A Time to Love

by Al Lacy

  “How did my sister do it, Mom? What does Lewis see in her? Why did he dump me for her?”

  “Linda, all I can say is that if Lewis was the Christian he led us to believe he was, he would never have chosen your sister over you. Now, how about some breakfast, honey? Or, I guess maybe it would be lunch now.”

  “Maybe I’m a little hungry. How about just some toast and tea like last night?”

  Adrienne sat across the table from her haggard-looking daughter and watched her eat all of her toast. When she had finished her first cup of tea, Adrienne quickly said, “How about a second cup?”

  “All right.”

  Just as she rose from the table to pick up the teakettle from the stove, the family carriage passed by the window. Nolan was at the reins, and Aunt Beth was beside him.

  Linda jumped up. “I don’t want to see anybody today except you and Daddy,” she said, hurrying from the kitchen.

  “Honey, it’s only Aunt Beth!” Adrienne called after her.

  There was no reply. Seconds later, the sound of Linda’s bedroom door slamming echoed through the house.

  Nolan and Beth entered the kitchen from the back porch, and as Beth preceded her brother-in-law, she said, “Hello, Adrienne. How’s our girl doing?”

  “She got up about eleven. When I checked on her at eleven-thirty, she was dressed, had her hair brushed, and was sitting in her chair. I was able to get some tea and toast down her. She’s in her room now.”

  “May I see her?”

  Adrienne’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure she wants to see anyone right now, but let me go ask her.”

  Beth and Nolan waited in the kitchen.

  In less than three minutes, Adrienne returned and said, “Beth, Linda’s in a low state of mind, as you know.”

  “Of course.”

  “She said to thank you for coming, and to tell you she loves you, but she really needs some privacy right now.”

  “Is she in a lower state of mind than last night?”

  “I think so. When she was having the tea and toast, she kept talking about Lewis and Janet, saying she hates them because they’ve destroyed her life and taken away her reason to want to go on.”

  Beth’s features paled. “Adrienne, Linda said yesterday that she wants to die. You don’t think—”

  “No. She isn’t going to take her own life. She’s still in a state of shock, and hurting miserably, but she’s not suicidal.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. I know my own daughter.” To her husband Adrienne said, “Nolan, you don’t have any concern along that line, do you?”

  “No, honey. Linda is suffering like she’s never suffered in her life, but she’s not going to do anything like that. It would be totally out of character.”

  “But that is the very thing that shocks people when someone commits suicide,” Beth said. “Most of the time it’s done by a person nobody thought would do it. I wouldn’t worry so much, except that she’s stated that she wants to die.”

  “That’s just the hurt talking, Beth,” Nolan said. “Like Adrienne said, she knows her daughter. And so do I. Linda’s not going to do a drastic thing like that.”

  Beth’s face puckered with sympathy. “Bless her precious little heart. I wish I could take the hurt for her.”

  “We’d do that, too, if we could,” Adrienne said.

  “Well, I’d better get on home. Maybe my sweet niece will let me see her tomorrow.”

  Linda could smell Sunday dinner cooking as she sat in her chair, looking out the window. She thought about the honeymoon she and Lewis had planned. Ten days in Vermont.

  Never to happen.

  She thought about the apartment they had rented on the second floor of Carl Higgins’s house. They couldn’t move anything into the apartment until they returned from their honeymoon. The previous renters had to go out of town to attend a funeral, and this had delayed their moving plans by some five days. Once they were out, Mr. Higgins wanted to do some painting in the apartment before his new renters moved in. He’d promised to have it all done so they could move in immediately upon arriving home from Vermont.

  It had upset her that they would have to wait to take their clothes and other belongings to the apartment until after they returned from their honeymoon, but as Linda pondered it now, she felt a strange sense of relief. She couldn’t imagine having to go there now and bring her things back home.

  “Thank You, Lord,” she whispered softly. “I can see Your guiding hand in the timing of that. You knew all of this was going to happen and at least spared me that heartache. I … I just don’t know why You ever let me fall in love with that despicable man in the first place.”

