unwelcome guest.” Nimbus was pleased with this new plan and wasted no time putting it into action.

  “Curse it!” Celestial exclaimed, as they headed towards Jam.

  Nimbus halted in alarm. “What?!”

  “I left my travelling hat back at Jinx’s!”

  “Yes, that is hugely upsetting.” Nimbus was genuinely sympathetic. “I could really do with the comedy right now. You know, a good belly laugh always breaks the tension!” They were squabbling rowdily as they positioned to tackle Jam.

  “You two could give the bad-tempered kitchen crones down below a race for their doubloons.” Jam’s scorn was evident, despite the gag.

  He stared morosely at his feet and appeared to have given up all fight, until he made an explosive effort to escape, leaping upright to shuffle chain-bound towards the exit. The hornets were instantly upon him, dragging him down and stinging without mercy. He cried out in torment. Nimbus lent against the cave-wall and picked at his fingernails, observing the writhing, clamorous display with cool detachment.

  “They’re killing him!” Celestial ran
to the twisting, screaming Jam.

  “NO!” Nimbus moved too late to intercept her. “Celestial stop!”

  But he could only stare helplessly. Celestial reached down through the biting mass, which parted for her hands and turned to sand on contact, the whole swarm collapsing harmlessly in seconds. She tore the choke from Jam’s mouth and grasped him about the upper arms, shaking roughly.

  “Jam! Jam! Come back to us,” she called.

  Nimbus sighed deeply and rolled his eyes in anticipation of the inevitable. Jam’s lids parted sleepily and he gazed up at her with a mounting expression of total adoration.

  “It’s you! The beautiful statue living and breathing,” Jam whispered, totally smitten. He opened his arms for a hug. “Cuddle me!” he begged sappily.

  Celestial dropped him to the floor as though handling Bacchus’s contraband, where the Dark Angel lay with a dreamily contented smile. Celestial stood quickly, rueful awareness spreading her face. She went slightly pasty.

  Nimbus stepped to Celestial’s side. “You thought my insects were going to kill him?”

  “Uh-huh,” she nodded, staring vacantly ahead.

  “Do you know what you’ve done?”

  “M-Mmm.”

  “Join me my pretty toad and we can conquer the spineless mortals together.” Jam winked coyly up at Celestial and beckoned her to a place lying beside him.

  “I’d appreciate it if you would refrain from comment until his malady wears off. I made a mistake and it seems I will pay heavily for it.”

  Jam growled seductively like a big feline, patting a spot nearby. Celestial shrunk in on herself with humiliation.

  “Let’s just get on with our jobs and meet at Skylar’s Spire in two hours.”

  “Agreed. Think of it this way, Celestial. At least now I’ve got something other than your hat to laugh about!” Oddly, she did not appear to gain consolation from Nimbus’s kind sentiment. “I’ll go north and take Casanova’s homicidal cousin with me to spare you. You and Bacchus cover the rest.”

  Nimbus sensed Celestial’s gratitude, but knew she was too traumatised to speak it aloud.

  ***

  Chapter Six

  Skylar’s Spire