  She broke down and wept once more, saying, “Lord, I don’t want to go on. I can’t ever face anyone who knows me here. Why don’t You just let me die? Take me to Your home, where I won’t hurt like I’m hurting now.”

  There was a tap on the door, accompanied by her father’s voice. “Sweetheart, can I come in?”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  Nolan stepped inside, smiled, and said, “Mom wants to know if you’d like to eat with us.”

  “I’m not hungry, Daddy.”

  “I was glad to hear that you ate some toast and drank some tea,” he said, moving toward her. “Mom thought maybe you’d feel like eating something more substantial now.” He bent down and kissed her forehead. “You won’t forget that I love you, will you?”

  She looked up through weary eyes. “No, Daddy. I won’t forget.”

  “Aunt Beth said she’d come back tomorrow.”

  Linda nodded.

  “Well, I’ll see you a little later. Mom’s about got dinner ready.”

  “Daddy …”

  Nolan stopped and turned. “Mm-hmm?”

  “I suppose everybody at church knows that Lewis dumped me for Janet.”

  He scratched his head. “Well, some of them do. There were several who said to give you their love and to tell you they’re praying for you. Joline was crying when she asked about you.”

  This made tears well up in Linda’s eyes. “She’s the best friend I have in the world, Daddy.”

  “She loves you a lot, I know that. See you later. Mom and I know you want some privacy, so we won’t bother you for a while. But you know we’re right here for you if you need us.”

  “Yes. I know that.”

  When her father was gone, Linda stared out the window for several minutes, then rose from the chair and went to the cedar chest at the foot of her bed. It had been her hope chest for nearly two years. She lifted the lid and took out a scrapbook, which lay on top of the linens and things that almost filled the chest.

  She carried the scrapbook to the small desk in a corner of the room and sat down. Her fingers trembled as she touched the cover. She knew what she was about to look at was going to cause more pain, but somehow she felt compelled to do it.

  She flipped past the pages that held photographs of family, then paused at the first page that had photographs of Lewis and herself.

  She looked at the two of them—at church, at the harbor shore, at church picnics, in Lewis’s buggy, and together in the yard of the Forrest home. There were even photographs at the Forrest home with Janet in the background.

  A mixture of pain and anger swirled within her as she thought of all the hopes and dreams she’d built on Lewis.

  She quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks when she heard a light tap on the door.

  “Honey,” her mother said, “Pastor Stanford and Doris are here to see you. They had dinner with one of the church families and came by because they’re concerned about you.”

  “I really appreciate them coming by, but right now I just don’t want to see anyone. Please tell them I love them, but I need to be alone.”

  The door opened, and Adrienne took a step inside. Her line of sight swerved from the chair where she had expected to find Linda, to where she sat at the desk. “You need help, honey,” she said. “And the
best people to help you are your pastor and his wife.”

  “I’m all right, Mom. Please, I just need to be left alone.”

  “I’m trying to understand, honey, and so is your daddy.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Well, I’ll look in on you later.”

  When her mother’s footsteps died out down the hall, Linda turned back to the scrapbook. There were little love notes that Lewis had often handed her at the end of a date, or at church. She had loved him for being such a romantic.

  She closed the scrapbook, rested her head against it, and wept.

  After a while she dried her tears and carried the scrapbook across the room, then laid it on the floor beside her hope chest. She knelt in front of the chest and began pulling out linens and other items that she’d started putting away ever since she and Lewis had admitted they were serious about each other.

  Memories rushed through her mind as she looked over her handiwork and recalled every loving stitch she had sewn. With each towel, washcloth, pillowcase, sheet, and crocheted doily there had been a sweet dream of a happy life with the man she loved. She had dreamed of the new home they would establish on their wedding day … of her joy of cooking, washing, ironing, sewing, and all the things a wife does for her husband. And of course there were the dreams of children … happy laughter and the patter of little feet around the house.

  Ashes, now. Only ashes.

  Once again her tears began to flow. She put the scrapbook at the very bottom of the chest, then placed the linens and other things on top of it and closed the lid.

  She must let Mr. Higgins know they wouldn’t be needing the apartment. She would have her father go by and tell him. She gave a sigh of relief that she wouldn’t have to pick up her clothes and other personal belongings and bring them back from the apartment.

  Her clothes.

  Linda’s eyes swung to the closet where the door stood partly open. She hadn’t seen the wedding dress in her closet when she dressed that morning.

  She went to the closet and fumbled through the dresses. Not there. Mom must have put it in her own closet, thinking that it would upset me to see it.

  Sweet, caring Mom.

  For some unexplainable reason, Linda needed to see the dress.

  She went to her door, opened it slightly, and listened. The Stanfords were still in the house. She could hear a murmur of conversation between them and her parents.

  She hurried down the hall to her parents’ bedroom. It took only a few seconds to find the wedding dress and take it back to her room. Her whole body trembled as she carried the beautiful white dress to the bed, sat down, and held it before her eyes.

  “Why do you torture yourself, Linda?” she said in a whisper. “This was the dress you were wearing last night when you went through the worst nightmare of your life—being left at the church by the treacherous man you loved and trusted.”

  She held the dress to her face, staining it with her tears. When another tap came at the door, she forced her voice to remain steady and said, “Yes?”

  Adrienne’s eyes widened when she saw the dress in Linda’s hands. “Honey, what are you doing?”

  Linda held the delicate dress in clenched fists and said, “I just had to look at it.”

  “Why? I put it in my closet so you wouldn’t have to see it.” “I don’t know why, Mom. I just had to.”

  Adrienne sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder. “An upheaval of our emotions can do strange things to our minds, Linda. I know that. Has it helped you any to look at it?”

  Linda held up the wrinkled dress and said, “It’s helped me to feel more hatred for Lewis Carter. He should have been named Judas!”

  Adrienne thought of giving her a good lecture on what hatred would do inside her if she held it there but decided this wasn’t the time. “Honey, Joline’s here to see you. Frank drove her here. He’s waiting with your father in the parlor. Joline is just down the hall.”

  “Are the pastor and Doris still here?”

  “No. They left a few minutes before Frank and Joline arrived. Will you let her come in and see you? I told her you weren’t seeing anyone today, but she said for me to ask if you would give a few minutes to your best friend.”

  Linda swallowed hard and thought on it a moment. Then looking up, she said, “All right. I would like to see her. Send her in.”

  Adrienne stepped into the hall and motioned to Joline.

  The young woman rushed through the door and then stopped abruptly when she saw Linda holding the wedding dress. “Oh, Linda!” she gasped, and dashed to her side.

  Adrienne watched for a few seconds as Joline folded Linda into her arms with the dress between them and just let Linda sob out her grief.

  Adrienne smiled to herself. Joline would indeed be able to help her daughter. She stepped into the hall and closed the door.

  Joline held her weeping friend and said, “Thank you for seeing me. I came for one reason. Not to lecture you on how to react to your devastation, nor to preach to you and tell you you’re weak spiritually if you let what’s happened get you down. You’re a human being made out of the same kind of flesh I am. I know you’re hurting. I just came to cry with you.”

  Her words caused Linda to sob all the harder. She let go of the dress and wrapped her arms around her best friend, and hung on. The sobs seemed to come from deep within—wordless wails of inexpressible anguish.

  As Joline felt Linda’s inward pain, her own tears streamed freely down her cheeks.

  When Linda could form words again, she clung to her friend and cried, “Oh, Joline, I wish I could die! I can’t ever face the people who know me! I want to die!”

  Joline patted her friend on the back of the head and said, “Sh-h-h! Now, you don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do! Yes, I do! I want to die!”

  “But, honey, there are still many people who love you. Your parents love you. I love you. Pastor and Mrs. Stanford love you. The people at church do, too. Betty and Shirley love you. They’re waiting for me to tell them at church tonight how my visit went. They want to come and see you, too.”

  These were Linda’s other bridesmaids—Betty Madison and Shirley Wells.

  “No, Joline! No! I can’t face them! I can’t!”

  “All right, honey,” Joline said, this time patting her upper back. “I understand. I’ll explain it to Betty and Shirley.” She eased back to look Linda in the eye. “I have to go now. Frank and I need to be heading for church.”

  Linda’s eyes were swollen and red, and she spoke jerkily as she said, “Thank you for coming to cry with me.”

  “Of course,” Joline said as she dabbed at her wet cheeks with a hanky. “But, honey, before I go …”

  “Yes?”

  “No more of this talk about wanting to die, okay?”

  Linda bit down on her lower lip and gave a tiny nod, but her heart wasn’t in it.

  Joline knew the nod was all she was going to get. She hugged Linda again, kissed her cheek, and said, “May I come back soon and see you?”

  “Yes.”

  Joline walked to the door, pulled it open, then looked back and said, “I love you, Linda.”

  “I love you, too. Thank you for being my very best friend.”

  Joline smiled and closed the door softly.

  When she entered the parlor, Frank said, “How did it go?”

  “Pretty well, except—”

  “Except what?”

  The Forrests had their eyes fixed on Joline.

  “Well … she’s saying she wants to die. That worries me. What if she decided to take her life?”

  “Linda’s not going to take her life,” Adrienne said. “Its not in her to do a thing like that. She was talking that way last night. Beth was worried about the same thing, but as Nolan told her, that isn’t Linda talking. It’s the hurt inside her talking. With prayer and lots of love, she’ll come out of this state of despondency, and she’ll be our happy, cheerful Linda again.”r />
  Lewis Carter and Janet Forrest left Manhattan’s Grand Central Station early on Sunday morning.

  As Lewis carried their overnight bags, Janet held his elbow with one hand and pointed at the surreys that stood in line for passengers all along the street on the depot side. “There’s one of the Hudson Transportation Company surreys, darling. See it? Remember, Max said in his letter to hire one of them because they’re the best in New York.”

  “Oh. Sure.”

  Lewis focused on the waiting vehicle and the large sign on its side:

  Hudson Transportation Company

  We Cover All Five Boroughs

  Reasonable Rates

  As they walked toward the surrey, Janet squeezed Lewis’s arm and said, “Oh, darling, I’m so happy!”

  “Me, too,” he breathed.

  “It sure was great of Max to work out your transfer down here,” she said, a lilt in her voice.

  “Yeah. And it was plenty nice of him to get the apartment rented for us, and ready to move into.”

  “I’ll say.”

  “Max was a good friend when he was my foreman in Boston, and he’s even a better friend now.”

  “He didn’t know anything about you and Linda when he left Boston and came to Brooklyn, did he?”

  “No. When he transferred here, Linda and I were just starting to see each other on a steady basis.”

  “Good. No questions to answer then.”

  “That’s right.”

  The driver smiled as he slid off the seat. “’Mornin’, folks,” he said in a friendly tone. “Needin’ a surrey?” He was a short, chubby man with rosy cheeks and a heavy handlebar mustache.

  “We sure do,” Lewis said. “We need to go to Brooklyn. My fiancée will be staying at the Kensington Arms Hotel. Know where that is?”

  “Sure. On Church Avenue, right by Prospect Park.”

  “Okay. And I’ll be staying at a friend’s house on Flatbush Avenue six blocks south of Linden Boulevard. He lives at 3119. It’s a two-story house.”

  “Got it. The fee will be four dollars, plus the fifty cents to take the ferry across and back.”

  Soon the surrey was heading south toward the ferry dock, where they would cross the East River to Brooklyn. Lewis and Janet sat behind the driver, who told them his name was Bob Long and joked that they’d named Long Island after him.